by Mike Thaler
TALENT SHOW
BLAck LAgOON
the
from the
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from the Black Lagoon
To Alan Boyko,
My FAIR-haired friend
—M.T.
To Mom, who always reminded her young son
that his talent was a gift from God.
—J.L.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright
Conventions. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted,
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any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means,
whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without
the express written permission of the publisher. For information regarding
permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department, 557
Broadway, New York, NY 10012.
e-ISBN: 978-0-545-68915-1
Text copyright © 2003 by Mike Thaler.
Illustrations copyright © 2003 by Jared D. Lee Studio, Inc.
All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Inc.
SCHOLASTIC and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered
trademarks of Scholastic Inc.
First printing, January 2003
Contents
Chapter 1: The Show Must Go On . . . . . 7
Chapter 2: Show Buzz . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
Chapter 3: Star Bright . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15
Chapter 4: Mother Knows Best . . . . . . 23
Chapter 5: Treble Trouble . . . . . . . . . . 26
Chapter 6: Key Bored . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31
Chapter 7: Show Biz Gossip . . . . . . . . . . 34
Chapter 8: Stage Struck Out . . . . . . . . . 39
Chapter 9: It’s Curtains . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49
Chapter 10: A Star Is Born . . . . . . . . . . 54
Chapter 1
The show must go on
We’re having a talent show. I’ve
heard all about them. Ten hours
of endless embarrassment and
nonstop nausea. And that’s just
for the audience.
7
But it’s a lot worse for the
performers! Some people never
recover their shattered egos.
8
But Mrs. Green says every one
of us has to do something. She
says we must be onstage for at
least a minute, and not longer
than an hour. I really want to be
on the stage . . . yeah, the first
stage out of town.
9
Chapter 2
Show Buzz
On our way home, I ask my pals
what they’re going to do. Eric
says that he’s going to tell jokes.
He’ll be some sort of a stand-up
comic-kazi. I’m sure we’ve heard
all his jokes already.
10
11
Freddy says he’s going to recite
his recipe for apple turnovers.
Derek is going to spin a hula
hoop. Randy will perform his
most mystifying magic trick.
He’s going to pull his head out
of a hat!
Penny is excited to lip-sync
Beethoven’s 9
th
Symphony!
And Doris, who takes ballet
lessons, says she’s going to
dance the dying swan from Swine
Luck—or something like that.
12
13
Everyone asks me what I’m going
to do. I just stare out the foggy
window and mumble, “You’ll
see.”
14
Chapter 3
Star bright
What am I going to do?
15
My major talents are very
specialized. I’m a great burper. I
can burp “Yankee Doodle” after
drinking a soda.
16
I can wiggle my ears and cross
my eyes at the same time. I can
touch the tip of my nose with the
end of my tongue. But Freddy
can pick his nose!
17
I can squirt milk out of my nose.
I did at Thanksgiving, but no one
applauded.
18
I can make my armpits quack
like a duck.
I can stand upside down if
someone holds my feet. Or I can
stand right side up if there’s a
floor.
19
20
I can tie my body in a knot. But
it takes an hour to get it untied!
I can make a pigzilla monster
face! Or do my Count Dracula
imitation!
21
I can blow in a bottle and sound
like a foghorn.
I just don’t know what to do .... I
have so many talents.
22
23
Chapter 4
mother knows best
I share my problem with my mom.
BIG MISTAKE! She decides to
help me.
She suggests that I do a nice
little dance. NEVER! Then she
says I have a sweet singing voice.
FORGET IT! Next, she tells me
that I have a nice smile. Couldn’t
I just smile for a minute? I DON’T
THINK SO!
24
Now she really puts on her
thinking cap. I’m in big trouble!
“I know,” she says. “You can
And before I can throw up or
even yell, she’s already calling
Mrs. Fumble, the piano teacher.
Oh, great, now I have to take
piano lessons!
25
Chapter 5
Treble Trouble
The first lesson is a complete
disaster. I have two left hands
and they’re all thumbs. I finally
find the middle C and hit it with
my elbow.
26
Mrs. Fumble wears tons of
perfume. She smells like a flower
show. I will smell like a wedding
for a week.
27
She’s as big as a wrestler and
always sits on the little piano
bench with me. I can hardly see
around her. And my side of the
bench keeps lifting up in the air.
She asks me why I want to play
the piano. I say, “I don’t. I’d rath-
er be playing baseball.”
28
29
My mom says that one day I will
be the hit of the party when I sit
down to play. I don’t want to be
the hit of the party. I just want to
get through one minute onstage.
30
Chapter 6
key bored
Instead of playing baseball,
building race-car models, or
going swimming and becoming
a swordfish . . . here I am still
practicing. This is hard.
31
I have to play the same thing
over and over for a whole hour.
And what makes things worse—
I have to listen to it.
32
The only good thing about
playing the piano is that you
can do it sitting down. After
four weeks, five lessons, and
thousands of hours of practicing,
I can now play “Chopsticks.” The
good news is it takes just about a
minute to play.
33
Chapter 7
Show Biz Gossip
I call all the other kids to hear
how they’re doing. Eric tells me
all his jokes. I’ve heard them
before. And they’re about as
funny as a math test.
34
Freddy shares his recipe for
apple turnovers. It sounds like
the only thing it will turn over is
your stomach.
35
Derek says he’s a little bit dizzy
from all the hula-hooping. Randy
the Magnificent tells me that
great magicians never give away
their tricks.
36
Penny says her lips are in a cast.
She sprained them practicing.
And Doris asks me if I have any
feathers for her costume.
37
This is going to be quite a show.
I can see it now . . .
38
Chapter 8
stage struck out
The auditorium lights dim. The
spotlight falls on Eric. But it
doesn’t hurt him. He gets up
and tells his first joke. No
one laughs. He tries a second
joke. Again, no one laughs.
Here comes his third joke. It’s
about the principal. Everyone
laughs and he gets sent to the
principal’s office.
39
Then a hush falls over the
audience. Freddy, who’s wearing
a chef’s hat, opens his cookbook
and reads the recipe for apple
turnovers. Everyone’s mouth is
watering. It’s close to lunchtime.
40
Then Randy comes out. He’s
wearing a magician’s hat. He
tells the audience that he’s going
to pull a human head out of it.
There’s a slow drumroll. And he
pulls the hat off his head, bows,
and walks quickly off the stage.
Everyone is mystified!
41
Now Derek comes out. He’s
wearing a hula hoop. He spins
it once and it spirals down to his
feet. Everyone boos. He lifts up
the hula hoop and tries again. It
drops straight to the floor. But
Derek doesn’t give up. He keeps
trying for an hour. Finally, Mrs.
Green comes out and pulls him
off the stage with the hoop.
42
43
Penny walks onstage. Her lips
are out of the cast. Soon, the
CD is playing, and we have to
wait four movements until peo-
ple start singing. But when
they finally do, the CD starts
skipping. Penny starts to cry and
skips offstage. I hope there’s not
a talent scout in the audience.
44
The lights on the stage turn blue,
and Doris comes out covered in
feathers. She spins around, but
her feathers begin to fly off and
float over the audience.
Dying Swan is right. When she’s
done, she’s ready for the oven.
45
Then it’s my turn. Mr. Smudge,
the school janitor, rolls out a
concert grand piano. I come out
and bow politely. I sit down at
the keyboard and lift my hands.
My two fingers are poised in the
air. Suddenly, everyone begins
sniffing and holding their noses.
The entire auditorium is filled
with the scent of lilacs—shades
of Mrs. Fumble.
46
Soon, everyone runs outside to
get a breath of fresh air. I’m
sitting at the piano alone—all
that practicing for nothing.
47
Suddenly, I wake up. It’s time
for bed. I can’t believe the talent
show’s tomorrow.
48
Chapter 9
it’s curtains
That night, I have a dream. Well,
more like a nightmare.
49
There’s a bright stage and
millions of people are sitting out
in the audience. I’m standing
in the middle of the stage. I
can hear them all breathing. I’m
wearing a purple tuxedo with a
silver bow tie.
I take off my pink top hat. I
announce that I will pull a live
rabbit out of my top hat. There’s
a slow drumroll as I reach into
the hat and pull out a mouse.
Everyone shouts, “That’s not a
rabbit!”
51
I reach back in the hat and pull
out a cat. The audience yells,
“That’s not a rabbit, either!”
52
I keep on trying the trick until
the stage looks like Noah’s
Ark. Everything from aardvarks
to zebras—but not one rabbit.
Everyone boos and then throws
carrots at me. And finally, the
curtain comes down.
53
Chapter 10
A Star is born
Well, it’s ten A.M. Showtime!
54
Everyone in school fills the
auditorium. Little kids, big
kids, teachers, and relatives—
all expecting to be entertained.
We huddle together backstage.
Doris is in her feathers. Freddy
is in his chef’s hat. Penny is
wearing lipstick. Randy is in
his magician’s hat. And Eric is
wearing a red ball on his nose.
That’s funny stuff!
55
The lights slowly dim, the
curtain rises, and we point to
Eric. He’s first. He steps out
on the stage. All eyes are on
him. He taps the microphone.
It sounds like elephants on a
giant trampoline.
He clears his throat and tells his
first joke. Everyone laughs.
56
They applaud when Freddy
reads his recipe. And they gasp
when Randy takes off his hat
and pulls out Waldo, our class
hamster.
Derek has tied his hoop to his
belt. And he spins around!
Penny lip-syncs “Girls Just Wanna
Have Fun.” And everyone in the
audience wants to have fun, too!
59
60
Doris gets through her dance,
only losing three feathers. That’s
certainly a feather in her cap.
Mr. Smudge slowly rolls out the
piano. I come out and sit down.
Then I take off my shoes and my
socks.
