She got to her feet and paced to the far side of the room.
“That’s not what I mean. Stop putting words in my mouth. All I’m saying is that you haven’t made the television thing work for you yet. You’ve got less to lose.”
“I can’t believe you said that. You know, you’re not that much different from Hollis.” She stood up. “I am going to be successful. And I’m going to have the show and the life I want.”
“So I guess that’s your answer,” he said, rubbing his hands over his eyes, wondering how this had gotten so far out of control.
“How could it be anything else? I tell you I love you, and you say you care for me. I ask you to compromise and you say you can’t. I get it, you’re Rory O’Roarke and you don’t bend.”
“I compromised once and almost lost myself, Meg. It’s not like I haven’t tried.”
“You haven’t tried with me,” she said. “I was willing to try for you. But I guess you’re too cowardly to risk it.”
He clenched his hands into fists and walked to the front door. “I’m not going to listen to this.”
“Fine. Leave. Run away if that’s what you want to do. The summer is almost over anyway.”
“Yes, it is,” he said, looking back at her.
She was mad but she looked small and fragile in her anger. Later, he’d probably look back on this moment and wonder why he’d been so afraid to admit that he needed her, that he loved her, too. But he couldn’t do that.
Wouldn’t do that.
“Thanks for the memories,” he said, as he walked out the door.
He got on his Harley and sped out of town, driving aimlessly until he was almost out of gas. But no matter how far or fast he drove, he couldn’t get the memory of Meg’s tears out of his mind.
He was a coward. She was just the first person to call him on it.
COOPER CALLED HER two days later and asked her to fly to New York for an in-studio audition. She was more than happy to hop on a plane and get far away from Rory.
She flew into JFK. Once she’d taped her audition, she spent a few more days in the city, just in case there had been any problems. But by the end of the week, she realized she was ready to go back home. She missed the quiet pace of Twin Palms. And she missed her house.
She missed Rory, too.
It would be nice if she could simply fall out of love with him, but she still dreamt of being held in his arms each night. And each morning, she had to stop herself from calling him and sharing just how well things were going for her.
Cooper met with her on the last day. He told her that everyone was really impressed with her audition and that he expected to have an offer for her in the next week.
She was excited. Really, she was. It was what she’d always wanted. But as she got off the plane in Orlando and found her sister waiting to drive her home, she wondered if she still wanted those same things.
She wanted to blame it all on Rory, to say that he’d changed things for her. But she’d changed them for herself. Rory had forced her to view her town as an outsider would. Or maybe it had been her time away that had done that? Either way, she was glad when Anne drove past the Twin Palms city limits signs.
“Home.”
Anne looked over at her. “Thinking of staying this time?”
“I don’t know. They are going to make me an offer for my own show. It’s my dream.”
“I know. Want to talk about it over dinner?”
“I’d love to.”
Anne drove to The Christos, a small authentic Spanish restaurant two blocks off Main Street, and they went inside together. There was a light crowd in the place and Meg noticed that Tim, who normally worked the same shift as Rory, was dining with his wife.
That meant Rory was off, too.
Anne ordered a pitcher of sangria. The Christos had been started by two young chefs back in the sixties. It was one of the few places outside of Tampa’s Ybor City where a person could get food that was a combination of Spanish and Cuban.
“I need a big glass,” Meg said once the waitress had brought the pitcher to the table.
Anne poured one and handed it to her. “Why do you need this?”
“I’m having second thoughts about the show.”
“Is it the show or Rory you’re having second thoughts about?” Anne asked. “I can tell he means a lot to you.”
“How can you tell?”
“Because I know what love looks like,” she said. “You’ve been different this summer. You seem happier than you’ve been in a long time.”
She nodded and took a sip of her drink. Was that it? Had she finally found contentment after fighting so long to prove herself?
“If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to,” Anne said in that big sister way of hers. “I don’t know why you’ve spent so much energy trying to leave a place that fits you perfectly. And no matter what you say, we both know you don’t want to leave Rory.”
She took a bigger sip. “He doesn’t love me, Anne.”
“How do you know?”
“He told me,” Meg said. “I’m afraid I pretty much threw myself at him and asked him to consider giving a long-distance relationship a try. He said no.”
“Just no?”
“Pretty much. Besides, his job scares me but he’ll never admit that it’s a legitimate fear. Heck, I know that it even scares him sometimes.” She shook her head. “I just don’t know what to do.”
“I’m afraid I’m not much help. I’ve made more stupid decisions with Cal than I can count. But I’m here for you. How about this? If Rory wasn’t part of the equation, what would you do?”
“I’d still want a show of my own. But being back in Manhattan made me realize how much I enjoy my life here.”
“Okay, then. Maybe they’ll let you film from here. And if not this exact show, then maybe you can do another one. Those celebrity chefs do shows out of their homes all the time.”
She smiled at her sister. Maybe she did have options she hadn’t considered before . . .
“Thanks, Anne,” Meg said.
“You’re welcome.”
Once her sister dropped her off back at her house after dinner, Meg sat down to write a long email to Cooper. In it, she asked if he’d considered doing the show from a studio down here, maybe even using the old barn on her property.
All of a sudden, she felt in control of her future. And that was what she’d wanted all along. She hadn’t come back to Twin Palms to lick her wounds as she’d first feared, but to find herself and her own strength again.
RILEY’S WAS HOPPING as J.J., Rory and Pat entered the bar on Friday night. He’d been working overtime at the firehouse and working out the rest of the time. He had been desperate to do anything to keep his mind busy and his thoughts off Meg.
Going to the bar was J.J.’s idea, but it made Rory miss Meg all that much more. It was hard to be here without remembering their kiss on the dock in the moonlight.
But being at the bar was a lot better than going home to the bed where he’d made love to Meg. He knew she’d gone to New York, but was now back in town. Only he hadn’t seen her. In fact, he’d avoided driving down Main Street just in case she was at the diner visiting her sister.
He kept hearing her words in his ears. She’d called him a coward, yet he’d been on several successful call-outs since that night. He’d quickly realized that his real fear had nothing to do with fire and everything to do with Meg.
She’d asked him to find a way to give both of their dreams a chance. But he’d been too caught up in his past to risk it.
He didn’t like living in a house haunted by a woman he couldn’t have. “First round is on me.”
The waitress took their order and they settled into a high table in the corner.
> “It’s my wedding anniversary,” J.J. said. “Damned if I know why I can remember the date now. I couldn’t ever remember it when I was with her.”
Rory clapped him on the shoulder. They were all too young to feel as old as Rory did tonight.
Pat came in and joined them. “Hey, I just heard that Meg is back in town. She texted me to say the audition went well. Looks like Twin Palms might have a little home improvement star in its midst,” Pat said. His brother had been cleared to go back to work at the firehouse, but had applied for a job in Twin Palms instead. He liked it better up here, he’d said. And he was still hoping to finish his work on Meg’s house.
Rory lifted his glass. “Congratulations to Meg. I guess she’ll be leaving sooner rather than later?”
“I don’t know. She said there was still work to be done here and we’d talk in the morning. The house isn’t finished yet.”
“Interesting,” Rory said. But he wanted to know more. Should he should get on his bike and go to her and—what? He’d have to apologize. No problem. He could do that. But he’d also have to tell her he loved her and he wasn’t sure he could do that. He knew he did, but saying the words was another story.
The last time he’d told a woman he loved her, she’d ruined his life. He didn’t want to risk that again.
“Yay for Meg. But we’re here to find some women to take our mind off of our troubles,” J.J. said.
“We are?”
“Yup.” Rory watched J.J. shuffle off to the dance floor and grimaced. God help those poor unsuspecting women.
“Sounds like a plan,” Pat said, but made no move to follow J.J. Instead, he turned to Rory. “What happened with you and Meg?” Pat asked.
“Nothing. We agreed to end our relationship before it got too serious.”
“I’ve known you all your life, Rory, and I can tell when you are lying.”
“I don’t trust myself to fall in love,” Rory admitted.
“It doesn’t seem like you’re all that happy now. What could it hurt to let yourself care for the right woman? Meg’s ten times the woman Nat was.”
Rory knew that. Meg was pretty well perfect for him. But in the end, it all came back to his job.
Firefighting was dangerous, there were no “ifs” about it. But if a man was smart and kept up his training and equipment, the odds were so much better. Rory realized that part of what bothered him about Meg’s attitude was the fact that she must not believe in him, in his abilities. If she believed in him, she’d be able to trust that he’d come home to her.
“Women. Can’t live with them—”
“Have to masturbate without them,” J.J. added, rejoining them.
Pat choked on the swallow of beer he’d taken and Rory shook his head. One thing about J.J.—he did lighten the mood. “Damn.”
“Sorry about that. I just got shot down by that pretty little redhead near the door.”
Rory looked over, half-expecting to see Meg. But she wasn’t the woman J.J. was talking about. He didn’t like the fact that he’d felt possessive. He had no real claim to her. Except the one he wanted to make.
He finished his beer. “Well, there are plenty of women here tonight. I don’t see why anyone should be flying solo.”
“Here, here,” Pat said. They ordered another round then left their drinks on the table and hit the dance floor.
Rory couldn’t face dancing with the redhead but he found a nice blond woman wearing skintight jeans and a nose ring. She looked nothing like Meg. And when he kissed her in the corner near the jukebox, he was forced to admit that this was all wrong.
At the end of the evening, he left the bar alone with a sad truth echoing in his soul. He wasn’t finished with Meg yet, even if she was done with him.
Chapter Twenty-One
TWO MONTHS LATER, Rory was still pretending he didn’t need Meg in his life. He’d gone home and visited with his family, thinking that it might help to put some distance between him and Meg, but he couldn’t help missing her.
On the positive side, his visit reminded of why he loved his family. It was interesting to see the change in family dynamics when he was on his own again. A lot of the angst and drama that he’d always associated with family gatherings was gone, and he realized now that Natalie had generated it.
His nephew, Josh, had come back to Twin Palms with him. Having a young man around the house was different. Not necessarily bad, but it made Rory realize how glad he was to be thirty-three and not eighteen again. Josh had been shadowing Rory at the firehouse, and since the boy had grown up in a similar environment, he already knew more than most of the new guys did. And Captain Malone had offered him the job as mascot while he was doing his EMT training.
While it was nice having someone else in the house, Josh wasn’t Meg. Rory wished he hadn’t let so much time go by without talking to her. But he had. And now, it was almost too late.
“I’m going for a run,” Rory told his nephew.
There was little chance he’d run into Meg, but he hoped he would. Pat was still doing work for her until a paying position with the fire department opened up. He’d let Rory know that Meg was converting the barn into a studio and would be shooting one season of her makeover show from the old Clapham place, or as Meg had named it, Spring Home.
“I’ll come with you,” Josh said. “There’s a girl in my EMT class who thinks she can outrun me and is always challenging me to some competition or other.”
Rory smiled. “Has she been winning?”
“It’s about fifty-fifty. But I know I can do better. You know I’ve been lazing around playing Call of Duty and eating chips all the time. I figured if I worked out, I could show her who’s the best, once and for all.”
Rory doubted that was the only reason Josh wanted to work out. He probably wanted to impress the girl as well. Rory didn’t really care why Josh was doing it—he was simply happy for the company.
He had spent his entire adult life hiding his weakness from his family, and for the first time, he realized that being an O’Roarke wasn’t a liability but a source of strength.
The October morning was still pretty warm, even at seven a.m. They started running through his neighborhood, and, when they got to the corner of Heritage Lane, Rory remembered the last time he’d seen Meg.
It was when she’d watched him leave her house looking lost and unsure. But she had walked away from him, and he’d let her have her distance. He’d relived that morning a thousand times in his head, but he knew he couldn’t have done anything differently.
But now? Now he wondered why she’d stayed in Twin Palms. She had been so hot to leave, yet it seemed she’d changed her mind. And she hadn’t contacted him at all.
But he didn’t blame her. She’d said she loved him and he’d said nothing. He should have . . .
He guessed that said more than anything else.
He had finally settled in to life at the firehouse and he liked where he was. And the guys on his crew were like brothers. Tim and his wife Dee were funny, especially since they seemed to want to adopt him and Josh, at least if the dinner invitations were anything to go by. He’d missed this.
Natalie hadn’t ever wanted to associate with his firefighter brothers. But seeing Tim and Dee gave Rory a glimpse into what he wanted. Well, sort of. He kept dreaming about Meg and he knew she’d never be that domesticated.
He ran until he couldn’t think of anything except putting one foot after another. The workout felt good, but he knew something was missing as he got back home and cooked an omelet for the kid before getting dressed in his uniform and heading to the firehouse.
He saw Meg’s red Toyota parked in front of the diner and guessed she was picking up coffee or having breakfast with her sister. He told himself to keep driving. He didn’t want to be late for work. But at the last minu
te, he decided he had enough time for a coffee. He parked his Harley in the space behind Meg’s car and got off his bike. He was stowing the helmet when Meg came out.
“Hello, Rory,” she said, holding a Styrofoam cup in one hand and her purse in the other. She had on a pair of khaki slim-fitting trousers and a peasant style blouse that was open at the neck.
“Meg. How’s it going?”
“Not bad. Pat and I are finishing up work on my new studio. We’re going to start filming our first episode soon,” she said.
“That’s good,” he said, realizing that the ability to hold a conversation was almost beyond him. He wanted to know real things, not indulge in small talk. He needed to ask her about the house, about why she’d changed her mind about leaving. And mostly, he wanted to know why she hadn’t called him once she decided to stay.
But he didn’t voice any of those things. Instead, he just stood there, the silence growing awkward between them.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “For the way we left things.”
“It’s okay. Water under the bridge,” she said. “You look good. My mom mentioned that you are a local hero as far as Mrs. Petrie is concerned. You rescued her basset hound?”
“Henry wasn’t in any danger. She just couldn’t reach high enough to get him off the slide at the park.”
“Well you won’t convince her that you’re not a hero.”
“I guess I can’t convince you that I could be one.”
“Ah, that’s not true,” she said. “But I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later.”
She got in her car and drove away. And all he could do was watch her and wonder why he still wanted her.
MEG SAT IN THE parking lot for longer than she should have. She’d told herself she was over Rory. But now she knew she’d been lying to herself.
He looked good. Too good. And tired, she thought. Maybe his nights were as sleepless as hers had been lately. She really was glad Cooper had agreed to let her do the show from down here. She had shot a few promo segments at the big Kissimmee flea market. Pat was doing all the jobs she could find. She was faking being happy because, even though she had the things she’d always wanted, she realized she wanted Rory, too.
In The Heat 0f The Night (The O'Roarkes Duet Book 2) Page 18
