by Kim Fox
Contents
Copyright
About
Full Hearts Romance
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Bonus Chapter
More Books by Kim Fox
More Books by Kim Fox
More Books by Kim Fox
More Books by Juno Wells
Full Hearts Romance
Barbarian
A Science Fiction Alien Romance
Barbarians of Zandipor Book One
By KIM FOX
with
Juno Wells
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This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Contains explicit love scenes and adult language.
18+
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www.JunoWells.wordpress.com
Copyright © 2016 by Kim Fox
I went camping once.
Two hours later, I was checked into a Holiday Inn, lying on a table and getting massaged by a muscular Swedish man named Sven.
If I can’t survive on a campground, how can I survive by myself on an alien planet?
And that’s exactly where I am.
The flowers are as big as cars, the bugs as big as dogs, and there’s no Holiday Inn in sight.
Oh, and did I forget to mention…there are freaking dinosaurs here!
I would have been their lunch if it wasn’t for Turic, my blue alien savior.
He’s no Sven but he has other ways to please me…
And this muscular alien with the heavenly tongue is making this harsh alien planet feel like home.
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A word from Kim Fox:
To James Cameron…
Hit me up if you want to make this into a movie.
There is one condition: I get to play Avery and I want Chris Hemsworth to play Turic.
I’m ready to start filming the love scenes whenever you are…
one
“This is going to be off the hook!” I say as the previews start rolling on the big screen. I dig my trembling hand into the hot popcorn with the extra butter that I slathered all over it and grin. I’ve been waiting for this moment for months and I’m so freaking excited. For the movie, not the popcorn, although the popcorn is pretty exciting too.
“Hey Avery, do you think that Jake Silverstone is going to do Chase’s character justice?” Mandy asks, sitting beside me with a mouthful of M&Ms.
My adrenaline is racing at the mention of Chase’s name. He’s my book boyfriend and I’m about to see him in real life. Well, on the screen ‘real life.’ I’m trying not to show it but I’m freaking out right now.
Mandy and I are in a theater packed with eager women who are about to watch the premiere of the movie version of our favorite book, which is the best novel ever written: Love in all Angles.
“I don’t know,” I say with a gasp. “I’m too excited to think.”
“Who needs real boyfriends when we have this?” Mandy asks as she shoves a handful of M&Ms into her mouth. She doesn’t believe in eating them one at a time.
“Not me,” I say as my chest tightens. I’d totally rather be here than cuddled up to a hot boyfriend right now. My eyes drop to the sticky floor as I hold back the depressed sigh that’s trying to get out.
“Ugh,” Mandy grunts, curling her nose up in disgust. “Why can’t they just skip these boring previews?”
I roll my eyes as the movie trailer rolls. It’s a preview for a big budget alien movie starring who-the-fuck-cares and directed by nobody-gives-a-shit. Another boring ass alien movie with cardboard characters and a predictable plot. It’s nothing like Love in all Angles. My pulse is racing just thinking about it.
“Ew!” the audience of women yells as the main character in the trailer blows off the head of an alien, sending his brains flying about like an exploding pumpkin.
“Wrong demographic!” Mandy yells out.
“Hit fast forward,” I holler up to the teenage kid who’s probably already sleeping in the projection booth.
The preview is obnoxiously loud and I have to cover my ears as the horrible sound of thick metal bending and grinding assaults my eardrums. It’s so loud that I can’t even hear the words being said by the actors on the screen. It’s just moving lips under the painful sound of ripping metal.
Wait, I think as I look around. Is that from the movie?
Just as the thought passes through my head the ceiling of the theater rips open, peeling over like we’re in a can of sardines and someone is pulling off the top.
I shut my eyes and squint as the bright sunlight pours into the dark movie theater, blinding me. No freaking way. When my eyes finally adjust after a few seconds I look up and see a round spaceship hovering in the sky right over the opening in the ceiling.
“Wow,” Mandy gasps as she stares up with wide eyes. “Hollywood marketing departments get more elaborate every year.”
I gulp. The machine seems to be hovering in mid-air. There are no cranes or strings in sight. It’s freaking flying.
“I don’t think that’s a promo stunt,” I say while my pulse starts to go apeshit. I glance over my shoulder at the crowds of women stampeding down the aisles like fleeing rats, trying to get out of the one small door.
“Maybe we should get out of here,” I say, turning back to Mandy.
There’s a blue spotlight focused on her. She looks like one of those aliens from Avatar in the blue hue of the light.
“Nice!” Mandy says with a smile. “I must be the winner. I wonder what I’ve won.”
“I don’t think that’s a-”
Mandy shoots up through the air and disappears into the spaceship in the blink of an eye. She’s gone before her bag of M&Ms falls to the ground and scatters down the slanted floor of the movie theater.
All I can do is stare at Mandy’s empty seat as a sudden coldness strikes my core. Adrenaline surges through my body like somebody just hooked me up to an IV of Red Bull. Move! Run you idiot!
But I can’t move. My body is not list
ening. And the frantic women bottlenecked at the only exit has made it impossible to leave.
I just stare at the empty seat with my mouth dropped open. The seat where my best friend just farted a second ago and then pretended it wasn’t her.
Screams from every woman in the packed theater stab at my ears as I slowly shake my head in disbelief.
I take short gasps of breath as I slowly turn my chin up to the large rotating spaceship. It’s circular, just like in the movies that I hate to watch, with a big round white cylinder at the bottom that’s flowing with what looks like electrical currents, only they’re purple. It would be beautiful to look at if I wasn’t so freaking terrified.
The same blue beam that landed on Mandy begins hitting other women, snatching them up and making them disappear.
Now it’s time to move.
I jump up and look around, darting my head from side to side, but the aisles are packed as everyone gets the same brilliant idea as me and tries to get out of the one door in the theater.
I fall back to plan B and slink back down in my seat and stare forward, pretending that none of this is actually happening. I like this plan better.
The title of the film, Love in all Angles, shows up on the big screen and my heart skips a beat. I can’t hear the nice music that should be playing; all I can hear is horrified screams.
Jake Silverstone’s beautiful face comes on the large screen as the movie starts. I smile as he’s standing in the rain outside of Rachel’s palace. It’s my favorite scene and I must have read it at least a few dozen, uh hundred, times.
Why is he turquoise?
My head tilts as I wonder why the actor’s skin is a Caribbean water blue. He looks so hot in that shade of blue but I still wonder why the director chose to do that.
“Oh frig!”
Just as I realize what’s happening the tractor beam sucks me up.
It’s actually pretty pleasant up here. Like a spa.
Ya know, if you can ignore all of the screaming women who are clawing at the walls.
There’s nice piano music playing in the round room with beautiful scenic pictures of rainforests and beaches on the smooth walls.
A short woman rips off the picture of the beach and the image flickers off. I’m trying to figure out if it was a photo, a screen, or a hologram when she smashes it on the ground. “Get me the fuck out of here!” she screams.
I glance around as a hysterical woman with a crocheted teddy bear on her sweater plows into me as she runs by, nearly knocking me to my feet. She joins a group of three women who are trying to yank off a metal panel. There are only glass tubes filled with that weird purple electricity thing behind it.
There are about twelve or so women in here and more popping in out of thin air every second. There doesn’t seem to be an exit or entrance to the room. It’s like we’re in a metal fishbowl.
“Avery!” Mandy says, rushing over to me. She grabs my arm with her hand and grips me so hard that I let out a yelp, but it doesn’t stop her from squeezing me even harder. “I’m so glad that you’re here!”
“Thanks,” I say sarcastically as I try to pry her fingers off of my burning forearm. “I think they’re trying to bring down the ship,” I say, pointing at the women who are yanking down the panel. I want to go help them instead of standing here like a coward but my feet don’t want to listen.
The frantic woman who nearly knocked me over grabs the glass tube from behind the metal panel and yanks it free. The flowing purple electricity spreads all over her body like it’s alive. She screams and drops to the floor with her mouth frozen open. Her eyes are smoking. Literally freaking smoking.
I guess standing here like a coward has its perks.
“Shit!” Mandy screams as the ship jerks to the side. We grab onto each other and all I want to do is start crying. I’m not in the mood to be a hero, I’m not into fighting aliens. All I want to do is quietly go back into my seat in the theater and watch the movie while devouring my popcorn. And maybe even sneak a few of Mandy’s M&Ms off the floor.
The lights flicker on and off and the ground starts vibrating. Hard and fast.
“We’re moving,” I whisper as the smell of rotten eggs hits my nostrils. The wooshing sound of air flowing in through a jet hits my ears.
“Do you think we’re going t-” Mandy’s eyes close and she drops to the floor, unconscious.
“Mandy,” I whisper as my throat burns. Women start dropping to the floor like Mandy’s M&Ms as the room starts spinning and my vision becomes cloudy. “Are you-”
My eyes are shut before I hit the floor.
“Good daytime to you, earthling women,” a trash can with wheels says as he rolls into the room. The door where he came from vanishes back into the smooth wall. There are no lines or anything to suggest that it was ever there in the first place.
“I trust you are having a glorious trip,” the robot spits out with its choppy voice.
“What’s going on?” Mandy asks, rubbing her eyes as she pushes herself up to a sitting position.
“I don’t know,” I whisper, swallowing the bitter taste in my mouth. I feel like I woke up on the floor of a bar in the middle of Spring Break. My head is pounding and that delicious buttery popcorn that I was shoving into my face is about to come back up.
“Congratulations, child-bearing aged females,” the robot says. “You are the fortunate few who have been selected for mating purposes for my fearless leader Rsordan.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” a girl says from beside me. I didn’t even notice that she was there. She’s got arms that are rock hard and she looks like she could take even the toughest trucker on in an arm wrestling match. But she’s got a beautiful face.
“Any fearless leader sticks his dick near me and I’m going to snap it off and shove it up his own ass,” she says in a growl.
The robot rolls over, stopping right in front of her and beeps. Its lights are flashing like a cheap slot machine at a Vegas bowling alley. “I’m not familiar with the word, dick.”
The girl kicks the robot with a thunk and he glides across the floor. I like this chick already. I’m staying close to her.
The other women begin waking up and looking around. Nobody is freaking out like they were before. It must be something in the air. It smells like pineapple mixed with bleach in here. It seems to be calming everybody down somehow.
The woman who got zapped by the purple electricity is missing and the panel is back to normal. She died for nothing. Well, not nothing. At least we all know not to touch that purple shit.
The robot rolls back and stands in front of us like a blinking garbage can. It looks like a shitty R2 D2.
“I have been appointed as your in-flight attendant to ease the stress of interplanetary travel. I have been given an earth sounding name to increase your comfort level and to foster a personal connection. My name is Tom. I can sense your stress levels diminishing already. The name is working.” The lights on Tom the robot start blinking like crazy. He’s clearly pleased with himself.
“Maybe taking us fucking home would make us feel more at ease,” the muscular girl next to me says.
“You are going home,” Tom says. “You are going to your new home. At Rsordan’s palace in Nuberla.”
“Please tell me that’s somewhere in Europe,” Mandy says, closing her eyes.
“Yes!” the robot answers, sounding excited.
“Oh, thank God,” Mandy says with a gasp. There’s a collective breath of relief among the women as they all smile and nod their heads. We’re staying on planet earth at least.
“It’s in the Europa galaxy,” the robot says as his lights blink. “Ten million light years away.”
I actually feel my skin going pale as I stare at the stupid robot with an unfocused gaze. I’ll never get to see Love in all Angles. I should be regretting that my life is so lame that my biggest regret is a movie but I’m not. I just really want to see Chase on the big screen.
It
’s then that I notice the floor is vibrating. We must be moving through space. I wonder if we’re still within earth’s atmosphere.
“Where are we?” I ask.
“Coordinates 688770344.0309094141 and 5329191.00018934,” the robot says in its choppy voice that is quickly getting on my nerves.
“Can you tell us where we are by not just vomiting out numbers?” I ask.
“Thirty thousand light years outside of your solar system,” he says.
There’s another collective gasp. The supposedly tough fighter beside me faints and her head hits the floor with the sound of a falling coconut.
“We have an in-flight moving picture show for your merriment,” the robot says. “We uploaded the moving picture show that you were observing in the cinema theater.”
A hologram screen materializes out of thin air and my heart drops. I needed this. A little win. It’s minuscule and tiny but it’s a win. If I’m going to be abducted by aliens and forced to be the sex slave of this Rsordan guy then at least I can close my eyes and think of my book boyfriend, Chase.
The girls around me begin to smile and giggle as the hologram screen lights up. Maybe it’s the pineapple/bleach gas pumping into the room or the movie about to play but everyone seems as excited as they were in the theater. All I’m missing is my buttery popcorn.
The movie starts and I cock my head back. “Are you freaking kidding me?”
Everyone looks equally upset. The movie that they uploaded is the shitty action movie trailer of the men killing the aliens. That freaking robot plays it on repeat. Thirty-nine times.
Every time that an alien head explodes, I’m taking notes.
two
