by Audra North
When I turned and looked at him in question, he winked at me. “You’re gonna need it.”
* * *
Ryan
I shouldn’t have come here tonight.
I stared into the flames of the bonfire and ignored the laughing and carousing around me. I’d come to the Cave again with Bobby tonight because, to be honest, I’d been hoping that Emery would be here. It had been five days since I’d snuck out of her bed—the bed of the most incredible girl I’d ever met—and I’d spent nearly every minute of those five days wondering whether I should go back to the resort and knock on her door.
It was the only thing that had managed to drag me out of the house—the possibility of seeing her again.
And if I did…would she be happy to see me? Would she even recognize me? Would she tell me that one night had been enough?
I didn’t think I’d be able to take that. Not when those few hours with her had taken my mind off my mom and the house and whatever was waiting for me in that safety deposit box. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. It had been like a sip of water after months in the dry desert, and my thirst had only been piqued, rather than slaked, and I wanted to feel it again.
But Bobby didn’t know any of that. Even though he was my best friend, for some reason, it didn’t feel right to share that with him. Bobby had just been worried that I seemed to be retreating again after he’d caught me daydreaming about Emery, which is why I was sitting here now, on an old blanket on the sand at the Cave, wondering how long I’d have to hang out here in order to convince Bobby that I was okay.
I grabbed my phone and checked the time. Nearly eleven o’clock. I’d already been here for nearly two hours, watching Bobby chat up the girl who worked checkout at Randall’s Market. Tara? Tania? Whatever, it didn’t matter. I’d stuck around long—
“Ryan?”
The soft, feminine voice seemed to float at me out of the darkness. Emery. Holy shit, she was here. I jerked my head up, away from the light of my phone, and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust before I saw her, but her name was already on my lips.
“Emery.”
I almost couldn’t believe it. Sure, I’d come here hoping to see her, but now that she was actually here, I was paralyzed for a moment before I scrambled to my feet.
“I’ve been looking for you—”
“I was hoping I’d see you—”
We both spoke at the same time, and then we just stared, each waiting for the other to say something else. She was the one who finally broke the silence.
“I thought—for some reason, when you said you were affiliated with the resort, I thought you worked there, but I haven’t seen you at Stone Cliff all week and now you’re at the Cave. Are you…local?”
There was something in the way she said it, the way she was holding herself away from me, that made me feel like a complete asshole. Damn it. She knew I’d lied. She had to—it was all over her body language. But it seemed like she thought it was because of something to do with her.
I guess it didn’t help that I’d left while she’d still been sleeping and hadn’t left a note or anything. Fuck. I’d really messed that up. And right now, even with all the other shit I had going on, at this moment nothing seemed to matter more than setting things right with Emery. I ran a hand through my hair and cast another glance at Bobby, who had worked his way up to making out with the Randall’s Market chick.
I looked back at Emery, who was staring expectantly at me.
“Yeah, I’m local.” Even in the flickering light coming from the bonfire, I could see the way she winced, and I rushed to explain. “But it’s not what you think. I didn’t tell you that so you’d think I had nowhere else to go and let me stay in your room. I wasn’t trying to get in your bed, or to get you into your bed or—” My gaze dropped from hers and landed at the juncture of her thighs, and then shot back up again. The look on her face wasn’t encouraging.
I dropped my head back and looked up at the stars, barely suppressing a groan. Shit, this was coming out all wrong. I brought my head back down and looked her in the eye, took a breath and tried again. “My friend Bobby works at the resort. We’d been out here that night and I’d drunk too much to drive home. He snuck me into the lodge and said that the room was empty, but I couldn’t tell anyone I’d used it. I didn’t want him to get in trouble. That’s why I said that. Not because I was trying to manipulate you into having sex with me.”
Her expression was hard, her mouth pulled into a thin line, but at least she didn’t walk away. “So…that wasn’t just a line?”
I shook my head and laughed. “God no. Maybe I’m conceited, but I’d like to think I could do better than that.”
For a moment, she just stared at me, and then she grinned and took a step closer. “For the record, you did very, very well.”
Yes! Thank God she hadn’t flipped me the bird and stalked off. The mere idea of having to watch her walk away from me tied my stomach in knots. I reached a hand toward her, not quite touching. “So…you forgive me?”
A strange look skittered across her face, as if she was working something over in her head, but then she shrugged. “There’s nothing to forgive. We’re both consenting adults or whatever. We were just in the right place at the right time.”
Huh. For some reason, what she’d said bothered me, like I was just a warm body whose dick she’d fallen on a few times. But it’s not like I could really be offended. I mean, I’d kind of done the same thing to her…twice. We’d barely even exchanged first names.
Still. The way she’d said it…
It felt wrong.
But then, I was probably misreading her. Hell, I could barely understand my own problems. Like, I still hadn’t been to the bank to open that safety deposit box, and the dining room was still jammed wall to wall with stacks of Mom’s stuff. I’d have to clean it up sooner or later if I wanted to get the house sold before I left and actually have some funds to pay for school, but fuck if I still hadn’t been able to take that next step.
I looked down at Emery. Her shoulders were relaxed now and her head was tilted back so that she could look up at me. She was swaying closer by degrees, and I didn’t think now was a good time to ask her whether she’d meant that I didn’t matter, that she would have welcomed anyone who happened to be in her room a few nights ago. I wanted to kiss her too badly. After all, why the fuck not? If she was fine with the way things had gone, then why would I question it?
I wasn’t usually the type of guy to use a girl as a distraction, but I couldn’t deny how good it felt to lose myself in her, at least for a little while.
I reached for her and she came easily, fitting her body against mine, her arms around my neck. Our kiss was slow and deep, and with every stroke of my tongue over hers, she melded further against me. Even though I’d thought about her constantly, those thoughts were nothing compared to the reality of how good she felt.
She broke the kiss and scraped her teeth along my jaw until her mouth reached my ear, where she nibbled the lobe. Shit. I loved it when a woman did that. Especially this woman, who felt so good and smelled so good and—
“I have the day off tomorrow,” she whispered as her lips dropped fluttering kisses against my neck. “So I can sleep in.” Kiss. “Do you…” kiss... “feel like…” kiss… “being affiliated with me again tonight?”
Hell, yes.
I grinned. Her kisses didn’t make me feel like I was just a warm body. I nodded and took her hand, lacing my fingers through hers. What she was doing with her mouth was great, but there was something about holding her hand, too, that made it feel even better.
“I definitely want that. But do you want to come back to my place this time? I live just in town. I can drive you back to the resort whenever you want.”
She pulled back and nodded eagerly enough, but looked suddenly shy, too, because she wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“Are you—is that okay? I’m fine with going to your room, too. I just
thought it would be more comfortable at my place, since it’s more private.”
“It’s not that. I just…I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”
“What do you mean?” I frowned. “You think I’m going to think you’re easy or something?”
“No-oo.” She still didn’t look at me. “I meant I didn’t want you to think I was looking for anything serious.”
Fuck, I was an idiot. She really did think of me as nothing more than a dick and a mouth. I was such a moron. I should have said something right then, because it bugged the shit out of me, but I was a guy. I was supposed to want this kind of no-strings, blow-and-go kind of thing.
But I didn’t say anything. Not because I was cool with just fucking her and walking away, but because I wanted her too much to care. There was something about her that made me want to do things like leave my goddamned house and get out. Something that made me forget all the hard things I’d been through, at least for a little while.
I shrugged and tried to look blasé. “Hey. Sorry. Again.”
She finally looked at me. Gave me a tentative smile. “Like I said. Nothing to forgive.”
“Cool.” I clamped my jaw tight against the desire to shout at her that I wasn’t nothing. If she didn’t want to get involved past physical stuff, fine. I was still getting something out of it.
I gestured toward the lot that bordered the beach. “Well, I, uh, I’m parked nearby…if you want to go now. Or we can stay for a bit, if you’re not ready to go yet.”
She shook her head, her fingers tightening around mine. “No, I’m ready. Let’s go.”
That was all I needed to hear. I let go of her hand just long enough to pick up the blanket from the sand, then led her off the beach.
Chapter 6
Emery
Why had I said that?
We were just in the right place at the right time.
I mean, it was true. I’d even thought exactly that a few mornings ago, when I’d woken up to find him gone. But the look on his face when I’d said it to him…like it hurt him or something.
I shouldn’t have. When I’d seen him at the Cave, sitting alone and looking so lonely, I’d felt so much. I’d wondered if he was thinking about his mother—he’d said she passed away last year—and I’d wanted to comfort him, but getting involved, even if only in my own mind, wasn’t something I wanted to do.
Of course, it’s not like I was going to be around long enough to get involved, anyway. This was something short and hot. A fling. That was something I could handle.
But I still shouldn’t have said it. It made that lonely look on his face turn into something even more painful, and I’d been the one to cause that.
I wasn’t used to letting people down.
Ryan opened the passenger’s side door of the truck, letting me settle in before he dropped a soft kiss on my lips, then shut the door and walked around to the driver’s side. Alone for a few seconds in the darkened cab, I wondered why.
Why did I think I was letting him down? I barely knew him. And why shouldn’t I have said that to him, about right place, right time? Why should I care that he’d looked so hurt?
I felt so wrong, somehow, and I couldn’t figure out how to fix it.
In fact, I felt like ever since that first night with Ryan, nothing seemed to be going quite right. I hadn’t made any progress on finding out about Theodore Chambers. I’d actually gone with Mike and Jared to the Cave the other night, where I’d been tossed into the water as part of a “Newbie Initiation.” Everyone had been so nice and easygoing. There’d been drinks, and I’d stayed afterward instead of heading back to my room after my dunking. The night after that, Martine had invited me to the movies, and even though I should have finished my shift early and gone to the town hall to do some research, I’d said yes because…
Because you’re lonely.
No. I pushed the thought away. Admitting to that would mean agreeing with my mom about me not having any real relationships. But she wasn’t right. She couldn’t be right. She’d let me down almost as many times as Dad had, too busy chasing after him—or monitoring him to make sure he was taking his prescriptions so that she wouldn’t have to chase after him. A lifetime of canceled playdates, missed recitals, subdued birthdays—
The driver’s side door opened and Ryan slid in behind the wheel, flashing a grin at me before the starting the engine. When he pulled out of the parking space and turned onto the road leading into town, I put my hand on his knee, inching my fingers below the hem of his shorts and stroking the hair on his thigh.
He kept one hand on the steering wheel and with the other, reached down and covered mine, but not hard enough to keep my fingers from roaming over his leg, slowly inching their way up his thigh. His leg muscles bunched under my touch, the fabric of his shorts straining as he grew harder—but to his credit, he didn’t take his eyes off the road. A few seconds later, his breath was coming much faster just before he broke the silence. “So…I had thought you might be just a summer employee, but I’ve never seen you around before. Are you on summer break from university?”
My fingers slid further up his leg, skating over his warm upper thigh. No underwear.
Beneath my tank top, my nipples hardened.
“Yeah, I’m going into my fourth year at University of Toronto.”
I brushed my fingertips over the wiry hair at the base of his cock, rubbing over his balls, and he grunted and pushed his hips against my hand, almost imperceptibly, but I felt the barely-there pressure of it. His shorts were tented now, but I didn’t touch his erection, just ran my fingers around it, teasing.
It felt so good to touch him.
“What brings—” His voice cracked a little, and he cleared his throat before going on. “What brings you to Deerfield?”
My hand stilled. I hadn’t told anyone the reason why I was looking for this guy, Theodore Chambers. It had felt wrong, somehow, sharing Dad’s problems and Mom’s weakness in loving him with total strangers. But for some reason, I wanted to tell Ryan.
To let him inside of me, just a little.
I withdrew my hand, and I swore he sighed, but I couldn’t think straight while I was touching him. His arousal was turning me on. At this rate, I might end up making him pull over so that I could straddle him on the side of the road.
“I, uh, I’m looking for a guy. But I haven’t been able to find him.” There. I settled for an abbreviated version of the truth.
“Huh. That’s too bad.” The words were sympathetic, but he was grinning when he said them. The grin of a conqueror.
It made me laugh.
“Not that kind of guy.” I shook my head. “It’s a long story. But the short version is that he’s related to someone I know, and I need to find him so that I don’t lose something important, and all I have is his name and that maybe he’s from Deerfield.”
Ryan looked over at me, then back at the road. “I’ve lived here most of my life. Maybe I know him. What’s his name?”
For a brief second, I held my breath. What if Ryan knew him? What if it was as easy as that, and as soon as he said, Oh yeah, I know that Chambers kid, it would all be over and I’d never see Ryan again?
Why did I even care?
“Theodore Chambers.” The name whooshed out of me. “Junior,” I added hastily, but I didn’t think that part mattered as much.
He thought for a second and then shook his head. “Nope. I don’t know him.”
I sighed in relief.
Crap. This was bad.
“Why do you need to find him?”
I stiffened a bit. Not because I hadn’t expected Ryan to ask, but the idea of sharing something like that—it would lead to more questions, I was sure, and then I’d have to tell him about my dad and…
I shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. “Just an old family friend.”
Ryan was quiet for a second, and I could tell he didn’t buy it, but he got the hint and didn’t push. Instead, he tipped his head in my
direction. “Have you looked him up online?”
I nodded. “Yeah, but it’s so weird. There are no listings that fit the person I’m looking for. How is it possible for someone not to show up online? It’s like he doesn’t actually exist, except I know he does.”
“Sounds like you might need some help. Have you thought about hiring an investigator?”
I turned my head away to look out the window. On the one hand, I didn’t like the idea of needing help with this. With anything. It was hard to count on other people, even when you were paying them, and what if it was just a waste of money?
But on the other hand, I didn’t have much time to find this kid. And if I were being brutally honest, I wasn’t doing such a great job of it on my own so far.
I leaned my forehead against the window glass. “I’ve considered it,” I admitted. “But for the moment, I’m trying to do it on my own.” I turned back to him and shrugged. “Besides, even if I wanted to hire a PI, I’d need to save up for it. In fact, I’m working a couple extra hours every day, and I took a waitressing job at a wedding tomorrow afternoon.”
He gave a low whistle. “Waitressing on your day off? That’s a shit ton of work.”
“Yeah, well, PI or no, I really need to make some extra cash. Kathryn—she’s the marketing assistant at the resort—offered me the job a couple days ago and I couldn’t turn down the chance to earn some more money.”
He nodded. “I definitely know how that feels.”
He did? He seemed pretty comfortable. But I felt awkward asking too much. I already felt too raw and exposed from telling him about Theodore Chambers.
I must have been quiet for too long, lost in my own thoughts, because he changed the subject abruptly, asking, “What about you? You said you were an undergrad at Toronto?”
“Yeah. Pre-law. What about you?”
We turned into a residential block just on the edge of town. Rows of neat lots with older bungalows and well-kept lawns lined either side of the street. He reached over and put his hand on my leg this time, squeezing gently, and the sight of his long fingers on the smooth skin of my thigh made my mouth go dry.
