by Violet Blaze
I checked my phone and found another message from Flor. Each one was like a treasure to be opened, savored, read and reread. He was actually communicating with me now and it was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. I'd thought I'd known Flor, but apparently I'd only scratched the surface of who he really was. I couldn't wait to keep digging deeper.
Leaving the shop now, dope. C U in 5.
I stifled a squeal and sat up. The boys had fussed with my hair and I'd already managed to muss it up. They both cast disappointed looks my way and then continued to focus their attention on Addison. I slid off the bed and managed to get out of there before anyone noticed. My makeup was done (unless I'd messed that up, too) and my hair, didn't need to worry about an outfit since whatever I chose would be deemed unsatisfactory and thrust aside. Instead, I padded across the wood floor and waited for Flor at one of the kitchen stools.
When I heard his boots pounding up the stairs, my heart started to flutter and my stomach twisted into knots. I pretended not to care, focusing on some old text message from Addi and acting like I was in the middle of a conversation. When he unlocked the door and paused, eyes undoubtedly focused on me, it took all of my concentration not to glance over and meet his gaze.
“You can fake it all you want, Abs, but I know you better than that. It's okay if you can't keep your hands off of me, I'll understand.” I could hear the smirk in his voice, but I couldn't stop a smile from spreading across my face. I tossed my phone onto the counter and turned to look at him, my blood heating in a rush as he stepped close to me and ran his fingers down the side of my face. Flor was looking at me like he still couldn't quite believe this was real, gazing at me like he was still in shock. It was a look I'd been getting a lot lately, but I liked it. Loved it, even. It was proof that this thing between me and him, it was real.
“I'm trying to keep some of my obsession to myself,” I said, curling my fingers around the neckline of his shirt as he stepped even closer, pressing his body between my legs. Despite our vulnerable spot in the kitchen, I couldn't resist, raising my lips to his for a kiss that nearly burnt me to a crisp. “Trying to be normal.”
“Fuck normal,” Flor said, wrapping his arms around me and pulling our chests together. “If I'd wanted normal, I wouldn't be dating my little sister.” I pursed my lips together.
“Stepsister,” I corrected, for what was probably the millionth time in my life.
“Whatever. If we're going to take the risk, it might as well be worth it. I'm going to hold you and fuck you and kiss you until you can't wait to get away from me.”
“Doubtless that'll happen anytime soon,” Addi said, sauntering down the hall and looking like a freaking model in her tight dress and booties. Okay, so the guys had been right – boots equaled hooker but booties were chic. I could only hope Addi worked at least some of her magic on my look. “She's been floating around here on cloud nine.” Addison paused and narrowed her eyes. “So if you hurt her, I'll have to finally keep my word and castrate your ass.” She pointed a finger at him. “Don't think I won't.”
Flor kept his hold on me, but he was staring over my shoulder with a smugness that I knew would only further infuriate my friend. Years and years of animosity simmered in the air like summer sunshine.
“Trust me,” Flor said, sliding me off the stool and into his arms. “I wouldn't be doing this if I was just fucking around.” He licked his lips and a nervous energy seemed to emanate from him, like he'd been holding it in and he'd just uncorked the bottle. “My mom called me on the way over here to tell me about her fucking ultrasound.” Flor squeezed me tighter, like he was afraid this news would separate us, drive a wedge into our newfound happiness. “She's having a girl.” My stepbrother's voice dropped low, like he was on the verge of screaming. “Four and a half months in already. I can't even fucking believe it.”
“She has a right to keep a secret, you know,” Addi said, always taking the opposition to Flor, even if she agreed with him. Personally, I was in too much shock to say much of anything. A girl. A freaking girl. Not only was I going to be a big sister, but Flor was … going to be a big brother for real. This time, he really would have a little sister. Personally, I'd been praying for a boy. I knew the whole thing would've been a hell of a lot less torturous on him that way. “It wasn't like she just got pregnant by accident. It took work and time and money and dedication. Obviously she wanted to make sure things panned out before she said anything.”
Flor set me down and squeezed me tight again, like he was waiting for my reaction.
“More time to deal with it would've been nice. I feel like it's coming up so fast.” He sighed and his breath stirred my hair. I knew he was worried on too many levels to keep count. If his mom found out about us, how would that stress affect her pregnancy? And even then, what if she banished him? What if he never got to meet his little sibling? What if he failed as a big brother yet again, just in a different way, by not being there? I knew all of this and more was running through his head, could see it in his eyes, had even heard some of it aloud.
I made myself smile. I knew a phone call was probably coming my way pretty soon, but I wasn't going to answer it. I wasn't going to let this news screw up our night. A real date, a night out with friends, I wanted this.
“It'll be okay, Flor,” I told him, looking up and catching those green eyes on mine. I wanted him to know that I wasn't just spewing empty words, that I really, truly believed what I was saying. Things would be okay, they'd work out. For the first time in my entire life, I felt like I was on the right path and I wasn't going to let anything or anyone derail me. “Don't think about babies. Think about hot wings and drag queens and a club that actually allows the under twenty-one in the doors. Those are the only things that matter right now.” His lips twitched in a small smile.
“At least we know we won't be running into our parents tonight.”
I grinned back at him, fighting the tiniest bit of worry about taking him around other girls. I know, I know, it was probably ridiculous, but Flor did not have the best track record for holding onto girlfriends. I just had to hope and believe that I was different. He said he loved me. With most guys, that probably didn't amount to much, but Flor and I had history. I had to count on that.
“No parents, no babies, no bullshit,” I said, forcing him to kiss me.
“Oh, honey, now that's where you're wrong,” Theo said, sauntering out of Addi's bedroom with Yuu on his heels. “There's going to be loads and loads of bullshit tonight.”
I hooked my arm through Florian's and tried to sift through the mix of excitement and guilt that was churning in my gut. On the one hand, I was thrilled beyond all reason to be standing by his side, holding onto him like we belonged together. On the other, I was terrified somebody I knew would see us and tell our parents. I knew their finding out was an inevitability, but I wanted to tell them in my own way, in Flor's way.
I took a deep breath and leaned against the wall with Addi while Patrick disappeared to grab drinks for himself and Flor. Unlike Max at the concert, Flor stayed with me, scanning the crowd with a practiced eye. Crowded parties, drinks, half-dressed women, that was kind of his scene – only this time some of the 'half-dressed women' were actually dudes. I prayed most of the girls were lesbians, so I wouldn't have to worry about Flor getting hit on.
“Hey there, sweetheart,” a man said, pausing next to us with a bright blue drink in his hand. Oh, and he wasn't talking to me. Flor turned on a bright grin and gave him a wink, arm sliding around my waist as he leaned in and spoke to me in a voice that was clearly meant to be heard.
“What do you think, fag hag? Is he good enough for me?” I gave the guy with a blue drink a once-over and shrugged, drawing a laugh from Flor, and sending the man away with a shake of his head and a roll of his eyes.
“I should've known that you weren't safe even in a gay club.” I paused as another group of guys wandered by and ogled Flor. “Maybe especially in a gay club would be a better way
to say it.” Flor leaned in closer and put his lips against my ear, only this time when he sent a chill down my spine, it was on purpose. I knew for a fact that he was fully aware of what he was doing, and it was okay for me to like it. I swallowed back my usual shame and relaxed into him as the crowd around us swelled with newcomers. Music was playing, but nobody was dancing – yet. Since there was no cover for the over twenty-one, drinks were flowing like water, but both Theo and Yuu had assured me that I'd have fun anyway. Nobody gets to sit like a Sad Sack Sally in the corner when my junk is tucked and I've got Coral Queen No Smear Lipstick on my face. I'll make sure this a night you'll never forget. I took a deep breath.
“Relax, nee-chan,” Flor said and my heart skipped over a beat. Was it okay for him to still call me that? I mean, was it weird that I liked it? Ugh. Where was the Dear Abby article regarding dating one's stepbrother? Or, since I lived in Eugene, even better would be Dan Savage's Savage Love column in the Eugene Weekly, our free local paper. I could see the article now: Dear Nee-Chan, thanks for writing and holy shit. You're dating your brother? Pretty sure that sentence alone gives you all the information you need to figure things out. Oh, and stop correcting everyone with the whole 'step' thing – we get it already. It's not incest, but it's still fucked up.
I swallowed hard and took another deep breath. I'd wanted this for so long, so, so, so, so long, and yet here I was having issues dealing with it.
Flor swept hair off the back of my neck and then used his body to push me into the wall. I could feel the long, hard length of his body pressing into me. When his lips found mine, touching down for the briefest of searing kisses, my knees turned to jelly and my doubts retreated into the shadows of the club.
“Relax. I mean it. Don't make me take you into the bathroom for a fuck. Pretty sure all of the stalls are full already, so it'd just be me and you and a sink in front of everybody.” I shivered, not entirely put off by the idea. “This is our first, like official thing together.” Flor stood up and I caught Addi raising an eyebrow at me. “Let's make it count, okay?”
“For once, I have to agree with the asshole. If you're going to take the risk, enjoy it.” I nodded and shook out my shoulders, smoothing my hands over the shiny black top that Addison had forced on me. When Flor had seen the halter draped over my bare shoulders, he'd been firmly on her side. Dick.
I looked up into Flor's green eyes, watched the smile curve up the corner of his lip. The question wasn't would I risk everything to have him, but rather would I give up everything to keep him. Since I knew the answer to the latter question was a resounding yes!, I made myself smile back and push up onto my tiptoes to kiss his lips again. By the time Patrick returned with Flor's drink, we were locked in a make out session that turned my cheeks pink and made me ridiculously aware of how many people were in the room around us – only I couldn't stop. Apparently neither could he because he took the drink in his right hand and kept the left around my waist.
When the lights dimmed and Theo's voice boomed out of the speakers mounted in the corners of the room, I finally pulled away and forced my attention to the stage. I would revel in this moment, drink it in, recall every sparkly sequin on Yuu's strangely beautiful pink dress.
“I've never seen a real drag show before,” I whispered to Flor as he draped himself over my shoulders and let the crowd push us close, close, closer.
“And I've never been in love before,” he whispered back, making my entire body flush hot. Before I could ask him how he felt about that, Theo had handed off his mic and started in on a lip sync to Katy Perry's Peacock.
So much for deep conversation. I smiled and let his words comfort a part of me that had spent too many years in turmoil. My heart.
By the time the actual show was over, and I had images in my head of Theo and Yuu that I could never scrub clean, the crowd was good and liquored up, bouncing in tandem with Marina and the Diamonds' song, Primadonna. Flor had disappeared some time ago, drawn away by the momentum in the club. Addi and I had split off from the boys for a while to dance with Theo and Yuu, but now that the song was winding to an end, I felt a familiar pang of anxiety. I didn't want to walk off and find Flor with a girl pinned to the wall like I had with Max.
I snuck away from Addi and checked out the restrooms first, but when I didn't find him, I squeezed out the narrow entrance in the front and looked down the sidewalk. I found Flor to my right, about a block down. And yes, he had someone pinned to the wall. Only this time, it wasn't a girl, but Max. A familiar froth of blonde hair stood to the side with her arms crossed and lips turned down in a frown. Rhonda.
I hurried down the sidewalk towards them, cursing the high heeled boots on my feet. Damn you, Addi, and your perfect fashion sense. Flor saw me coming and released his friend, stepping back and tucking his fingers into his front pockets. Max saw me and licked a drop of blood from his lip, swiping his hand across his mouth before he turned away and stared intently at a crack in the sidewalk. Rhonda, though, she met my eyes just fine.
“Hi Abi,” she said and I forced myself to smile. I couldn't get any words to come out. My eyes darted between Flor and Max, obviously in some sort of argument if the blood was any indication of what was going on between them.
“Came out to smoke and saw these assholes leaving the studio,” Flor said, reaching into his back pocket for a pack. He pulled out a cigarette and lit up. “I've been getting so much shit from this asshole and then I find out he's fucking my ex?”
“You're fucking mine,” Max shot back and the two boys stiffened like they might get into it again. I'd seen them fight before, but the intensity in the air right now was stifling. Still, Max was my childhood friend as much as he was Flor's. I wanted to make things right. I had to, for my own state of mind.
“Yeah, but come on, you were cheating on us just the same as we were cheating on you and then you have the audacity to get all preachy with me?”
Cheating?
I stared at Flor, his sharp green eyes sliding back to mine. Smoke curled from his lips and rested in the still air in round curls. Huh.
“You're fucking your sister, dude!” Max shouted back, not denying the allegations. Rhonda kept staring at me, but didn't bother to say anything. “Seriously? If anyone is more in the wrong, it's you. What'd you do? Work your charm on her like you do every other girl? Did you fuck every girl in Oregon, run out of chicks, so you had to go for family?”
Flor's cigarette tumbled from his mouth and he moved forward like he was going to hit his friend again, but I stepped between them. Max was cheating with Rhonda? Seriously? Since when?
“Stop,” I said, my heart breaking as I looked between the people standing in front of me. “Max,” I said, putting on my most reasonable tone of voice. “Honestly, if you were cheating on me … I deserved it. I mean, it wasn't like Flor and I … ” I trailed off and licked my lips. This was my chance to put this part of my life right. If I had Addi and Max by my side, I could tackle my parents, no matter what the outcome was. Flor, Max, Addi, Dad, and my stepmom, River, were the constants in my life. Three out of five gave me good odds. “How long?”
Max looked at me with his big, brown eyes.
“I'm sorry, Abigail,” he said, and I felt like he really meant it. Not that cheating was okay, not even if I'd done it, too, but I could live with this. It felt sort of … fated.
“When you started acting all nice, huh?” I said, trying to keep my tone light. “Bringing me flowers and shit? I should've known something was up.” I punched Max in the shoulder like I'd done a million times in our life, but I didn't feel anything like I did when I touched Flor. “You really are a piece of shit. I mean, I knew it, but still.”
“To be fair, you're also a piece of shit,” Max grumbled, looking between me and my brother and then shaking his head. He raked his fingers through his brown hair. “Jesus, I should've seen this one coming.”
I looked at Flor and watched him narrow his eyes.
“The hell is that supposed t
o mean?”
Max shrugged, but Flor grabbed the front of his shirt, making Rhonda fidget nervously.
“Just … the way you two look at each other. I mean, ever since high school, it's been kind of obvious. I guess I just didn't want to see it.” He held up his hands, palms forward, in a placating gesture. Max glanced between me and my stepbrother as I wrapped my arms over my chest to ward off the slight chill in the air. “Look, this whole thing's just kind of gotten out of control.” Max paused as Flor released him and lit up another cigarette, sliding his right arm around my waist, his fingers resting on my tattoo. Warmth filled me and I had to force myself not to giggle like an idiot. Damn, this is awesome. Not sure if I'd ever get used to Flor touching me so casually. “Besides, I'm tired of cleaning the damn litter box. Come home and take care of your own cats. That big one, what's her name, she pissed all over my sheets.”
Flor snorted and the tension in the air lifted – at least a little.
I looked over at Rhonda, her eyes catching on Florian for a split second. She had fucked him, and I had fucked Max, and so maybe there'd be some tension for a while, but I could live with this. I glanced at Rhonda's tattoo, the flower gleaming in the orange-yellow light from the street lamps.
“You didn't tell my parents about any of this, did you?” Flor asked and Max shook his head, grimacing slightly.
“You think I want to be around when Art finds out that you're banging his daughter? Oh, and thanks for telling him that I banged his daughter. Fucking asshole.”
“Said daughter is standing right here,” I said, raising my right hand. Flor pulled his cigarette from his lips and glanced down at me, those same shadows dancing behind his eyes. “And thank you, Max,” I added, looking back at my ex with a small smile. Yes, the situation was awkward, but with everything that had happened, Max could've called up River and told her about Flor and me. He didn't. That had to mean something. If our friendship could survive this, it could survive anything. “And don't worry about my parents. When the time is right, we'll handle it.”
