by Kristen Rose
I put on my warmest white jumper and a pair of ug-boots and headed to the garden. Mike was sitting exactly where I thought he would be, leaning on his wooden cane. He was slouched over it, a melancholy expression on his face.
I sat down beside him and crossed my legs, he jumped slightly. I searched the vicinity around us and waited until there was no one within earshot before speaking.
‘You know, this is my favourite bench.’ I said. ‘You’re lucky I’m allowing you to sit on it.’
Mike/Winston cackled. ‘You’re allowing me to sit on it? Kids. I sit here every day, and I’ve never seen you come anywhere near here until now.’
‘Well, that’s because you’re old. I mean your eyesight must be practically non-existent.’ I crossed my arms.
‘What are you doing here anyway? Can’t a man live out his days in peace?’ He groaned.
‘Well, I need some advice and I thought, seeing you’re the oldest person here, I would ask you.’
‘You want to ask me for advice? I thought you were perfect and never needed advice, at least that’s what you told me, last week, when I tried to tell you that you should wear tighter pants.’ He cackled, eyeing my behind.
‘You only said that because you’re a rotten old perve.’ I spat. ‘Perhaps advice is the wrong word. I just want to know what you think about something.’
‘What I think about something? That’s just another way of saying advice.’
‘No it isn’t.’ I look at him, appalled.
‘Alright. I don’t have forever so why don’t you just tell me what you need my opinion on.’
‘Well.’ I looked around to make sure no one else could hear. ‘Say you knew something and if you told people what you knew it could save lives, but, there’s a one hundred per cent chance that your life will be taken in the process. What would you do? Would you tell someone what you knew and get killed or would you keep it a secret and remain alive.’ I stared at him eagerly, waiting for an answer.
He thought in silence for a moment. ‘Neither.’ He said eventually.
‘What?’
‘I would choose neither scenario.’
‘Well ... then what would you choose to do?’ I frowned at him.
‘I would tell someone, and save all of those lives, whilst remaining alive in the process.’
‘But, that’s not an option. You either tell and die, or stay silent and live. There are only two options.’ I held up two fingers to emphasise my point.
‘Why? Why can’t you tell someone and stay alive?’
‘Because ... because ... you just can’t. It’s not possible.’ I groaned.
‘Everything is possible. You just have to find a way for it and believe in it as much as you can. You will only die if you think you will. However, if you think you will remain alive and you stay positive, then no one will kill you.’ He said simply, resting further onto his cane.
‘What is that, some Buddhist crap? Come on Winston, be realistic. This is real life not some fantasy world.’ I crossed my arms.
‘When I fought in WWII’, he paused, ‘I was asked to go on a secret mission into one of the most dangerous parts of Germany.’
I frowned.
‘A death sentence they told me.’ He continued dramatically. ‘No one expected me to come out alive, but I did. And do you know why I did? Because I believed that I would.’ He hollered. ‘I believed that it was possible to go into a death trap and come out alive, and that’s exactly what I did. Everyone was astounded when I showed up, they all wanted to know my secret.’ He cackled. ‘And when I told them it was simply a positive attitude, no one believed me, just like you don’t believe me now. They all thought I’d stumbled on some secret weapon or something, but I didn’t, I just stayed positive.’ He smiled. ‘I think if you stay positive and decide that you’re not going to die, then you won’t. And you can save those lives too.’ He leaned back, peacefully.
‘You honestly believe that?’ I stared at him blankly.
‘Sure, that’s what’s keeping me alive now. I don’t want to die, so I won’t.’
I laughed. ‘Yeah, it’s not because you’re actually thirty-three years old …’ He frowned at me. ‘Well, maybe I’ll test out your theory before putting it into proper practice.’ I stared around the grounds. Foreman was lurking close by. He hadn’t been anywhere near us a minute before.
‘How?’
‘I don’t know, maybe I’ll will Tracy’s hair to fall out.’ I schemed.
‘It doesn’t work like that.’ He bellowed. ‘It’s a personal belief. Tracy’s hair will only fall out if she wants it to fall out, not if you want it to. Why don’t you try willing your own hair to fall out?’
‘Are you mad?’ I ogled him. ‘I have the best hair in this hospital; I’m not going to let it fall out!’
‘That’s good, because if you don’t want it to fall out, then it won’t, but if you do, it will.’ He reiterated.
‘Yeah yeah, okay, I get it now. My thoughts only affect my own life, not other peoples’ lives.’ I rolled my eyes.
‘I’m glad to see it only took you two goes to get it.’ He cackled.
‘Are you insulting me?’ I said outraged.
He pondered for a moment. ‘Yeah, I think so.’
‘Well ... I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave now. I have other important business to attend to. I can’t afford to waste any more time with you.’ I got up off of the bench dramatically. ‘And by the way, you smell really bad, don’t you ever bathe?’
‘Not unless the nurse offers to help.’ He laughed. ‘Unless ... you’re offering to help.’ He slyly nodded his eyebrows up and down.
‘Ugh, that is disgusting. I wouldn’t touch you even it was your last day on the planet. Grow up.’ I turned and stomped off, almost running into that idiot Foreman.
‘Geese, watch where you’re going.’ I spat at him.
‘Sorry, I didn’t know you were going to turn around so abruptly.’ He laughed. ‘What are you up to? Haven’t seen you outside since our chat last week.’
‘Yeah, that was the plan.’ I went to continue walking but he blocked me.
‘Oh, that’s not nice. I just want to be your friend.’ He smiled.
‘You think I would ever let someone like you be my friend. I don’t associate with guards, okay?’
‘No, you just insult them, and then if they’re really unlucky you punch them.’ His voice was strangely cheery.
‘Once,’ I held up an index finger. ‘I punched a guard once. Can’t you people just forget about it and move on?’
‘Maybe. Say who’s gonna kill you?’ He crossed his arms.
‘Excuse me?’ My heart erupted.
‘Well, I couldn’t help but over hear your chat with that ... weird guy over there holding onto that cane. Sounded pretty serious.’ He dragged out the last few words.
‘Hardly, I’m just doing a bit of research for my memoir.’ I brushed his comment aside.
‘Aren’t memoirs supposed to be non-fictional?’ He raised his eyes at me.
‘Yes, as far as I’m aware they are. I’m sorry, what is your point?’
‘Well ... why ask someone what they would do in a certain situation? I mean, if you’re writing something non-fictional, shouldn’t you already know what happened and what choice was made?’ He said smugly.
‘Come on, you have to be dreaming if you actually believe that people who write memoirs keep them completely non-fictional. You have to add a bit of padding otherwise no one will read them because, let’s face it, life is way too boring.’
‘Oh, well ah ... your memoir must be full of padding.’ He laughed.
‘Are you saying my life is boring?’ I crossed my arms.
‘Well, I don’t really know you that well but, I mean if you live here, what exciting things could possibly happen to you?’
‘For your information my memoir is about the fantastically interesting life I led before coming here.’ I spat at him.
‘Really ... So ah .
.. you’re not worried about someone killing you?’ He tilted his head.
‘No, I’m not. Actually, I would be more worried about someone killing me if I were you.’
‘Now, I’m sure you don’t mean that. ‘Cause if you do, I might just have to tell the head guard, who will definitely see that as a threat on my life.’ He leaned in and whispered.
‘Right, because that is such a bad thing.’ I pulled away. ‘I threaten people every week, the head guard is used to it. He stopped punishing me years ago. If anything he’ll get up you for talking to me.
‘Now, I really have to go so if you could just get out of my way that would be great.’ I began to push him aside.
‘Certainly.’ He complied, stepping to his right. I continued walking, heading back into the warmth of the hospital.
‘Stupid annoying idiot,’ I muttered to myself, ‘I don’t know why he’s so …’
I looked back around as I was walking away to catch another glimpse of Foreman. He was heading back out into the grounds with his hands in his pockets, smiling to himself.
I frowned. ‘The inside man …’
At that point, my thoughts were distracted by a voice calling my name.
‘Jenny, there you are! Its two o’clock, you’re supposed to be in with Dr Fuller now. She’s not impressed you know.’ The voice scalded. ‘If you’re not careful you’ll lose some of your rights again.’ It was Mathers.
‘What are you talking about, it’s Sunday. I don’t have sessions on the weekend.’
‘You do today. Dr Fuller’s not in tomorrow, so she’s seeing patients today instead.’ He stopped in front of me, folding his arms.
‘Why? Does she think we will all go even loopier if she’s away for more than two days?’
‘I don’t know, I’m just the messenger.’ He tossed his arms into the air.
‘And why are you here today? Don’t you usually do other things on the weekend?’ I eyed him suspiciously.
‘We’re short staffed so I got called in. What does it matter anyway, I’m just a guard remember? You don’t care about me.’ He mocked.
‘You’re right. Anyway, no one told me that I was to have a therapy session today so I don’t think I am obligated to go.’ I began to walk away.
‘There was an announcement at breakfast time.’ He said slowly, voice raised.
‘Well I didn’t hear it.’ I sung.
‘Come on Jenny, you have to go, and quickly, your late enough without me having to argue with you again.’
‘Geese, I’m not that late, can’t she wait two minutes.’ I yelled.
‘Apparently not. And it’s been more than two minutes.’ He followed after me. ‘This is the last place I came to look for you. What are you doing out here? You haven’t come out here at this time of day since last summer.’
‘That is none of your business.’ I said shortly. ‘Now, if I am forced to go and see Heavy Debbie I think I’m perfectly able to escort myself to her office, so why don’t you just run along.’ I waved him off with my hand.
‘No can do, I have to make sure you go there, Dr Fuller’s orders.’ He said importantly.
‘Oh, and when have I ever not gone to a therapy session before?’
‘Last Thursday, for starters ... You usually don’t show up at least half of the time.’
‘And that is pretty good considering I have to go five days a week! You’d think this place were a prison.’ We reached the recreation room door. ‘I don’t see why I need to go to so many therapy sessions.’ I continued. ‘I have nothing to talk about with that witch. It’s not like lots of things happen to me in here. I don’t need to discuss stuff with her on a day to day basis. My time is wasted in those sessions.’ I complained.
‘I don’t know why, I’m not a doctor.’ He tried humouring me.
‘Well of course you aren’t, you’re not smart enough to be a doctor.’ I commented, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
‘Thanks.’ He glared.
We arrived at the elevator, the doors opened instantly when Mathers pressed the button and we headed to the second floor. When the doors dinged open I strolled out to see Dr Fuller standing outside her office, livid.
‘Well, I’m not surprised that out of all of my patients you’re the one who decides not to come Jenny.’ She blared, walking towards us.
‘I didn’t decide not to come. I merely did not receive word that I had a therapy session today. Perhaps if you’d sent a memo to my room ...’
‘A memo! What do you think this is, an office?’ She raised her plucked eyebrows at me.
‘Well, it certainly looks like an office to me.’ I stared, motioning my hand around the reception area.
‘Enough of your smart talk, come in here.’ She said, turning and waddling into her office.
‘How rude.’ I commented to Mathers.
‘Have fun Jenny.’ He grinned. I rolled my eyes and followed Dr Fuller into her office.
‘Shut the door please Jenny.’ She ordered.
‘Please. Well, that’s a first.’
‘I’m not in the mood. It’s a Sunday. I should be at home resting.’ She puffed, sitting into her chair.
‘Then why aren’t you? We all could use a bit of an extended vacation from you. Actually, why don’t you take the whole week off instead of just tomorrow?’
‘I’m not taking tomorrow off, I have an important meeting I must go to and Dr Baker didn’t want me to cancel any sessions so I was forced to put them forward to today.’ She grunted.
‘Oh, poor baby.’ I mocked, grinning.
‘Sit down.’ She ordered again.
I walked over to her couch and slammed into it, taking off my shoes and lying down, as always. Debbie cringed.
‘So, what’s on the agenda today? My childhood fears, bed wetting episodes or maybe my forever present fear of robots.’ I mocked.
‘No.’ She said, biting back her frustration. ‘I thought we might try and talk about the visitor you had the other day again.’
‘Why?’ I screwed my face up.
‘Because, I think it’s important. You’ve been here for seven years, without a visitor, then all of a sudden you get two within one week. That’s like winning the lottery.’ She stated.
‘Umm ... no, no it isn’t.’ I paused. ‘People are generally pleased to win the lottery and let’s face it, it’s probably easier to get someone to come and visit you than it is to win the lottery, especially if you’re me and you don’t even play the lottery.’
‘You weren’t pleased to have visitors?’ She tilted her head back.
‘God no! I mean, if they had been someone like, say, the Queen or maybe Michael J. Fox, I might’ve been pleased, but they weren’t so ... no.’ I folded my arms over my chest.
‘But weren’t they your friends from before you came in here. Surely it was nice to see your friends.’ She picked up her favourite clip board.
‘They weren’t my friends, just annoying idiots that followed me around like flies who follow sticky fingers. I’m not surprised they came to see me in the same week.’
‘Oh, and why is that?’ Pen ready to write down every word.
‘Well, they’re both madly in love with me of course, so, they’re competing with each other. They had to come within close proximity in order to allow me to judge who was the better candidate for my affections.’
‘And who was the better candidate?’ She leaned in.
‘Michael J. Fox.’ I stared up at the ceiling.
‘But, Michael J. Fox didn’t come to see you.’ She babied.
‘I know that! I’m just emphasising the point that both of my visitors were completely unsatisfactory.’ I stared at her.
‘I see. So, that’s all they wanted. To talk about their feelings for you?’
‘For the twenty-ninth time, yes.’ I screamed.
‘What about the second visitor, you seemed slightly less hostile when we spoke about him.’
‘What do you mean?�
� I returned my gaze to the ceiling.
‘Well, I mean, you seemed less ... agitated after he visited you than you did when the first man visited you.’
‘I really don’t know what you’re going on about.’ I started tapping the arm of the couch with my feet.
‘Okay then. Why don’t we talk about how you two became friends? How did you meet?’
‘We weren’t friends.’ I repeated.
‘Fine, you weren’t friends. But still, how did you meet?’ She persisted.
‘Hmm … I think we met on a bus.’ I said dramatically.
‘A bus?’
‘Yes, a bus. You know, those large automated vehicles that carry large quantities of people around cities.’ I half got up and stared at her.
‘Don’t be silly Jenny.’ Her face reddened. ‘I mean, were you sitting next to each other, did he offer to pay for your ticket when you had no money, was he the driver?’ She listed.
‘No.’ I waited for her next prompt, lying back down again.
‘Well, then, how did you meet?’
‘He had a heart attack whilst riding the bus and I saved his life by delivering CPR. Naturally he was very grateful and wanted to do everything he could to thank me. It was really quite annoying.’
‘You know CPR?’ She didn’t believe me.
‘Of course! Don’t you?’
‘No, I can’t say that I ever got around to learning.’ I could hear her pen tapping furiously on her clipboard.
‘Well, I guess that’s okay for you, you probably won’t ever need to use it.’
‘What makes you think that?’
‘Well, you’re so fat it’s more likely someone will need to perform CPR on you before you will have to perform it on them.’ I laughed with extreme animation.
‘I see.’ She tried her hardest to ignore what I had said. ‘So, you kept in touch with each other after that?’ She continued.
‘No, he kept in touch.’ I corrected.
‘Of course, and there’s a difference between those two things.’ She humoured me.
‘Naturally, you’re catching up faster than I anticipated.’ I applauded.
‘So, what did the two of you talk about? He didn’t stay for very long.’
‘Well, I asked him to leave of course. I didn’t want to talk to him.’
‘But, you still talked about something. I watched the surveillance footage and you were both talking the entire time.
‘What do you think this is, a soap opera? Why would I tell you what we spoke about? It’s none of your business.’ I stared up at the ceiling again.
‘He didn’t say anything to upset or annoy you at all?’
‘No. He only spoke of his admiration for me. He even tried to give me a necklace. Can you believe that? And if you don’t, try re-watching the footage, I’m sure you’ll catch a glimpse of that sad moment when he actually thought he had a chance.’ I laughed quietly to myself and then sighed.
‘A necklace, really? What did it look like?’ Debbie’s femininity sprang toward the surface.
‘Why does that matter?’ I scrunched my face up.
‘It doesn’t, I’m just a big fan of jewellery, that’s all. But, would you call a commitment necklace?’ She sang.
‘Well of course, I mean, who wouldn’t want to commit to me?’
‘I can’t imagine who wouldn’t want to commit to you.’ Contempt oozed out of her.
‘Are you making fun of me?’
‘No, no not at all.’ She lied. ‘And, that’s all? He just wanted to tell you how he felt and give you a necklace?’
‘Yes, which I rejected.’ I added. ‘Do you know what I said to him?’ I sat up.
‘No, what did you say?’ She leaned towards me.
‘I said why would I want to be with you when I can clearly do better. I mean look at me, who wouldn’t want to be with me?’
‘You actually believe that?’ She asked, astounded.
‘Yes.’
‘If I may say, he was rather good looking. You know, tall, dark and handsome.’ She smiled.
‘Handsome? Didn’t you see his nose? It looked like a battle ground the day after a war.’ I folded my arms.
‘What do you mean by that?’ She tilted her head.
‘It was full of craters and it looked like a torpedo had ploughed straight into the middle of it.’ I accompanied this with hand gestures.
‘Well, that’s quite an inventive ... ah ...’ She stopped, thinking.
‘Simile.’
‘Yes, that’s the word I was looking for, thank you.’
‘Well, originality is one of my personal favourite qualities.’ I began inspecting my fingernails.
‘Yes I have noticed that from time to time ...’ She paused. ‘So, you don’t think he’s nice looking?’
‘Well, he does have some positive attributes, but I really can’t look past a nose like that, it’s just too … distracting.’ I shook my head.
‘Don’t you think perhaps that you could try to look past the nose, maybe see his personality, rather than his exterior?’
I laughed. ‘No! But I can see why you favour personality, most people without looks do, but it appears a little pathetic when you try to pretend as if looks don’t matter, when they always do.’
‘Jenny, you’re so shallow.’ She reprimanded.
‘Yeah ... Hey, isn’t it your job to fix that, ‘cause you kind of suck at it.’
‘Well, you know, it does take two to tango.’ She sung.
‘Ugh, that is so cliché and rather disturbing at the same time.’ I scrunched my face in disgust.
‘Well, what would you rather me say?’ She asked, annoyed.
‘I dunno. How about saying it takes two to tune a TV?’
‘A TV?’ She raised her eyes.
‘Yes, one to do the tuning, and the other to tell them how terribly wrong they’re doing it. Do you see the metaphor in that?’ I said to the ceiling.
‘No, I can’t say that I do.’ She scrunched her face, confused.
‘Well then, maybe you should write that down and ponder it after dinner.’ I pointed at her clipboard.
‘Right. So, what does your visitor do for a living?’ She asked, resuming her cheery manner.
‘I can’t say I know.’ I began inspecting my fingernails once more.
‘You don’t know?’ She raised her bleached eyebrows.
‘No, I don’t.’
‘But, how long have you known him?’
‘Oh, well, I think it’s been quite a few years since that day I was forced to save his life on the bus.’ I stared up, deep in thought.
‘Can you estimate how many years?’
‘Maybe ten or so. I really didn’t take much notice as to when it exactly happened.’
‘I see. So you don’t know what he does for a living?’
‘No. But he’s usually pretty poorly dressed so I would guess that he works in some kind of useless profession. Maybe psychology, like you.’
‘Oh how nice of you to say that Jenny.’ Her nostrils began to flare out and her face turned a slightly brighter shade of red. ‘So,’ she continued, ‘did your visitor tell you anything about what’s been happening outside the hospital?’
‘No, he didn’t.’ I replied shortly.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes.’ I waited.
She froze for a second. ‘Nothing at all about what he does for a living?’ She repeated.
I sighed. ‘No. Why are you so concerned about what he does for a living, and what does it have to do with what goes on outside of here?’ I frowned.
‘I just wanted to get a bit more of an idea as to what kind of a person he is. You know, whether or not he’s a bad influence on you. Because if he is, I can’t exactly allow him to come and see you again, can I?’
‘Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. I told him never to bother visiting me again because I would refuse to see him on account of the fact that he’s an arse.’ I said simply.
‘I see. Well, I don’t know why I’m worrying anyway. Neither of your visitors seem to have affected you very much at all. It’s like you’re living in some kind of bubble and you only see and hear what you want.’ She concluded.
‘And, that’s a bad thing?’ I stared at her.
‘Some people would say so, yes. You know, I think we’re probably done for the day Jenny.’
‘Thank god. I didn’t think I would be able to stay in here for much longer with that horrible stench.’
‘Stench, what stench?’ She sniffed in all directions.
‘The one coming from your mouth, I mean, what have you been putting in there? Wait, on second thoughts, I’d rather not know. Goodbye.’ I smirked.
I picked myself up off of the couch and jammed my shoes back onto my feet before strutting out of her office, leaving the door wide open upon my exit.
#19 Vigilance
