by Audra North
I loved watching her suck my cock.
I threaded my fingers deeper into her hair, my hands moving along with her head as her pace sped up. She kept stroking me with one hand, while with the other she reached up and massaged my balls in her palm, pushing them up against my body and making me groan with the growing pressure.
Fuck yes. Yes. The urge to shoot into her mouth got stronger with every pass of her lips over my swollen cock. It was so good. The best I’d ever had, and the way she was now pulling my sac gently, running her fingernails lightly over the sensitive skin, was making me crazy. I started to pump my hips faster, and this time she let me set the pace, taking me all the way every time.
“Oh fuck. Emery. I’m gonna come.” I was so close. Just one more suck. One more squeeze—
“Shit yeah I’m coming. I’m coming.” My cock jerked, come shooting out into her mouth as my fingers clenched hard in her hair, holding her in place. She rubbed one hand around the base of my dick while her other hand moved to my thigh, nails biting into my skin. The sharp, quick pain had me pulsing even harder, and I groaned, continuing to empty myself into her mouth.
She swallowed in deep, satisfying gulps, until I was completely drained. I’d come so hard that my knees felt weak, and I finally slipped my hand from her hair so that I could sink down on the ground in front of her, panting.
She rose and spread the blanket she’d been kneeling on over the ground, then laid down on top of it, gesturing for me to join her. I practically rolled onto it and into her arms.
“God, Emery. That was incredible. You’re incredible.”
I wasn’t just talking about sex, though. I was talking about Emery herself. How strong she was and how resolute. Like me, it seemed like she didn’t really have parents. Sure, her mom and dad were still alive, but from the sound of it, neither of them had a lot of time or energy to give to her. And yet, she went on. She had the strength to leave her house, to go after what she wanted…to move on.
She was incredible, and I admired her.
And in less than two months, I was going to lose her.
Chapter 11
Emery
The guy sitting across from me in the booth at Deerfield Diner wasn’t like any of the private investigators I’d seen in movies. He didn’t have a black trench coat or slicked back hair or dark sunglasses. In fact, he looked like a balding, slightly-pudgy grandfather type who’d stopped in at the diner on his way to the lake for a day of fishing. He looked like the kind of guy you could tell anything to and trust that he would to understand.
Maybe that was why I’d been talking to him for nearly an hour, sharing everything I knew about Ted and his mystery namesake. Somehow, he’d even gotten me talking about my parents, about things that had nothing to do with Theodore Chambers, Jr.
About thirty seconds ago, he’d glanced down at the notebook where he’d been scribbling things during our meeting, then asked me a completely innocuous question about Ryan, and I’d just finished saying…
“Don’t feel like you have to find this Theodore guy right away, or anything. I mean, I don’t mind staying in Deerfield for a while longer.”
Oh my God. Had I really just told this PI that he didn’t have to worry about actually doing his job so that I could have an excuse to stay here and spend more time with Ryan? That was what I’d been thinking just now, when I said it.
His eyes went all soft and understanding, and I wanted to kick myself.
“These things take time, anyway.” He looked back down at his notebook, and this time his eyes lingered there, as though he didn’t want to watch my reaction to his next statement. “But from the information you gave me, I think there’s a pretty good chance that I’ll find this Chambers fellow.”
Damn. He really knew what he was doing. He must have known that my face would register shock first, then hope, then something that felt a lot like—oddly enough—regret.
How had I not seen it until now? There was too much tied up in this search. Not just my childhood home. My feelings about my parents. My feelings about Ryan’s parents.
My feelings about Ryan.
After a moment, I took a deep breath and wiped my expression into a something that I hoped looked more certain than I felt. “That sounds great.”
He closed his notebook and folded his hands on top of it, then met my eyes. “I just need to know one thing, Miss Phillips.”
Do you love Ryan? For some reason, that was the only thing my mind could think of, and it made me blush. But I managed to force out a tentative, “Yes?”
“What happens if you approach this person after I locate him, and he refuses to sign the loan extension?”
Damn. I’d only briefly considered it, early on, but hadn’t actually come up with an answer. It hadn’t occurred to me to think too deeply about it. I had assumed that the hardest part would be actually finding the younger Theodore, not convincing him that saving my family home was the right thing to do.
“I-I don’t know.”
“I see.” He quirked up one side of his mouth in an almost-smile. “Well, if you don’t mind my saying so, I’ve been doing this for many years, and the one thing I’ve found to be true in every case is that it helps to be prepared for any outcome. Often, the one you least expect to happen is the one that will.”
* * *
Ryan
“And then he asked me what I would do if Ted’s son refused to sign the loan extension, and I wasn’t sure.”
Emery was sitting next to me on the bench by the boathouse, telling me about her meeting with the PI this morning. A wide lawn stretched out in front of the boathouse, where a group of guests were gathering, getting outfitted for a rafting tour. I caught sight of Noah, who had been the guide on the tour that Bobby and I had done. He was handing out life jackets and laughing with a pretty girl I’d met once before. Kat, maybe?
Emery leaned her head on my shoulder. “What if that’s what happens? What if, after all of this, we find Theodore Chambers and he says no?”
I tried not to get too excited that she had said we, like I was really a part of her life. But still, the sound made me pretty happy.
“I mean, he wouldn’t say no, would he?”
Wow. I’d seen Emery in all kind of moods, but this was the first time since I’d met her that I’d seen her scared.
But I couldn’t lie to her just to make he feel better. Even though I wanted to. I put my arm around her and hugged her close to my side. “Honestly, I don’t know the answer to that. I mean, if I were in this guy’s shoes, and I didn’t know you…” How was I supposed to tell her that, if it were me, I would probably say no? Not that it would be me, but still.
“What if his not having a dad his whole life meant that he struggled for money? Even though you said that Ted tried to find the kid, for all that Junior knows, his dad didn’t want to have anything to do with him. I know from experience and can promise you that being abandoned by your dad doesn’t exactly make you feel charitable toward him. Or, even if he doesn’t care, what if this kid just needs the money? I mean, even with selling the house, I’m not exactly in a position to turn down a bunch of cash. I’ve got three years of med school ahead, and living on a resident’s salary after that, and giving up the promise of that much security…well, I don’t think I would.”
Next to me, I felt her stiffen, but it was just for a second, and when she relaxed against me again, it was with a sigh. “You’re right.” She wrapped an arm around my stomach and kissed my shoulder. “And I’m sorry you have to take on the burden of selling the house and paying for school and stuff by yourself. We haven’t talked a lot about it and, well, I just want you to know that if there’s anyone who can succeed on his own, it’s you.”
Coming from Emery, that was a serious compliment. I’d seen the way she kept people at arm’s length. The way she talked about not being able to trust anyone, even her own parents, and how independent she insisted on being. I dropped a kiss into her hair. A gesture of thanks
.
I wondered, what would I do if I were Theodore Chambers instead of Ryan Miller? She’d said Ted’s long-lost son was about our age. I wondered how it would feel to finally know who my father was, why he had left, and why he’d never come back for me. How would it feel to at last finally have a complete picture of who I was and what I’d lost?
If I were Theodore Chambers, maybe my mom would still be alive. If I were Theodore Chambers, I’d have enough money to pay for school without selling my mom’s house. I could have a little more time to find the courage I needed to say goodbye. The courage to face the past and then leave it behind.
I was lost in those thought when Emery sighed again, lifted her head, and grinned at me. “I’ve gotta say, though, I’m glad it’s not you.”
The thing is, in that moment, I wished it was.
Chapter 12
Emery
“So, he’s your boyfriend?”
I had just finished telling my mom about the meeting yesterday with the investigator that Ryan had hired. I didn’t tell her about how I’d told the guy he could take his time so that I could have an excuse to be here longer with Ryan. Or about how I had a conflicting worry—that the chance of Ted’s son refusing to sign the extension was higher than him agreeing to it, and that I was running out of time, especially if it turned out that I’d need to do any convincing.
But all my mother could seem to focus on was Ryan. How Ryan had been the one to set up the meeting. How Ryan knew that I was looking for Theodore Chambers. How much time I’d been spending with Ryan.
“Mom! Did you not hear anything I just said? There’s a good chance we’ll be able to locate this kid before the three months are up. That gives us at least five more weeks. The house might still not get sold out from under us.”
“I hear, Emery. It sounds great. But your boyfriend also sounds great, and I’d love to hear more about him.”
I don’t know why it bothered me, almost as though if I shared anything about him, he’d become tainted, somehow. It was almost as though I’d stopped trusting my mom.
Or maybe I hadn’t for a long time and was only realizing it now.
What a mess.
“Mom. Honestly. He’s not my boyfriend. It’s nothing serious.” It felt bad to say that, like I was somehow dismissing him, but in the end, wasn’t that what we had agreed to? Except I hadn’t expected to end up feeling this way about him. Like for the first time in years, I could depend on someone to be there for me. How perverse, that I could only feel this way with a guy whom I’d agreed to stop seeing in a matter of weeks.
Ever since that day in the woods, when he’d offered to help me out with the search for Theodore Chambers, I’d been trying to convince myself that he wasn’t as dependable as he seemed. After all, he was still dealing with his own grief over his mother. Even I could see that. I definitely didn’t need to get more involved with a guy who couldn’t bring himself to clean up one room. Fuck. I cleaned twenty rooms a day, didn’t I?
Nothing I told myself seemed to work, though. I knew he would be there for me. I knew I could trust him. I was losing my own argument.
“But you told him about the house.” Mom’s voice was disbelieving, which made me scowl. How come she never seemed to accept my actions for what they were? Strange, that since I’d arrived here in Deerfield, I’d been seeing more and more how often she questioned what I said or did.
Like she didn’t trust me.
It made me prickly. I huffed into the phone. “Well, yeah. I mean, I had to.”
“Did you?”
Oh no she didn’t. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She must have heard the rising anger in my voice, because she backed down immediately. “Nothing, sweetheart. I’m sorry. It’s none of my business. I just thought, from the way you talked about him, that maybe there was something deeper than just an attraction. Like, maybe he meant something more to you.”
Well, now I felt guilty. I hadn’t intended to make him out as completely meaningless.
“He is more than just attraction. I mean, as a person. He’s a good guy. But that’s it. We’ve both agreed that this is just for the summer.”
But again, as I said the words, my heart squeezed in protest.
“I see.” The way my mother said it, I was pretty sure Mom really did see. But I didn’t feel like talking about Ryan anymore. If anything, I needed to pull back from him before it was too late. Before there was a possibility of losing more than just my house.
Before I lost my heart.
* * *
Ryan
Fuck. I loved Emery. I loved her and I didn’t want her to go.
I was driving away from Stone Cliff the morning after Emery had met with the PI. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about what would happen when she found Theodore Chambers. That’s what she’d come here for, and when she got it…we’d be over. And that was when I’d realized—as I’d turned onto the main road leading into Deerfield—that I couldn’t imagine life without her.
I loved her.
But how could I tell her? Should I tell her? What if she rejected me?
I was so afraid of losing yet another person who was important to me. My dad had run off…my mom had died…I was about to move away from Bobby and all those years of friendship…
It was one thing to lose Emery, but still keep a hold on my heart. It was another thing to lay it bare, to open it up for her to destroy.
I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
Whatever happened, I couldn’t tell her that I loved her and wanted a future with her when I couldn’t let go of the past. I had to do that first.
But how?
Chapter 13
Emery
I slipped my hand into Ryan’s as we walked into the ballroom where the art exhibit was being held. Another girl who worked at the resort was showing her art here, and I’d told her I’d come.
I hadn’t even had to ask Ryan to come with me. When I’d called him earlier, I’d just mentioned the exhibit and he’d asked what time he should meet me. Somehow, we had gotten to the point where it was just understood that we’d do everything together.
He grinned down at me. “How long did it take you to finish your work today?” Ever since he’d helped me clean those two rooms, he’d been teasing me about how much faster I was than him. When I’d finally admitted that when I’d first started at Stone Cliff, it would take ten hours to clean the rooms I was responsible for and now it only took eight, he had challenged me to get it down to seven hours by the time I had to leave Deerfield.
In only four more weeks.
I tried not to think about that.
“Seven hours and forty six minutes.” I squared my shoulders and looked triumphant. “I’ll definitely get down to seven by the end of the month.”
The smile in his eyes faded a bit, and he squeezed my hand.
So I wasn’t the only one feeling like this.
Should I say something? But what could I say? I might love you but only if you love me, too, and you’d better not hurt me, ever.
Great. That was both wishy-washy and scary.
Before I could come up with anything else, he paused in front of a large photo of a good-looking guy and cleared his throat.
“I heard from the investigator this afternoon. He said he tried to call you but it just went to voicemail.”
I tore my attention away from the photo to stare up at him. “Oh! I accidentally left my phone in my room after I called you about the exhibit. What did he say?”
Ryan turned to face me and put his arms around my waist, and I was immediately grateful for the reassuring touch. “He’s got a lead on someone in Alberta. Maybe even Deerfield, but he’s not sure. He at least narrowed it down to the province, though.”
“So he thinks Theodore Chambers really is here?” I thought back to that first conversation with my mother, remembering how Mom had protested that Ted’s son could be anywhere. “I mean, in Canada. Not in the U.S. or Germa
ny or Mexico or something?”
Ryan laughed. “I don’t know for sure, and neither does the PI, but that’s where he’s focusing his efforts. He hopes to have more news in another week or so.”
“Oh my gosh. Ryan, I—” This might actually work. Maybe Ted’s son would say no, but he might also say yes. I hoped he would say yes. In fact, I could feel hope rising in me, a kind of excitement that I hadn’t felt in ages. I leaned closer and wrapped my arms around his neck, going on my tiptoes to kiss him in the middle of the exhibit.
“You guys. Gross,” a voice interrupted us, and I broke the kiss to see Bobby, Ryan’s friend, standing a foot away and grinning like a dumbass.
Bobby had hung out with me and Ryan a few times, and I really liked him. At first, I’d thought he was a total meathead, but as I’d taken the time to get to know him, I’d realized that he was super sharp, caring, and loyal, even though he had plenty of issues of his own to work through.
He was a good guy, and I was glad he was Ryan’s best friend.
“No need to be jealous.” Ryan kept one arm wrapped around my waist and with the other, he reached out to pat Bobby on the shoulder. “You’ll be a big boy someday, too, and you’ll meet a girl, and then you’ll understand why grown-ups do this kind of thing.”
I rolled my eyes. Whenever the two of them got together, it was always like this.
Except…no, that wasn’t right. When I’d first met Ryan, he hadn’t been this way. It was mostly Bobby who had brought the levity to their conversations. But over the past few weeks, Ryan had started joking around more.
I liked to think that maybe I’d had that influence on him.
“Whatever, man.” Bobby turned to me and made a pucker with his lips. “Whenever you get tired of him, you just come to me, Emery. I’ll take care of you.”
“Dude. Get away.” Ryan spread his fingers over Bobby’s face and pushed his head away. “Go find some other couple to say completely inappropriate things to.”
