Helen stood up, finding the thought of his naked golden body intimately entwined with some unknown woman vaguely nauseating. She swallowed hard to fight down these feelings, not recognising them in herself. But Leon had deliberately made her aware of his lean attractive body, and now that she was she didn’t like the thought of him being with other women. It was rather dog-in-the-manger of her, not wanting him to have other women but not willing to give herself to him.
‘Why so tense, Helen?’ he queried softly, another cheroot in his hand.
‘Tense?’ she repeated shrilly. ‘I’m not tense!’
‘Yes, you are. It disturbs you, doesn’t it, that I’ve had other women?’
‘No! I—Yes!’ she admitted reluctantly. ‘But I don’t understand why it does. And will you’ stop smoking those things, it’s choking me!’
‘My, my, you are tense!’ He gave a slow smile and stubbed out the cheroot. ‘Darling, are you—’
‘Don’t call me that!’ She was completely agitated now.
‘But you are my darling,’ he insisted. ‘My beautiful darling Helen.’
She swallowed hard. ‘Do you think I ever will be—yours, I mean?’
‘I’m sure of it.’ Leon stood up and moved forward to kiss her gently on the mouth. ‘And I’m sorry about the other women I’ve known, and God knows there’ve been enough of them.’ He pulled her close against him, smoothing her dark hair back from her face. ‘But I’m twelve years older than you, and you couldn’t expect me to have waited all this time for you.’ He gave a husky laugh. ‘I’d be as frustrated as hell by now!’
‘It wasn’t those women, it was—it was—’
‘The ones in America,’ he finished dully. ‘I can’t explain about them, except that I didn’t want you in my life, eating me up, tying me to you.’
‘And are you—tied to me, I mean?’
‘Do you doubt it?’
‘Oh, Leon,’ she tilted her head back, tears in her huge violet eyes, ‘I don’t like what you’re doing to me either.’
His gaze rested on her lips, almost like a caress. ‘What am I doing to you, darling?’ He kissed the tip of her nose.
‘You see!’ she quivered. ‘You’re—’
‘I’m getting to you,’ he said triumphantly. ‘I’m really getting to you, aren’t I?’
‘How can you doubt it?’ She forced her voice to sound light. ‘You are the celebrated actor that all women want to meet.’
Leon’s hands tightened painfully on her arms. ‘But that isn’t the way I’m getting to you, is it?’ he demanded harshly. ‘I would swear that none of that meant a thing to you.’
‘It doesn’t,’ Helen admitted with a sigh. ‘Except for the obvious reason, the reason I had to move in here instead of being able to meet you normally. Actually I would prefer it if you weren’t a famous actor. If the press ever find out about my being here—!’ she shuddered. ‘Oh, Leon!’ Her arms went about him and she rested her cheek on his chest. ‘Leon, you—you—’
‘Painful, isn’t it?’ he said softly.
‘What is?’
‘Living.’
Helen bit her lip. ‘Very.’
‘But it’s working, isn’t it?’
‘I—I think so.’
He gave a throaty chuckle. ‘I know it is. I’ve got to hold you more tonight than at any other time, and I know damn well you haven’t been reminded of West all the time.’
‘No. But will I—will I ever forget what he did to me? Do you think I will, Leon?’ She moved away from him. ‘I let you kiss me tonight—I liked you kissing me, and yet when it comes to anything more than that I—I can’t even think about it.’
His arms came around her from behind, his hands resting possessively on her hips to pull her back against him. ‘We have time, Helen. I’m just trying to rush you, and after saying I wouldn’t.’ He sighed into her hair. ‘It’s just that you’re so beautiful. Do you realise I can see your breasts from here?’ His voice was suddenly husky, his hands moving up from her hips to cup her breasts. His fingers moved to the button front of her waistcoat, slowly undoing the top button, and as she made no protest passing on to the next one. ‘I want to see your body, Helen. Will you just let me look at you?’ he groaned.
She gulped. ‘But—Max?’
’Already retired for the evening. He never intrudes.’ His hands still hesitated on the last two buttons.
‘Never?’ she echoed sharply.
‘Never.’ He nuzzled against her throat.
‘How many other women have you had here?’ she asked.
‘None living here.’
‘I didn’t necessarily mean living here.’
‘You don’t want to hear about them, Helen.’
‘But I do. I do!’
‘Why?’ he rasped. ‘So that you have something else to torture yourself with?’
Helen propelled herself away from him, refastening her buttons with shaking fingers. ‘I think I’ll go to bed.’
‘I take it that wasn’t meant as an invitation?’ Leon taunted, running a hand through the thickness of his hair, its disorder giving him a rakish appearance.
‘You know it wasn’t,’ she breathed softly.
‘I was just hoping. You can’t blame a man for trying,’ he shrugged.
She moved away with jerky movements. ‘A bit too soon, wouldn’t you say?’
‘Maybe. Okay, Helen, you go to bed.’
She gave him a sharp look. ‘What are you going to do?’
‘Have a drink, maybe even a couple of dozen drinks,’ he muttered. ‘I think it would be better if I’m drunk when I go to bed, that way I wouldn’t be capable even if I did come to your room.’
Her eyes widened in panic. ‘You—you don’t think there’s any possibility of that happening?’
‘Scares the hell out of you, doesn’t it?’ he drawled.
‘You’re being cruel again, Leon.’
‘Go to bed, Helen,’ he said wearily. ‘I won’t be bothering you. Put my behaviour tonight to the back of your mind, put it down to the flight and the fact that I went through hell thinking you weren’t here.’ He gave a strained smile. ‘I’ll be better tomorrow.’
‘Are you—are you going to work tomorrow?’
‘Yes. I should be leaving about six-thirty.’
‘Would you like me to have breakfast with you?’
‘Isn’t six o’clock a bit early for you?’ he asked.
‘Perhaps. But living here I’ll have to leave earlier to get to work.’
Leon frowned. ‘You still have your job?’
Helen looked surprised. ‘But of course. What—what would I do all day while you’re out at work if I stayed here?’
‘Wait for me,’ he said harshly. ‘I don’t like the idea of you still working. I want you here when I get home. I want you here, Helen!’
‘You’re beginning to sound like a husband! I’m only living here, my other life still has to go on.’
‘Not when you’re with me it doesn’t. Leave the job, Helen. If I get time off during the day I want you to be here.’
‘Isn’t that a little chauvinistic?’ she queried lightly.
‘If it is it’s only the way I feel about you. You make me feel like that, no other woman ever has. Oh, go to bed, Helen, before I change my mind about getting drunk.’
‘About breakfast—’
‘Join me if you want to. And hand in your notice tomorrow, better still, don’t go back.’
‘Oh, I couldn’t do that,’ she protested. ‘It wouldn’t be fair.’
‘And do you think it’s fair to me that you aren’t going to be here half the time?’
‘I’ll only be out the same time you are. Be reasonable, Leon, I—’
‘I don’t want to be reasonable,’ he told her tersely. ‘I want you here. I don’t want you working, too tired in the evenings to even be able to hold a conversation, let alone anything else…’
’So that’s it,’ she said angrily. ‘Well, I won�
��t leave my job just because you say I should. I like it there, I enjoy the company.’
‘If you don’t leave of your own accord I’ll call that priggish manager of yours and tell him you quit.’
‘You—you wouldn’t!’ she gasped.
Leon raised one blond eyebrow. ‘Try me.’
She couldn’t believe this he really meant what he said. ‘I can’t let you do that, Leon. You can’t simply take my life over like this.’
‘Why can’t I?’ he asked calmly.
‘Because—well, because you just can’t.’
‘But I already have. When you decided to come here you put yourself in my hands. I’m going to help you—’
‘For a price,’ she put in bitterly.
He gave her an angry look. ‘There’s no price, Helen. If we ever do make love it won’t be because it’s expected of you. You’re here to get used to having a man in your life, but I certainly don’t intend to take you to my bed just because you’re here. If you ever want me you can damn well tell me so. I’ll kiss you, caress you even, but the ultimate invitation will have to come from you. That’s the way it has to be.’
‘I understand.’ Helen bit her lip.
‘I hope so. But you’re free to leave here any time you want. I may come looking for you,’ he added ruefully, ‘but you’re free to leave. It may be that when you get over this complex you’ll find you aren’t attracted to me anyway.’
Helen shook her head. ‘I don’t think that’s likely.’
His eyes brightened. ‘You don’t?’
‘I’m already attracted to you. I—I just freeze when you get too physical.’
‘Thank God for that!’ Leon ran a tired hand over his eyes. ‘I had visions of breaking down this barrier you have and then having you turn to another man.’
’Oh, Leon…’
‘Go to bed, Helen!’ he ordered harshly. ‘And give up your job—for me.’
‘I—I’ll think about it. Goodnight.’
‘Goodnight, my darling.’
Colour still brightened her cheeks when she leant back against her bedroom door. She didn’t know what was happening to her, couldn’t explain her emotions. Somehow in the last two weeks her main fear of Leon had died, to be replaced by—what? She was confused, drawn to him and yet frightened of the conclusion to that attraction. Now her fear of him was of a different kind, a fear of loving him.
Oh God, she couldn’t fall in love with him! He had had numerous affairs, taken more women to his bed than he could possibly remember; she would be a fool to imagine she would mean any more to him than they had. And yet did that really matter? Wouldn’t just being with him for a few months be worth the inevitable pain of parting? God, what was she saying!
She was saying she was already in love with him, and had been so since he had kissed her so gently two weeks ago. She was right to be afraid of him—look what had happened the last time she believed herself to be in love. Not that she thought Leon would ever use her body in that way, completely the opposite in fact, and she could come to fear him in another way, could come to fear his physical dominance over her.
Her new awareness of him made her nervous, her sleep fitful, and it wasn’t even six o’clock when she finally gave up trying to pretend she was getting any rest. Leon would probably be breakfasting about now, and if she had a quick bath before dressing she could possibly sit down and have a cup of coffee with him before he left for the studio. She wanted to see him, wanted to see if she had been right about her changed feelings towards him.
She collected up her bath things and went through to run the water. A smile of anticipation curved her lips as she opened the connecting door; she had never bathed in a sunken bath before.
The smile faded as she saw the bath was already occupied. Leon was lazing in the clear water. Colour flooded her cheeks as he smiled at her. ‘Good morning,’ he greeted cheerfully.
Helen averted her eyes from his nakedness, subconsciously noting what a firm muscular body he had, not an ounce of superfluous flesh on him anywhere. ‘I—Sorry, I—I didn’t realise there was anyone in here.’
Leon shrugged, completely unselfconscious. ‘I suppose I should be the one to apologise. No one has ever slept in that bedroom and so it never occurred to me to lock that door.’
‘I—I’ll go,’ Helen said huskily.
‘No!’ His hand shot out to grasp her ankle. ‘Join me,’ he invited throatily.
Helen gave him a shocked look, turning away again as she realised what she was doing. ‘I have to go,’ she insisted.
‘Of course you don’t. Take off that ridiculous trifle and join me. The bath is quite large enough for two,’ he added, seductively soft.
‘I’m sure it is,’ she said tightly, realising for the first time that the thin nightgown she wore was indeed a ‘ridiculous trifle’.
Leon’s mouth became a taut line. ‘You have a disgusting little mind,’ he accused angrily, his hand tightening about her ankle and rocking her off balance.
Water sprayed everywhere as she landed with a crash, the unexpectedness of his action completely surprising her. ‘What on earth did you do that for!’ she spluttered, glaring at him indignantly.
His look was grim. ‘Because of an accusation you didn’t dare to make,’ he snapped, holding her tightly against him. ‘Besides the fact that no woman has ever shared this apartment with me before, no other woman has ever been invited into this bath with me either. For a girl who’s supposed to be frightened of the mere mention of the word sex you have a very dirty little mind!’
‘I didn’t—’
‘Oh yes, you did. I’m sorry to disappoint you, Helen, but I knew by the dimensions of the bath that it would hold the two of us, not by previous experience.’ He stood up and got out of the bath, beginning to towel himself dry.
Helen followed him out, the nightgown she still wore clinging to her like a second skin, outlining every curve of her slender body and firm uptilted breasts. She dripped water everywhere, pulling at the clinging material only to feel it immediately fall back into place again.
‘Just look—’ She broke off her words of complaint as she found Leon was already looking at her, his gaze locked on her body. He was no longer towelling himself dry, the towel was discarded to the floor as he watched her with a fixed gaze, his breathing shallow, a curious stillness enveloping them both.
‘I think,’ he breathed the words slowly, ‘that you had better get back to your bedroom and lock the door—from that side.’
‘What—’
He closed his eyes as if in agony. ‘I can’t—You—Oh God!’ he groaned tortuously. ‘You’re beautiful, Helen, absolutely beautiful. Your body, it’s—’ he drew a ragged breath. ‘Are you going to your room?’ His eyes seemed to burn where they alighted.
She was mesmerised by him, held immovable by him. ‘I think I should.’
‘Well?’
‘I—I don’t seem to be able to move,’ she admitted.
‘You only have a few seconds left before you won’t have a choice,’ he told her through gritted teeth.
That snapped her out of her trance. ‘I’ll go!’
‘I thought you might,’ Leon drawled, pulling on a bathrobe.
Her mouth set mutinously as his derision. ‘Why should I go?’ she suddenly snapped. ‘You’ve had your bath, I still have to have mine. I think you should be the one to go.’
For long timeless seconds he continued to stare at her, then he began to smile. ‘You’re very brave all of a sudden, especially considering your vulnerability.’
Helen deliberately didn’t rise to his taunts. ‘I don’t consider myself in the least vulnerable. After all, you did say I would have to ask you for—for that.’
Leon’s smile deepened. ‘I could find plenty of pleasure in your body before I ever got to—that,’ he mocked her shyness.
Her cheeks flamed, but she still refused to move. ‘It’s almost six-fifteen,’ she said pointedly, ‘and you haven’t even had yo
ur breakfast yet.’
His gaze ran lingeringly over her from head to toe. ‘I was just contemplating it,’ he drawled.
‘You have a one-track mind,’ she told him crossly.
‘I know—you.’
‘Any woman,’ she corrected.
‘If I don’t beat you pretty soon I shall be surprised at my control!’ Leon snapped harshly.
Helen’s face paled, her eyes violet smudges in her face. ‘You—you wouldn’t?’
He frowned, stepping forward to take hold of her shaking shoulders. ‘Did he ever hit you?’ he demanded to know.
She turned her head away from his probing look. ‘Only—only once. It was the night I—the night I lost the baby. I refused him and he—he—’
‘He hit you,’ Leon rasped. ‘At a time when he should have been treating you with kid gloves.’ He cradled her against his chest. ‘If you were carrying my child I would wrap you up in cotton wool.’
Helen pulled away from him. ‘You wouldn’t want that to happen?’ she gasped.
‘Have you carry my child? Why not? I love kids. I’d like a couple of them.’
‘So your mother really is waiting for you to produce her first grandson,’ she said dully.
‘I guess so,’ he admitted sheepishly. ‘And I don’t think they would mind at all if you helped me do it,’ he teased. ‘Of course, you’d have to marry me first…’
Helen turned away, forced herself to act calmly as she emptied the bath before refilling it. She took her time, finally turning to give him a bright smile. ‘You’ll have to count me out of that, I’m afraid.’
‘Getting married or having a baby?’
‘Both,’ she said firmly. ‘I’m not ready for either.’
Leon tapped her playfully on the nose. ‘You should wait until you’re asked before refusing,’ he mocked her lightly, moving to open the door to his bedroom. ‘And I didn’t ask,’ he grinned at her. ‘I shouldn’t be too late home tonight, and I expect you to have given up your job by then.’
‘You’re very persistent!’
‘I know what I want,’ he contradicted. ‘And that’s you here making a home for me.’
‘All right,’ she agreed, knowing she had been going to do just that all along.
Living Together Page 11
