“Pastor Klingle told me that we were all pretty much the same in the eyes of God—sinners who need a Savior. He told me that to God sin was sin and He hated it. Man was sinful and God hated that man chose to go on doing wrong, even though He’d sent Jesus so that we could be reconciled to Him. The older I got, the more I saw evidence of God, not only in the Bible but in real life. When my ma got sick and pa prayed about what to do, he felt certain God was telling him to move away from Seattle, but he didn’t know where to go, so he prayed some more. Then one day when he was talking to the doctor the answer came. The doc said Ma needed a drier climate and suggested a place in California. Pa took her there, and she immediately got better.”
“But that was the doctor telling him where to go.”
“But who told the doctor?” Wade smiled. “I think it was all in God’s hands, and He directed Pa’s steps and the doctor’s advice. There’s been a lot of times in my life like that.”
Thane couldn’t discount Wade’s beliefs. After all, it was Wade’s confidence in God that drew Thane there in the first place. “But you’ve never had to deal with anger like mine. I swear it threatens to eat me alive some days. It makes me afraid that I’ll turn out to be a killer like my father.”
“God can deal with that anger, Thane. You don’t have to wrestle it by yourself. Anger is a spiritual battle. Only Satan benefits from such rage and violence. It’s not what God wants for you. Besides, you aren’t your father, and you don’t need to fear his actions will be yours. You saw a lot of violence growing up, but you don’t have to be violent because of it.”
“How do I explain this to Militine without scaring her away? She had to live with an angry father. I can tell. She said he was strict and harsh. I’m afraid when I tell her about my father and all the things he did—the things I saw and said nothing about—well, I’m afraid she’ll worry that I’m just like him, or will be.”
Wade shrugged. “I can’t tell you what to do, but I’ve known you for a long time, Thane. I’ve seen how you treat folks, even when you are upset by their actions. You aren’t a violent man like your pa. Fact is, I don’t think you’re nearly so angry as you are afraid.”
The words slammed into Thane like a freight train. He was afraid. Afraid the past would catch up with him. Afraid of being like his father. Afraid that no one could ever love him.
“I saw my father kill men over stupid games of cards. I saw him kill, and I said nothing when the sheriff came and demanded answers.”
“You were a child, and you didn’t have a lot of options. Besides, there’s no way of knowing if they would’ve listened to you. And if they didn’t, then you would have had your father to contend with. We both know he wouldn’t have let that go unpunished. I can’t say that I blame you for saying nothing. You had to protect yourself.”
Thane took a long drink. He turned the glass in his hands, as if there might be something there to see. “Pastor Klingle once said that even a child was known by his doings. I should have done something more. If I had, my mother might be alive today.”
“Maybe.” Wade released a long sigh. “We all have our regrets, Thane. But even those can be given over to the Lord. God knows I’ve given Him plenty.”
For several minutes those words echoed in Thane’s ears. If only he could believe. If only all those things were true—the Bible, God’s love, forgiveness. Was it possible? Could he really find a way to be rid of the pain of the past? Could he be redeemed? “I really want to believe,” Thane finally said. “I’m so tired. I’ve been carrying this burden since I was thirteen, and it gets heavier with each passing year.”
Wade smiled, his intense eyes meeting Thane’s. “Then maybe it’s time to give it over to God.”
The last person in the world Abrianna expected to see at their weekly baked goods sale was Priam Welby. Yet there he was, waltzing across the park lawn like a man with a purpose. He spoke with several of the young ladies and purchased a variety of baked goods, but all the while he continued looking around. It was clear he was looking for someone. Abrianna had the dreaded feeling she was that someone. When Welby caught sight of her and his smile broadened, Abrianna knew her assumption was right.
Instead of going to him, however, Abrianna moved away. No matter what he had come to say to her, she was almost certain she didn’t need to hear it. She worked her way through the bridal students and then backtracked. With any luck at all, she could hide behind a tree until he gave up looking for her. She positioned herself behind a maple and waited.
“Why, Miss Cunningham, you look quite lovely.”
He’d found her. Abrianna turned and met his amused expression. “Thank you.”
“I have always thought that this particular shade of material looked remarkable in contrast to your lovely hair.” He took off his hat and swept a bow in greeting.
Abrianna glanced down at the peach-colored gown overlaid with a fine white muslin. “To which shade are you referring—the peach or the white?”
He chuckled and replaced his hat. “Both combine to accentuate your beauty.”
“Goodness, but you’re full of flowery words today. I know better, however, than to believe you. I learned a long time ago that when men start saying things to tickle your fancy, they’re up to something. I suppose you’ve come with some purpose?”
“Indeed I have. First, to commend you for your work on the docks. I have to admit I thought perhaps it would be folly. After all, those men are generally lacking in manners and are often given to brawling. They have such a fondness for drink that I found it hard to believe they would remain sober long enough to come for a hot meal. I’m glad to have been proven wrong.”
“Some of them do show up a bit into their cups, but we just see to it that they have plenty of hot coffee. I don’t understand how a man can drink, anyway, but how he can do it so early in the day is beyond me completely. Aunt Miriam once gave me a hot toddy when I was sick and the taste was abominable.”
He chuckled. “I do not believe liquor was created with the fairer sex in mind. That aside, you can be proud of what you’ve accomplished, Miss Cunningham.”
His voice was smooth like Aunt Miriam’s prized caramel when it was first poured from the pan. And probably just as dangerous. In the case of the caramel just off the fire, it was extremely hot and burned the tongue. Abrianna knew this firsthand. And with Priam Welby—well, who could be certain of anything where that man was concerned?
Even so, she wasn’t a fool to be puffed up by his words of praise. Priam Welby was a man of purpose. She’d seen him in action too many times to suppose he’d come here with the sole purpose of complimenting her.
“So what else brought you here today? Surely not your sweet tooth.”
He eyed her momentarily then gave her a look that caused Abrianna to flush. He was such a cad and didn’t care at all what anyone observing him might think. She took a step back and felt the trunk of the tree press against her. Unfortunately, Priam Welby took that opportunity to move closer, very nearly pinning her in place.
“I think you probably know that I am attracted to you, Miss Cunningham. I have asked before to court you, and I find that I cannot help but ask again. You see, I am quite besot. I find myself thinking about you at the most . . . interesting times. Sometimes I can’t even get to sleep at night.”
His suggestive smirk made her shiver. “I am sorry that I am such a bother. Perhaps Aunt Miriam can teach you how to make a hot toddy. Apparently the entire purpose is to help you sleep. I wouldn’t want to be the cause of your not getting your rest.”
This caused him to laugh. “You are so very charming. I love that you speak your mind. I’d love even more if you were the cause of me not getting enough rest every night. It’s no wonder I think about you all the time.”
She tried to hide her shock. No man had ever spoken like that to her. “Then you shouldn’t be surprised to know that I rarely ever think about you.” She lowered her gaze momentarily, almost afraid to look away lest
he make some move upon her person. “I don’t say that to offend but rather to be completely honest. I’ve done nothing—at least knowingly—to encourage your thoughts of me.”
“Maybe that’s why they are so intense. You are a challenge to me, Miss Cunningham, and I am convinced that if you would but give me a chance, I could make you fall passionately in love with me.”
Goodness, how did one respond to such a statement? The man was positively not discouraged no matter what Abrianna dreamed up to say. She had hoped her blunt honesty would dissuade him, but apparently it was not to be.
“I have a proposition for you.”
She put up her hand. “Wait. Please don’t take offense, but I’ve already told you that I have no interest in courtship. I want to serve God as best I can, and I realize that is not your present goal.” She hoped he wouldn’t be offended by her comment but pushed on in a hurry just in case. “You have your plans and goals in life, and I in turn have mine. I know that my interests have very little to do with yours, so I do not see a future in courtship with you.”
He was undaunted. “Miss Cunningham, Abrianna.” He paused and said her name again. “Such a beautiful name. It just rolls off the tongue. Anyway, as I started to say, I have a proposition. I realize you have no interest in me at the present. However, I believe I can change that. To entice you to give me the chance to do so, I am willing to make it worthwhile to you.”
“In what way?” She had to admit he had her attention.
“You have a great desire to see the poor degenerates and needy of our city helped. I remember from one of our first conversations that you said it was your calling from God. And you might recall that I applauded your efforts even then. The other day I heard you say that you were now concerned with finding them appropriate sleeping quarters before the cold weather once again sets in. I believe you said you were praying about it. Well, that statement stuck with me. It humbled me to think that you cared so much for those people that you would spend time in prayer over it. I suppose it deepened my spiritual insight somewhat.”
His statement took her completely off guard. “I’m . . . well . . . if my words or actions caused you to grow in your faith, then God be praised.”
“Indeed.” He smiled and cocked his head slightly to one side. “Because of overhearing that desire, I wondered how I might help to answer your prayers. After all, God certainly uses people to work His plans. With that in mind, I propose to provide you with such a place and all its furnishings. A large place where you could move your dinner service and be completely contained under one roof. I would even go so far as to provide a couple of trustworthy men to act as guards to the facility. I only ask that you in return give me a chance to win your heart.”
She was stunned into silence. The very thing she had been praying God would provide was laid out before her like a Christmas gift. Just the other day Wade asked her if she didn’t want to marry and have a family of her own. Was this also a nudge by God to consider such a plan for her life?
“I can see I’ve intrigued you.” He crossed his arms casually against his chest. He smiled as if pleased with himself and certain of her answer.
Abrianna wished she knew what that answer should be. Had he suggested anything else, she would have given him her regrets and refusal. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Why not say yes?”
“Because I . . . because I don’t want you to court me.”
“You don’t know what you want, Abrianna. You’ve so long had old ladies directing your steps and everyone else dominating your thoughts that you’ve had no time to know what you want out of life. I’m here to tell you that I believe we could be a good team. I’m not nearly so terrible as you think.”
“I did not say I thought you terrible, Mr. Welby. Goodness, but you needn’t put words in my mouth. As you well know, I have plenty of my own. I can say that your actions have at times seemed most unreasonable. Your rudeness on occasion has been most intolerable and your aggressive nature gives one pause to wonder if you are a man of compromise.”
“Compromise?” He chuckled. “I can’t say that I relish compromise, but only because I generally feel quite passionate about my desires. Just as I do now. However, I am willing to compromise when it is called for. Is that what you are suggesting now?”
She felt trapped by her own word. “Mr. Welby, I truly do not know what to say. You have taken me by surprise. However, you need to know my heart.”
“I’d like very much to know it,” he said in a low husky voice.
“At this time I do not intend to marry anyone, and courtship is done for the purpose of such an outcome.” Only then did she remember Militine’s thoughts on the matter. To her friend, courtship could also be for the sole purpose of having fun with another. There needn’t be any intention of marriage. But what Welby was dangling in front of her was too serious to pass up without further thought. She had prayed about this and begged God to provide for the men on the docks. Recently, women had also started coming for food, bringing their children, as well. It would be wonderful to offer a separate place for them to dine, and in a big enough facility Abrianna could do just that.
“So you won’t even give me a chance to prove myself? That’s rather unfair, don’t you think? Not only that, but you would be denying those you claim to care so much about. Can you in good conscience leave them without for fear of falling in love with me?”
“I’m not afraid of falling in love with you, Mr. Welby.” That actually was the least of her concerns.
“Then what? What could possibly stand in the way of your agreement?”
She tried to think rationally. He made a very good argument. A thought came to mind. “Let’s say that I agreed to your arrangement.” She held up her hand at his broad grin. “Just for the purpose of further understanding. You would provide this facility and all that is needed to house and feed the poor. But for how long? What if you could not accomplish what you believe and make me fall in love with you? After all, such feelings are rather precarious things to place wagers upon. I’m certain my aunts would say it was impossible. However, for the sake of this argument, let’s say we courted, and I didn’t fall in love with you. Would you then strip away the provision offered those needy souls?”
“Absolutely not. That would be cruel.”
“Yes, it would be, but how could I be assured that you would not?”
“I would have a contract prepared. I would purchase a building and the goods needed for your operation, and I would sign them all over to you as a gift of good faith. You would own them in full. That way I could never take them back and leave the poor without your help.”
He wasn’t making this any easier. Abrianna felt herself being edged closer and closer to allowing for his request. She drew a deep breath. “Very well. I have another question. If on the remote chance that I did fall in love with you and we were to be married, then what? What would become of my ministry to the poor? Surely you could not have a wife performing such a service for the community. What would society say?”
“If you know me even a little, Abrianna, you know that I care very little about what society says or thinks. I’m a businessman. A rather wealthy one, and I find that allows me to move beyond the fetters that some create for themselves in this age of rules and regulations. I would allow you to continue serving the people in whatever way you felt necessary. I’m not a harsh taskmaster. I would be a most loving husband, supportive of your charitable endeavors.”
His answer was hard to believe and even harder to find fault with. “How could I be assured of that?”
“Again, I could put it into a contract. Many married people have contracts between them that have nothing to do with the wedding ceremony. Women come into marriages with vast fortunes that they wish to keep. Contracts are made. It’s not unheard of, I assure you. Now, to my way of thinking, you are out of arguments.”
“I suppose I am.” She looked at the man and tried to imagine her life with him.
He wasn’t bad looking, although she could not call him handsome. Still, she couldn’t fault him for that. He was, after all, just as God had made him. It was hardly his doing that his ears were rather large and his eyes were very dark. To his credit he shaved daily and smelled good. His clothes were always in good order, and he did attend church regularly, although she had no real understanding of his spiritual standing with the Lord. That thought brought to her another question.
“You do know that I am a woman of God. I will not be dallied with. Purity is important to me, and you would have to honor that, as well.”
He nodded. “Rest assured, Abrianna, I highly value purity. You can be assured I will not take liberties with you . . . until, of course, we marry.”
His smile caused a shiver to run down her spine. “If we marry.”
“Then you’ll allow me to court you?”
She shrugged. “I suppose I have no choice. The poor have their needs, and if I am to truly sacrifice myself for them, then so be it.”
He roared in laughter. She’d not expected such a reaction, but it gave her a chance to sidestep the man and the tree to put a bit of distance between them. She didn’t know exactly what she’d gotten herself into, but she would definitely speak to Kolbein and have him draw up the details of any contract. Mr. Welby might believe he had the upper hand in this matter, but Abrianna would see that he held to his part of the bargain.
Sobering, Welby extended his arm to Abrianna. “Shall we go speak to your aunts? I want to make certain this is handled to their satisfaction. I would not wish to offend them, not now after I’ve worked so hard to get you to say yes.”
Hesitating for a moment, Abrianna reminded herself that this was for the poor and needy. And, after all, she had prayed God would send someone to help her accomplish more. Even Wade wanted her to be mindful of a future that might include a husband and children. With a sigh, she took hold of his arm. This wasn’t at all the answer she’d presumed God would provide, but who was she to refuse if this was His way of providing? Aunt Miriam said that often God’s answers looked nothing like you thought they should. Apparently this was one of those situations.
Refining Fire Page 15
