Once the Clouds Have Gone

by KE Payne

  Freddie wandered down from the foyer. The rest of her earlier conversation with Tag followed her down the corridor.

  “You don’t have to come. It’s fine.” Tag had sounded half-hearted. Freddie could tell.

  “I want to, though. Seriously.”

  “Blair will be pleased to see you…We all will.”

  Was it necessary for her to come and visit? Would Blair think it strange that she would want to come and see him? Freddie walked on. She was being friendly, that was all. And others at the mill were asking after him, so it was only right she should come up and say hi, then report back. It was no biggie.

  “Freddie!”

  Rapid footsteps behind her made Freddie swing round.

  “I thought it was you.” Magnus was out of breath. “I saw you go past. I was outside.” He flipped a hand over his shoulder. “Are you going to see Dad?”

  “If I can ever find his ward, yes.” Freddie rolled her eyes.

  “I know what you mean.” Magnus stuffed his hands into his hoodie pocket. “Took us forever to find it the first time earlier.”

  “I think it’s a deliberate ploy by the NHS to keep us all fit.” Freddie smiled.

  “Sorry?”

  “Never mind.”

  “Auntie T says this place is like something out of Rise of the Borthen,” Magnus said. “All these labyrinths.”

  “Rise of the what?”

  “Borthen. It’s a game.” Magnus looked around him. “Me and her play it on my Xbox at home sometimes.”

  “I see.”

  “You’re not a gamer, right?” Magnus laughed.

  “Never caught on with me.”

  “Auntie T’s got every game that’s ever been made,” Magnus said. “She’s awesome. She’s got all the Rise ones. That’s four. Then she’s got Vendetta, Identity Thieves. The whole collection of Bonded by War.” Magnus counted them off on his fingers. “Then there’s all the ones she’s got on her phone.”

  “That sure is a lot.” Freddie studied him while he explained the finer details of Vendetta. She’d never really spoken to him much before, just to pass the time of day up at the cafe. But now, standing straight in front of him, she could see for the first time hints of Adam in him. She’d always known he looked like Blair, but never quite how much like his granddad he was too.

  Mostly, though, she saw touches of Tag in his face. They had the same azure eyes, and while his hair was more like Blair’s, there were subtle nuances in his expressions that instantly brought Tag to her. His mannerisms were the same as hers, and they talked in a similar way. Just like Tag, Magnus kept his eyes firmly on Freddie’s all the while he spoke, like she was the most important person in the world and she had his undivided attention.

  “Are you heading down there now?” Magnus pulled Tag’s phone from his back pocket. “Take this to her? It’s hers, but she let me play Perdition on it. I’m coming down in a mo, but I need to go pee first.”

  “Right.” Freddie took Tag’s phone and glanced down at it. “I’ll make sure she gets it.”

  “You rock.” Magnus turned round and ran off. “Catch you later.”

  Sure I rock, but not as much as Auntie T does apparently, Freddie thought with a smile. She continued down the corridor and turned left at Dermatology, then found her feet slowing at the Vascular sign. Magnus adored Tag. Of course he did. She was a natural with him, just like she was a natural with Skye, so why wouldn’t he? Tag’s leaving hadn’t affected Magnus at all; they’d slipped back into their auntie-nephew routine, it seemed, without him harbouring any grudges towards her. Freddie spotted the door to Blair’s room. Such was the forgiveness of children, she thought, that Magnus might just be the one person to allow Tag to finally shake off her demons.

  With a quick nod to a passing porter, she pushed through a set of double doors and hastened to Blair’s room.

  *

  Tag worried. She fussed, she sighed, she fidgeted. But Blair was better. That mattered more than any aching backs sitting in hard chairs, or nagging boredom while they waited to hear Blair’s prognosis.

  It had now been over twenty-four hours since he’d collapsed, and despite Blair constantly telling her he felt absolutely fine, Tag was dubious as she watched him now. His dark face was telling her he was anything but fine.

  “What are you thinking?” Tag asked.

  “Just that I’m knackered.” Blair caught her eye and held it. “Tired of the mill. Tired of trying.”

  Tag perched on the edge of his bed. “Then it’s decided,” she said.

  “What’s decided?” Ellen spoke next to her.

  “I’m going to stay,” Tag continued. “You’re both already putting me up at Glenside, so I’m going to stay on and work with you and come up with a plan for how we’re going to get through all this.”

  “And your other life?” Blair asked. “Your life in England?”

  “Not important.” Never had Tag felt it as strongly as she did right then. “What’s important is you and making sure you’re okay.”

  Blair nodded.

  “As important as making sure all those guys up at the mill aren’t left high and dry,” Tag added. “None of this is their fault. None of this is our fault. So we’re all going to work together to get it sorted.” Freddie needed to hear that too. More than any of them.

  “How will you know what to do?” he asked. “The top field needs a plough.” Blair raised his eyes to the light in the ceiling. “I need to talk to Gordon Matthews about servicing the Deere, I still need to meet with the bank manager to transfer Dad’s bank accounts, and we need to do an audit of the gift-shop takings before the auditors come next week.” Tag followed his gaze over to Ellen. “How can I stay here, knowing all that needs doing?”

  “Easily,” Tag said. “Because you leave all that to us.”

  “You know what sort of service the tractor needs?” Blair asked. “I doubt that.”

  “No,” Tag came back. “But Gordon does.”

  “The auditors can be delayed,” Ellen said, “as can ploughing the top field.”

  “You’re here to rest.” Tag pulled some fluff from his pyjamas. “And not to worry.”

  “But how can I—?”

  Tag shushed him. “I can phone the bank. Gordon knows what’s happened, so he’s going to collect the tractor himself,” she said. “So I’d say we’re pretty much—” Her words died on her lips.

  Freddie had appeared in the doorway. Tag watched as she glanced at them uncertainly from just inside.

  “We’re pretty much what?” Blair asked.

  “Sorted.” Tag’s eyes remained on Freddie. She waved. Freddie waved back and came over. Tag breathed in slowly, hoping that the slow drag in of air would calm her crashing heart. No such luck.

  Act normal.

  “Hi.” A fixed smile. Friendly, but not over the top. Perfect.

  Freddie caught her eye. “Hi.” She made a show of fussing over Blair. “Hello, you. I hear you’ve been in the wars.” Freddie’s friendliness enveloped everyone. “Passing out in the kitchen, indeed! You should take more water with it.”

  Freddie drew them all to her, Tag noted with a shimmer of pleasure. The atmosphere changed in a heartbeat as all eyes were on Freddie. Tag glanced round at the smiles and laughter, any thoughts of tractors and audits already forgotten. It was, Tag thought as she couldn’t take her eyes off her, what she now knew to be the instant Freddie effect.

  “You know me, Freds.” Blair beamed up at her. “Never could hold my beer.” More laughter.

  Ellen hugged Freddie. “I’m so pleased you came. Did you drive up? How’s Skye? Did you get a park okay? It’s really good of you to…”

  Ellen’s voice faded from Tag’s awareness. Instead she watched, spellbound. Freddie had Blair and Ellen eating out of her hand. They adored her. Tag sat on the corner of Blair’s bed, occasionally catching Freddie’s attention, agreeing with something she’d said, then joining in the laughing and joking. Frequently her eyes would d
rift to Freddie’s, hold them for the briefest of seconds, then look away again. Then they’d repeat the whole process over again.

  “And you’re okay?”

  Tag blinked. Freddie was talking to her.

  “I’m good. Yeah.” She nodded.

  “Good.”

  Snap out of it. “You want to go get a drink?” Tag eventually asked. “There’s a canteen down the corridor.”

  “Hey, don’t you be stealing my visitor.” Blair frowned. “Freddie’s only just got here.”

  “No, a drink sounds good.” Freddie stood. “I’ll come straight back up and see you afterwards.” She delved into her bag. “You can eat this while I’m gone,” she said to Blair. She dropped a cellophane packet onto his bed. “And all this.” Apples and bananas tumbled from her bag and landed on his bed.

  “You’re the best.” Blair picked up a sandwich.

  “I know.” She grinned, eliciting one back from him. “I’ll see you later.”

  “So, we’re just going to get a drink.” Tag addressed Ellen and Blair. Her face flamed. Of course they knew what she and Freddie were doing.

  “You go get that drink.” Ellen’s mouth twitched.

  “I won’t be long.” Tag tucked a corner of Blair’s sheet in.

  “You take all the time you need.” Blair lifted his sandwich.

  Even as Tag walked from his bed, she could feel Ellen’s and Blair’s eyes boring into her back. There would be questions later. She just knew it.

  *

  The small hospital canteen was heaving when Tag and Freddie arrived. Evening visiting was just starting on the wards, and it seemed as though every visitor was grabbing a quick bite to eat before heading down to their respective patients.

  The queue was long. Tag and Freddie stood in silence. They shuffled slowly down the line.

  “Have you eaten yet?” Freddie spoke first.

  Tag shook her head. “Not yet,” she said. “I’ve not been hungry all day.” She moved another step along. “Not since he first came in, if I’m honest.”

  “Well, I’m going to eat,” Freddie said. “So you should too.”

  “Nah.” Tag screwed up her nose. “I couldn’t face anything.”

  They ordered a coffee each, and a plate of fries for Freddie. Extra large. Tag’s stomach growled at the smell; seemed she was hungry after all. Finding no free tables, they plumped for a booth, tucked away in the corner of the canteen, and sat. The coffee, Tag thought as she took a sip, didn’t remotely resemble coffee. But at least it was hot and sweet.

  “Before I forget”—Freddie twisted round on her seat and retrieved Tag’s phone from her bag—“I saw Magnus in the corridor before. He asked me to give this back to you.”

  “He’s been trying to improve on some game on here.” Tag put it into her coat pocket. “I let him borrow it.”

  “He told me.” Freddie forked up a fry. “He also told me that you had the biggest collection of games of anyone he ever knew.”

  “He exaggerates.”

  “He’s dotty about you, you know that?” Freddie said. “Couldn’t stop talking about you.”

  Tag was absurdly pleased. “I think he’s cool too.”

  “He told me he thinks you’re awesome.” Freddie stabbed up a clump of fries.

  “I think he likes the novelty of having an auntie,” Tag said philosophically, “after years of not having one around.”

  “He called you Auntie T at least three times.”

  Tag put her head in her hands. “I wish he wouldn’t call me that.” She groaned. “Makes me sound like I’m eighty or something.”

  “Well I think it’s cute,” Freddie said.

  Cute? Tag blinked.

  “Fry?” Freddie pushed the plate towards Tag.

  “Maybe just one.” Tag took two. Suddenly she was starving.

  “It shows Magnus really likes you.” Freddie pulled her plate back.

  “I know.” Tag brooded at her cup. “It’s nice being back with him.” She reached over and took another fry. “We used to hang out together all the time when he was little,” she added.

  “You were the cool auntie even back then?”

  “Something like that.” Tag licked her fingers. “We’d watch cartoons together. Muck around together.” She stared at the table. “I’d take him to the park. Jeez, could that boy talk!” Tag laughed. “I’d be knackered by the end of the day. Not from the playing. Just from all his chattering.”

  “Another one?” Freddie motioned to her plate. Tag took another three fries. “The joys of being an auntie, hey?” Freddie said.

  “Yeah.”

  “Good practice for when you’re a mum though?”

  Tag’s answer was interrupted by a young nurse in scrubs, standing, tray in hand, at their table.

  “Can I perch?” He nodded to the end of Tag’s bench.

  Tag shuffled along her bench and twisted out. “Have the whole bench.” She stood. “Give yourself more room.”

  “You sure?”

  “Means I’ll be closer to her to steal her fries.” Tag grinned and motioned towards Freddie. Any excuse to get closer to Freddie. Tag slid herself in next to her and immediately skimmed a fry from her plate.

  The nurse slipped into the booth without a response and immediately plugged himself into his iPod while he hastily crammed back his sandwich and flicked through a magazine. Freddie and Tag sat in silence, the tinny thumping of the iPod faintly audible through the nurse’s headphones.

  Tag looked down at their thighs, just touching. To Freddie’s hand as she picked a loose thread from her front and dusted it away, all in a split second. The nurse had his head bowed over his magazine, zoned out. Tag could so easily take Freddie’s hand right now. Put her own hand on her thigh. Touch her. Let the warmth from her hand seep into Freddie’s skin. Let her know how she felt. Let her feel her wanting. It would be so damned easy. And yet…

  “He looks okay.” Finally Freddie spoke.

  Tag placed her hands in her lap.

  “Who?”

  “Blair.”

  Of course. Blair.

  “Better than he did.” Tag nodded. Silence returned. The tinny music continued. “Me staying will help.” Tag sensed a flicker of something spark from Freddie to her, just as she hoped it would.

  “You’re staying?” Freddie looked at her. “In Balfour?”

  “Mm-hmm.” Tag nodded. “At Glenside.”

  Freddie’s look intensified.

  “How long?”

  “As long as it takes,” Tag replied truthfully. “I owe it to Blair.” And to you, she wanted to add. To prove to you I can be trusted. “I’m going to put everything I have into getting the business back on its feet again.”

  “I want to help you,” Freddie said immediately. “I want to be with you in this. Tell me what I need to do.”

  Just be around. Tag gazed at her. Just be with me.

  “I need to work out a plan,” Tag said, her eyes still on Freddie. “Knowing you’ll help me means a lot.”

  “I know everyone’s relying on you,” Freddie said, “but you really don’t need to be doing this on your own.” She hesitated. “I’m glad you told me.”

  “That I’m going to try and save the business?”

  “Yes,” Freddie said, “and that you’re staying too.” She looked at Tag. “I like having you around. Skye does too.”

  “How is she?”

  “She’s been working on her masterpiece.” Freddie laughed. “Buckingham Palace made from boxes.” She pulled out her phone. “She wanted me to take these and show you.” Freddie frowned as she searched her phone, then held it up.

  Tag peered down at the phone, still in Freddie’s hand, her brow creased. Trying to shield the screen from the harsh overhead lights, she cupped one hand behind the hand Freddie was using to hold it, while the other hovered over the screen, blotting out the yellow fluorescent light.

  There was Skye, standing proudly next to her pile of boxes, thumbs up. />
  “Sweet, huh?” Freddie said. “It’s nearly finished. Just one or two final touches required.”

  Tag tried to concentrate on the picture, but Freddie’s hair kept brushing against her cheek as she pressed her head closer to hers in order to see the screen more clearly. Their hands touching, combined with her close proximity as Freddie continued to lean ever closer to her, created a dizzying atmosphere. She was so close she could smell Freddie’s skin, a sharp tang of oranges and lemons, presumably from a recent shower that was so intoxicating it caused Tag’s breath to catch in her throat.

  Finally, Freddie pulled the phone away. Tag turned her head to face her, meeting eyes that were fixed on hers, looking back with as much longing and aching and confusion as Tag felt. They studied one another in silence, neither taking their eyes from the other, neither breaking the spell.

  The nurse opposite them coughed, disrupting the moment. Tag was in turmoil. How was she supposed to ignore her feelings for Freddie when she was sitting next to her looking at her the way she just had? How was she expected to not act on what she was feeling when every time she saw Freddie, she just wanted her more and more? Tag had tried to keep things simple, for both her sake and Freddie’s. Somehow, she thought as she remembered the warmth of Freddie’s skin next to hers, she had gone past simple long ago.

  “Skye really likes you.” Freddie’s voice was soft. Gentle. Tag thought she could listen to her speaking all day. “Talks about you a lot.” Even the sound of her voice right now was making Tag lose all rational thought. Liquid, velvety, sensuous, like it could wrap itself round Tag and float with her up into the sky.

  “I like her,” Tag said. “She’s a credit to you.” She captured her gaze. “And lovely, like you.”

  Their arms brushed against one another’s, and Tag unconsciously let her fingers link briefly with Freddie’s. When Freddie didn’t pull her hand away, Tag brushed her thumb across her palm with a feather-light touch, savouring the softness of her skin against hers. She carried on stroking her, sensing Freddie’s breath quicken slightly as she did so, then reluctantly allowed her hand to fall away as the nurse opposite them snapped his head up from his magazine and waved to another nurse across the canteen, motioning for her to join him.