The truth of the matter was, if she truly cared for Stephen as she claimed, she would not have sent Constance away. What kind of woman had she become? Jealousy had clouded her judgment, and rather than bringing Stephen closer to her, she would drive him away once he learned the truth. Did he know the truth? Had Constance revealed that it was she, Louisa, who had threatened her to get her to leave? What would Stephen think of her when he learned that bit of information? Yet, what could she have done otherwise? She had to protect the man she loved, did she not?
“Louisa?”
She turned to Robert, who walked up to stand beside her. “Yes?”
“I thought you should know; Walter left the camp.”
“Permanently?”
“I believe so. His belongings are gone. I don’t know if he joined Constance and her sisters or not, but he could have.” He shook his head. “She should have stayed.”
“It was her choice,” Louisa said. Was she trying to convince Robert or herself?
Robert shrugged and turned to walk away, but Louisa said, “Do you not see? Stephen was blinded by her, and the camp could have fallen into disarray if she had stayed.”
He stopped and turned back around. “That may be true, but they also could have continued to be happy in their own way. Isn’t that the purpose of this place? To bring joy to those who are lost?”
His words pierced her heart, and she allowed him to walk away. A sick feeling came over her as her precious son joined her, his hands in the pockets of his trousers and his head low.
“Why are you sad?” she asked as she brushed back his hair with her hand.
“Miss Constance, Miss Mary, and Miss Emma left,” the boy said as he kicked a small rock with the toe of his shoe. “I’m going to miss them; they were helping me learn to be a gentleman. Now who’ll teach me?”
Louisa laughed. “Do you not believe I can teach you such things?”
“It’s not that. You are always off doing important things, and I understand why. It was fun having them teach me, is all.”
“Well, perhaps they will be happy somewhere else?” She almost choked on the lie.
“Stephen’s sad, too,” Charles said. He sighed. “I think everyone is.”
This time when Louisa surveyed the camp, she studied it closer. Had Constance and her sisters had that much influence over the members of their little community? Yet, even as she took in the others around her, she noticed that, indeed, many wore sad expressions. How could she have missed this? Had she been so focused on her own happiness that she ignored those around her?
“Mother?” Charles asked with concern. “Why do you look sad?”
Louisa sighed. “I’m afraid that I may have hurt someone, perhaps many people, if I’m honest. Including Stephen.” She shook her head, annoyed by her own actions. “I must go speak to him.” She kissed the boy on the cheek. “Go and play. I shall return shortly.”
Charles nodded and trotted away.
Taking a deep breath, Louisa followed the same path Stephen had taken earlier. Shame filled her and worry crossed her mind with each step. Not only for the pain she had caused Stephen, but the danger she had put Constance in, as well. In a way, she was pleased Walter had accompanied the women, if he had; at least they would not be traveling alone. What had she been thinking sending women off alone in the forest? What kind of person had she become? When had she become so cold-hearted?
Soon, she arrived at the river, where she found Stephen staring out across the roiling flows. She stopped to study him for a moment. He had always been a good friend, and how had she returned his friendship? By sending away the woman for whom he cared. Well, he deserved the truth!
“Your footsteps are loud,” he said without turning. “Either you have grown lazy or you wanted me to hear you approach.”
Louisa chuckled. “I wanted you to hear me,” she said as she went to stand beside him. It was quiet for a moment as they stood looking out over the water.
“Do you remember the first time we found this place?” Stephen asked. “We were both so young, and we had no others in our community.”
“I do.” She smiled at the memory. “It feels like so long ago now.”
“Even today we stand together as friends.” He turned to her. “All these years later, our bond is sacred and therefore still holds. It is that unselfish love friends share that has guided us all this time. I’m not sure what I would have done without it.”
Shame unlike any she had ever encountered before erupted in Louisa. It was her selfishness that had caused the man’s current agony. It was time to tell the truth, and though it terrified her, she knew it was the right thing to do.
“I must tell you something.”
“What is it?” Concern blanketed his voice.
Louisa looked up to blink back tears as she took a deep breath. “I have told you for some time how I feel about you, and you must know that I have not been a good friend to you.”
“Why would you say such a thing?”
“You will be angry, but I beg you to listen.”
He nodded.
“There is nothing I would never do for you. From the first moment I saw you, I knew you were different from other men. You had confidence, strength, and passion, all that I needed in my life.” As she spoke, the clouds broke and sunlight rained down on them, and realization came to her. “I do love you. No, please, allow me to finish. I love you but I’ve come to realize just this moment that it is not as a woman would love a husband, but rather the love of friends. How could I have been so stupid?”
“I think I understand,” he said. “And I’m very pleased to hear this.”
“When my husband died and left me to carry his child alone, I was terrified. Then you came into my life and gave me the hope and confidence I needed. That is why I loved you and at the same time feared another would take you from me. I came to rely on you to the point that I feared Constance would be the one who would do just that. How could I ever make it without you?”
“You are a strong woman,” Stephen replied, confusion marring his handsome features. “A respected leader. How could you question your ability?”
“I see that now, but I did not before.” She looked down at the ground, unable to meet his gaze. “It was that worry that caused me to lie to Constance, to drive her away from the camp. I know now that I treated her terribly from the moment she first arrived. It was not because it was warranted but rather because I did not want others close to you.” This last came out in a choked whisper, and she waited his well-deserved fury.
“Oh, Louisa,” Stephen groaned, closing his eyes.
“I’m sorry! I do not like what I have become, nor what I did. Please, go in search of them and I will apologize to her ten times over. I did not mean to hurt you - or them. It was my own selfishness that caused her to leave.” Stephen looked out over the river, and Louisa wiped tears from her eyes. “I’m sorry, I truly am. If you cannot forgive me, or if you wish me to leave, I understand. I say this not for my benefit but of that of the camp, for who can trust a leader who puts her own wishes above those she leads?”
The babble of the river and the call of a bird were the only sounds, and Louisa’s heart twisted at the pain on Stephen’s face. She did love this man, but she wished she had not taken so long to realize the truth of that love - a love of pure friendship that she had twisted to suit her own needs.
“Twelve years,” he said. “Twelve years since we first arrived here.” He turned to her. “Friends who were lost and yet found each other. A woman alone, carrying a child who becomes a boy wanting desperately to become a man. We have a bond, one that I believe can never be broken. You have hurt me, but I understand why.”
Louisa could not believe what she was hearing. “You forgive me?” she asked in shock. “After what I have done?”
Stephen nodded. “I do.” He embraced her and kissed the top of her head. “We are friends, and if we cannot forgive one another, there is no reason for our community
to continue.”
Louisa found herself sobbing into his chest. It had been so long since she had wept, and it brought her a sense of relief. “I will make this right,” she said when she had cried as many tears as she could. “We need Constance here; I see that now.”
Stephen smiled down at her. “And we need you here, as well. Never forget that.”
“I will not,” Louisa replied. “Now, go! Find them and bring them back. And concerning her trust?”
“Yes?”
“Constance has earned it a hundred times over. It is time to tell her everything.”
Stephen smiled again and nodded before heading back to the camp, this time with a spring to his step.
Louisa knelt beside the river and bathed her face with cold water. When she was done, she stood once again, a new love filling her heart. A love for a friend she did not wish to see hurt and for a woman she had once scorned but now wanted to help. It was the love two new friends had sworn to one another on a muddy riverbank twelve years earlier, and she knew it would continue for dozens more.
Chapter Seventeen
The village Walter had mentioned was indeed small, but Constance found it fascinating to walk among other people now that they were outside the camp. Though she and her sisters had been to many villages and cities, this was the first time they had done so in burlap dresses. They still had the dresses they had worn upon leaving Lankster Manor, as well as the extra dresses they had brought, but Constance had decided they would be less conspicuous if they remained in the poorer dresses.
Few paid much heed to servants, but many, both poor and wealthy, noticed those nobly dressed, and even after two months, she considered it a great possibility that Phillip might still be searching for her and her sisters. As a matter of fact, Lord Fletcher could just as well have sent out notices about her disappearance, for he more than likely considered her his property.
Her stomach churned at the thought of Lord Fletcher and how he had kissed her that last night at Lankster Manor. She never wanted that to happen again. How different that kiss had been from Stephen’s! It was the difference of the frigid north to a tropical south.
“I will get us more drinks,” Walter said as he stood from his chair beside Emma. “It will be nice to have one more before we leave.”
Constance returned his smile. They had entered the village not an hour earlier and had ordered fresh-baked bread and a thick hearty stew with tender bits of lamb. Never had anything tasted so good! Granted, Robert’s stew was tastier, but after a day spent eating dried meat and hard rolls, it was a veritable feast indeed.
The windows were covered in dust and grime but allowed just enough sunlight in to highlight old wooden chairs and a collection of rough-hewn tables. The place was nearly empty, and the few people who were there wore clothing that resembled Constance’s.
“I wish he would leave,” Emma whispered. “I do not like nor trust the man.”
This caught Constance off-guard. “Why would you say such a thing?”
“It’s the way he smiles at me,” her sister replied with a shiver. “I think he might be attracted to me, but I have no interest in him.”
Constance considered this. Walter was always smiling, or at least had been since Constance had allowed him to join them, but she did not notice any particular interest he had in Emma. Perhaps Emma was missing Luke, which in turn made her question the intentions of Walter.
“We are safe together,” Constance assured her sister as a man in torn trousers walked past them. “I do not believe his intentions are dishonorable.” Emma went to speak, but Constance raised her hand. “If at any time that changes, we will go our own way. I promise.”
This seemed to satisfy the girl, as well as Mary, and Constance sighed with relief.
“My apologies,” Walter said as he set their drinks on the table. “Carrying so many was harder than I thought. You’d think the barmaid would be working.” He said this with a laugh as he retook his seat. “I have missed a proper pint of ale; it has been much too long.”
“Walter, I was wondering something, if you do not mind. How is it you came to know Stephen and the others?”
The man took a long drink from his ale. “Like so many in the camp, I worked a for family, a most noble man with three daughters just like you. And like you, the daughters were kind to me.”
Constance smiled. “We try to be kind to everyone. Position is of little consequence when it comes to respect for mankind.”
“And you are honorable in that. But, as to my leaving, the family faced hardships, and the oldest daughter complained of needing new dresses. I was told that her need for fashion was greater than the need for my position, so with only the clothes on my back, I wandered around, hungry and looking for work.”
“I’m so sorry to hear this,” Constance whispered. So many stories resembled his, and it just was not right!
Walter shook his head. “It is fine. Stephen found me one day, and though what happened hurt, I understand the times we live in. I’m under no illusion that it will not happen to me again, but now I feel better equipped to handle it.”
Mary and Emma glanced at one another, and Constance suspected they felt as sad for his story as she. “Well, you are welcome to remain with us, at least until we reach London. Once we arrive there, I have no idea what we will do next.”
“I appreciate your invitation,” Walter said with a wide smile. “I see great things in our future.”
As he said these words, however, something nagged at the back of Constance’s mind. He seemed genuine in his words, but she could not stop thinking there was more to this man than what he presented to them. Perhaps it was irrational, but she vowed to keep an eye on the man all the same.
***
They had collected their horses from a nearby stable, and Constance tapped at her waist to assure herself the money had she taken with them still remained. It would do them no good if they arrived in London with no funds! She sighed with relief and mounted her horse as her sisters and Walter did the same.
“Do you know how many more days we must travel?” she asked Walter.
“I believe…”
“Constance!”
She turned to find Stephen riding toward her, and her heart soared. The Man in Black rode up and in one swift motion jumped off his saddle and ran to her. His horse came to an obedient stop.
“I was worried about you,” Stephen said. He glanced at the others. “About all of you.” To Constance’s surprise, he embraced her, and the feelings she had sworn to fight off with a vengeance returned.
“What are you doing here?” Constance asked with a laugh she could not control. “Did Sally not give you my message?”
“She did, but Louisa told me what happened.”
“Oh, I see.” She was unsure what to think of that bit of information. A well-dressed man rode past and gave them a sneer, but he moved on without comment.
“She told me everything,” Stephen said. “About what she said to you and how she now regrets it.”
Constance stared at the man. What exactly had Louisa told him? Was the truth she told him what happened or a version of what had happened?
Stephen turned to Walter. “We were equally as shocked to see you gone. Why did you leave?”
Walter shrugged. “I thought I was no longer needed.” Remembering the man’s story, Constance felt her heart go out to the man. “I did not feel as if I was trusted, and I did not know what else to do. When I saw Constance and her sisters leave, I wanted to join them, partly to see they were safe and partly because I did not wish to be alone again.”
Stephen placed a hand on Walter’s shoulder. “You are a trusted and honorable man,” he said. “I want to thank you for helping these ladies, and I offer you the same invitation being extended to them.”
“Invitation?” Walter asked.
Stephen nodded. “Yes. Return to the camp, for you are needed. All of you. And as trusted friends, we have much to share with you.”
>
“We must go back,” Emma said. “I miss our little hut, and I do miss speaking with Luke…and Sally.” She added the last as an afterthought but not before her cheeks went a bright red.
“I would like to return, as well,” Mary added. “I want to help with the training; I have enjoyed it oh so much! We can go to London anytime, but I would much rather wait for another time.”
“Please,” Stephen said as he gazed down at her. “Let us speak alone.”
Constance glanced at the others and then nodded. She followed him about twenty paces, and he lowered his voice.
“I thought you would be happy to return,” he said.
She nodded, but her mind tangled with her heart. Was this what was best for Mary and Emma? Was this what was best for her? She could not endure another moment in a place she felt unwelcome by one of the leaders.
As if hearing her thoughts, Stephen added, “Louisa is truly sorry and wishes to speak to you.”
Constance sighed. “It was she who forced me to leave.”
“I know,” Stephen said. “It was she who told me so, and she regrets it. You are needed more than you can imagine, by those in the camp to be sure. But I need you. I cannot imagine being there without seeing you every day. It hurts to think of a future without you.”
A tear escaped her eye, and she brushed it away. With a glance back at her sisters and Walter who sat upon their horses, she said, “You speak of a future we cannot have. I must think of their future above my own.”
“I know this,” Stephen replied. “That is why I want you to return. Do you remember when I spoke of a way for you and Mary and Emma to return to society?”
Constance nodded. “I do.”
“I cannot tell you more than this, but I do have a way. It is a plan Louisa and I have wanted for some time, but now that we have you, we can implement it.”
“I’m afraid I do not understand. We can return to society, but to do so we must return to the camp?”
He chuckled. “I know it sounds strange, but it’s complicated. I feel it would be best for Louisa to explain it herself.” He placed a finger under her chin. “I promise two things if you return. First, we will continue where we left off, that is, as friends and nothing more if that is what you prefer. Secondly, I will see you and your sisters returned to society, but you must trust me. Can you do that?”
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