by Piper Lawson
I started to turn that one face down, but stopped. It wouldn’t change anything because for the first time in two months, it wasn’t Colt responsible for the gutted feeling in my stomach.
Ethan knew what Colt had done. He was the only damn person who did. Which only made it hurt more.
I rolled over on my side, grabbing for a stuffed animal I hadn’t touched in fifteen years. He was a bear I’d named Booger that I’d gotten when my mom was sick. (My dad had said the name on the bear’s tag was Daisy, but I hadn’t been in the mood for a Daisy bear.)
“This sucks, Booger.” My voice was the only noise in the room. Booger didn’t answer.
I wished viciously that my mom could be here. She’d know what to do. What to say. Sure, I’d gone through most of my formative experiences without her but that didn’t mean I’d forgotten her kindness. Her ability to see everything, everyone. To sense what mattered—and as importantly, what didn’t.
More than anything I missed the way she’d held me in her arms, even when I was ten and she was in the hospital.
I blinked back the stinging in my eyes.
The worst part—the part I’d tell my mom in a heartbeat, but hadn’t told Ethan—was that I’d wanted to go for dinner with him. Wanted to talk about the idea, no matter how slim, that we could do something. Be something.
I’d never felt the way I’d felt with him these past weeks. Open. Happy. Wanted. Connected. And though part of me wanted to believe I could hang onto that feeling here, the rest of me knew it wasn’t in me.
It was him.
Ethan. With his quick grin and teasing comments. With his cut-through-the-crap insights. The way he’d look at me like I was the only person in the whole damn world, right before he’d kiss me like he never wanted to kiss another girl again.
And dammit if I didn’t want that too. I wanted it so much it hurt. Even now, the idea that he’d go back to some other woman ate at me until it was a tornado of angst in my stomach.
Even when Colt betrayed me, I’d never felt that way about him.
I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, the light through the curtains was nearly faded. The clock radio confirmed that it was almost nine pm.
“Jordy?”
I rolled back toward the doorway. “Dad. Hi.”
His gaze swept over me. My dad had pale blue eyes, like me. Well, like half of me. My mom’s were hazel. He used to joke that that was how they knew I was their daughter. Half of each of them.
I waited for him to ask what was going on. At his companies, if my dad so much as quirked an eyebrow people would line up to give him answers. But I kept my mouth shut. I’d earned that right.
“Let’s get some dinner,” he said, surprising me. “Anna dropped off lasagna the other day—must’ve known you’d be coming.”
“Anna’s here?”
“Not today. But she still brings by food every week unless I’m traveling. She must know I cook about as well as you do.”
“I’m not hungry,” I said, but my stomach growled. He raised an eyebrow.
“Well, I am.”
I trailed him down to the kitchen.
Most people were surprised the first time they met my dad. They figured he’d wear a designer suit and wingtips. But he was an entrepreneur first. The best his assistant Maria had ever been able to get him into was a sport coat.
“Did you have a board meeting today?” I asked as I started to set the table.
“How did you know?”
“Those are your nice jeans.”
He shot me an amused look. “You always did notice too much.”
My dad set two plates on the small hightop table, each heaping with pasta and red sauce, and opened a bottle of wine. The formal dining room opposite was for hosting dinners. This space was for family.
“How long are you staying, Jordan?”
“Tonight. Maybe another night. I have to go back to LA for Lex’s wedding on the weekend but I needed some space first.”
“Stay as long as you like. It’s your home.”
The word echoed through my body, but it hardly made a dent in the way I was feeling.
My dad took a bite of his dinner, making an approving noise before swallowing. “Colton told me you called him. About Evergreen.”
I took a drink from my glass. The cab should’ve been smooth, but it burned down my dry throat.
“Did he also tell you he showed up at my hotel in Vegas a week ago?” I asked when I set the glass down.
“You can’t blame me for trying.”
“I can. Colton and I aren’t going to happen. It was cursed from the start.”
My dad raised an eyebrow as he shovelled pasta into his mouth.
“How would I know? You don’t tell me anything. You haven’t in years.”
Maybe it was true.
“I don’t want to bother you with stupid things.”
“Nothing about you is stupid. You’re my daughter. Being a father is the most important job in the world.”
I blinked up at him. Our relationship was better than a lot of parents and kids’ relationships. But we weren’t open with each other. Probably because I’d been trying to protect him, like I couldn’t protect my mom.
It seemed dumb in retrospect. I was the kid and he was the parent. He was all I’d had, though, and I didn’t want to make his life any harder.
Maybe I’d hid too much.
We ate in silence for a minute. I gave up, realizing my stomach was in no mood to digest anything.
“Evergreen,” I said suddenly. “It’s my fault they’re closing. My recommendation fucked them over.”
The language didn’t make him blink. My father sighed, setting down his fork. “Sure.”
“What?”
“Sure it’s your fault. Is that what you want to hear?” I set down my fork and pushed the plate away, swallowing tightly. “Jordan. You know how I became the head of so many companies? It wasn’t on purpose. It was by accident. You do well, new opportunities keep coming to you. You don’t make the right decision every time.”
“But you know what you’re doing. I feel like a fraud.”
“We all do sometimes. As an entrepreneur what’s the worst thing that can happen?”
“Failure?”
He shook his head. “The worst thing that happens is you get afraid. You stop trusting your gut. The opposite of success isn’t failure. It’s fear. The moment you’re scared is when you stop being creative. Yes, they’re closing. But for thirty years that company gave people a livelihood. And it gave them meaning. Those people made great products they can stand behind.”
“But how is it possible there are so many capable people who want to work and we can’t find them something to do?”
“You can’t fix everything, but I love that you think that way. That’s the best part of you, honey. That brain of yours I can take some credit for. But the heart is all your mother’s.”
I felt the first tingle of emotion other than sadness and frustration in my chest. Before I could respond, the Darth Vader theme from Star Wars started blaring from the counter.
My dad reached for the phone on the table, lifting it to his ear. “Yes? I’m sorry, Mac, I need to reschedule.” He stood, wedging his phone in his shoulder and carrying his plate to the kitchen. I followed with mine.
“My daughter’s home.” He loaded his plate, then mine into the dishwasher. “Yes, it is a treat. What are we doing?” He looked at me and lifted his hands in fists, like he was gripping an imaginary steering wheel. I shook my head. “Not sure yet. But I’ll find a time to meet you and the other directors next week.”
“Darth Vader? Really?” I asked when he hung up.
“It was a tough decision. Mac would also be a good fit for Jaws. Or Dracula. But forget about work for a second.” He tilted his head. “You don’t want to take out the Rolls? Since when.”
“I don’t feel like it tonight.”
Concern washed over his face. “Is
this just about Evergreen?”
“No.”
“So we need to employ advanced tactics.” He opened one cupboard, then the next until he found what he was looking for. “How about gummy bear ice cream?”
He produced a bag of gummy bears from the cupboard and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s from the freezer.
I lifted the bag in my hands, inspecting it half-heartedly. I didn’t want to hang out but my dad was trying, and I couldn’t shoot him down.
“How did you get a bag without green ones?” I asked finally.
“I ordered them without.”
“And they just did it?” I shook my head. “You are a powerful man, David Briggs.”
34
Jordan
One week to the wedding
The bells over the door chimed as I walked into our SoHo store.
“Hi, how can I…” Lex looked up and blinked.
“Come on, I’m not a total stranger. I pay a third of the rent.” I frowned. “Shit. Did I forget to pay the rent?”
She crossed the narrow floor, weaving between racks of bright clothes—our clothes—and folded me in a hug. “What are you doing here? I thought you were staying in LA until the wedding? You said on email you needed a couple of days to recuperate, and I thought you meant to lie on a beach.”
“I actually went to my dad’s last night.”
Ava’s face appeared from the back room. “What’s going on?”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “If you and I were both guys, I’d probably hit you right now.”
She sighed. “If you were a dude, my brother wouldn’t care how many guys you’d slept with.”
“I don’t get it. Why the hell would you do that?”
“Because I was worried about you, OK? I didn’t mean to mess things up. I just thought he was screwing with you.” She came to stand in front of me. “But that’s not it, is it? What’s going on?”
I explained how Ethan had tanked the La Brea application.
Ava’s face clouded with anger, but Lex spoke first.
“But why would he think that wasn’t the right place for us?”
“I was working on another plan on the side. A more ambitious one. I’d started it a couple of months ago but was afraid to show you guys.”
“Why?”
“Because after the layoffs at Evergreen, I started to question my judgement. I figured it was crazy to recommend taking a risk like that.”
“We talk about those things, Jordan.” Lex frowned. “It’s the three of us. We’re all we’ve got. And we have to be honest with each other.”
“I know. I was fucked up after what went down with Colt.” I explained what else had happened. That he’d accused me of never caring about him, and how I’d found him with another woman. Then I explained my time in LA.
At least the part where I’d wanted to find a store and gotten side tracked by Ethan.
They listened, quietly.
“Travesty’s going to be OK, Jordan,” Lex said when I’d finished.
Ava shot me an apologetic look. “But we need you to be OK in order for that to happen. You’re part of this team, you know that.”
The knot in my stomach loosened a degree.
These women weren’t just friends. They’d put together this business from scratch and they’d work mornings and nights and give everything in them to ensure it succeeded.
Travesty was Lex and Ava.
And me.
This company was what I needed, what I wanted. It was the best investment I could make, and it would always be the right call.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah. No worries, I’ll be fine. I want to do wedding stuff. Put me to work.”
Lex smiled kindly. “Why don’t you try on your bridesmaid’s dress.”
I groaned. “Come on. That’s not real work.”
“Are you kidding? If that dress doesn’t look perfect I’m going to kill someone,” Ava threatened.
But her predictable passion made me feel a tiny bit better. It felt good to know my friends were still here. That I hadn’t lost them these past weeks.
I followed them to the back room. I crossed to stand in front of Lex’s dress, which was fitted on a mannequin. The top was tight, lace, with a satin ballgown skirt. It was a bit girly for me, but on Lex it’d look perfect.
“Is Dylan excited?”
Lex flushed. “I hope so.”
“How can he not be?” Ava tossed back. “He’s been in love with you for ages. And you get that silly look when you see him.”
“You and Nate are the same.”
“I think his mom’s starting to warm up to me.”
“That’s because you got her Fashion Week tickets. Which meant you had something she couldn’t get herself.”
Ava shrugged. “I’m not used to the politics. But if that’s what it takes, I’ll do it.”
“Why?” I asked suddenly, and they both looked toward me. “Why do you bother? I mean, you hate politics. You hate all that crap. Why do you pretend?”
Ava blinked up at me. “Because Nate’s worth it. We’re worth it. And because in between the shit, he does the sweetest things. Like get me a cat.”
“He got you Suit last year.”
“No, he got me another one. This one’s Tie.”
Sheesh. “I thought Nate didn’t like cats.”
“He doesn’t.” Her face melted into a smile. “But he loves me.”
Ava lifted a garment bag and held it out.
“Is that mine?”
“Yup.”
I accepted her help getting into the dress, including the zipper that went from the waist halfway up the back. Then I turned toward the mirror.
“Wow. Jordan.”
I swallowed. It was a gorgeous dress. Spaghetti straps were the only detail above the sweetheart neckline. The pale pink fabric fit my body perfectly. At my waist, the dress puffed out in a blush-colored cloud, ending just above my knees.
“You look beautiful. You are beautiful,” Ava admitted. “I see why Ethan’s so crazy about you.”
My gaze flew to hers in the mirror. “What? He said that?”
Ava studied me like she could see into my soul. It was unnervingly like the look Ethan had given me more than once. “Not in so many words, but I figured it out on the phone.
“I know you’re pissed at him right now, and I am too. But there’s something you have to get about Ethan. He’s the one who’d stick the heads back on my Barbies when Dylan ripped them off. He’d sneak me his piece of cake when it was my favorite and I wanted seconds. When I first told Mom and Dad what I wanted to do for a living, he’s the one who defended me.”
I swallowed tightly. I could see Ethan doing all of those things. “What are you saying?”
“Ethan’s loyal. Once he sees what’s inside someone, what they’re capable of, he doesn’t unsee that. Ethan plays casual because he doesn’t want to get burned. When he’s in, he’s all in. So you can’t decide he’s a dick. Because he’s not. But everyone screws up sometimes.”
“Jordan, I know you don’t like to talk about feelings. But we’re your friends. If you can’t talk about them with us…” Lex’s voice was comforting.
“You want to know how I feel?” I asked.
They nodded.
“I feel like shit.” My voice echoed off the walls of the back room. I straightened, staring down my reflection in the mirror. “I feel like I’ve let everyone in my life down. And on top of that, I let myself down.” The words started to spill out of me, and I couldn’t stop them. “But even though I should be thinking about all the people I’ve let down, the only thing flashing in my brain like the neon sign at a twenty-four-hour Chinese food buffet is that I had something worth having. I had it for a second, and by the time I realized it, it was gone. And now I have no fucking clue what to do about it.”
“There it is,” Ava said softly. My gaze cut to her.
“What do you mean?”
“Trouble breathing? Can’t sleep
at night? Want to curse him out?”
“Yes.”
“It’s love. And that’s the difference. You didn’t love Colton. But you love Ethan.”
I turned the words over in my head. They were terrifying. And they couldn’t be true, there was no way.
But everything these past few weeks had been terrifying too, in its own way. Terrifying and incredible. Getting in deeper with him.
“Listen, Jordan,” Ava started. “Some people lie to get what they want. It’s harder when people lie to protect us. Colton did it for himself. As much as I’m pissed at my brother—and reserve the right to kill him at some future date—my guess is that Ethan thought he was looking out for you.”
“No one gets it right a hundred percent of the time,” Lex weighed in. “But we stand tall and go back and fix the things we’ve screwed up. And if we can’t fix them, we say we’re sorry. And hope the people we’re apologizing to will give us another shot.”
“So. What are you going to do?” Ava asked.
“When I see him?”
“When he tries to get you back.”
I brushed a hand lightly over the soft fabric of my dress. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen. He’s barely called.”
A knowing look crossed Ava’s face. “Ethan’s not going to lie down. He has a flair for the dramatic.” She reached for the hem of my skirt, tugging it down and studying the length before her gaze came back to mine. “Just try to figure things out, for my sake. Then I’ll be out of brothers, and I can stop worrying about my friends falling for them.”
35
Ethan
“Killer party, E.”
I took a sip of my drink and tipped my head to Axe. “It’s your house.”
“For sixty more days. Got to go out in style.”
It was a water-themed party. Instead of the iceberg there were numbers painted—temporarily, I was promised—on the side of the pool saying how many gallons of water were in it. Dancers, musicians, and artists portrayed water. And of course, there were ads for the condos everywhere.
