“Pretty sure? Sorry, but that’s not exactly the same as—”
“Certain then.” He blew out a breath and looked away like he was embarrassed about whatever he was about to say. “I haven’t been with anyone since you.”
My hand gripped convulsively on Logan’s cock at his statement. He groaned and shifted his hips under my hand.
“Sorry,” I muttered as I continued to stare at him. He hadn’t been with anyone else? In over two years? My mind boggled. “But—I mean, how… I’m sorry, I can’t… Have you seen you? I’m not saying I don’t believe you; I just mean…”
He turned back to me and gave me a burning look. “I spent the better part of a year in hospital. I haven’t, I couldn’t…”
He trailed off, unable to state the obvious.
My heart lurched. I could see how much it pained him to be vulnerable twice in so many minutes. I wanted to tell him that he was enough—that he didn’t need to worry that I saw him as less—but I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it anymore than we already had. His face closed down, and he was probably only seconds from fleeing my sofa and condo.
So I set about healing him the only way I knew how.
I leaned forward and licked the head of his cock.
“Christ, angel. Give a guy a little warning.” His hands threaded through my hair, holding it back for me but not urging me into any particular direction.
“Now where’s the fun in that?” I murmured against the salty skin pressing against my lips.
He didn’t have any time to think up a reply before I took his cock into my mouth. Holding my hand against my lips, I slowly ran my mouth—and hand—down his cock until the head rested as far as I could handle, and then I swallowed. Logan groaned deep and gripped convulsively on my hair. I craved that tinge of pain that came with it.
But I still felt so powerful. In control. Despite his grip on me, I was the one running the show. He was totally under my spell, and I loved every minute of it.
I continued rocking up and down his cock with my mouth and hand. It didn’t take long before Logan’s breathing changed to short, choppy pants. Three strokes later and he was thrusting his hips up on my down stroke.
“Christ, angel. You are too fucking good at that.” His voice was agonized, like he’d just run a marathon and couldn’t breathe. “I can’t… I’m gonna—”
He broke off with a roar.
And then he came, shooting big ribbons of cum in my mouth. All I could do was swallow as quickly as I could to keep up and not drown. I ran a thumb over that fold of skin under the head of his cock, and he roared again so loud I worried my neighbors would call the cops. He sounded pained and masculine.
It was so fucking hot.
Logan tried to back away as much as the sofa would let him. “Son of a bitch. I forgot how evil you are.”
I grinned wickedly at him, not even a little bit repentant. He’d enjoyed every second of my torture and we both knew it.
He shook his head, still petting my hair. The sensation was soothing and familiar. I could remember so many moments of Logan just being enthralled with my hair, like he’d never seen a blonde before. Or maybe it was the constantly changing colors he enjoyed watching thread through his fingers. I’d craved a change, so I’d dyed the tips an ombre of purples last night.
“I don’t know why I fought this for so long.” Logan murmured as he continued to play with my hair. “We’re so fucking explosive.”
I laughed softly as I rested my cheek against the rough material of his jean clad thighs. “Always have been. Remember when we almost got caught by the security guard at the Golden Center?”
“That’s what I’m saying. This is just so familiar and amazing. Plus you know all my bad habits and skeletons. And I know yours—not that you have any big ones. You’re kinda annoyingly perfect. But in the best way. We know everything we should about each other.”
I froze.
He didn’t know everything.
What would it do to Logan when I told him? He was finally coming to terms about the horrific tragedy he’d been through. Could he handle knowing that while he’d been lying in a burn ward somewhere, I’d lost his baby? Should I tell him? It wasn’t like he could do anything about my miscarriage. It’d been two years ago.
I didn’t know what the hell to do.
So I took the cowardly route and did nothing.
After pulling my clothes back into place, I crawled onto the sofa and cuddled into Logan’s side. And I pretended that everything was okay.
When I was feeling anything but okay.
* * *
The next morning, I felt like the lowest, crummiest person who’d ever lied.
Keeping it from my family hadn’t made me feel this bad. Back then, I was only worried about surviving. I hadn’t had enough time to come to terms with the pregnancy when I’d lost it.
I had to talk to Maddie. Up until Ryan’s accidental pregnancy last year, Maddie was the only person in my world—aside from my doctor—who knew about the miscarriage.
Me: You working this morning?
It took a few minutes, but she finally replied as I was brushing my teeth.
Maddie: Nope but I am craving a mocha latte. Want to meet me there?
Caffeine and words of wisdom? It was obvious why Maddie was my best friend. She knew what I needed before I did.
Me: Hells yeah. I’ll be there in fifteen.
There was our favorite coffee house with its comfortable booths and the baristas who knew what we wanted when we walked through the door.
“Your usual?” April, the chirpy brunette behind the cash register, asked as soon as she saw me.
“Yes, thanks.” I took a quick second and surveyed the interior. It was pretty dead since it was after 9 AM on a Wednesday morning. And no Maddie yet either. “And a large mocha latte with soy.”
I quickly ran my card, and April gave me a bright smile. “I’ll have that right out for you.”
There was a reason I never cut it in customer service. I couldn’t fake the bubbly attitude required.
Snagging our usual corner booth, I pulled out my phone and thumbed through the settings. No unread texts. I kinda sagged at that. Despite the fact that I was keeping a huge secret from him, I’d hoped that Logan had texted me this morning.
He’d been so sweet last night. Protesting at first then agreeing to let me feed him leftovers from my dinner with my dad. We’d laughed and kissed for a few more hours before he had to leave to get some sleep. Because unlike some people, he had to get to work at Badass Builds by seven o’clock. But he’d left me with another long kiss at my front door and a promise of talking later.
Apparently later meant…later than this.
I didn’t want to be the one to reach out first. I didn’t think I could take another slap down from Logan if he changed his mind again. Or the endless wondering if he ghosted me again.
I was being silly. He wouldn’t ghost me. We were past that. Right?
“Sabrina?”
I blinked and suddenly Maddie was sitting in front of me, her brow wrinkled in confusion.
“You okay?” She tilted her head. “You looked like you were miles away there. Didn’t even notice when I sat or said hello.”
“Yeah. Sorry, I just—”
“Sabrina?” Bubbly April chirped from the other side of the room. “Your mocha latte with soy and skinny white chocolate latte are ready.”
“I’ll get them.” Maddie pushed away from the booth and tossed me a look. “You get ready to spill whatever that—” she paused and waved a hand at me. “Is all about.”
I only had time to roll my eyes before she was back, plopping our drinks onto the table before she collapsed into the chair across from me. That was when I knew I was in for it. Usually we sat next to each other on the comfy booth bench seat. For her to take the hard-backed chair across from me meant that she was ready to do some grilling.
“All right. Spill.” Maddie picked up her cup
and took a drink, maintaining eye contact the entire time.
I sighed. “I might have gotten back together with Logan last night. Or I think I did. We didn’t really do much talking.”
“Oh my god, Sabrina! Really?” Maddie put her cup down and leaned across the table. “Are we happy about this? Cautiously optimistic? Wait, why don’t you look happier? I thought this was what you wanted.”
“It is. I think it is. I want to be happy. He started seeing a therapist to talk through all the shit he went through after the fire. He’s clearly working on himself and wanted to make amends for the way he treated me when he first came back.”
“Is that what we’re calling it now? Making amends?” Maddie laughed.
“Maddie, come on. Be serious.”
“Well what do you want me to say? It all sounds great. What’s the problem?”
I huffed another sigh. It was so freaking hard to think about, let alone say. “I still haven’t told him about…”
“Oh.” Maddie sat back against her chair. Apparently I didn’t even have to say it.
“Yeah.”
We sat in silence for a few moments, broken only by the whoosh of the espresso machine.
“So what are you going to do?” Maddie pursed her lips before taking a sip of her latte.
“I don’t know. What if I tell him and it sends him back over the edge? I mean he’s been through some serious shit. Do I have any right to weigh him down with mine?”
“Well, it’s his shit too. He just doesn’t know about it.”
“But does he need to? It’s not like there’s anything he could do about it. It’s over and done with.”
“But it might help him understand how much pain you went through.”
“He was burned alive. Probably watched or heard his friends die around him. What good does it do, me telling him about our eight-week-old almost pregnancy?”
Maddie’s eyes were sad. “You might want to forget, but I remember how much you wanted that baby. You were inconsolable for weeks after you lost it. Hell, months. You wouldn’t even get out of your bed, let alone go back to work after your doctor gave you the okay. It took me threatening to tell your mom to get you functioning. And I think a large part of that was because of Logan’s ghosting. You were hurting and all you wanted was him. Doesn’t he deserve to know that?”
My stomach dropped. It still felt like a barely scabbed wound with the slightest of probing. “I don’t see why. What good will telling him do? We can’t go back in time. All it would do is make him feel worse, and I’m pretty sure he’s carrying around more than his share of guilt. What right do I have to add to that?”
“Pretty sure it’s your right as his partner.”
That shut me up.
Maddie sighed. “Promise me you’ll think about it.”
I nodded stiffly before taking a drink of my latte.
“Are we going to talk about the whole situation with your father and your mom?”
When did my life turn into a soap opera? “I’m feeling kinda talked out. How about we talk about you? What’s going on in your life? Any new sexy patrons come into the library?”
Maddie’s cheeks reddened. She had that whole hot librarian thing down pat, even if she never believed me or Hope about her appeal. “No.”
“Are you hiding in the stacks again?” I knew she had a habit of volunteering to reshelve books, much to the delight of her coworkers. They got to hang out behind their desks while Maddie buried herself in books and cavernous shelves.
She hitched a shoulder and didn’t meet my eyes as she took another sip of her drink.
“Maddie.”
“What? It is literally part of my job description.”
True, but it wasn’t the only part of her job.
I was going to do better by my friend. Get her out of her hole and make her see that there was more to life than books and her hopeless crush on Nathan. If that dipshit couldn’t see the perfect, gorgeous woman in front of him for the past two decades, she deserved someone who did.
“Want to head back to my place and swap books? I got a new shipment in from Avon.”
Maddie read and reviewed romance novels online. She had such a huge online following that publishers would send her ARCs months before the books were available in stores. She was like Batman, only Bruce Wayne could keep his mansion; Maddie had the cache I lusted after.
“Let’s go!”
Chapter Twelve
Logan
From the front step of my house, I could hear the sound of giggles—both child and the deep, sensual sound of a woman’s laughter. Judging from the truck sitting curbside, Travis had brought Vanessa and Jaeda over to see the puppies.
I hesitated outside. I hadn’t seen Vanessa since her failed seduction attempt, and I didn’t know what to say to her. Should I act like it hadn’t happened? Or get it all out in the open—away from Jaeda of course?
I still didn’t know which way I was leaning when I opened the door.
The laughter poured out of my house, and I saw the reason why when I stepped inside. Jaeda was swimming in the kiddie pool in the middle of the room. Only instead of water, puppies squirmed around her tiny figure. Vanessa knelt outside the pool, reaching in and trying to fish her daughter out of the pool. Travis knelt next to her and was having the same hard time containing the little girl. It was impossible not to smile at the sight. Everyone was laughing.
The puppies were squirming around with their eyes still closed, making snorting, snuffling sounds. There was no sign of Bella. Travis must’ve let her out into the backyard.
“Wait, I thought I had five puppies. Why am I seeing six?” I asked before closing the door behind me.
“Logan!” Jaeda squealed. “You has puppies!”
I snorted. She was so fucking cute. “I noticed. I helped deliver them.”
“Deliber?” Jaeda sat up with a frown, rubbing her eyes. “What’s deliber?”
Vanessa tossed me a scathing look. “Thanks, Uncle Logan. I was hoping to postpone that little talk.”
I shrugged. “Like pizza. You know how a guy delivers a pizza to your house? Kinda like that.”
“Oh.” Jaeda lost interest in the conversation and bent toward the closest snuffling, blind puppy.
“I thought you said he was working late,” Vanessa hissed to Travis.
“No, pretty sure I said we could come over because he was still at work. You filled in the rest.” Travis stood and turned to me. “How’d things go with Doctor Davis?”
I shoved my hands in my pockets. It felt so weird to talk about this shit. “Good. Real good actually. I like him.”
“Good. I’m glad.” Travis turned and scooped Jaeda out of the puppy pit. “How about you and me go check on Bella in the backyard. Make sure she’s okay.”
“’Kay.” Jaeda bubbled. As they walked out the back-door Jaeda squealed, “Bella!”
Vanessa closed her eyes with a muttered curse.
I gave her a half smile. “Travis isn’t the smooth operator I remember.”
“Not at all.” Vanessa retorted, now looking at the puppy pool and completely avoiding my eyes.
Shit, this was awkward, I didn’t know what to say to make it better. “I, uh, I know I didn’t handle the whole thing very well when you invited me to your place.”
“Right.” She smiled bitterly then shook her head.
“I am sorry, Vanessa. I just…I don’t feel that way about you.”
The words felt like they were torn from my throat. I really fucking hated that word. Sorry. It meant so much and so little all at once. It was the fucking definition of not good enough, but it was all I could come up with.
She scoffed as she pushed herself to her feet. “Oh, I know. You made that crystal clear when you all but ran out of my house. Can we just stop fucking talking about it?”
Fuck. I should’ve just kept my goddamn mouth shut. I hadn’t made the situation any better. If anything, it was worse now.
Sorr
y never helped shit.
“Mama!” Jaeda screamed from the backdoor.
We turned and found Travis standing in the doorway with a wailing Jaeda in his arms. Travis grimaced. “She fell on the grass and won’t stop crying. She’s not hurt. She’s just—”
“Tired.” Vanessa finished for him with a sympathetic expression. Taking Jaeda into her arms, Vanessa rocked slightly side to side, patting Jaeda’s back. “She missed her afternoon nap. I kinda hoped she’d fall asleep on the way here, but the promise of puppies was too strong.”
Jaeda had calmed slightly and now was making little hiccupping snorts that were still every bit as heartbreaking.
“We’re going to head out.” Vanessa sighed. “Say goodbye to Travis and Logan.”
Jaeda buried her head in her mom’s shoulder, refusing to look at us.
“Bye, Jaeda.” Travis and I chorused, used to the mercurial attitude of a toddler.
“Bye, Vanessa.” I gave her a grimaced smile. It still felt a little awkward, but I hoped with a little time that would fade.
“Bye, guys.” Vanessa smiled at Travis and completely avoided even looking in my direction.
“Let me help you—” Travis started.
“I got it. You guys should stay. Talk. Whatever. I gotta go. Bye.”
Vanessa let Travis hold the door for her then walked away without a backward glance.
I really hoped I hadn’t screwed up our little friendship trio with my awkward apology and the tension that hovered almost visibly between us.
Travis and I stood in the doorway, watching silently as Vanessa packed a still crying Jaeda into the car seat then climbed into the drivers’ seat, not looking at either of us the entire time.
“What the hell was that?” Travis scowled as soon as her car pulled away.
“What are you talking about?” It couldn’t have been as bad as I assumed it was.
“The way Vanessa left. That whole scene. Why was she being so weird?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, man. We talked. I apologized. She asked that we never talk about it again. I agreed. Then you came in with a crying kid. Nothing weird happened.”
Spark: A Bad Boy's Second Chance Romance (Burns Brothers Book 3) Page 10
