He lets go after only a few moments. I stagger away, unsteady from the assault.
“Gods,” he breathes. “You know how I love seeing that spunk in you, Lilly. Nobody else, anywhere in my life, gives me that.”
I huff and turn away, but I can’t pretend that I’m completely unaffected. Even though I fought it, that short kiss did something to me, too.
I guess passion is greatest when emotions run high. I’m not going to forget that in the future.
After giving me time to adjust my hair, Stonehart steps to the door. “Ready?” he asks. “At my side, Lilly. Now.”
I avoid looking at him as I walk over.
“Good,” he says, then leans in close to my ear. “Obedience is good when you know I need it. We’re going to step inside once more. This time, watch what you say.”
He swipes his wrist by the handle, the lock clicks open, and he leads me in.
Paul is… sitting on the bed, facing away from us, exactly the same way as when I first saw him. Nothing about the room gives any indication that a disturbance has occurred. The bed sheets are flat, smoothed over where Stonehart and I sat.
“Paul,” Stonehart says. “You may rise and greet your guests.”
Paul stands. There’s a stiffness to the motion. He turns around and stares at us. His eyes are empty once more.
“Paul,” Stonehart coaxes. “It’s good manners to say hello.”
“Hello,” he echoes, listless and hollow as ever.
“And to apologize for your previous behavior.”
Paul’s eyes go to the floor. “I’m sorry.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“It is forgiven!” Stonehart announces. At his words, Paul looks up again, anxious as a newly-trained pup.
“Will you invite us to take a seat?”
“Oh! Yes, yes. Please. Please, sit down.” Paul steps away from the bed to give us room. “I’m afraid I wasn’t expecting you again, Doctor Telfair. I did not set the kettle. We’ll have to wait for the water to boil…”
He trails off and wrings his hands. “That’s probably not good manners, either,” he mutters, ashamed.
“You don’t need to worry about that. Lilly and I won’t be staying long.”
“Lilly?” he repeats, sounding astounded. “Lilly’s here?”
“Yes, Paul. She is.”
“Can I… Can I see her?”
Stonehart gives a miniscule nod. “You may.”
And for the first time, Paul shifts his gaze to me. He looks at me. Really at me.
“Lilly,” he says. My name on his lips sounds almost like a prayer. He steps toward me, and brings a trembling hand to my cheek. There are tears in his eyes.
“My daughter.”
Chapter Nine
I reel back, breaking away from his touch.
“What?” I stammer. “What are you talking about? Jeremy, what’s he talking abou…”
The remainder of my words die on my tongue as I get a look at Stonehart beside me. He’s sitting straight, proud and triumphant in the moment. His eyes shine at me in their blackness, and the smug, knowing, satisfied smile that tugs on the corners of his lips tells me everything I need to know.
Paul is telling the truth.
All of a sudden, it becomes difficult to breathe. My chest tightens, and a horrible nauseous feeling builds in my stomach.
My vision blurs. The lights in the room become vague, indistinctive points in a swelling darkness. My mind retreats, burrowing itself somewhere far away. Somewhere safe and distant and very, very far.
A lifeless gray starts to envelop me like a warm blanket. It offers escape. It offers safety.
But I can’t retreat. Not now. I’m stronger than that. I have to be.
It takes all the willpower I possess to claw my way back to the surface. Tides and eddies of the strongest suppressed emotions threaten to pull me down. But I fight through them.
Eventually, my eyes regain their focus. I am back in the little claustrophobic chamber of a room.
Stonehart is speaking.
“…in accordance to our prior arrangement. I have been told that you have been on your best behavior, Paul. Consider this, the fulfilment of my promise to you, as the final Token of Good Behavior you will receive.”
Bile builds in my throat. Stonehart gave Paul tokens, too?
Paul nods eagerly. “Of course. Of course! I understand. I just did not expect to see Lilly… my precious Lilly…”
He starts tearing up again.
“How?” I whisper. “I mean you… you’re really… my father?”
“Yes,” he says through joyous tears. “Yes, Lilly. I am!”
The tightness in my chest threatens to make a comeback. “Where were you?” I choke out. “When I was growing up. When I was alone. Where were you?”
“I’m so sorry,” Paul says. He sinks to his knees. “I’m sorry for everything, Lilly. For all that I’ve done. For all that I haven’t given you.”
Another change comes over Paul. Now, it’s like I am the only one in the room for him. Stonehart might as well not exist.
How did he get into such a fragile mental state? I wonder in a daze. What happened to him in the ten years since I saw him last?
“You saved me once,” I speak, nearly breathless. “That summer in the woods.”
“You remember!” Paul gasps. “God bless you. You remember!”
“Why didn’t you tell me…” my voice hitches under stain of all the emotions I’m trying to keep in check, “…Why didn’t you tell me who you were? You always ignored me! That entire summer at the cabin, you ignored me! Why did you always…” a sob comes out, “…always ignore me?”
“Lilly.” Stonehart’s voice directs my attention to him. “Remember what I said. There is no need to yell. Paul will answer your questions so long as I allow it.”
I give him a venomous glare. As long as he allows it? The man has been running my life from the shadows for God-knows-how-long. Now he has the nerve to interfere, in this?
“Go on, Paul,” Stonehart says. “Your daughter deserves her answers.”
“It was an agreement.” Paul’s eyes take on a faraway look as he steps into the past. “An agreement I made with your mother. I’m not a good man, Lilly. I have lived my life in sin. Temptations of the flesh always called to me. I was powerless against their allure. Their wonder.”
He takes a deep breath. “When you were born, I had a… a substance problem. Your mother offered an ultimatum: our family, or the drugs. I made the wrong choice. I left you, my only daughter, my only Guiding Light in the world, the only thing I should have ever treasured, because I was weak. I did not know how much that choice would cost me.
“But your mother… she is a generous woman. Too generous, by far. She always had a big heart, Lilly.
“Years passed. And it was only a decade after you were born that I realized the mistake I had made. I crawled back to your mother on hands and knees, begging her to take me back, begging her to let me see you.
“And you know what she did? Do you know what that marvelous, amazing, beautiful woman did? She took pity on me. Like the great woman that she was. She took me in again, but only on one condition:
“That I would not reveal myself to you until I was one-hundred percent sober.”
Moisture starts to well in the corner of my eyes. Paul’s words are so heartfelt, so genuine, that there is absolutely no way that they can be the ramblings of a lunatic.
He really is my father. It’s not a delusion like the tea kettle.
“So you see,” he says, inching toward me and taking my hands in his. “You see, that was why things were the way they were. That was why I couldn’t tell you earlier. And that summer? The summer we spent at the cabin? I was getting close then, Lilly. I’d been sober for six weeks. Eight was the milestone your mother set for me. If I could abstain for two full months, I could tell you who I was. We could be a family for the first time.
�
�But…” he takes a shuddery breath. “But having you go missing, all through the night, it terrified me. After I found you, I had a relapse. Your mother took you and left.
“You can’t be mad at her, Lilly. You mustn’t be. She only did it to protect you. Don’t you see? She knew me better than I did myself. She knew I was not strong enough to resist the calling that had defined my entire life. She didn’t want you to know, because she did not want you to suffer the ultimate disappointment when I let you down. When I showed my true nature.”
He stops talking. I just stare at him, stunned. The fanciful story… it makes sense. My mother’s behavior in the aftermath of her breakup with Paul makes sense. The lies she told me about him afterward make sense. The false memories she successfully planted in my head about him make sense.
They were her way of coping. She was the one who needed protection, not me. Paul, whatever his faults, was so much better than all the other boyfriends she’d had. More than that. He was the father of her daughter. Hope that things might be different was what let her take him back. And the crushing blow when the realization hit that he was ever the same man was what propelled her spiral into alcoholism.
How ironic it is that the one thing that kept Paul away was ultimately the same thing that destroyed her relationship with me.
“But now…” a tremulous smile comes over Paul’s face. “Now, we’ve been reunited, my precious Lilly. Thanks to Doctor Telfair. It’s been more than five years since my last drink. Did you know that? Doctor Telfair told me, he promised me, that if I could repent my sins, I would be able to see you. I’ve dreamed of nothing else since. And now, today…” the tears are flowing freely now, “Here you are.”
He chokes down a sob. “I couldn’t have done it without Doctor Telfair . I owe him everything.” Paul glances at Stonehart. The look is full of unbridled admiration. “He is a great man. As great as your mother. He saved me. I owe my life to him. And now…” he brings my hands to his cheek, “…I owe my daughter to him, too.”
That’s not all you owe him. I think of the collar. Of Paul’s collar. Of my own.
“I think that’s enough,” Stonehart interrupts. Paul flinches back. “Lilly, we have a dinner to attend. If we still intend to make the reservation, we cannot delay any longer.”
He stands up. Paul scrambles away, almost in fear.
My father, I think vaguely. What did Stonehart do to you?
At that very instant, the strongest sense of purpose I have ever felt surges through me. I will discover Stonehart’s true motives. I will make him cower before me. I will make him tremble. I will destroy everything and anything that he holds dear.
Not for me. Not for myself. Not even for vengeance.
But for Paul.
Chapter Ten
Back in the limo, Stonehart appears very, very pleased with himself.
“You’re awfully quiet,” he comments.
“I’m thinking!” I snap.
Everything that’s happened after leaving Paul has been a blur. I barely remember the walk out of the complex. I couldn’t say if there were any interactions with the staff.
One thing stands out, though. We did not leave the way we came. This time, Stonehart led me through what was obviously the main reception room—the main entrance for guests and visitors to the place. I saw the name of the institution on the wall:
Cedar Woods Academy.
Beneath it was a list of all the major benefactors. It came as no surprise that Stonehart Industries topped the list.
The revelation that Paul is my father should have had a greater effect on me. But after everything I’ve faced, after everything I’ve seen, I think I’ve developed a sort of immunity to such surprises.
Besides, that’s not what concerns me most. A huge—an enormous—piece of the puzzle has been revealed. But the overall mosaic is still shrouded in shadow.
It’s obvious that Stonehart has a connection to me. To Paul. To my mother?
A tide of fear washes over me. Am I about the find out that she is a victim of the man’s madness, too?
“My mother,” I begin…
“—Has nothing to do with this,” Stonehart says. His cruel eyes reflect the Christmas lights from outside and seem to shine red like a demon’s. “Don’t you see, my Lilly-flower, my Lilly dear? The only people who matter to me right now…” he spreads his hands, “…were contained in that very room.”
His smile lingers for a long time. Then, he adds, “As for further reunions, well, you should not be expecting any more, any time soon.”
“Paul called you something else. Doctor Telfair. Why?”
“Isn’t it obvious? That is who he believes I am.”
“Why, Jeremy? What does Paul have to do with this? With any of this?”
I hesitate for a flicker of a second, debating the necessity of my next question. It’s in direct violation of the rules he laid out at our first interaction.
I ask it anyway.
“What do I have to do with any of this?”
Stonehart laughs. “Now, now,” he says. “You don’t think I’d give away the mystery so easily, do you? Everything has a time and place, Lilly. When the pieces are in position… when the actors are ready and the stage is set… all shall be revealed.”
“You want me to be frightened, don’t you?” I whisper. I’m not speaking softly out of fear, but out of the firmest resolve. “It’s all about power and control for you. It’s all about the damned head games. You kept me in the dark because it gives you pleasure to see me uncertain.” My voice is growing stronger and stronger with each sentence. “You did it to show how powerful you are, how strong, how cunning. Didn’t you, Jeremy? But I know your weakness. I know what you really want. You crave attention. Everything you’ve done with your life has stemmed from that, hasn’t it? You told me about your brothers and your father. You told me how he ignored you, how you were passed over time and time again. The story didn’t hold meaning to me at first because I did not know you as I do now.
“But now it does. I’ve seen your true nature. Dominance and manipulation give you a thrill. But I know your secret. You must be witnessed. You must be a spectacle.
“At the same time, you’re afraid. Afraid of losing control, afraid of not having that attention. That is why this—“ I tug angrily at my collar, “—holds such meaning to you. That is why you say you want to trust me but make no mention of taking the collar off. Because it guarantees my compliance.” I laugh, almost hysterically. “Of course it does. Of course! And how simple it must be for you. Push a button on your phone, and your poor slave girl will topple over in a seizure. Of course you’ll get what you want from me then. You’ll have your audience. Because, really…” I stare hard at him, “…who else can ever be allowed to see what you do to me, if not for the victim herself?”
Stonehart remains silent during my latest tirade. When I’m done, and breathing hard, he simply reaches into his pocket and takes out his phone.
My gut clenches up. The worst feeling of dread comes over me. Now I’ve done it. Now I’ve pushed too far. Any second now, the current will come on, and the most horrible pain imaginable will consume me…
“You think you understand me, Lilly?” Stonehart asks. He raises his eyes to meet mine and speaks softly. “You think I want you to be frightened?
“No. That’s where you’re wrong. I don’t want you to be frightened of me. I want you to be frightened of what I can do.”
A noise from the right makes me jump halfway out of the seat. My heart is pounding hard when I look over. I find a small LCD television screen being lowered from its hidden compartment above me.
“It is a fine distinction, Lilly, but I’m going to demonstrate it to you. Watch.”
The screen turns on. It’s a video feed of Paul’s room.
There’s no sound. But I see Paul walking around in small circles, gesturing with his hands, his mouth moving as if he’s in an intense debate with someone else.
“T
his is live, by the way,” Stonehart says. “As you can see, Paul’s mental state renders him unfit for regular interactions with most other residents. The doctors understand his hallucinations and schizophrenia. What they don’t understand… are the convulsive fits.”
Stonehart taps his phone. Immediately, Paul crashed to the floor. His limbs flail around wildly. His body convulses with the powerful current. He screams.
“No!” I cry out. “No! No! Stop it! No, Jeremy! Don’t!”
“No?” He perks an eyebrow at me.
Then he taps his phone again.
Paul goes still. His chest heaves up and down in labored breath.
I stare at Stonehart, horrified. Adrenaline is rushing through my entire body after the display.
“Oh, you’re going to love this next part,” Stonehart says. He turns his attention back to the screen. “Right… about… now.”
As if on cue, the doors to Paul’s rooms burst open. Three uniformed staff members rush in. They move with practiced efficiency. Two grab Paul and lift him to the bed. He fights them, but he is no match. The third takes out a single-use injection pen and jabs it hard into Paul’s thigh.
Paul’s movements slow. His eyes droop shut, and he goes still.
The staff members wait a moment to make sure the sedative is in full effect, and then file out the room, leaving my father comatose and alone on the bed.
“The collar is a gift given to Cedar Woods from Stonehart Industries,” Stonehart explains. His voice is smooth and gives absolutely no hint at any underlying emotions. “It’s quite an ingenious device, really. An invention of Zigtech. Inside, it contains a tiny system of gyroscopes that continuously give it power. Movement of any sort recharges it. It never needs to come off. Which makes it very valuable to the staff at Cedar Woods.
“They believe that it informs them of Paul’s current condition. When he’s had one of his…” Stonehart stretches his neck from side to side, drawing out the sentence, “…unfortunate fits, a small alarm goes off to tell them they must come. The sedative is for his own good, you see. So that he does not hurt himself when he’s upset. And he gets quite upset, naturally, following one of his fits. He starts rambling about secret watchers and electrical currents, but, you know.” Stonehart shrugs. “Those are just symptoms of his mania.”
Uncovering You 5: Confessions Page 8
