‘I know, love.’ Jenny squeezed her hand. ‘And you aren’t difficult to live with, completely the opposite, in fact. You seem to have lost all your zest for life, shut yourself in from people. I wish you could put it all behind you, be like you were before it all happened.’
‘You can never go back, Jenny. What’s happened happened, you can never change it, and I can never be that person again.’
‘I still wish—’ Jenny broke off as the doorbell rang. ’That will be Matt, and I’m still not quite ready. Be a pet and answer the door for me while I brush my hair.’
‘Okay.’ Helen climbed reluctantly off the sofa, her denims emphasising her slenderness.
‘And don’t seduce my boy-friend on the doorstep,’ Jenny warned teasingly.
‘He should be so lucky!’ Helen called after her.
She let Matt in, taking him into the lounge. He was very attractive in casual white trousers and shirt, looking healthy and attractive.
He quirked an eyebrow at her. ‘You aren’t ready.’
‘No,’ she sat cross-legged on the sofa, ‘I’m not going.’
‘Not going! But—’ he turned to Jenny as she came through from the bedroom. ‘Helen’s just told me she isn’t going.’
‘That’s right, she isn’t.’
Was it Helen’s imagination or did she see that look pass between them? She shrugged. ‘Is it that important? I’m sure you two would rather be without an unwanted third person.’
‘You aren’t unwanted,’ Matt said smoothly. ‘We would love you to come along.’
‘I’ve already been through all that,’ Jenny told him, as she picked up her bag from a chair. ‘She can be very stubborn, can our Helen.’
‘But—’
‘She doesn’t want to go, Matt,’ Jenny said firmly. ‘And nothing will persuade her.’
This time Helen was sure she could sense an undercurrent, a feeling they knew something she didn’t. Jenny hadn’t emphasised the word ‘nothing’, and yet the inflection had been there all the same.
‘Is there something you aren’t telling me?’ she asked them.
Jenny frowned. ‘Why should you think that?’
She shrugged. ‘Just your manner. Is there something?’
‘Well, actually—’
‘No,’ again Jenny cut in on Matt, ‘there’s nothing. Shall we go, Matt?’ she said pointedly.
‘But—’
‘Shall we go?’ she repeated firmly.
He sighed. ‘Oh, all right. But he isn’t going to like it.’
‘He?’ Helen picked up sharply. ‘And who might “he” be?’ she asked suspiciously.
Jenny gave Matt an angry glare. ‘Now look what you’ve done! I had no intention of mentioning that he was behind the invitation.’
‘Oh,’ Matt looked shamefaced. ‘I see.’
‘By “he”,’ Helen said tautly, ‘I take it you mean Leon Masters?’
‘Well—’
‘Of course we do,’ Matt acknowledged impatiently. ‘Hell, what’s the use of prevaricating, Jenny?’ he snapped as she went to interrupt yet again. He looked down at Helen. ‘Leon wants you there today.’
Her mouth tightened. ‘Does he now?’ She looked angrily at her cousin. ‘I take it this is what you meant by a different approach?’
‘Now look what you’ve done, Matt!’ snapped Jenny. ’Why couldn’t you have just kept quiet?’
Helen stood up. ‘I’m glad he didn’t. So I was supposed to go along today as Leon Masters’ companion,’ she mused softly. ‘God, that man has a nerve! Doesn’t he know how to take no for an answer?’
Jenny shrugged. ‘I should think it’s quite a few years since anyone said it. It’s a new experience for him.’
‘Well, his new experiences can continue. Tell him the answer is still no.’
‘Now look, Helen,’ Matt chided. ‘Leon isn’t an easy man to cross. He can be a right swine at times.’
‘Oh, I know that,’ she said bitterly. ‘But I don’t have to say yes to him. Some of the other women in his life may not have been so lucky—I’m sure he has a lot of influence in the acting world.’
‘Hey, now I wouldn’t ever say he’s used blackmail to get a woman,’ Matt admonished. ‘When I said he could be a swine I meant in his manner and verbally. As far as I know he’s always played it straight with everyone.’
‘Except me,’ said Helen vehemently. ‘He was being underhand and arrogant in getting you to take me with you today. All it’s done is increase my dislike of him. Tell him his little plan failed—miserably. I don’t like him and I don’t want to go out with him.’
Matt raised his eybrows. ‘Another new experience! Most females I know would love to have your opportunity.’
‘They’re welcome to it!’
‘Come on, Matt,’ Jenny linked her arm through his, ‘let’s get out of here before you do any more damage. I think you’ve put your foot in it enough for one day.’
He looked sheepish. ‘Well, how was I to know you hadn’t told Helen about Leon’s involvement?’
‘You should have tried using a little common sense.’
‘Please don’t argue about it, you two,’ Helen told them. ‘It isn’t worth it.’
Jenny bent to kiss her on the cheek. ‘Sorry, love. I was only doing what I thought best.’
‘Involving me with Leon Masters?’ Helen derided.
‘With any man. I didn’t care who it was.’
‘Thanks!’
Jenny sighed. ‘You know what I meant. I was only trying to help.’
Helen grimaced. ‘That kind of help I can do without.’
‘All right, I know when I’m beaten. Have a nice day.’
‘And you.’ Helen picked up her book. ‘And don’t rush back on my account.’
‘We don’t intend to,’ Matt said moodily.
‘Don’t be such a bad loser,’ Jenny chided teasingly.
‘It’s all right for you, but what do I tell Leon? He’s going to be furious,’ he groaned.
‘You’ll think of something,’ Helen said uncaringly. ‘Preferably the truth.’
‘Which is?’
‘That I’m not interested,’ she said in a bored voice.
She went back to her book, pretending an interest she no longer felt until she heard them leave, then relaxed back on the sofa. Leon Masters had a nerve using a trick like that to try and trap her into meeting him. She had no doubt that he had been the one to insist on secrecy about his presence there today.
Thank heavens she hadn’t agreed to go. She didn’t want to meet Leon Masters again, not in any circumstances. And she didn’t want to probe this reluctance too deeply; sufficient to say she didn’t want to see him.
The book that had seemed so good earlier on no longer held her attention, her thoughts drifted again and again, and to things she would rather not be reminded of, painful things that could only hurt her. Why was it always Leon Masters who disrupted the even tenor of her life like this, however unwittingly? Why did he have the power to anger and unnerve her at one and the same time? What was it about him that—
She scowled as the doorbell rang, and got reluctantly to her feet to answer it. It couldn’t be the milkman, she had paid him yesterday, and they weren’t expecting anyone to call today. It must be someone for her cousin.
Her mouth fell open as she saw who stood on the doorstep. It was Leon Masters, vital and attractive in dark brown fitted shirt and trousers, the sunlight shining on his golden hair. ‘What do you want?’ she asked rudely.
He raised his eyebrows at her aggression. ‘To come in.’
‘Why?’ she snapped.
‘So that I don’t have to talk to you standing on the doorstep,’ he said softly, not rising to her anger.
Still she didn’t ask him in. ‘What are you doing here? Wasn’t there anyone available for you to send?’ she sneered.
Leon didn’t wait any longer for her invitation to come inside but pushed past her and walked into the sitting-ro
om. ‘Nice room.’ He sat down.
‘We like it,’ she said abruptly, glowering down at him. ‘I don’t remember inviting you in.’
He gave a slow lazy smile and relaxed back on the sofa, his legs splayed out in front of him. ‘If I’d waited for that I’d still be out there. Sit down, Helen. Relax.’
‘With you?’ she scorned. ‘I can’t relax with someone I don’t trust.’
He sighed. ‘That lets out about ninety-nine per cent of the population. I know you’ve been hurt, but—’
‘What do you mean?’ she demanded suspiciously.
‘I mean you lost your husband at a very early age,’ he said slowly, watching her closely. ‘But you can’t let something like that warp the rest of your life.’
Helen gave a bitter laugh. ‘You don’t know the first thing about it, so don’t presume to offer me advice.’
‘You’re too young to be buried with your husband,’ Leon said forcefully. ‘You have to get on with living, not bury yourself in the past.’
‘Mind your own business!’ Her eyes sparkled angrily. ‘No one asked you here, no one asked for your advice, so will you just leave?’
‘No,’ he told her calmly. ‘Why didn’t you come to the boat with Jenny and Matt?’
‘Didn’t they tell you?’
‘They muttered something about you being tired, about you wanting to spend the day quietly, that you get seasick. Oh, they came up with any number of reasons for you not being with them, but it was obvious what the real one was.’
‘I’d already decided not to go before Matt told me you would be there,’ she said defensively.
He smiled. ‘I know that. I’m not an ogre, you know, Helen, I won’t do anything about the fact that Matt let the secret out.’
‘I couldn’t give a damn what you do.’ She resumed her cross-legged position in the chair, as far away from Leon Masters as she could get.
‘I thought not.’ He sat forward. ‘You look like a little girl sitting like that,’ he remarked softly.
‘Well, you can depend on it, I’m not!’
‘Thank God for that,’ he laughed huskily. ‘Even at twenty-two you’re a little young for me, any younger and I couldn’t even consider it.’
‘Consider what?’ she asked sharply.
‘Your seduction.’
Helen stood up jerkily, moving to the back of the chair and clutching it. as if for protection. ‘Would you please leave?’ she said shakily.
He didn’t move. ‘I’ve already said no. I’m going to get you, Helen, so you might as well give in without a fight.’
‘I’d fight you to hell and back!’ she told him fiercely. ‘I’d fight any man that came near me.’
’Did you love your husband so much?’
She was suddenly calm again, her face emotionless. ‘My feelings for my husband are my own concern.’
‘That mask of yours slips away every now and then, doesn’t it?’ he mused softly. ‘My cool Helen occasionally becomes the fiery woman she must once have been. Does anyone else get to you like I do, Helen?’ he probed shrewdly. ‘Does any man get to you like I do?’
She turned away. ‘You flatter yourself, Mr Masters.’
‘Why don’t you like being touched, Helen?’ he continued his probing.
‘God, I hate you!’ she glared at him. ‘What right do you have to come here and ask me personal questions? Just who do you think you are, that you can—’
‘I’m going to be your lover, Helen,’ he cut in smoothly.
‘I—You’re what?’
‘Your lover. That’s what I’m going to be.’
‘But I—I don’t want—I don’t want a lover!’ She was white, deathly white. ‘Please, stop this. Leave me alone,’ she begged, despising herself for her weakness. ‘Oh, please, Leon, leave me alone!’ The last came out as a choked sob.
He stood up and came to stand in front of her. ‘I can’t, my cool Helen. You have me tied up in knots. If it’s time you want, you’ve got it, but you have to let me see you, be with you, talk to you.’
She looked at him with huge frightened eyes. ‘But why? Why does it have to be me? There are thousands of women—’
His hand caressing her cheek stopped the flow of words, dropping back to his side as she flinched away from him. ‘It just has to be you. I can’t explain it, so don’t ask me to. I’ve tried to be with other women, but I can’t get you out of my mind.’
‘But I don’t even like you,’ she said desperately.
‘At the moment you don’t like any man. Your emotions are dead. I’d just like to be the man who’s around when you decide to start living again. Is that too much to ask?’
She moved away from him, his proximity unnerving, shaking her head dazedly. ‘I don’t ever want to get involved with a man again.’
‘You have to get involved, have to allow yourself to feel for any relationship to work.’
‘But I don’t want a—a relationship.’ She looked at him pleadingly. ‘Don’t you understand, I don’t want that!’
‘Okay, okay,’ he soothed. ‘Forget that for the moment. Just come out with me today.’
‘I thought you said to forget it.’
‘Going out for the day together hardly constitutes a relationship,’ he taunted. ‘And I had my chef prepare a picnic luncheon for us when I found out you weren’t joining us on the boat.’
‘Your chef?’ she echoed.
He shrugged. ‘It was my yacht.’
‘You mean you’ve walked out on your guests a second time?’ she was amazed.
He gave a rueful grin. ‘I must admit it’s getting to be a habit of mine.’
Helen felt a reluctant smile curve her lips, and her eyes met his as she heard his sharp intake of breath. ‘What is it?’ she asked curiously.
‘That’s the first time you’ve smiled at me, really smiled at me.’
She blushed. ‘You weren’t exactly pleasant to me the last time we met.’
‘No,’ he agreed slowly. ‘You’re completely different from any other woman I know, and I’m not sure how to handle you. I’m not used to women who don’t—’
‘Fancy you,’ she finished teasingly.
‘I wasn’t going to say that.’ He looked at her with dark brooding eyes. ‘Don’t you “fancy” me, Helen? Answer truthfully,’ he added warningly.
‘You’re very attractive.’ She did as he said. ‘Very handsome, very assured, very—’
‘Are you attracted to me?’
She bit her lip, frowning her despair, knowing she would arouse his anger with her answer. ‘No,’ she admitted huskily, unable to look at him.
Leon drew a ragged breath. ‘Do you practise being cruel or does it come naturally?’ he asked in a strained voice.
‘I’m sorry,’ she replied jerkily, ‘but I thought you wanted honesty.’
‘Like I was with you?’ he rasped.
‘If you like,’ she nodded. ‘You were honest about wanting me, I’m being just as honest when I say I don’t feel the same way. I’m sorry if it wasn’t the answer you wanted.’
‘Hell, Helen, you aren’t sorry at all,’ he snapped angrily. ‘You’re enjoying this, enjoying seeing how much you can hurt me. Well, I’m not hurt, I’m bloody furious! I came here—’
‘Because you want an affair with me,’ she finished disgustedly. ‘But I can’t help it if I don’t want you. You can’t force these feelings.’
‘The trouble with you is that you don’t have any feelings.’
Helen turned her back on him. ‘I’m glad I don’t. I—’ She broke off as he spun her round, cringing from the determination she could see in his face. ‘Don’t kiss me! Please, don’t kiss me!’ she cried her anguish.
He flung her away from him. ‘I don’t want to kiss you,’ the words were wrung from him. ‘I could shake you until your teeth rattle, but I don’t want to kiss you! You might as well have died with your husband for all the feeling there is in you,’ he added cruelly.
‘I w
ish I had,’ she choked. ‘I wish to God I had!’
She heard the door slam as he left, then slowly turned to face an empty room. She crumpled down on to the carpeted floor, sobbing hysterically. She might claim to have no feelings, but Leon Masters was making her live again, dragging her forcibly out of her living hell, and it was much more painful than the limbo in which she had existed the last two years.
* * *
’More coffee?’ Jenny asked her over breakfast on Monday morning, a breakfast that for Helen had consisted only of coffee.
‘No, thanks,’ she replied absently. ‘I—I have to be going in a minute. I don’t want to be late to work.’
‘Just once wouldn’t hurt. You look as if another cup of coffee wouldn’t come amiss.’
Helen grimaced. ‘I could probably do with a whole potful,’ she stood up, ‘but I have to finish getting ready.’
‘I really didn’t know he was coming here,’ Jenny said in a rush. ‘At least, not until we’d already got under way and I realised he wasn’t on board.’
Helen took great interest in combing her wavy shoulder-length hair. ‘It’s quite all right, Jenny. He didn’t stay long.’
‘Long enough to upset you all over again. You were only just starting to get over the previous Saturday. You were like a ghost when I got in.’
‘I was fine,’ Helen lied. ‘And I don’t think Mr Masters will be bothering me again. A chase is fine, but an out-and-out battle is too much like hard work,’ she said lightly. ‘And with me it would be a battle.’
‘Maybe he just isn’t the one for you.’ Jenny bit thoughtfully into her toast. ‘He is a bit overpowering, and maybe a little too old and experienced. But you do need someone in your life, Helen, someone you can care about.’
‘Why?’
‘Because—well, because everyone needs love.’
’I don’t. At least, not that type of love. And I don’t believe that what Leon Masters wanted from me had anything to do with love—of any kind. He only came here to tell me that he wanted me—wanted me, Jenny, nothing else.’
‘Well…it’s a start.’
Helen shook her head. ‘Not for me.’
Jenny sighed; ‘No, I suppose not.’
Living Together Page 3
