I wiped my eyes and saw Maddie, Hope, and Austin’s fiancé, Rachel, standing in the doorway.
“We’re too late,” Maddie groaned. “The guys beat us here.”
“Well we would’ve been here first if someone didn’t have to pump before we could leave.” Rachel grumbled.
“I’m not apologizing for deflating my boobs before I left the house.” Hope retorted. “At least now I can breathe.”
My emotions were in such a tangle I couldn’t tell you what I was feeling at the moment except pain. And maybe a little bit of anger. At Nathan. And Ryan. And Logan. Pretty sure my mom was still in the mix there somewhere. Argh. My life was a fucking mess.
“Look,” Maddie pointed at us from across the room. “If she’s cuddling with Nathan, it can’t be that bad.”
I had to muffle a laugh at the ridiculousness that had become my life.
“To be fair, this—” I waved at my position in Nathan’s lap. “Wasn’t my choice. He barged in, like he always does.”
“You were melting down.” Nathan rumbled. “Someone had to hold you together.”
I rolled my eyes as I wiped my face. “But by all means, come on inside. Apparently, it’s a pity party. Come one, come all.”
“No pity here.” Rachel held a hand up. “I just came to make sure the boys stayed in line and didn’t fuck up your life any more than they already have.”
It was at that moment I vowed to spend more time with Rachel. I know she was busy with her son and school—since she was studying to be a physical therapist. But anyone who could keep Austin and the rest of the guys in line was someone I needed in my life.
I wiped my eyes again, blinked, and Hope was standing in front of me.
“I am sorry. I never should’ve broken your confidence. It was a shitty thing to do, and I am so sorry. There was no reason to tell Ryan about our conversation.”
Her eyes begged for forgiveness, and I couldn’t take seeing the pain in them a second longer. I stood and gathered Hope in my arms.
Unlike the guys’ piss poor apologies, Hope’s felt authentic. And honestly, I wasn’t surprised she told Ryan. They were a couple who shared everything. And obviously ours was a family who didn’t believe in knocking. It was only a matter of time before they walked in on something.
“So we’re all good? Everyone’s forgiven, and we can get back to living our lives?”
Someone groaned and I heard the thump of a pillow hitting Austin’s head.
“Not exactly.” I pulled away from Hope and faced the group. “I was serious about quitting.”
“No.”
“You can’t—”
“Sabby, don’t—”
The jumble of protests drowned out what I tried to say next. I waited for the insanity to die down to explain but jumped when Hope let loose a piercing whistle.
“Hey!” Hope hollered into the sudden silence. “Let the girl speak. Seriously, have you boys learned nothing?”
“Um, thanks, Hope.” I cleared my throat. “But uh, yeah. This whole thing has made me reevaluate a few things or maybe my dad coming back from the dead did that. But I haven’t been happy at work for a while.”
My family stared back at me in horror.
Ryan rubbed a hand through his hair and frowned. “Is it us? Do you not like working at the shop?”
I shook my head. “No, I love you guys. Even when you’re all pains in my ass who don’t know how to mind their own business.” I paused as everyone swung around to glare at Nathan who didn’t seem to mind the jab. “I’m sick of being an accountant. Learning new tax laws and accounting software is boring me to death. I hate it.”
Ryan raised his eyebrows. “I get that. What do you want to do instead?”
“I always wanted to be a veterinarian.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “I guess I need to do some research and find out what it takes to get into veterinary school.”
“I can see that.” Dylan inclined his head. “Remember that feral cat you hid in the shop out behind the house when we were little? You were certain you could tame that mean fucker.”
“I would’ve, too, if someone hadn’t narc-ed on me.” I turned and glared at Nathan.
“Hey, it’s not technically narc-ing if I’m bleeding.” Nathan lifted his brows. “Aunt Wendy didn’t buy my “I fell into the scrap heap” story. She was freaked out about rabies. I had to get four shots, remember? And those fuckers hurt.”
Then she called animal control. I remembered. “Anyhow that’s the plan. I still need to research veterinary schools and requirements, so it’s not much of a plan, but that’s what I want to do.”
Austin sighed. “I’m surprised, Sabby. I mean all of us knew how much you hated being on camera, but I thought you wanted to be an accountant. You’d been doing the books for the diner for years before you got your certification. I thought that was what you wanted to do.”
“I did it because I’m good at numbers and rules.” I lifted a shoulder. “It was the one job that made sense in our family business. I wanted to help out.”
“You mean you didn’t want to cost the family too much money while you got your degree.” Dylan grumbled. “You didn’t think Aunt Wendy could afford to send you to medical school, so you didn’t even bother to bring it up.”
The room went so silent I swear you could hear my eyes narrow at Dylan. That wasn’t his secret to share. Had he seriously not learned anything after all this mess? “I did minor in biology. This wasn’t my dream job, but I wanted to support the family and being an accountant made the most sense.”
“But we didn’t want you to give up your dream.” Nathan wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in for a side hug. “We would’ve figured out a way for you to go to medical school.”
“Yeah.” Ryan stood up and joined our now group hug. “I want you to be happy, Sabby. That’s all we’ve ever wanted for you.”
And then I lost track of who joined in the group hug. Judging by the crush of bodies I couldn’t see over, everyone was in the circle.
Having my whole family support my newly confessed dream, made me feel slightly lighter. But the group love didn’t lessen the pain in my heart. I missed Logan. I wanted to feel his arms around me again.
But I wouldn’t.
He couldn’t deal with me anymore. He wanted nothing to do with me.
My eyes stung, but not a single tear fell.
Apparently I was all cried out.
Chapter Twenty-One
Logan
Two days later
It was a sad fucking state of affairs when a whole litter of puppies couldn’t cheer me up. I reclined on the couch while I watched Bella’s puppies wiggle over each other. Every now and then, one would let out a high-pitched mini bark that should’ve been cute as fuck.
Not to me.
Not now.
If anything, the sight was torture. I’d been there for Bella, but not Sabrina. Was that the difference? Would she have had the baby if I’d been there for her? I immediately felt bad. Like it was a disloyal thought or something. To Sabrina. To Jay. To Vanessa. To the world in general. Fuck me. When did everything go so wrong?
My phone buzzed from the other side of the room, but I ignored it. It was probably just my boss firing me. And the bastard totally had cause. I’d walked out on a job—left my tools and the inspector behind—and hadn’t been back. Didn’t call. Didn’t show. Didn’t give a fuck.
The whole world could burn for all I cared.
My front door burst open and someone stood in the doorway. The figure was backlit, their face in shadow, and for a second I thought the grim reaper had finally come for me.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Travis grumbled from the shadow. He pushed his hoodie off his head with one hand while he slammed the door behind him with the other. “You don’t answer texts. You don’t answer your phone. You didn’t lock your fucking door. Do you have a death wish?”
One of the puppies yipped and scrambled to reach Tr
avis.
I couldn’t find it in me to lift my hand.
Travis bent and swept the tiny puppy into his hands before he crossed the room to stand over me. “Are you seriously not gonna say anything? What the fuck, man?”
“Sabrina lost my baby.”
“Shit.” Travis’ eyes widened. “I’m so sorry, Lo. That’s horrible. I uh, didn’t know you guys were pregnant. Is she okay?”
“It was two years ago, so I assume she is.”
“Wait, two years ago?” Travis sat on the other end of the sofa, holding the wiggling puppy to his chest. “I’m not following. What’s going on?”
“It doesn’t matter. We’re through.”
“We—you and me? Or we—you and Sabrina?” Travis shook his head. “I swear to Christ I need a flow chart to understand this conversation.”
“Me and Sabrina. We broke up.” I sat up since the bastard was practically sitting on my feet anyhow. I didn’t want him here. I sure as shit didn’t want to rehash the fucking mess that my life had devolved into. Maybe once he understood he’d leave. “Two years ago, she was apparently pregnant when we left to fight fires up north, and while we were in that goddamn burn unit, praying for death, she lost our baby. How is that so fucking hard to understand?”
I’d gotten louder with each word until I was shouting. The puppy in Trav’s arms whimpered and burrowed under his armpit.
Meanwhile Trav just sat there with that stupid look on his face. Like what I said wasn’t earth-shattering. Like I was a moron.
I’d had enough.
“Just get the fuck out, will ya?” I muttered as I burrowed back into my sofa. “Maybe take a puppy or six with you on your way.”
There was silence for a second.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I blinked up at him. With every word he spoke, his face turned redder and redder.
“Do you really think she’s going to give you a third chance? You can’t be mad that she didn’t tell you about the baby when you fucking ghosted her. Talk about being a goddamn hypocrite.”
“I’m not mad that she didn’t tell me. That’s got nothing to do with this.”
“What the fuck, man? Then what is going on? Because from where I’m standing, you’re holding a fucking pity party about something you had no control over. I’m not kidding, if you don’t smarten up, you’re gonna lose her. You should be at her place on your fucking knees, begging her to take you back.”
“No, Trav. I’m done. It’s just too much. I don’t have anything left in me.”
“Oh boo-fucking-who. Do you think Jay wouldn’t want another chance with Vanessa? I can guaran-fucking-tee you that he’d give anything to be in your shoes. He’d be here in a heartbeat holding his girl if he could. But he can’t. Because he’s dead.”
“You think I don’t fucking know that?” I jumped off the couch and pointed a finger in his arrogant fucking face. “You think I don’t see Jay’s face every time I close my eyes? See that fucking burned out shell he’d turned into? Because of me? I’d give anything to trade places with him. He deserves to be here. Not me. But he’s not!”
“What the fuck, Lo?”
“Because it’s my fault he’s dead. Mine.” I thumped a fist against my chest. “I should’ve—”
“Did you start that fire in the middle of a fucking Washington forest?” Trav cut in. “Did you assign Jay to work the other fire line away from us?”
“No, but I’m the one who convinced Jay to go with us. He’d just found out about his baby, remember? He was going to quit the morning we shipped out, remember? But I told him how it’d be a good thing. He’d make bank and be able to start his baby’s life out right. It was only supposed to be a couple of months. Vanessa would only be in her second trimester when we got back.”
“But instead he died.” Travis sighed. “Still doesn’t make it your fault. He had just as much training as us. It was just a twist of fate that he was assigned to the other line. It could have been any of us. It’s not your fault, Logan.”
“I know that here.” Using two fingers, I tapped my temple. “But that’s not what I know here.” I thumped my chest with my fist. “I feel like it should’ve been me. Especially now that I know about Sabrina’s miscarriage. She went through all that alone. I wasn’t even there for her. I don’t… I can’t…” Tears that I didn’t think I was capable of streamed down my face. “I would’ve had a baby.”
“But you don’t. She lost it. Even if you were here with her, there wasn’t anything you could’ve done. She still would’ve lost it.” Trav sighed and scrubbed a hand over the back of his head. “But you’re here now. And so is she. Why the hell are you guys apart? She can help you through this. She’s feeling the same pain as you. Why the hell wouldn’t you want to be with her now that you can?”
I swiped at my eyes then sat back on the couch with a groan. “I don’t know. It made sense a couple of days ago. I know she sure as shit deserves better than me. It’s all I can do to hold it together on a regular day. Then I found out about her miscarriage because her brother sucker punched me, and we got into this fight and…” I sighed. “I don’t know.”
“I do. What we went through—are still going through—is a lot. And that’s why you need the people who love you the most around you. Like Sabrina. She would be there to lean on when you can’t feel your knees. You don’t know how lucky you are, Logan.”
I took in his tortured expression, and I wanted to ask him about Vanessa, but with all our talk about the fire and Jay, I knew the guilt was too close to the surface for him.
Travis sat on the other end of the couch and tilted his head back to study the ceiling. We sat in silence for a few seconds, me thinking about Sabrina and Travis…I don’t know what he was thinking about.
Finally I rolled my head against the back of the couch and looked at him. “What do you think I should do?”
“Have you not heard a fucking word I’ve said?” Travis shook his head. “You go get the girl.”
“Do you think I need to make a big fucking gesture or just call her or what?” It’d been a while since I’d fucked up this badly in a relationship. I had no idea what to do.
“You talk to her and make sure she knows that you know that you’re a fucking moron. Beg on your goddamn knees if you have to. But you gotta talk to her. Just call her. Please.”
“I will.” I promised. Once I’ve figured out what the hell I was going to say to her. I know it’d involve a lot of apologies. And begging. Maybe roses?
“You’re not bullshitting me?” Travis asked with raised eyebrows. “You’ve pulled your head out of your ass, and you know what you’re going to do now? You’re going to get her back?”
“Yes. Shit, do you not trust me or something?”
Travis snorted but didn’t answer as he stood up and walked to the front door. “And you’re still seeing Dr. Davis?”
“Yes, Dad. I have an appointment tomorrow.” I rolled my eyes, stood up, and followed him to the front door. “I uh, went to see Vanessa and finally smoothed things over with her. Has she called you lately? I know you were worried about her.”
Travis sighed and avoided my eyes. “Yeah, we talked a few days ago. She’s fine.”
There was so much unsaid there but one thing stood out. A few days ago. Shit still wasn’t good if he still hadn’t seen her in days. I’d been so certain she felt the same way about him. Why hadn’t she made a move?
“You sure you gotta go? We can hang out and watch a game or something? Some puppy therapy makes even a bastard like me feel better.”
“Nah.” Trav shook his head as he opened the front door. “I’m good. And you have a phone call to make.”
“Right.” I sighed and followed him out onto the front step. “You’re still seeing Dr. Davis, right?”
“Yes, Dad.” Travis repeated mockingly. “I’ll text ya later. You better answer this time, asshole.”
I gave him a wave and went back inside my house, shut
ting the door behind me.
Staring at the puppy pit, I gave into the urge and fished a puppy out, holding her close to my chest. Her soft little tongue licked every square inch of skin she could reach. And if that didn’t melt your heart, you weren’t human. Sitting next to the herd, I let them crawl over me.
I knew I needed to call Sabrina, but I needed some time. I had to think of what I could say that would ever make up for all the pain I caused her.
And I needed a little puppy time.
* * *
Sabrina
Quitting was easy to say, but not that easy to follow through. Or at least it was that way for me. I’d done some online research and found out there was a ton I’d need to do just to apply to schools. The school I had my eye on, UC Davis, required 180 hours of veterinary experience, letters of recommendation—one from a veterinarian!—and some test called a GRE. My head spun with all the details.
And in the meantime, I had bills to pay.
It was a weak excuse, but I needed something to explain why I was in my mom’s office, and quarterly taxes seemed like a no brainer. I knew she hadn’t hired anyone else to do the job.
But really all it boiled down to was that my whole life fell apart, and I needed my mom. Not that I could come out and say as much. Instead I parked in the back and ducked inside with some waitresses who were just coming on shift. Mom hadn’t noticed me sneaking through the kitchen to the office, and I wasn’t going to stand in front of her and beg her for a hug. No matter how much I wanted one.
Nope. I was stubborn and pigheaded like someone else I know. Maybe attitude was genetic too.
So rather than get the hug and advice I really craved, I sat behind her ancient computer and input numbers into software like a fool.
I had a feeling it was just a matter of time before someone narc-ed on me. That was how my entire life had gone after all—up to and including my current shitstorm.
So I wasn’t surprised when the office door swung open and my mom’s blonde and ombre blue head poked around the corner. Still I didn’t budge. It might’ve been because tears were currently coursing down my cheeks, but who knows. I probably had something in my eye. Instead I sniffled and grabbed a tissue from the box on her desk.
Spark: A Bad Boy's Second Chance Romance (Burns Brothers Book 3) Page 18
