by Kristen Rose
‘Jenny! Jenny!’
I looked up. ‘Huh?’
‘You were staring off into the distance; completely ignored my question.’
‘Your question?’
‘Yes, about your visitor yesterday. Mr Verdad.’ Debbie raised her pudgy lip at me.
‘Oh, that idiot. What about him?’ I turned to face her.
‘How did his visit affect you?’
‘Affect me? Why should it affect me?’
‘Well, because, you haven’t’ seen him for so long. I understand the two of you had quite a history.’ She lowered her voice.
I laughed. ‘Yeah, sure, a history.’
‘Did seeing him bring back any memories of your old life?’
‘Yeah, it did actually.’ I pondered, leaning forward. ‘It reminded me how irritating the people I used to spend my time with were.’
Debbie rolled her eyes. ‘So, you don’t have anything you want to talk about or share in relation to his visit? You spent the rest of yesterday locked tight in your room. Now, that’s not usual routine for you is it Jenny? You usually spend a good majority of the afternoon wandering around the facility … insulting people.’
‘Well, yes, that’s true but you see, yesterday, Mike was Julian. Remember?’
‘Oh …’ She sighed.
‘And you know I can’t go outside my ward when Mike is Julian. He tries to fondle me any chance he gets.’ I cringed. Don’t look so upset, I know what you were thinking. Poor Jenny, horribly affected by her visitor, choosing to spend the rest of the day locked in her room, shaken, torn, not wanting to talk to anyone.’ I said dramatically. ‘Well, sorry to disappoint you Debbie but the real reason was that, I just didn’t fancy getting sexually assaulted yesterday.
‘I stay in my room every time Mike is Julian, ask anyone, they’ll tell you.’ I finished.
‘Yes Jenny, I am aware of Mike’s … ah … Julian’s little fascination with you.’ She paused. ‘Say, just out of curiosity, how do you know which personality Mike is going to be everyday? You always seem to know who he is, even before he’s said a word to you.’
‘Well, I’m clever, first off. I really don’t know why you have such a tough time figuring it out. It’s like some kind of rotation. He has twelve personalities, and he rotates them. All you have to do, is remember which order they come in.’
‘Yes, I see.’ She put her pen to her lip. ‘And how do you remember?’
‘Well, I made up a rhyme.’
‘Oh? Care to share?’ She smiled.
I rolled my eyes. ‘My gran was picking capsicum and just had time to have a wee.’
She frowned, ‘huh?’
I sighed. ‘My gran was picking capsicum and just had time to have a wee.’ I repeated. Debbie still looked confused. ‘Mike, Garry, William, Peter, Cruz, Antonio, Julian, Henri, Tanya, Tommy, Horace and Winston.’
Debbie paused. ‘Could you repeat that?’ Pen to clipboard, ready.
‘No …’
‘Oh, come on Jenny.’
‘It’s not rocket science Heavy Debbie, figure it out yourself.’ I rested back into the couch.
‘Alright then. So nothing you want to tell me about?’ She changed the subject again.
‘No.’ I sighed. ‘Can I go now? It’s five past eleven.’
‘Yes alright, go. She waved me off and tossed her clipboard onto the table beside her.
I stood up quickly, yanking the door open and leaving it that way as I brushed past and strode over to the elevator. I pulled my note book out of my pocket and started flipping through it, waiting for the elevator to arrive. I hopped in and descended to the ground floor. Hopping out, I turned to my right and galloped into the recreation room. I kicked Fran off of the orange bean bag at the back of the room and I sat down, retrieving my pen.
I’d been writing for about fifteen minute when I heard shouting outside the room.
‘I forbid it, she just had a visitor yesterday and she has not recovered, I mean, she won’t even accept that she had any real relationship with him prior to coming here. She can’t handle another visitor, I won’t allow it.’ Debbie’s voice screamed outside the room.
‘You have no authority in the matter. As far as I’m concerned, the more visitors, the better! It might spark back thoughts and feelings from her old life, help her recovery. To be quite honest I am amazed by your reaction. You know better. You really are losing your touch Deborah.’ It was Horsey Dan.
‘Daniel, you don’t see her on a day to day basis like I do. I know what I’m doing.’ Dr Fuller’s voice echoed around the corridor.
‘Look, even if I did agree with you, there’s nothing either of us can do. He has the authority to see her whether we approve or not.’
I heard Debbie scoff. ‘Fine, but if she takes a turn, then it will be your fault!’
‘I hardly doubt anything bad will come of this. Now, don’t you have other patients to see too or are you just going to continue following me around again all day.’
I looked up in time to see Dr Baker open up the recreation room door and poke his head through. He scanned the room. When he spotted me, he slipped his skinny body through the small crack he had made between the door and its frame and walked over to where I was sitting.
‘Jennifer, you have a visitor.’ He said, smiling.
‘Excuse me?’ I raised my eyebrows, staring at him.
‘You know, a visitor. I believe you had one yesterday too. Word must have finally gotten out that you’re here. All of your old friends must be hunting you down.’ He folded his arms, still grinning.
‘I’m busy.’
‘Writing? You’re always writing! I’m sure you can afford to take a break.’
‘No, I can’t. The words only appear on the page if I write them, not if I put the book away and take a break. I already lost valuable writing time yesterday. I’m not going to see anyone.’
‘He’s come a long way. Besides, you saw your visitor yesterday.’
‘Reluctantly, I saw him reluctantly and I might add that it was a rather pointless meeting and I do not wish to see him again if he comes.’ I looked back down at my book. ‘Who is this new visitor anyway? I doubt I know him.’ I said to my notebook. ‘So many people meet me and think that I bother to take an interest in them and naturally they beg to speak to me when I haven’t got a clue what their name is.’ I laughed.
‘He registered under the name of Mr O’Connell.’
I pulled my eyes away from my notebook sharply and stared at Dr Baker. ‘O’Connell?’
‘Yes. Mathers is outside waiting to take you to the visiting rooms.’
‘I shall have to put my book away first.’ I said, as though it were a necessary pre-requisite for me seeing my visitor.
‘Give it to Mathers, he’ll take it back to your room for you.’ Dr Baker said simply.
‘And risk having it read by unworthy eyes? I don’t think so! If you won’t let me go back to my room I shall take the book with me.’
‘Then take it with you, just as long as you go to the visiting rooms now. There are quite a few visitors today and I’d rather not clog a room up longer than necessary.’
‘I shall take as much time as I like.’ I snapped, leaning back.
I got up out of the orange bean bag I had been lounging in, straightened up my white ensemble, then my hair, and headed for the door. Mathers was pacing back and forth on the other side of the corridor.
‘Wow,’ he said, ‘how did you convince her to come out so quickly?’ He stared up at Dr Baker.
‘Authority Mathers, maybe you should try using yours from time to time.’ Dr Baker frowned at him, Mathers laughed.
‘Come on then Jenny. Who would have thought; visitors two days in row! I wonder if you will get one tomorrow.’ I remained silent.
Mathers led me back down the same route we had gone yesterday. When we entered the visiting room reception area I noticed the same guard was on duty again.
‘Hello, I didn’t expect you here so prompt
ly. I told your visitor he might be waiting a while,’ the guard leaned back in his chair, ‘not that he minded.’ He added.
‘Dr Baker went and got her straight away, I don’t know how, he just seems to have a way with patients.’ Mathers said with a smile.
‘Righto then.’ He looked at me. ‘D1 today, right in front.’ He pointed diagonally across his desk towards the door marked D1, the first door on the left side of the corridor, perfectly visible from his desk. ‘It’s unlocked, just go on in when you’re ready.’
‘See you Jenny.’ Mathers waved goodbye. I ignored him, walking slowly towards the door.
When he was gone I turned, placed my hand onto the cold metal handle and pushed it open. The room was identical to the one I had been in yesterday, except for the person sitting at the table. He was wearing jeans and a messy grey jacket covering an un-tucked black T-shirt. Another jacket hung lightly on the back of his chair.
I closed the door silently, diverting his gaze and walked over to the table. Slowly, I looked up at him. He was smiling.
‘Hi.’ He said.
‘Hi.’ I sat down, scanning him. He looked exactly the same; except for few extra creases on his face.
‘Nice place here; charming, clean, and oddly strict. They tell me it’s one of the highest security hospitals in the country. Certainly made me wonder what you did to get in here.’ He laughed lightly. ‘They wouldn’t tell me.’ He spoke as though he had only just seen me yesterday.
‘My parents are paying.’ I mumbled.
‘Ah, I see.’ He leaned closer towards me. ‘So, how have you been?’
‘Okay.’ I crossed one arm over my chest and rested the other on my lap.
‘I have to hand it to you Jenny. This is a pretty good plan.’ He looked down at the table, still grinning before looking back up at me. ‘I never thought to look for you in a place like this.’ I pulled my head back, surprised.
‘That’s the point.’ I paused. ‘How did you find me?’
He took in a deep breath. ‘Your parents.’ He said.
‘They told you too? I don’t believe them.’ I looked away, facing the wall.
‘What do you mean, too?’ He leaned in even closer. ‘They haven’t told anyone else you’re here, I asked them not to.’
‘Marc.’ I spat rudely, turning back towards him.
‘Verdad? He knows you’re here?’ He fell back into his seat. ‘Shit. He’s been here?’ He sounded furious.
‘Yesterday. He said my parents told him I was here.’ I explained.
‘No, they didn’t.’ He shook his head. ‘They told me they haven’t mentioned that you’re here to anyone else, and I asked them to keep it quiet until I told them otherwise. He’s found out some other way Jenny.’ He put his hand to his mouth.
‘But, why would he tell me my parents told him I was here?’
‘Because the truth is probably something he doesn’t want you to know,’ he leaned in again, ‘or anyone else for that matter.’ He added.
‘Do you know what the truth is?’ I leaned in.
‘I have a pretty good idea. I had hoped he didn’t know you were here though.’ His smile was long gone. ‘What did he want?’
‘To see if I was a nut case or not, and, to tell me he has spies in here, watching me.’ I bit my lip in anger.
‘What! Shit.’ He put his hands to his head. ‘This is bad Jenny.’ He let out a groan. ‘Why can’t I get a break for once?’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘I’m trying to put a case against him, put him gaol. But I can’t get any solid evidence. The only chance I have is if I can get the only known witness to one of his murders to talk.’ He sung.
‘Who’s that?’ He laughed at my feigned ignorance.
‘You!’ He stared at me.
‘And to think I thought you were here for a friendly catch up.’ I said, crossing my arms.
‘I am, I’m glad to see you. I’m glad you’re alive.’ He backtracked.
‘Alive?’ I tilted my head.
‘I’ve thought all of these years that you were dead Jenny. You told me you had a plan, but, I thought I would’ve been able to find some kind of trace of you, somewhere, with my connections, but I never did. I honestly thought Verdad had killed you.’ His eyes became glossy.
‘So, what, a chance encounter with my parents led you to me?’ I sat back.
‘No, Verdad swearing he hadn’t seen you at all or killed you led me to start looking for you again. Verdad always seemed to be strangely obsessed with you, even though I convinced myself he killed you, part of me still found it hard to believe. Then, I asked him, straight out if he had or not. He said no, even got a bit angry about it. I reckon it was the first time he’d ever been honest in his life. Your parents only told me you were here because I told them he is a killer and you are the only witness alive and you need to be protected.’ He cautioned.
‘Look, I don’t know anything.’ I said innocently. ‘Okay? I can’t help you.’ I turned and faced the wall again.
‘Forty-eight.’ He paused, cupping his chin in his hands. ‘I have forty-eight homicides with no identified killer. I have loose evidence that every single one of those forty-eight people were at some point in time acquainted with Marcus Verdad. I’m pretty sure he killed all of them. One witness to one cold blood murder is all I need to put him away.
‘Forty-eight,’ he repeated, ‘it’s only a rough estimate Jenny, it could be more; and, if he stays on the streets – it will more. You can save lives, can’t you see that?’ He put his hands on the table, frustrated.
‘How? The best psychologist in the country has sworn that I am mentally unhealthy. No one will care about what I have to say.’ I crossed my arms.
‘Jen, you’re as sane as I am.’ He leaned closer towards me.
‘Maybe … but even still, it’ll be a little hard to convince them. And even if I wanted to, no one would look kindly upon a person who has lied and wasted money and time and space. It’s too late Peter.’ I shook my head.
‘I don’t understand why you didn’t just go to the police when it happened.’ He ran his hands nervously through his hair.
‘I was a twenty-one year old idiot. I was convinced he would kill me. It seemed better to just forget about it. To escape.’ I sighed. ‘And then, I got here and … decided it was pretty good. Besides, the damage is done now.’ I stopped, thinking. ‘Can’t you just ... accidentally shoot him? Pretend your gun went off. You’re a police officer, I’m sure you can get away with it.’ I said casually.
‘A detective now, actually, and you know I would never do that Jenny.’ He looked at me sternly. ‘I’m going to get him the honest way. I just need you to say you’ll help me.’ He begged.
‘Detective ...’ I looked down into my lap before staring back up at him. ‘I guess your dreams came true after all.’ I smiled lightly.
‘Some of them.’ He paused. ‘Yours could’ve too if you had let me help you in the first place.’ He leaned back into his chair.
‘Peter, I spend way too much time in here thinking about what my life would’ve been like if I had listened to you, and I’m sick of it. It’s done, I’ve moved on. I had completely forgotten about all of this … until yesterday. I wouldn’t be too concerned though. I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m a nut case which means I will live another day, which is exactly what my plan has been about from the beginning – to keep myself alive.’ I spoke animatedly.
‘Alive? What is the point in being alive if you’re sentenced to live here for a lifetime? And what about all of those other people, the ones you could have kept alive by doing the right thing?’ He lectured.
‘Let me give you a little scenario.’ I took in a long breath. ‘I agree to help you, you get me out of here, I make a statement, we go to court and the night before I’m due to testify – I GET SHOT!’ My tone vicious.
‘That won’t happen.’ He started shaking head. ‘I will personally protect you.’
‘Oh
, gee, that makes me feel better; knowing that we will both get killed. There goes the witness and the prosecutor in one night.’
‘Why are you so cynical? Let me play you out a scenario Jenny. You agree to help, I get you out of here, you testify, he gets convicted, he goes to gaol for life, and you go back to being the real Jennifer. You’re still young. You can go back to work, enjoy life, rather than being stuck in here and getting told what you can and can’t do every day. You can be happy.’ His gaze didn’t leave me for a second.
‘What makes you think I’m not happy here?’ I paused. ‘Tell me something. You’re free to do as you please every day. So, are you happy?’ I unfolded my arms and leaned into the table.
‘I will be when I get him.’ He said to the wall.
‘You will be. Are you sure?’ I sat back. ‘Or will there then be something else in its place you have to then achieve before you will be happy? You know, one thing that I like about this place is that there are no life stressors. I don’t worry about bills, mortgages, clients, how I’m going to be able to pay off my car. I sleep like a baby every night. I don’t cook, I don’t clean, and all I have to do is act like a horrible person and go to therapy.’
‘You can’t honestly enjoy living here?’ He said, disbelievingly.
‘I have good days and I have bad days. Yesterday was a bad day, today, possibly a good day.’ I summed up.
‘Possibly?’ He frowned.
‘Well, I’ll see how I’ll feel after this conversation.’
He snorted. ‘You don’t have to give me an answer today Jenny, or even tomorrow, or this week for that matter. Just think about it for me, for now, okay? And ... when you’ve decided, write to me and I’ll come back and we’ll work out what we’re going to do. But, I wouldn’t mind a little confirmation that you actually saw something worthy to put him in gaol,’ his voice rose, he seemed embarrassed. ‘Because I might be a little disappointed if you agree to help me and then you tell me that you saw him singing to Cher in the shower and that’s why you think he’s going to kill you.’
I burst out laughing. ‘You know, I think that’s the first time I’ve genuinely laughed in seven years.’ I said, smiling.
‘Well, hopefully it’s not the last.’ He grinned.
I paused and stared into his eyes. ‘What I saw … it’s bad enough to get him a thousand life sentences.’ I shivered.
‘Where were you when you saw it?’ He shifted his chest closer.
I hesitated. ‘At the restaurant.’
‘The restaurant? He did it there?’ He said, frowning.
‘I think everything happens at the restaurant. Or happened rather.’ My voice was quiet. ‘Well, at least, seven years ago it did.’
‘Really? I’m going to have to keep a closer eye on it from now on. Does Verdad know you saw him?’
‘Yes.’ I stopped to take in a breath. ‘If they tell him I’ve been let out, he’ll kill me, just to be safe. He probably knows by now that you’re here too which means he’s probably really pissed off.’ My palms felt clammy all of a sudden. ‘This inclines me to disagree to help you. If I say nothing and stay here, he won’t kill me.’
‘There are worse things Jenny ... Please, think about it, take as long as you like,’ he smiled, ‘but, not too long.’ He added.
‘I don’t suppose we could talk about something else?’ I folded my arms again.
‘Sure.’ He nodded.
‘So, what else did my parents say? I bet they’re pretty embarrassed to have me in here.’ I blushed.
‘I think upset would be a better word.’ He looked down.
‘I hate lying to them. I said and did some ... terrible things to them. I didn’t mean them, but how else could I get them to believe it.’ I rested my head in one hand.
‘They’ll forgive you when they find out the truth.’ He leaned across the table and rubbed my shoulder.
‘Maybe ...’ I looked down for a second. ‘So, what’s your life like? A house full of kids? Spending Sundays at the park, throwing Frisbees on the beach?’ I smiled.
‘I wish.’ He scoffed. ‘More like working, seven days a week, going back home to an empty apartment at the end of the day, feasting on a microwave dinner for one.’ He sounded resentful.
‘Working? Well, I guess you always were a workaholic. What about taking a break every now and then?’
‘I guess I’ve forgotten to.’ He stared at the wall behind me.
‘What happened? You always talked of marrying, settling down.’ I shifted myself around in my seat.
‘Yes … the problem with that is you need another person to do it with.’ He leaned back.
‘What, have you been working so much that you haven’t found that special person?’
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘I found her, years ago.’ He smiled to himself.
‘Then, what’s the problem?’ I frowned.
‘I never told her how I felt at the time.’ He looked away.
‘And she just ... passed by.’ I added.
‘Actually,’ he looked back towards me, ‘she left town and admitted herself into a mental hospital under a fake name. But, the good news is that I’ve just recently gotten back in touch with her.’ He said casually.
I stared at him. ‘Don’t joke around Pete.’ I said.
‘I’m not.’ He leaned in again, I felt his warm breath wash over me.
‘You’re serious?’ My forehead creased.
‘Yes. Perhaps that’s another reason for you to leave here.’ He said, hopeful.
‘Peter ...’ I let out a sigh. ‘And I thought I couldn’t get any more confused.’
‘You must’ve known. I was more obvious than a fly. Have you ever felt the same?’
‘I ... I don’t know. When I first met you I thought you were cute, especially with your accent but, I dunno, you were just an exchange student. I thought you’d go back to Scotland after graduating, and nothing good comes from long distance relationships.’ I paused. ‘But you didn’t. Of course, I’d already met Marc by then and gotten ... side-tracked. We were always just friends.’ I stopped. ‘I mean, I knew you hated Marc, which made me think that you might’ve had some feelings for me, but, you never said anything.’ I turned away.
‘I didn’t want to ruin your fairy-tale.’ He said bitterly.
‘Huh, I would hardly call it a fairy-tale.’
‘Well, you know now. So ... what do you think?’ He leaned even closer towards me.
‘Pete, you’ve had ten years to develop your feelings, I’ve had a minute.’
He nodded, shifting away. ‘I brought something for you; I hope you’ll take it. It’s not meant to mean anything, just ... something that I wanted to give you, to remind you of me and perhaps to get you to change your mind.’
He placed his hand in his left pant pocket and pulled out a tattered gold jewellery pouch.
‘Pete ...’ My face fell.
‘Don’t jump to conclusions.’ He defended. ‘It’s just a gift – from your best friend. It was my grandmothers.’ He explained. ‘She passed a few years ago and left this to me, along with a few other things. I’ve no use for it and I don’t think it will come in handy any other time soon. I want you to have it.’
He opened up the jewellery pouch and pulled out a rose gold necklace with a small oval shaped sapphire pendant.
‘Pete, I can’t take that.’ I shook my head.
‘Yes, you can.’ He pushed it towards me.
‘No, I can’t.’ I pushed it back. ‘Besides, I’m not allowed jewellery in here. I have a history of violent outbursts and necklaces can be used to strangle people – ask the guards.’ I said, embarrassed.
‘Violent outbursts?’ He said, stifling a laugh.
‘I have to stay in character ... They’ll scan me and pat me down when I re-enter the ward, they’d take it off of me. Keep it. But, it’s a lovely thought anyway.’ I smiled.
‘Does that mean you’ll leave here?’
‘I’ll think about i
t but I’m not going to promise anything.’
He nodded. ‘It’s been nice seeing you.’
‘Yeah, you too.’ I smiled again.
‘I ... er ... suppose I better get going. I’ve got a mountain of paperwork that I’ve been neglecting. Technically, I shouldn’t even be here.’
‘Why?’ I tilted my head to the left.
‘Well, my boss kind of closed the case. He gave me a time frame to build up the evidence and ... it expired. He said the case was a waste of time, a dead end.’ He scoffed.
‘But you still came here?’
‘Yeah. I guess when you’ve been working on something for so long, you want to see it finished. Plus, I really wanted to see you.’ He placed the necklace back in the pouch and returned it to his pocket. He then stood up and walked around the table, resting his left hand gently onto my shoulder. ‘You’ll make the right choice Jenny, I know you will.’ He brushed the tip of my nose affectionately with his index finger then began to lean in towards me.
I pulled back. ‘Pete, there’s a camera over there, the guard outside is watching and who knows who else.’ I improvised.
‘Yeah, you’re right.’ He shifted away. ‘Maybe next time.’ He turned and walked towards the door, placing his hand on the steel handle with his head still facing me. ‘No matter what you decide Jenny, I’d sure like it if you’d write from time to time, it’d be a change to what I usually read – suspect reports.’ He grinned.
‘Yeah, I will.’ I smiled back at him.
‘You remember my address, don’t you?’
‘You still live at that dump?’
‘Yeah ... its home, has been ever since I came here. Besides, there are only two reasons why a person should ever move.’ He said seriously.
‘Oh, and what are they?’
‘Well, the first is if you have a bad neighbour and the second is if your wife tells you to.’ I laughed. ‘I have neither of those issues, so I’ve stayed.’ He took in a deep breath. ‘Goodbye Jen. Stay safe.’
‘You too. Bye Pete.’ And with one more smile, he pulled the door open and left.
