Shane clenched his jaw. The urge to punch something in frustration made his head pound. His brother’s entire future might be ruined because of a stupid accident.
An accident you caused.
“Mason can decide what he wants to do when he gets out of rehab. I don’t see why he can’t continue doing what he’s worked for his entire life.”
Raine carried her breakfast dishes to the sink. Good. Maybe she was getting ready to leave for work and would stop interrogating him.
“The last time I saw Mason, he said there was no way he could come back and practice veterinary medicine again.” Raine’s eyes were back on him. “I don’t know how he could, either, being in a wheelchair, to be quite honest. Small animal practice, maybe, but not the large animals, and we both know that’s where his passion really is. Large animal surgery.” She scrunched her forehead for a moment. “And I don’t see him working in an administrative capacity. He’s a hands-on guy.”
Shane gripped the handle of his coffee mug. Everything his sister said had already gone through his mind more times than he cared to admit.
“I’m not going to make that decision for him. But in the meantime, if there’s suitable land available for a large animal practice, then I might as well buy it, or someone else will. And, it will help out Henry Cramer.” There, that might be the angle to use with Raine. Appeal to her emotions. “He can move to Missoula and buy a nice little house there, somewhere he has help. At his age, he shouldn’t be living alone out on that farm anyway.”
Raine tilted her head. Her eyes narrowed on him. “Now that Alley’s back, maybe she’ll want to have a say in what happens to their farm.”
Shane laughed to cover up the sudden increase in his pulse. “I don’t claim to know her, but she’s had no interest in the farm up to this point. What makes you think she wants any part of it now? No one ever came to visit Henry in nearly a decade that I’m aware of. She’ll probably be glad he’s going to sell and she’ll get part of it as an inheritance.”
Shane dumped the last of his coffee down his throat, and stuffed the last piece of toast in his mouth. He pushed past his sister to the sink and tossed his plate in it with a loud clank.
“I know you’ve got to get to work, and so do I, Raine. I’ll see you at supper.”
Before his sister had a chance to start another interrogation, he rushed out of the kitchen, then out the front door.
Chapter 4
The screen door to the back porch squeaked and then slammed against the frame. Alley rounded the corner from the hallway into the kitchen. She smiled when her eyes connected with her gramps as he walked in, wearing his familiar dusty jeans. His dull eyes instantly took on a sparkle that matched the sun shining in from the window.
He reached up and removed the cowboy hat that must have been at least as old as she. Not a day had gone by that she’d seen him without that hat whenever he was outside.
Coughing, he hung the hat on the peg mounted on one of the kitchen cabinets by the door. He turned and moved toward the stove. His gait was slower than it had been ten years ago, and he walked slightly hunched over. Alley moved fully into the kitchen.
“Would you like me to fix breakfast, Gramps?”
His head came round. “I figured you’d be sleeping late today, Alley.”
She walked up to him and gave him a peck on the cheek.
“Yesterday was a long day, but I don’t remember the last time I slept all the way through the night. I’m fully recharged. Must be the great Montana air.”
Gramps grunted and nodded. “Don’t know how you’ve breathed the air in New York all these years.”
Alley smiled. He was right, of course. There was nothing that compared to the smell of clean air infused with the scent of horses. From the moment she’d stepped foot onto the property last evening, an overwhelming feeling of coming home had enveloped her.
“It’s nice to be back,” she murmured.
Gramps poured a cup of coffee and held it out to her.
“Don’t know why you’ve waited so long to come home, Alley.”
His eyes took on the same sad appearance she’d seen the previous evening. Despite not having seen him in a decade, she was unexpectedly greeted with a warm welcome. He’d then offered her a sandwich, apologizing for not cooking a fancy supper. They’d sat together at the kitchen table for an hour, talking about unimportant things – her flight, the memorial, her mother’s marriage and life in New York. No doubt he’d been as lost for words as she after not seeing each other for a decade.
Alley had decided then that asking about the condition of the farm could wait until morning, but the question had nagged her after she’d declared she’d had a long day and should get some sleep. Gramps had suggested her old room, which hadn’t changed from when she was a teenager.
Three high school yearbooks had collected dust on the bookshelf, along with several academic decathlon trophies, and framed certificates of achievement going all the way back to grade school. She’d reached for her freshman yearbook first. The volume fell open to the teacher page, and the face of Mr. Weiker had stared back at her. Under his picture was his signature and the scribbled words,
“Make and follow your own dreams.”
Alley had slammed the book shut, along with her eyes to keep the tears locked in. She’d returned the book to its proper place, then gone to watch the sun fully set over the mountains. Leaning against the window, she’d stared off into the distance past the empty fields into the hills. It was a straight line from her bedroom window over those hills to the Taggart Ranch.
How often had she stood in this exact same spot, daydreaming about a boy who didn’t know she existed, and how different she’d wished her life could be? What might have happened if she’d followed Mr. Weiker’s advice and talked to Shane, or even offered to tutor him? Nothing would have happened, because she’d been overweight and plain. Besides, she’d been yanked away from this life to fulfill her mother’s dreams.
Memories she’d filed away long ago re-surfaced - riding her horse through the hills and into the woods whenever her mother wasn’t home, or spending time in the barn with the horses and her grandfather. If her mother had known how much time she’d spent away from her studies to be with the horses, she would have had a fit.
Wiping her eyes, Alley had finally moved away from the window. The silence had been soothing, so unlike the noise and fast pace of the city. After a quick shower, she’d curled up in her old bed and finally drifted into an exhausted sleep. The dark and troubled eyes belonging to Shane Taggart at the diner followed her into her dreams.
“Do you still like pancakes with maple syrup? I remember Mom accusing you of trying to make me fat by feeding them to me.”
Alley opened one of the cupboards to search for flour. She glanced over her shoulder to look at her grandpa. He stood by the table, studying her.
“Don’t look like it worked.” He winked and smiled at her, instantly making him look years younger. “I always told your mother that you’d outgrow it soon enough, and it appears I was right.”
Alley returned her attention to the cupboard, which was decidedly empty. She didn’t respond. Eating had been her source of comfort from her mother’s relentless pushing to be her best. Even though the weight had bothered her, especially once she entered high school, it had become her identity, and an excuse to keep her distance from others. The rigorous academic schedule her mother imposed had left no time for a social life, and it had been easier to cope if no one wanted to associate with her in the first place.
Not that she hadn’t envied the outgoing people in her class. Raine Taggart, for instance. She was popular, like her brothers, but she was also nice. She’d smiled and said hi whenever they’d passed each other in the hallways, but Alley had kept her distance. Coming home to this farm had given her peace each day after school, until her mother returned from her endless shopping excursions. The barn and the horses had been her sanctuary. It had all been taken away
from her, and she’d been powerless to do anything about it at the time.
Alley grabbed the flour tin, then rummaged for a bowl and a wooden spoon. Gramps offered her some milk and eggs from the fridge, and she whipped up a batch of pancake batter. They sat together at the kitchen table to eat. She hadn’t had homemade pancakes in years.
“It’s good to have you here, Alley.”
Alley glanced up from her plate to look at her grandpa, who sat across from her. She savored her food, something she hadn’t been able to do the last time she was here. Her mother had scolded both her and Gramps every time she caught them eating pancakes together.
Her father, too, had stuck up for her, but no one wanted to argue with Ariel. Dad had always said that his wife did enough arguing for everyone in the house, so it had been easier to keep quiet. How often had she wished that her parents would divorce and her mother would leave like she’d so often threatened to do? Alley had overheard them arguing in their bedroom one evening, and Dad had told her he was keeping the marriage together for his daughter’s sake.
“It’s good to be back . . . here.” Alley smiled across the table. She’d almost said home, but she could no longer claim this as her home. It had been too long.
Gramps stacked a few more pancakes on his plate and drowned them in syrup.
“You didn’t forget how to make these,” he said, sounding pleased. “Your grandma’s recipe.”
“I wish I had known her better.” Alley averted her eyes. So many things she wished for, so many regrets. Grandma had died when Alley was only five, and she had no clear memories of her.
“She would have been proud of you, and all you’ve accomplished.” He paused, and Alley looked up to see him studying her. “I’m proud of you, too.”
Alley sipped at her coffee, and absently swirled a piece of pancake around the plate in the syrup.
“I bet you’ve had a good time at that big school in New York. What’s the name of it again?”
“Cornell. Yes, it’s a big school. Very prestigious, and the curriculum was very rigorous. I’ve been working for one of my professors in his research lab.”
“Research?” Gramps chuckled and shook his head. “Sounds important.”
“I’ll be going to Boston for my doctorate at MIT, but yes, I was working on research on artificial heart valves.”
“MIT?”
“Massachusetts Institute of Technology,” she clarified. “Mom was overjoyed when I told her that’s where I would be going. It’s what she’s wanted for me since I was little.”
Alley stuffed another bite into her mouth. Somehow, the pancakes tasted even better in this kitchen. Gramps drank his coffee, all the while his eyes were on her.
“Are you happy, Allison? About school, I mean.” Her grandpa’s voice sounded raspy, as if he hadn’t wanted to ask.
Her head popped up at the unexpected question. She reached for her coffee to wash down the food which had lodged in her throat. She coughed to hide her sudden discomfort, then widened her smile.
“Of course I’m happy. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Seems I remember that the only time I ever truly saw you smile and look happy was when you were with the horses. You did all the schoolwork because your mother wanted you to.”
Alley blinked and combed her fingers through her hair. The long strands fell forward along the sides of her face. She tucked some behind her ear, and sat up straighter. Gramps was right. He and Dad had often commented to her mother that Alley should have more time to herself.
To avoid an argument between her parents, Alley had assured them that the work wasn’t too much, and that she enjoyed her rigorous academic schedule.
“The barn was the only place I could feel free.”
Gramps chuckled. “I remember when you were little, you were happiest sitting in the hay loft, coloring in your coloring book or watching what was going on.” His smile widened and he stared off into a memory.
Alley blinked back the tears that threatened. “I loved going to the barn. It was like a different world for me,” she whispered.
“I tried to keep your mother from finding out when you’d sneak off into the barn. Or the times you’d go riding off into the hills on days she wasn’t home.” His smile vanished and his features took on a serious, rather sad look. “I also know you spent many late nights staying up until all hours in the morning to get your schoolwork done on those days.”
Alley stared at her grandpa, the guilt growing stronger that she hadn’t come back to visit until now. He’d always looked out for her.
“Sleep wasn’t as important back then as being in the barn and with the horses. It was worth it.”
She stood, blinking again when her eyes began to sting. She carried her plate to the sink, keeping her back to her grandfather. Glancing out the window, Alley gazed at the barn that had seen better days, and the fences that needed repair. The closest pasture looked empty, without a single horse in sight. She turned around to face her grandpa.
“What’s going on here, Gramps? What happened to this place?”
The sparkle completely left his eyes as he stared at her from across the kitchen. His chest heaved.
“I won’t lie to you. Had some hard times, Alley. When your dad passed away, I thought I could manage the place alone. I gave your mother a large sum of money when she left, to help pay for your schooling.”
Alley frowned. Her muscles tensed as her entire body filled with anger and annoyance. She’d received more than enough academic scholarships to pay for college, even Cornell. No doubt her mother had spent the money on herself. She’d certainly never said anything about it.
“But the farm generated a decent income before,” she pressed. Gramps couldn’t have given her mother that much money.
His lips tightened and he shook his head, as if he didn’t want to say any more. Reluctantly, the words came.
“I was in the hospital for a while, and had to sell some of the horses to pay the medical bills. Things didn’t get much better after that, and I let the wranglers go.”
Alley’s eyes widened. She rushed back to the table, and knelt in front of Gramps. Guilt flowed through her like the rain pouring down during a winter storm. Why hadn’t she called more often, or even come to visit?
“Why were you in the hospital?”
He shifted on his chair, then raised his coffee mug to his mouth. “Had some heart trouble,” he mumbled.
Alley stood, staring down at the man she’d admired so much as a young girl. She’d followed him around the stables and fields, tagging along when he fed horses, and given him a great big hug when he’d given her a horse for her twelfth birthday. Her mother had been angry at the time, saying Alley had no time for that kind of nonsense. Her father had stepped in and a fight had ensued.
Her parents had always fought over the same thing – Alley.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me, Gramps? What sort of heart trouble?”
He frowned, his lips pursing, and he waved a dismissive hand in front of his face. “The doctors put a couple of stents in some arteries, but they think I may need surgery. Had a mild heart attack a couple of years ago.”
Alley raked her fingers through her hair again. She glared at her grandpa in horror. “I wish you would have called. You didn’t say anything when I called you on your birthday.”
He shrugged. “You were busy with your schooling. Didn’t want to bother you.”
Alley lowered herself to her knees again to be more at eye level with him. She reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck. This was all her fault for not keeping in touch.
“I’m so sorry. I could never be too busy for you,” she whispered.
Slowly, shaky arms wound around her, and her grandpa hugged her back. Alley squeezed her eyes shut. Having her grandfather hold her the way he’d held her as a child was the greatest feeling in the world. There had been few genuine hugs in the years since she’d left. She mentally shook her head. There hadn’t been any
. Mom’s embraces always felt cold and distant.
She drew away from him when his hold on her eased. “Are there any horses left?”
“A few broodmares and some two-year-olds that I’ve held onto. I think one of them has great potential, but I don’t have a trainer.” The corner of his lips twitched. “And I’ve kept your old friend, Harley.”
Alley stood. Her eyes widened and her heart did a little flip-flop. Harley, the horse she’d ridden through the hills and in the woods as a girl while dreaming of freedom from academics and her mother, was still around? She smiled as warmth flowed through her. She’d truly come home.
“He’s not as young as he used to be. About twenty now, but he still looks good and has plenty of energy left.” Gramps returned her smile.
Alley’s heart sped up with sudden excitement. “We can hire a trainer, Gramps.”
He stood, shuffling to the sink with his plate. When he turned around to face her again, he shook his head.
“There’s no money to pay a decent trainer.”
Alley stared. There had to be something that could be done to bring this farm back to where it was before.
“There has to be a way. We’ll figure something out.”
Gramps shook his head. There was a definite defeated look in his eyes. Her heart sank lower than the linoleum kitchen floor. She looked from her grandfather out the window. So many memories, not all of them good, but the person who’d kept her from having the childhood she’d dreamed of was no longer here to tell her what she could and couldn’t do.
“Make sure you follow your own dreams.”
Mr. Weiker’s words rang loud and clear in her ears. All her life, she’d done what her mother had wanted her to do. She’d listened to her mother tell her that school was everything, that it was the only way she’d get anywhere in life.
“I missed my chance, Allison. I could have gone to school and done something with my life, but I was young and stupid, and got involved with your dad. He swept me off my feet when we were still in high school. After graduation, I found out I was pregnant with you, and we got married. I missed out on my entire life, made every sacrifice for you, and I won’t let you make the same mistakes I did. I’m going to see that you make something of yourself if it’s the last thing I do.”
Shane's Burden Page 4
