An Amish Wife for Christmas

by Patricia Davids

“He came back two years later, said he was sorry and begged Mother to give him another chance. She did. I was overjoyed. Mother was, too, but only for a while. He stayed for three years but even as a child I could see they weren’t happy together. He left again. The next time he came back he only stayed a year.”

  “Did he ever tell you why he couldn’t stay or what he did when he was away?”

  “Not to me. He refused to talk about his other life. He did come to Mother’s funeral. I thought he would take care of us but he said he couldn’t. I was sixteen. He left me with a brokenhearted little boy and a newborn babe. We haven’t seen or heard from him since.”

  “It’s hard to believe a man could cast aside his responsibilities that way.” No wonder she was so committed to keeping the children with her.

  “Fortunately, our mother’s father, Elijah, stepped up to take us in. My father’s brother, Onkel Harvey, was willing to accept us but I wanted to stay with Grandpa. That’s how I ended up helping Elijah look for a place to start his new Amish community. Each fall after the farm work was done, we would travel to different locations, looking for a place to settle. When we received a letter from Pastor Frank telling us about New Covenant, we decided to visit during the winter to see just how bad it was going to be. The road leading to our farm was merely a tunnel plowed through four feet of snow.”

  “I’m sorry about your father.”

  “Our faith requires a strength of character that he didn’t possess. My mother could have gone with him, but she refused to abandon her faith and break her vows to God.”

  “She must’ve been a strong woman.”

  “She was, but each time my father came back and then left again, it was like he took pieces of her strength with him until there was nothing left.”

  “You have inherited your strength from her.”

  “I hope so. She wanted Father to come back so badly. She prayed for it. When she knew she was dying, she made me promise I would keep the family together. She didn’t say she wanted it for him in case he came back, but I think that’s exactly what she hoped for.”

  “It was a big burden to place on a young girl.” He bent and kissed her lips gently.

  He felt her sharp intake of breath and he drew back. “Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “I didn’t mind.”

  He looked away from the comfort she offered. “Did you ever consider leaving the Amish?”

  “I think we all question at one time or another if this path to God is the right one for us. I never seriously considered leaving. What about you?”

  “I did more than question. I left the Amish life behind and lived in the outside world for five years.”

  She gave him a funny look. “You did? What made you come back?”

  “That is not something I care to talk about.” His answer seemed to take her by surprise.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to understand. You say you want to live alone but you spend almost as much time with my family as I do.”

  “Ivan and Jenny can be hard to resist.” As was their big sister. He rose to his feet and held out his hand to her. “We should head back.”

  “Will you remain Amish?”

  He could tell it was important to her to know the answer. “I will.”

  * * *

  Bethany allowed him to help her up but she pulled her hand away from his quickly. She had shared the most painful part of her life but he was unwilling to speak of his past. Until this moment she considered him someone she could count on. Someone dependable, but was he? He’d left the Amish once. What if he decided to leave again? A seed of doubt had been sown in her mind.

  She shouldn’t have let him kiss her. There was no promise between them. No plan for the future. That knowledge alone should help keep her emotions from carrying her away where he was concerned.

  Ivan came through the trees with a big bundle of winterberry branches in his arms, leaving a thin trail of red berries on the snow behind him. Sadie Sue walked beside him. He laid the branches on top of the blue sled. Bethany looked around. “Where is Jenny?”

  “She said she wanted to play hide-and-seek with Sadie Sue. She’s gone to hide.”

  Michael patted the dog’s head. “Let’s hope she has a bunny in her pocket.”

  Bethany didn’t look amused. “Let’s pray we can find her if the dog can’t.”

  “That will be easy. We’ll just follow her footsteps in the snow,” Ivan said.

  Michael took Sadie Sue’s head between his hands. “Find Jenny.”

  Sadie took off into the trees. He looked at Bethany. “Do we follow the dog or just hope she finds Jenny before it gets dark?”

  “I’m going to follow the dog.” She pointed to the log they had been sitting on. “You don’t need to do more hiking than you have already. Rest.”

  Ivan sat on the log. “I’m going to wait here.”

  They heard Sadie barking in the distance. Bethany started toward the sound. She hadn’t gone far when she saw Jenny and the dog coming toward her. Jenny was covered with snow but she was smiling from ear to ear. “She found me. I buried myself under the snow and she found me. She’s the smartest dog in the whole wide world.”

  Bethany smiled at her sister. “Well, for that she deserves a whole sausage. Are you ready to go home?”

  Jenny nodded and they began to walk side by side. She glanced up at Bethany. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “I’ve been thinking that you should marry Michael.”

  Bethany arched one eyebrow. “You’ve been thinking that, have you?”

  Jenny cocked her head to the side as a serious expression settled over her face. “I like him. Ivan wouldn’t have to go away and you could have babies.”

  “I see you have this all figured out. How many babies do you think I should have?”

  “Three or four. Mostly girls but you could have one boy if you wanted to.”

  It hurt Bethany’s heart to know her little sister was worrying about Ivan, too. She managed a reassuring smile. “I don’t believe the bishop is going to send Ivan away, so I’m not going to marry Michael or anyone else until you and Ivan are grown up. You are my family. I don’t need anyone else.”

  Jenny kicked at the snow. “Ivan said you would say that.”

  Bethany patted her sister on the head. “Then Ivan is smarter than I gave him credit for.”

  * * *

  On Sunday evening Michael was reading Elijah’s book on the history of clocks when Sadie perked up and thumped her tail on the floor. She kept her eyes on the front door. A knock followed. Michael knew who was there before he opened the door.

  “Good evening, Frank.”

  “Evening, Michael. I thought I would stop by and see if I could interest you in a game of chess.” He had a case under his arm.

  “I have a strong suspicion that I’ll be outclassed, but sure, come in.”

  Frank looked at Sadie. “Is this the same dog you had before?”

  “It is.”

  He bent to pat her head. “Living with you certainly agrees with her. I don’t see a single rib sticking out anymore. Her coat is gorgeous. Such a pretty golden color.” He glanced at Michael. “How have you been?”

  Michael led the way to a small table and two chairs set in the corner. He clicked on the floor lamp and took a seat. “Sadie is not the only one improving. I’ve come a long way.”

  “Really?” Frank opened his case and lifted out a chessboard and pieces. “Tell me about it.”

  “I haven’t had a flashback or a panic attack since the last time we spoke. I’ve never gone so long without an episode.”

  Frank glanced at Michael. “I’m glad to hear it. I’ve been expecting you to show up at one of my support groups but you keep disappointing me.”

  “I don’t see th
e need for therapy if I’m getting better on my own. You said some people get over it by themselves.”

  “I did say that. What do you think has made the difference?”

  “Sadie Sue, for one thing. She always alerts me if someone is near. I depend on her sharp nose and ears. If I start getting edgy, she will come over and distract me. She’s amazing.”

  “So instead of being hypervigilant, you rely on the dog to do that for you. I don’t want to belittle your progress, but isn’t that substituting one kind of crutch for another?”

  “Maybe it is but it makes life bearable.”

  “Bethany tells me Ivan has been in trouble again but that you are sticking up for the boy.” Frank began to place the chess pieces on the board.

  “I think the saying is ‘innocent until proven guilty.’”

  “Sadly that is sometimes forgotten in today’s society. Have you thought more about your flashback triggers?”

  Michael shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “Like I told you, I haven’t had one since the night we met.”

  “I’m glad to see you are improving but I hope you understand that recovery is a slow process. There will be setbacks. They may not be as severe as what you’ve had in the past but you should be prepared for them. Being prepared ahead of time makes it easier for you and for anyone with you to get through an episode. Black or white?” He held out two chess pieces.

  “White. How can I be prepared for one if I never know when they will occur?” Michael positioned his men on the board.

  “That’s a good question. Since you are working and living close to Bethany, she might benefit from learning about this, too.”

  Michael glanced up sharply. “I don’t want her involved.”

  “Is that wise? She has a good head on her shoulders. She won’t panic.”

  “No!”

  “Okay, but I think you’re making a mistake.”

  “It’s mine to make.” He was aware of Bethany’s withdrawal at the pine branch gathering. Was it because of his kiss or something else? It had been hard for her to relate the story of how her father bounced in and out of her life and then abandoned them. When Michael admitted that he had left the Amish once before, it touched a nerve for her.

  Maybe her coolness was for the best. He was better. He knew he was better, but he wasn’t sure if it would last.

  After beginning the game in silence and playing for a while, Michael realized he wasn’t outclassed by Pastor Frank. They were evenly matched and he began to enjoy the game.

  “Do you have plans for next Saturday evening?” Frank asked.

  “Nope. Why?”

  “The city of Presque Isle puts on a holiday parade every year that’s worth going to see. I’m getting together a vanload of Amish folks and driving them up to enjoy it. Would you like to join us?”

  A big outing, crowds—he wasn’t sure he was up to it. “Is it something Ivan and Jenny would enjoy?”

  “Absolutely. It’s fun for all ages and it’s free. I’ve already asked Bethany and she said she would come.”

  “I’ll consider it. I believe this is checkmate.” Michael moved his queen to trap Frank’s king.

  Frank studied the board and sighed heavily. “I concede. Nice game.”

  “Another?” Michael asked.

  Frank shook his head. “I should get going. I’ll save you a seat in the van if you decide to go with us. Think about what I’ve said. Being prepared to endure a flashback or panic attack can make it easier on everyone involved.”

  “I’ll keep it in mind.”

  But he wouldn’t involve Bethany. Not ever.

  Chapter Eleven

  Bethany lifted Jenny to stand on a chair. The girl was wearing her Christmas costume and Bethany wanted to make sure the hem was straight. “Hold your arms out,” she mumbled around the three straight pins she held between her lips. Two dozen more were stuck into the pincushion shaped like a tomato that she wore on her wrist.

  The house smelled of pine and cinnamon. Green boughs graced the window ledges and the fireplace mantel. Christmas cards from faraway friends had started arriving. They were displayed nestled in the pine branches or hung from red yarn stretched across the windows. Christmas was fast approaching, and in spite of her assurance to Jenny, Bethany’s last hope of keeping Ivan had crumbled. Her uncle had included a letter in his Christmas card. He strongly believed the bishop was right and Ivan should return with him. It was a bitter blow. It seemed to be God’s will to separate her family.

  She folded the material of the white gown under and pinned it across the top of Jenny’s feet. “Is this how long you want it?”

  “I don’t know,” Jenny said quietly.

  “Did the play director tell you if you had to have wings?”

  “I can’t be an angel without wings.”

  “But you are the narrator. Should your costume be different than the other angels or the same?”

  Jenny put her arms down. “I don’t know.” Her lower lip trembled.

  Bethany took a hold of her sister’s hand. “Don’t cry. This is for your Christmas pageant. This should be fun. I’ll make it long enough to touch the floor and if the director says it should be shorter then I will shorten it. You don’t have dress rehearsal for a few days, so I have plenty of time to change it.”

  “Good thinking.” Michael stood in the open doorway to his workroom. “If you cut it too short you won’t be able to lengthen it.”

  She rolled her eyes at him. “Have you had a lot of experience as a seamstress?”

  Michael had been joining the conversations more often in the past few days. The workroom door hadn’t been closed all week. She welcomed his interactions with her family but she couldn’t forget the all-too-brief kiss they’d shared. What did it mean? Did it mean anything to him? During his time in the outside world, had he kissed lots of women?

  “As a matter of fact, I have had some sewing experience,” he declared. “My brother and I made a camel costume for our Christmas pageant when I was in the sixth grade. We were told it was very lifelike.”

  Bethany looked around for her fabric marker and realized she had left it in the sewing room. “I’ll be right back, Jenny.”

  She left the room, grabbed the marker from the sewing machine and started back into the kitchen. She was in the hall when she heard Michael say, “Of course you can ask me anything, Jenny. What’s wrong?”

  Bethany waited in the hall to hear what Jenny had to say. Why was her sister confiding in Michael instead of in her?

  “I don’t want to be the narrator,” Jenny said.

  “You don’t? Why not? I think you will make a fine narrator.”

  “Mrs. Whipple says my voice is too small. I didn’t know I had a small voice. How do I get a bigger one?”

  “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your voice, Jenny. Who is Mrs. Whipple?”

  “She’s one of the ladies helping our director, Miss Carson. I heard her tell Miss Carson that someone else should be the narrator because she couldn’t hear me in the back row.”

  “That made you feel bad, didn’t it?”

  Bethany didn’t hear anything. She assumed Jenny was nodding.

  “Jenny, I will be happy to help you make your voice bigger.”

  “You will?” Jenny sounded thrilled.

  “Absolutely. We will practice once your sister is finished with your costume. Just come into the workroom when the two of you are done.”

  “I’m not supposed to bother you in the workroom.”

  He chuckled. “That’s only when the door is closed. When the door is open you can come in whenever you like.”

  Bethany walked into the kitchen and saw Jenny had her arms around Michael’s neck. He pulled her arms away as a fierce blush stained his cheeks.

  “I have to get back to work,”
he mumbled.

  He was so good with children. He should have a dozen of his own.

  When she realized where her thoughts were taking her, she pushed them aside. He wasn’t the one for her. How could she consider a relationship with someone whose past was so full of secrets, with a man who didn’t feel he could confide in her?

  * * *

  Michael closed the cover of a grandmother clock after setting the time. He waited as it ticked its way to the top of the hour. The chimes rang out in clear pure tones. He wiped his fingerprints from the glass. Tomorrow he would pack it up and mail it back to George Meyers. His former boss had been sending a steady stream of work his way, and Michael was grateful.

  Jenny appeared in the doorway. “Can I come in?”

  “Sure.”

  She came in and climbed up on his work stool. She opened the drawer and lifted out one of the tools. “Will one of these tools make my voice bigger?”

  He smiled and took the pliers from her. “We will save those as a last resort. You stand on a stage, don’t you?”

  She nodded. He lifted her onto the workbench. “There are a few things you have to do to get a bigger voice. Right now, I want you to close your eyes. And I want you to whisper your first two lines.”

  Movement caught his eye and he glanced over to see Bethany watching him. He beckoned her to come in. She did but she stayed by the door.

  “How was that?” Jenny asked.

  “Fine. I want you to keep your eyes closed and pretend you need Ivan to come in from the other room. He’s pretty far away but you can’t yell. Want to try it? Talk loud. Say your lines.”

  “Ivan, a long time ago, in a land far away, there were shepherds tending their flocks in the hills near the little town of Bethlehem. Can you hear me?”

  “That’s pretty good. Now I want you to try telling him again but this time he is upstairs.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think he can hear me upstairs.”

  “Bethany, will you go to the stairwell and see if you can hear Jenny?”

  “Of course.” She turned and walked out of the room.

  Jenny repeated her lines in a loud voice. A few moments later Bethany returned.