by Audra North
And my mother’s handwriting, this one addressed to Ted, telling him that she didn’t have much longer to live and wanted him to know that she regretted never explaining why she’d broken things off with him.
You were too good for me. I thought back then that you would have wasted your life with a nobody like me. I hadn’t been able to bear the thought of the day when a well-off, distinguished man like you would tire of an uneducated girl from a poor family. I told myself that I was setting you free to live the great life you were meant to have, but the truth was that I was scared. Scared to spend the rest of my life feeling foolish and out of place because I didn’t fit in with your life, your friends, your family. I wasn’t brave enough, but I never stopped loving you. I wasn’t brave enough, and that cost all of us something, in the end.
I didn’t know how to feel anymore. All I knew was that I was angry with Mom for letting her fear get the way of living a full life.
The same thing I’d been doing all summer. The same thing I’d done with Emery.
No.
No, I wasn’t going to make the same mistake. At least, I was going to fix it. I wasn’t going to end up like Mom, alone and scared until the very end. I was going to find Emery, and I was going to tell her that I was sorry.
But would she forgive me?
I wasn’t sure, but for the first time, I was willing to take the risk of the unknown. I slid the papers back in the packet and went to pack my bag.
Chapter 17
Emery
“Emery?”
I looked up to see my mom standing in the doorway of my room, looking concerned. “What are you doing, sweetheart?”
I’d arrived yesterday in the late afternoon and practically collapsed, sobbing, into my mother’s arms. When I’d arrived home, I’d hugged my dad and told him I was sorry, that I forgave him, and that I’d been a jerk of a daughter for too long.
I’d told them both the entire story over spaghetti and meatballs before falling asleep at the table like a toddler. When I’d woken up this morning, I was in my own bed, still wearing my gross traveling clothes. I’d nearly cried again when I realized that my dad must have carried me up the stairs.
“I’m packing.” I shoved a shirt into the open duffel bag on the bed in front of me.
“I can see that. Where are you going?”
“Back to Deerfield. I need to see Ryan.”
“Emery—”
“Not about the house, Mom. I need to tell him that I love him. I need to say I’m sorry for not being more understanding. More forgiving. I—” I paused for a second, one hand holding a pair of socks, hovering over the bag. “I need him to forgive me.”
Mom took a step into the room, holding out her hands like she was trying to soothe a wild animal. I must have looked like one, anyway, with my unwashed, crazy hair and gross T-shirt that had God only knows how many stains on it from eating meals while on the bus or in quick, ten-minute breaks at gas stations.
“You don’t have to leave right away, though, do you? I came up to let you know that there’s someone here to see you. Why don’t you take a short break?”
I shook my head. “No. Tell whoever it is to go away. I don’t want to waste any more time.”
Mom’s eyes got all big and her mouth was twisting like she wanted to smile but was trying not to. What was going on? “Emery, I think you should go downstairs.”
“I don’t want to! I want to see Ryan. I can’t believe how stupid I was. I messed up everything. And I don’t even care about the house anymore. I’m sorry, but I don’t. I just want Ryan. I just—” I had to stop then. I was crying too hard to keep talking.
“Oh, honey. Please don’t cry.” Mom rushed forward, wrapping her arms around me and holding me tightly.
“I can’t help it.” I sobbed. “I just—I made a mistake and I’m so afraid that I won’t be able to fix it. I’m such an idiot.”
“No, you’re not. You’re brilliant and strong, and I’m so proud to be your mother. You were right, you know, a couple of months ago, when you told me that you were the only one who was actually doing something. I’ve been so wrapped up in taking care of your dad that I’d forgotten how important it is to take charge of my own life, too. You taught me that simply by doing what you did. I didn’t tell you last night, but I joined a support group last month and it is helping a lot. I’ve come to see how much I hurt you by not being there for you as much as I should have been. And I hope that, someday, you’ll be able to forgive me.”
“I do forgive you. Like you said, love isn’t just about trusting someone. It’s about forgiving mistakes, too. And I love you.”
“Oh, Emery.” Mom’s voice was wavering. I gave her one last, hard squeeze before pulling back and looking down at my half packed duffel bag.
“I have to go.”
At that, my mother let out a laugh, surprising me. “Sweetheart…oh, goodness. I was trying to keep it a surprise, but the person who is here to see you is Ryan. He’s downstairs.”
What? I gaped at her. “Ryan? My Ryan?”
Mom nodded. “Tall, good-looking, and crazy about you?”
I blushed. “He’s not crazy about me. I was so wrong. Is he really here?”
She laughed. “I wouldn’t tease you about something like this. And seeing as he traveled a few thousand miles for you, I’d say he’s very crazy about you. He arrived a few minutes ago. So quit packing and—”
I didn’t hear the rest of her sentence. I was already thundering down the stairs, rumpled clothes and all.
* * *
Ryan
I’d never been so nervous in my life. Sitting here in Emery’s living room, in the house she’d been talking about all summer—the house I owned—I was more afraid than I’d ever been.
Afraid of losing her again.
I heard footsteps pounding down the stairs, and I stood up immediately, my heart nearly bursting with nerves and hope. A few seconds later, Emery appeared at the threshold of the living room.
“Ryan.”
She was out of breath, and I couldn’t tell if she was happy to see me or just surprised, or angry, or—well, at least she was talking to me. She wasn’t refusing to see me, like I’d almost expected her to. We stood like that, both leaning toward one another, for another second, until Emery’s mom came down the stairs, too, breaking the tension in the air. She smiled warmly at both of us.
“Why don’t I fix a plate of cheese and crackers while the two of you talk?” She walked on, disappearing down the hall toward what I assumed was the kitchen, and the tightness between me and Emery grew again. I didn’t know what to say. Despite what it had taken me to get here—several frantic phone calls to the solicitors, a rushed flight, and a taxi ride out here early this morning—I was suddenly, completely at a loss for words.
Speak! You’ll never win her back if you just stare at her in silence.
I opened my mouth. “Em—”
“No, wait.” She immediately held up a hand, as though the sound of my voice had triggered her own words. “I’m sorry for interrupting you. But I just want—I need to say this first…” She took a deep breath, then said on an exhale. “I’m sorry. This time not for interrupting you just now, I mean. For not giving you the benefit of the doubt. For acting like I trusted you and then not actually trusting you.”
I almost couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I’d come prepared to tell her I loved her and needed her with me. I’d come prepared to beg. I’d come with the signed loan extension at the ready. But I hadn’t come prepared for her to apologize.
“Really?” I tried not to rush toward her and kiss her senseless, but I ached to hold her. I wasn’t sure what to do. Did she expect me to make the first move? She’d said she was sorry, but she hadn’t said she wanted to be together again.
Thankfully, Mrs. Phillips walked in right then, carrying a plate. She set it down on the coffee table in front of the big couch where I had been sitting, and I blinked when I saw it. The plate was pra
ctically exploding with an assortment of cheese and crackers. I wondered whether she was maybe nervous for her daughter. That would certainly explain why there was enough cheese and crackers on this plate to feed at least twenty people.
Emery gasped. “Oh my God, Mom, that cracker plate is insane.”
I laughed, unable to contain my mirth, and in that moment I caught Emery’s eye. She was laughing, too, and the way she was smiling at me…
Mrs. Phillips grinned at both of us, looking relieved. “Enjoy!” she chirped. She touched Emery lightly on the shoulder as she walked out, and the room was quiet again, but the air had changed. It felt more relaxed.
This time, I didn’t have to think about it at all. Emery took a step forward, looking right at me, and at the same time I strode toward her, closing the distance between us in a second, taking her in my arms and holding her close.
“I love you, Emery. When you walked out and I thought I’d lost you…I can’t believe I almost lost you. And I was so afraid. More than I’d ever been. But you were the one who taught me that fear just holds you back. And I knew that, if I wanted to be worthy of you, I had to get over that fear. That’s when I decided to come after you. Because I want to show you that I’m not afraid to love you. I want you to love me the way that I love you.”
She gasped. “I love you, too.” Her earnest gaze met mine. “And I’m so sorry for not believing you. For not listening to you first. I’m sorry it took leaving to realize that I really do trust you. I should have stayed long enough to understand why. I should have trusted you enough to know that I would also have forgiven you.”
“So…you do forgive me?” I touched my forehead to hers.
She grinned up at me. “Nothing to forgive.”
And then she rose on her tiptoes and kissed me.
Thank you!
Thanks so much for reading Losing It! I hope you enjoyed it! If you’d like to find out about other Summer Lovin’ releases from some of the hottest names in New Adult romance, be sure to like our Facebook page.
You can also continue reading for more details on each book in the series and an excerpt from Fitting In, my New Adult novelette in Summer Rain, a romance anthology from which 100 percent of proceeds are donated to RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network).
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Audra
Summer Lovin’ Series
Crashing Down by Cathryn Fox
When reckless meets responsible...
Straight A student Kathryn Lane is all work and no play. She's determined to keep her scholarship, and that means no distractions...until she takes a summer internship at Stone Cliff Resort and meets bad boy Noah Ryan. She knows she should keep her distance—after all he’s not the kind of guy she can bring home to daddy—but his disarming smile and dangerous ways are entirely too tempting.
College dropout, Noah Ryan takes one look at Kathryn and instantly knows her type—ambitious, driven and determined, just like he used to be, before the accident that derailed his life and left him an emotional wreck. He vows to avoid her, but when a co-worker backs him into a bet he can’t refuse, everything he’s been running from is challenged and he’s forced to confront his demons.
Soon, Kathryn and Noah are lost to everything except each other. As their lives become entwined, their passion is reckless, their heat all-consuming but when hurtful truths spill out, can Noah prove himself worthy of the one girl who can heal his wounded heart, or will the fire they ignited turn to ash when it all comes crashing down?
Click to buy Crashing Down on Amazon
* * *
Loving Lies by Renee Field, Available August 4, 2014
Blake Samson is a man driven to succeed. Having grown up with a disinherited, alcoholic father, he knows the value of money and isn’t afraid to work for it. Now, with a degree in business, he’s out to prove himself to his wealthy grandfather. Securing his first major deal by acquiring Stone Cliff Resort at a rock bottom price will confirm that he’s a wheeler-dealer type who won’t take no for an answer, just like the old man. To accomplish his goals, Blake has put his personal life on hold, determined to remain focused on the prize, until the sexy little Gothed-up bartender dumps a drink in his lap.
Having a wealthy, Greek tycoon for a father wasn’t easy for Alyssa Papadopoulos, especially one who still believed in the archaic tradition of arranged marriages to seal a business deal. Now, three years after skipping out on the groom, she’d been on her own, coping in the real world with a new name, a new look and fake history that guaranteed no one would associate her with her father. Accepting a job at Stone Cliff Resort in Alberta provides her with a good income and the opportunity to work on her one true love—photography. Getting involved with a rich bad boy didn’t factor into the plan. Too bad she hasn’t dated in months, and Mr. McDreamy of the lake has dimples to die for and a body that makes her hormones stand up and scream, Oh, hell yes!
Alyssa tries to avoid Blake, but he’s determined they enjoy some summer loving, offering her a deal filled with stolen kisses and hot steamy nights she finds impossible to resist. When Blake’s father dies and the world he's struggled to build begins to crumble, will Alyssa reveal the truth she so desperately holds on to, or will two people lying about their past give themselves permission to love.
* * *
Taming Tess by Jan Meredith, Coming August 18, 2014
Once, Tess O’Neil had it all: head cheerleader, dating the most popular guy in school, a GPA of 4.0 that promised the spot of Valedictorian and a SAT score that guaranteed a full scholarship to the exclusive Culinary Arts Institute of her dreams in Nashville. Prom night was the icing on the cake…or so she thought. A date rape shatters her trust, leaving Tess skittish of a man’s touch, and fearing she may never be able to have a normal relationship again. Now, three years later, she’s ready to move on. When the opportunity to spend the summer at a posh vacation resort in Canada interning as a pastry chef arises, Tess welcomes the chance to get away from the past and her overprotective family. What she didn’t expect was to meet a former soldier with a wounded soul and a gentle touch that awakens the woman within.
Jax Warren has seen enough of blood and sand. Two tours of duty in Afghanistan has left him with grit in his heart and memories that haunt his dreams. A month out of uniform with his loving but hovering family has him ready to fly apart like the IED that killed his best friend. When a fellow veteran invites him to Alberta for the summer, it’s just what Jax needs. He finds solace in running Stone Cliff Resort’s stables and caring for a horse in need of a gentle hand. At last he finds a modicum of piece—until a diminutive blond with big green eyes full of longing and doubt walks in to his stables. Suddenly, Jax finds himself walking a line more fragile than the minefields in the Middle East. In her arms, he finds the sleep of a peaceful heart—but when the demons come to him in the night will she still want the man they leave behind?
* * *
Surviving Nikki by Lilly Cain, Coming September 1, 2014
Nikki Martin comes from Compton, one of the roughest neighborhoods in Toronto. She caught a break getting into the U of T, but like everything else, she’s had to bust her ass to stay there, especially when there’s no support from home to help pay for her degree. When her bursary becomes defunct she’s desperate to find work for the summer, even if it means she has to lie on her application to score a job at a resort far from home. Hell, that might be the best part. A summer in the mountains has to be better than bumming around the city. She can figure the whole mountaineering thing out before anyone realizes she’s never so much as climbed a tree—It can’t be as hard as surviving in the inner city.
Evan Cade has worked at Stone Cliff Resort as a guide since he was sixteen and loves it to the point whe
re someday he intends to buy the place, or build one just like it. So when a hotshot girl from Toronto is hired on to run one of the survival camps, he decides to take her for a test run and make sure she’s as good as she claims—before some innocent camper pays the price. Out on the mountain he discovers Nikki is nothing like she reads on paper, and while some of that is good, very good, it’s bad news for the camp. It’s either teach her everything he knows, or cancel half the bookings and risk closing the program. He just has to get past his reaction to her and concentrate on the job at hand.
Evan has his mind on business but Nikki doesn’t take direction well. Following Evan and trusting him goes against her nature. But this isn’t the city and she needs the job. She can only imagine there is one thing he could want in exchange for the lessons, even if he doesn’t spell it out. Nikki needs this job to survive, but can Evan really imagine surviving Nikki?
* * *
Saving Sullivan by Sara Hubbard, Coming September 15, 2014
Sullivan Hope is a total screw up. He finished university with the help of his father’s donations to the school and an ultimatum: Straighten up and join him in the family business, or screw up again and he’s cut off for good. This summer is his last chance to live it up before walking the straight and narrow in the fall, and the lure of a good party and, even better, alcohol is more than he can resist. Besides, he’s never met a situation he can’t handle or talk his way out of, or a pair of panties he couldn’t talk his way into. That is, until he meets Abby, the nursing student full of sarcasm and sass.
