“Maybe we should have married Yankees and said good-bye to the South and all its problems. It might be nice to leave all this behind.”
“Perish the thought, Mary. That’s high treason.” As she said the words, she didn’t know if she believed them.
Mary giggled. “Perhaps, but they did look fine in their uniforms.” She winked and rose from the ground. “And don’t tell me you didn’t notice. Come on—let’s go to the house and get our riding outfits. The horses are waiting.” Mary held out a hand and helped Eleanor to her feet.
In a matter of moments, they were stripped and into their riding clothes. The speed of the horse sent a wave of exhilaration through Eleanor. It had been so long since she’d ridden free, and she pondered why. The wind in her hair wrestled with her net. She wished propriety allowed her to toss the contraption into the air. Eleanor wanted to feel this way again, to feel there was life worth living. She drew in an excited breath.
“Yah!” Mary kicked her horse and went into a full gallop.
“Yah! Yah!” Eleanor stayed with her, following closely behind. “Oh Lord, thank You for sparing Lady!”
Most horses were stolen during the war, but Lady and her partner were kept in the slaves’ quarters and spared their natural fate. Eleanor lifted an arm into the sky and wailed her enthusiasm, which brought her cousin to hilarity.
They rode to the edge of the plantation and noticed Andrew bent over the soil at the gate of Woodacre. No doubt he was wondering how the spring planting would be after a disappointing harvest this year. Eleanor wished to veer back home and avoid such painful reminders of life, but it was too late. Andrew heard the hooves, dropped the soil, and waved.
In a flash of energy, Mary jumped the fence like a professional rider and landed laughing. Eleanor couldn’t decide whether to follow her cousin or halt before Woodacre’s fence. She hesitated a bit too long and pulled on the reins late. Lady veered, attempting the jump, but Eleanor heard her hooves kick the fence and felt the jolt in her back. Everything happened then in slow motion, and she felt herself hurltling through the air, like the firing of a cannon. She braced herself for the upcoming landing and listened in horror as Lady’s body hit the ground hard.
Eleanor’s twisted frame hit the soft ground with her shoulder first, and she ducked for cover at the lighted silver of Lady’s shoe reflecting the sun over her. The horse fell away from her, and she clutched her chest in relief. Then she felt herself jolted by immediate gunfire, and she looked up to see Andrew blocking the sun with a pistol in his hand.
“What are you doing?” Eleanor screamed in terror. “Lady! Lady!” She ran to her horse’s side, but it was too late. Andrew’s gun had brought the mare to a swift ending. “Are you a lunatic?” she sobbed, grabbing her fiancé by the collar with her arm that didn’t throb. “What did you do? What did you do?” She pounded her fist into his chest, and with the gun in his only hand, he was powerless to defend himself against her rage.
She felt her hands pulled behind her and Nathaniel’s soothing voice calming her. “It’s going to be fine, Ellie. It’s going to be fine. Calm down.” Nathaniel pulled her away from Andrew, locking her arms together in an embrace. An embrace meant to foil her violent reaction. “Mary, run home to Woodacre and get my father’s carriage. Hurry!”
“He shot Lady!” Eleanor wailed, while seeing Andrew with more venom than she knew she possessed. She tried to free her arms, but Nathaniel held steady. “He shot Lady!”
“I’m sorry, Ellie. I’m sorry!” Andrew looked mortified, as if he was scarcely able to believe his actions. “I just reacted. Tell her, Nathaniel. Tell her I didn’t mean to hurt her Lady! I’ll buy you the finest mare this side of the Mason-Dixon—I promise!”
Nathaniel looked sadly at his brother. “I’ll tell her, Andrew,” he answered quietly.
She fell into Nathaniel’s chest weeping.
“Everything’s going to be fine, Ellie. We’ll get you home, and things will look different tomorrow. Andrew thought you were in danger. He tried to defend your safety.”
She used her good arm to hold onto Nathaniel for comfort. “Lady,” was all she could manage for an answer.
“Eleanor, is your arm okay?”
She looked down at her arm, dangling by her side. “It doesn’t want to move, Nathaniel.” She didn’t feel any pain. She was too numb to feel anything other than the emotion of her horse lying dead beside her.
“Andrew, go see what’s keeping Mary. Hurry!” Nathaniel called nervously, while smiling calmly at Eleanor. She watched as her fiancé ran toward his house, his long strides belying the weakling she suddenly felt him to be.
“Ellie, let me see your arm.” Nathaniel touched her arm, and, as the shock had worn off, she flinched in pain. “It’s not broken, but it’s pretty badly bruised.”
The arm was the least of her worries. Her horse, her one joy left in this life, was gone. Could she ever forgive Andrew? “Oh Nathaniel, has God abandoned us?” Eleanor looked at Lady and began to sob again. Nathaniel turned her face into his chest.
“Never mind, Ellie. Never mind. This, too, shall pass.”
“You were right to run away, Nathaniel. I wish for your sake you’d never come back to this forsaken land. There is no reason for us all to be miserable. You should have stayed away. God isn’t here in the South anymore. You should have followed Him to the West. I only wish—”
“Shh. Of course He is here, Ellie. You’ve just lost sight of Him. That’s all. He’s here, Ellie.”
“Where?”
“He did what we couldn’t do ourselves. Do you remember how as a child you didn’t think it was fair how those children were born into ownership? You said it was just like the Israelites in Egypt—do you remember?”
“Everyone I loved has abandoned me, Nathaniel. Even you.” Eleanor didn’t want to think of the good the war had done. Right now, everyone was miserable. She was glad for the future generations, of course, but would those better days ever come in her lifetime?
“God has not abandoned you, Ellie.” The intensity with which he said this caused her to believe him, but then she remembered her predicament.
“You’ll let me marry him, Nathaniel,” she said with an accusing tone. “The man who just stole the only joy I had in my life, and you’ll stand by and watch me marry him. You’re a traitor just like the rest of them.” She hoped her vehemence would force Nathaniel into action. She wanted him to steal her away in the night, but she could see by his set jaw he had no such intentions. Eleanor pulled herself up, trying to maintain her last shred of dignity, and began the long walk home.
“Ellie, please wait. The carriage will be here shortly.”
Nathaniel tried to stop her, but she’d had enough of the Pemberton clan, and she hoped to rid herself of them forever. If Nathaniel wouldn’t help her, she would find a way to help herself.
Chapter 5
Andrew sat in the carriage. His shoulders slumped in defeat. “She’ll never forgive me.”
“Of course she will,” replied Mary. “She’s just had a terrible time of it. Give her time to wallow in her melancholy, and our Eleanor shall return to us. Why, I’m sure by tomorrow, she’ll be more herself. She is not the sort to stay in a fit.”
Andrew shook his head, raking his hands through his hair. “No, no. It’s different this time. Did you see her face?” Andrew relived her expression of horror, the hatred he saw in her eyes. “Did you see how she wanted Nathaniel’s comfort when she stared at Lady? She never thought of me, her fiancé. I was a fool to think she’d ever love me.” Andrew turned his face. “If she knew what a coward I was, she would have never said yes in the first place. I suppose I’m only getting what I deserve.” Andrew knew he was being a fool, rambling on so, but he couldn’t help himself. It seemed to pour from him without a thought on his part. Perhaps it was all the guilt he’d stored up for misrepresenting himself.
“A coward? Andrew, as you sit beside me with an arm missing from the war, you call you
rself a coward? A prestigious medal hangs from your uniform. Your valor could never be questioned. You have just had a miserable day. Tomorrow will be brighter.” Mary took his hand and grasped it in her own.
“No.” Again, Andrew shook his head. “No, Mary. Things are not as they appear. I’m no soldier.”
“You sit beside me wounded from the war,” Mary tried to reassure him. Her eyes pitied him, and he hated the thought.
The truth rolled from him like an overfilled cotton car. “I didn’t lose my arm in battle, as everyone thinks.” He felt a great weight lifted from him.
“Whatever do you mean?” Mary smiled at him, obviously trying to placate his miserable ramblings, but she had no idea. She didn’t know what kind of coward stared back at her.
Rumor had it Mary lost her own fiancé, a man who earned the name hero. It wasn’t fair that he should be sitting here with her; it wasn’t fair that her fiancé had died on a battlefield somewhere, while he was alive, less an arm. Only his fear and cowardice had saved his life. Eleanor had seen the true Andrew when he shot her horse. How would he ever redeem himself now?
“I cannot say what I mean, but I wish I could, Mary. Your beau’s efforts should not be in the same breath as my own. I’m not worthy. It isn’t fair that I should have another chance at life while he lies in a grave.”
“But God has granted you another chance, Andrew. Take it. Take it and hold onto it for all it’s worth. I wish Morgan could do the same.”
“I never made it to battle.” Andrew admitted quietly, unable to hold the guilt at bay any longer.
“Of course you did. You were in Vicksburg. Everyone knows that. Your father is so proud; he boasts of it to everyone from what Eleanor tells me.”
“No, I was thrown from my horse, Mary. I fell under the horse. His hoof landed on my arm, gangrene set in, and that’s how I stand here today. I never made it to the fight. I am an expert horseman. I fear it was my own panic that threw me from that horse.”
Mary’s mouth opened, but she snapped it shut quickly. “I don’t know what to say. I’m sure you didn’t do such a thing purposely.”
“There’s nothing to be said, I suppose. I don’t expect a reply or understanding. But this is the reason I reacted so miserably today. When I saw that horse fly through the air, when I saw Ellie land—it was all I could do not to strangle the horse with my own hands. I suppose I blame the horse for my cowardice. I have never enjoyed riding since.”
Mary exhaled deeply, clearly troubled by what she was hearing. “I cannot respond, other than to say I wish Morgan had run, Andrew. I wish he had mounted his horse, galloped the opposite way, and was here with me, known as a coward. As it is, I shall be known as a spinster, but a spinster who once loved with all her heart.”
Andrew couldn’t look at her, couldn’t see the pain she bore. “Morgan was a fine man, Mary. I’m certain of it.”
“He was,” she agreed.
“Will you tell Eleanor the truth of her betrothed?” Andrew supposed it didn’t matter, for Eleanor would never look at him the same way again after Lady’s death. Andrew’s cowardice scarcely mattered since he had killed her horse, her most prized possession.
“I shall not tell Eleanor anything presently. But you should tell her, Andrew.” Mary ceased conversation at Nathaniel’s appearance and presented a sweet smile to Andrew’s brother.
Nathaniel noticed his brother’s blanched expression immediately and felt sick to his stomach for his brother. Andrew’s remorse for his actions were painted on his face as clearly as any scar; his usual, angry self-assuredness had vanished.
“We should hurry!” Nathaniel exclaimed. “Ellie has gone on ahead. She’s quite shaken.” Nathaniel stepped up into the carriage at Andrew’s protest. “Move over, Andrew.”
“You’re not going with us, Nathaniel. She doesn’t need you along. She’s my fiancée, and I’ll take care of matters.”
“I’m not the one who shot her horse!” Nathaniel’s words pained his brother, just as he’d meant them to, and immediately he felt the guilt. How could any Christian brother watch his brother in so much pain and feel any satisfaction? He hadn’t meant to be cruel, but at the same time he wouldn’t allow Andrew to focus on anyone other than Ellie. For once in his life, Andrew was going to put someone ahead of himself. “It’s not me she doesn’t want to see, Andrew. It pains me to remind you of that, but she’s the one you need to think of. She will mend if you give her time.”
“How dare you waltz back into our lives and—”
“Stop it!” Mary ordered. “Both of you are acting like spoiled children.”
Of course she was right, and Nathaniel winced at her words. He was being no better than Andrew. “Mary, you take the carriage and find Ellie. We’ll wait here.”
Mary stumbled over her words. “I’m afraid I don’t remember the path as well as I ought to. I need one of you to come along.” Mary faced them both, looking from one to the other. “Nathaniel, I think it should be you. No offense, Andrew, but Ellie would be upset at the sight of you just now. It’s better if Nathaniel shows me the way. I shall relay to Ellie your concern for her.”
Nathaniel breathed a quiet sigh of relief and climbed aboard the carriage. After a brief hesitation, Andrew jumped from the carriage, his face dark with anger. “Do not take advantage of me, brother. It will be at your expense!” Andrew threatened as the red dust covered his image.
Nathaniel turned his attention to Mary. “You think it was wrong for me to return, too, don’t you, Mary?” He didn’t want to hear her answer but braced for it.
“I’m inclined to my opinion, Nathaniel.”
“What can I do? I can’t make it right with Ellie. I thought she’d be here as always when I returned. I was a fool to think of her that way. I realize that now, but I don’t want her to hate me for the rest of her life. I couldn’t bear it.”
Mary’s eyes thinned. “To think I practically worshipped you as a child—but you’re not the man I thought. Seeing you let Ellie marry Andrew, I’ve lost any respect I once carried for you.”
“I offered myself to her, Mary. She doesn’t want me. She said as much; and, besides, I’m doing what’s best for everyone by bowing out. My brother will offer her the life she deserves. I can offer her nothing. I’ve received my inheritance and squandered it.”
“Your father said he put you back in the will. At least that’s what Ellie was told by her father.”
“When my father passes, Andrew will see to it that the lion’s share is his. And I don’t care for material items, so it is of no consequence to me. I received all that I deserved and more by my father allowing me to return.”
“Why did you come back then? Was it only to upset Andrew? Was it to make Ellie feel her life was incomplete somehow with your brother?”
“I came back to share my faith. I’m going to become a preacher. Perhaps it’s best for everyone if I become a circuit-riding preacher and leave this place. No one listens to a prophet in their hometown—right?”
“A preacher.” Mary placed a hand over her mouth and giggled, then stopped abruptly. “You’re not teasing?”
“There’s Ellie!”
The carriage rolled to a stop, and Nathaniel jumped out. Her eyes were red, and without a handkerchief she used the back of her hand to wipe her face. Blinking several times, she gazed at him with childlike eyes. Her russet hair was down, surrounding her shoulders and falling in gentle curls down her back. She’d never looked more beautiful to him, and he wondered if he was strong enough to leave Woodacre now. Now that he knew what he was leaving behind. Could he leave Ellie in the arms of another man? His breath left him as he pondered it.
He reached her, and she didn’t fight him, as though she were discovering the same feelings. She fell against him and put her ear to his heart.
“I never thought I’d see you again. I’m so glad you came back, Nathaniel. I lied when I said you shouldn’t have come. I would have wilted if I never saw you again. I think of M
ary and how she felt losing Morgan. I felt nothing less not knowing where you’d gone.”
“Ellie, Mary is watching.”
“So let her see. Let her know that I love you. Has it ever been a secret? What else do I have to care for now? They’ll marry me off as quickly as they’re able. I shall be the good little wife everyone wishes. Only I will not pretend I am happy for it.”
“How is your arm?” Nathaniel asked, caressing it gently with his hands. His touch caused her to flinch once again.
“Who cares about my arm? My beloved Lady is gone. You shall leave me again. If I should lose an arm like your brother, how fitting. We would be the armless couple that people come from miles around to view. Perhaps we might even join a circus.”
“Eleanor!”
She pressed her hands over her face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. What a terrible thing to say. Forgive me. I’m not myself. You should leave Woodacre again. It’s best.”
“I agree,” he said, breathing in the familiar scent of her hair.
She pulled away quickly, her deep brown eyes wide and fearful. “When will you leave?”
“Soon. Look at the trouble I’ve caused being home these few days. You and my brother will live a long life together. It will serve no purpose if I stay. I know you shall be happy without me—that Andrew is best for you.” Looking into her eyes, he prayed his brother would whisper sweet words of love to her. He prayed that Andrew was entering into more than a business relationship and that he would cherish Ellie as a beloved wife, not a piece of personal property.
“I’m going to become a preacher. Perhaps a circuit-riding preacher.” Nathaniel swallowed hard. He hadn’t been called to be a circuit-riding preacher, but it sounded so lofty. Maybe his father would respect him if he succeeded at something other than planting. Whatever he did, he needed to get away from Ellie. Andrew deserved her; he was the one who had stayed and fought for her. And her life would be better with Andrew. He could provide her everything she was accustomed to.
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