by Kristen Rose
‘Your garden is growing quite well, I added some fertiliser to it while you were away.’ I glanced up just as I was pruning my Lavender. It was Rosie.
‘I’m sorry? Why you are talking to me? Did I give you the wrong impression?’ I looked up at her. ‘And, why are you taking credit for my garden? I’m an excellent gardener, I’ve put so much effort into it. Just because I went on holiday for a month doesn’t mean my effort should be thrown out the window. All you did was maintain my handy work.’ I scoffed. ‘I know you’re jealous, but, you don’t have to shout it out to everyone. Discretion is key Rosie.’ I re-commenced pruning my lavender.
‘Don’t hack at the lavender, it’ll die. And what are you cutting off all the flowers for?’ She frowned at me.
‘Excuse me! I know perfectly well what I am doing, now if you would just leave me alone and stop trying to take credit for my garden then I promise not to chop down your sunflowers … again.’ I brandished my secateurs at her. ‘I’m not afraid of you, even if you did kill your husband with gardening shears.’
Rosie gave me an icy stare, turned around and headed back over to her garden a few metres away.
I moved over to my carrots. As I dug around the dirt, pulling out freshly grown weeds and squishing invading ants with my fingers, I accidentally flicked some dirt onto my face. I sat up quickly to wipe it away and caught sight of Foreman; the guard who had tried to speak to me in the elevator a while back.
I sat at the base of my garden and watched him walk around the yard admiring the other gardens along with the scenery of the rest of the grounds and the neighbouring orchard. He had his hands in his pockets, whistling. He glanced towards me and saw me watching him and immediately changed his course, heading straight towards me. When he arrived, he inspected my garden for a second before opening his mouth.
‘That’s a pretty garden. Did you plant everything yourself?’ He bent down to get a better look. I stared at him with an expressionless face before replying.
‘I sure did, I like to play in my garden when I’m not colouring in or making containers out of paddle pop sticks.’ I twirled my shovel around in the dirt, pouting my lips.
‘What’s your favourite thing to plant?’ He asked me, like a parent asks their four year old.
‘Look jerk, leave me alone. I don’t come up to you during your lunch break and ask you if you made your sandwich all by yourself and if mayonnaise is your favourite spread.’ Foreman was taken abruptly by surprise.
‘My mistake,’ he said, standing up and brushing his hands down his pants. He paused a while, staring around awkwardly. ‘Hey, I recognise you,’ he yelled, ‘aren’t you supposed to be in The White Ward?’ He continued, instantly forgetting I has just snapped at him.
‘Aren’t you supposed to keep your mouth shut and not talk to patients?’ I used my shovel to flick some dirt from my garden onto his shoes.
‘Sorry, I guess I just can’t help it. I’m a chatty sort of person.’ He cheerily stated, ignoring the dirt.
‘Then why don’t you go over and chat to Dave.’ I pointed towards the right where Dave was watering his garden and dancing at the same time. ‘I’m sure you two will hit it off stupendously.’
‘Okay, I can take a hint. But, hey, if you ever feel like a chat, just come and find me. I’m on permanent grounds duty now.’ He informed me with a smile, returning his hands to his pockets.
‘I’ll make sure not to do that.’ I rolled my eyes and turned back towards my garden resuming my weeding as though nothing had happened. Foreman turned, humming what sounded like the Mexican Hat Dance, and eventually found himself in Dave’s company.
After spending another half hour digging around and weeding my garden, whilst sporadically glancing up at Foreman every now and then, the announcement for lunch came.
‘Attention residents, please make your way to the ground floor cafeteria for Japanese day!’
I tossed my shovel and gardening gloves on the ground next to my garden, got up and headed towards the recreation room.
I walked through the large open glass door, brushing past the purple curtains on my way and kicking a few bean bags.
Slowly, I strutted out of the room and turned right, towards the cafeteria. Halfway to my destination I was interrupted by Mike.
‘Parson, what’s your position?’ He asked me in his cockney accent.
‘Use your eyes, I’m standing right next to you dumb ass.’ I crossed my arms.
‘Roger that. What is your destination?’ I eyes his thin frame, un-impressed. He put a strong hero-like impression on his face and proceeded to take his imaginary rifle out of its holster, scanning the corridor with it.
‘You’re Horace today…’ I rolled my eyes. ‘Horace, what are you doing?’ I asked.
‘I have word from command it’s lunch time. Do you need back up? I can cover you from all sides.’
‘The only thing that’s going to need covering is your mouth.’ At this point he turned and faced me then stuck his hands out, acting like a human shield. I continued to strut forwards, he responded by slowly walking backwards in the same direction, still trying to protect me.
‘Great, my own personal defence force. If you actually had one ounce of a muscle I might not object but, Horace, I think you better get lost before your lieutenant and comrades get seriously injured. They’re right in my line of fire.’ I threatened.
‘Roger that.’ He backed off and recommenced walking beside me.
We entered the cafeteria and I headed straight to the service area, picked up a tray and proceeded to select my lunch from the display. From the selection of sushi there I chose a smoked salmon roll and a California roll along with a few packets of soy sauce. I also picked up a plate of green tea jelly and a bottle of water.
‘Do-you-have-an-y-Sa-ké?’ I asked the short, thin Japanese lady serving me with a drinking hand gesture. She answered in perfect English with a local accent.
‘No. You ask me this every Monday, we don’t have Saké. We never do and we never will, alcoholic drinks are not allowed.’ She was angry.
‘How-can-you-call-this-Ja-pa-nese-day-if-there-is-no-Sa-ké?’ I yelled.
‘There is water for you to drink, they have water in Japan as well, deal with it.’
‘Fine! I-was-go-ing-to-share-all-of-my-se-cret-su-shi-re-ci-pes-with-you, but-now-as-a-re-sult-of your-rude-ness, I-don’t-think-I-will.’ I shouted.
‘Good, go, you’re holding up the line.’ I turned in a huff and headed to my favourite table – the empty one.
I sat down and opened up one of my sachets of sauce, drizzling it onto my sushi.
‘The lunch lady gave you some cheek, do you want me to take care of her for you?’ Mike/Horace had followed me to my table after getting his own lunch.
‘Oh my god, why are you still here? Isn’t there someone else you have to protect?’ I glared at him.
‘Actually I’m not here to protect you. I wanted to have a private discussion with you about an evil conspiracy against us.’ He sat down opposite me, a serious expression on his face.
‘An evil conspiracy? Everything they do here is evil, you’re only picking up on this now.’ I turned my attention back to my food.
‘I think they are trying to trick us into thinking we are losing our minds.’ He said dramatically.
‘Yeah, sure, they’re trying to trick us.’ I scoffed.
‘You see up on the wall there, the weekly schedule for lunch and dinner.’ He pointed at the sign on the wall toward his right.
‘Yeah ...’
‘Well today we’re having sushi and the schedule says Monday is sushi day,’ he stopped and glanced behind him before whispering, ‘but today is not Monday at all.’
‘Is that right?’ I stared up at him.
‘Yes. It can’t be Monday because yesterday was Wednesday and the day before that was Friday, and so on. This has been going on ever since I came here. It’s like they’re trying to make me think I’m forgetting four days out of every five.’ I
stopped eating.
‘Are you sure? What if they’re actually making you forget eleven days out of every twelve. Did you ever think of that?’ I whispered back to him.
‘NO! My god, I hadn’t even thought of that! I’m being deceived.’ He looked around the room.
‘What are you going to do about it?’ I resumed eating my lunch, playing along.
‘Don’t worry, I have a plan.’ He said smartly.
‘I see … but why are you telling me. I’m not forgetting days, and as far as I know yesterday was Sunday and the day before that was Saturday, and so on.’
‘So, I am the only one that is being deceived,’ he slowly stated.
‘Yeah … sure … why not.’ I said, finishing my first roll of sushi.
Mike/Horace picked up his first roll and took a manly chomp out of it, chewing it whilst seriously looking off into the distance. After he swallowed he said. ‘Why are they targeting me?’
‘I dunno, maybe because you’re a highly ranked army official.’
‘Yes.’ He slammed a fist loudly on the table. ‘That must be it. Jennifer you should join my platoon, I think we would make an excellent team. You know, I’m planning an escape, I could really use your mental power.’ He whispered.
‘Oh, why thank you. You know, I keep telling everyone I have the best intellect here, but no one has ever acknowledged it until now.’ I paused. ‘The word of a psycho who has twelve different personalities and currently thinks he’s an army lieutenant means so much to me, thank you Horace.’ I mocked.
‘Your welco … did you just call me a psycho who thinks he’s an army lieutenant and has twelve different personalities?’ He said outraged.
‘Yeah ... sad, but ... true.’ I mused.
‘That’s outrageous, how dare you! And to think I just offered you a position on my platoon. I will not work with liars. I might have to fight against the enemy by myself, but at least my dignity will be intact.’ He dramatically got up out of his seat, picked up his lunch tray and joined another table. I waved him goodbye, paying more attention to the rest of my lunch than to his emotional rant.
After I finished, I got up, leaving my tray for someone else to clear, and decided to head up to the complaints desk.
I hopped into the elevator and charged out of it upon my arrival on the fifth floor. I strutted down the hallway; there wasn’t a sole in sight. I made a ninety-degree turn to the right and headed straight until I reached the brown and cream reception area. The two front elevator shafts on my left, sealed off by a plexiglass container, were silent. I geared over towards the right where the reception desk, running straight along the back wall, a large window above it, was situated. I zigzagged dramatically between the black leather chairs in front of the desk, designated for patients and guest to sit on, and galloped over to the desk.
Upon seeing me, the nurse in charge of reception let out a groan. ‘I thought they put you upstairs, how did you get down here?’ She sighed, brushing her red hair out of her face.
‘Didn’t you hear the fantastic news Libby? Heavy Debbie has given up on me, sent me back to my old way of living. You didn’t think they could contain me forever did you?’ I leaned onto the desk.
‘No, but there was always that small chance they would.’ She contemplated, leaning back in her chair.
‘So, what’s the complaint today? You have a stomach ache form eating off sushi, the grass needs mowing, there are cobwebs outside your window sill?’ She listed with her fingers.
‘No. Although, you may have a point about the cobwebs ...’ I pondered. ‘Actually, it’s about the moisturiser.’
Libby rolled her eyes and nodded her head. ‘Oh yes, the moisturiser, how could I have forgotten about that melodrama.’
‘I don’t appreciate you patronising me. This is a serious issue.’ I pulled away from the desk and glued my hands to my hips.
‘Okay, I’m listening, what’s so serious about it?’
‘Well, because I don’t have any moisturiser my skin is dry, see,’ I raised one arm and pointed to it with the other, ‘and I can’t go outside with dry skin because the wind will cause it to become even dryer which will completely ruin my complexion. This means I am confined inside this stupid stinky hospital.’ Libby held back a laugh. ‘If I’m confined in this hospital, I won’t get a sufficient amount of vitamin D which then means my bone density will start to decrease and I will end up in your company with multiple fractures caused by Mike when he is Julian.’ Libby frowned up at me. ‘Now, because you and your colleagues are quite incompetent, my fractures won’t heal and I will live out the rest of my life confined to a bed. Do you want that to happen to me?’ I finished, taking in a deep breath.
The nurse sat there a little perplexed and thought for a moment. ‘Confined to a bed for the rest of your life,’ she said eventually. ‘Well, that doesn’t bother me.’ She glanced at her computer.
‘What’s that supposed to mean.’ I snapped.
‘Jenny, you know why you’re not allowed moisturiser, and it’s not just you, no one is allowed it anymore. I’m afraid I’m not in a position to overturn Dr Baker’s orders. Even if I was, I don’t have any moisturiser here to give you.’ She placed one hand over another and looked straight up at me.
‘Bullshit, you have a cupboard of it in the nurses’ station.’ I paused. ‘Why should I be punished for some else’s mistake?’ I yelled. ‘I didn’t give my moisturiser to Dave! I’m not the one responsible for what he did with it! You should know what males are like if you confine them without an outlet for their sexual urges, they will find a way.’
‘I understand what you’re saying Jenny but I’m sorry, you can’t have your moisturiser back. And besides, do you remember what you did to Dave after your moisturiser got taken away?’ She frowned. ‘He was up here again last week because of it.’
‘Oh, come on! The idiot, how many times do you have to glue yourself to yourself to realise it’s not worth the few seconds of ecstasy… Please Libby, I promise I’ll keep it hidden and not lend it to anyone.’ I leaned closer towards the desk and whispered, ‘If it’s money you’re after, I can comply, I’m quite wealthy you know.’
Libby laughed. ‘Bribery, come on. Where are you going to get the money from, the imaginary ATM downstairs?’ She laughed again.
‘Don’t you speak to me like that, I know where you ... work. Now give me my damn moisturiser lady and don’t make me drop kick you.’
‘No.’ Libby concluded. ‘Now, if you can’t accept that, then you’ll have to go and take it up with Dr Baker, but I can assure you that because of what you did to Dave he will say no.’ She sang.
‘Well, I’ll just have to go and do that then won’t I. Thanks for being bitch.’ I started walking off. ‘And I’ll make sure to tell Horsey Dan how rude you’ve been to me.’ I called back. ‘Actually, if I were you, I wouldn’t even bother coming in tomorrow.’ She waved me off with a smile and a short flick of the wrist.
#8 Conscience
