“For Santa,” Dana said. “She had us decorate them every year, even when we were in high school.” She finished off her own cookie, licking the melted chocolate off her fingers. “I put Mom and Dad upstairs at the far end of the hall. I thought Tuck and Maddie could be in the two bedrooms closest to the stairs, because if they’re anything like we were as kids, they’ll want to race down to the tree at the crack of dawn to see what Santa brought.”
“Good thinking.” Of course, that would also mean they were the closest to the stairs to hear while I was bringing it all in. I’d just have to be extra careful when I got it all out.
“With Brenden being on crutches, I thought it would be best to put him in the downstairs apartment Babs used last year.” She dropped her voice lower. “And not that it’s any of my business, but if you wanted to stay with him tonight, being down there would give you two some privacy. I didn’t know if you would want a separate room, though. You’ve got one upstairs by the kids if you want it, and if not, that’s okay, too. Like I said, none of my business. I’ll leave that up to the two of you to decide.”
My blush had my cheeks on fire. At least she’d talked to me about it while it was just the two of us. Some part of me had realized that we’d have to have a conversation like this—how could we not, considering the situation—but I didn’t think it was possible to ever fully be prepared for such an occurrence.
At least it was me and Dana, and not me and her mother. I got the distinct impression Mrs. Campbell might already be planning baby showers in her mind, completely skipping over the whole dating, engagement, and marriage process.
Brenden caught my eye and winked, his grin making me feel like I could melt through the spaces between the sofa cushions.
“Oh no!” Tuck squealed. He jumped down from his barstool and raced over to me, his eyes panicky. “Mommy! How will Santa know we’re here?”
“It’s okay,” Dana said. “I sent him an express letter, letting him know you and Maddie were going to stay with us tonight. I got delivery confirmation and everything.”
“You’re sure?”
Dana grinned. “Positive.”
“Phew!” Tuck flopped to the floor, both arms spread wide. “That coulda been a disaster.”
Having Dad around was always good for me, even if I didn’t like admitting he was right about things.
He and Zee had pretty much cornered me all afternoon and forced me to talk about my fears of ending up back in the minors once I got back from this most recent injury. Zee had even taken my crutches away while we talked, making it harder for me to escape. I could get up and hobble around on my walking boot, but it didn’t feel very good to do that. So I’d stayed and talked.
After a while, Dana and Rachel had joined us, too. Rachel didn’t really say much. She’d just sat there and listened, with her eyebrows scrunched and her lips turned down in a thoughtful pout. There were definitely things she wanted to say. Maybe she’d be more likely to talk to me about whatever was bothering her when we were alone.
Dad and Zee had pretty much nailed it on the head. What they’d said nearly mimicked what Glen Garner had said to me almost a month ago—I was trying too hard, pushing too much, and that was why I kept fucking up and screwing the team, not to mention why I kept getting hurt.
But now I needed to convince Jim and Scotty that I knew what the problem was and that I could fix it—or at least that I deserved the chance to try to fix it.
By the time Mom had dinner ready, I still didn’t have any definitive answers about my future—I wouldn’t until we got back to work after the holiday, when I could talk to Jim and Scotty and plead my case—but I was at least starting to feel like I could find a solution to the problem.
I made myself forget about it for a while so we could actually appreciate being able to spend Christmas together. In a hockey family, everyone being in the same place at Christmas was a very rare occurrence. There were usually games being played, one kid on the road and the other at home—something along those lines. When we got to be together, it was something to savor.
We ate our dinner, talking and laughing and enjoying each other. It was the first time since Dana and Zee got together that I really let go of everything and remembered why he’d always been my best friend. It felt good. It felt even better to see Dana so happy. She looked brighter than the lights on the Christmas tree.
When we’d finished dinner, everyone moved to the living room so we could sit by the tree near the fire. Mom brought cups of hot cocoa—and more cookies, of course—and Dad put on his Santa hat and read ’Twas the Night Before Christmas. It was tradition for us. Even back when he was still playing in the NHL, if he was on the road at Christmas Eve, he’d called home to read it to me and Dana.
I watched Tuck and Maddie while Dad read. Maddie had joined Dana on a throw blanket, sitting up straight and completely engrossed in the story. Tuck was on Rachel’s lap, his legs sprawled out and his head angled back against her shoulder. Even if you weren’t hearing the story, you would be able to tell what was going on by the play of expressions going across his face.
Looking at them like that felt right, as though they were meant to be part of my family. The twinkling white lights from the tree and the flickering flames in the fireplace were bouncing over them all, giving them this ethereal glow that made me wish the moment would never end. I wanted this—exactly this—to be my future.
It wasn’t long before Tuck was yawning and stretching his arms overhead, making a wide arc with them. Maddie rubbed her eyes. Once Dad finished the story, Mom got the two kids to help her fix up the plate of decorated cookies and a glass of milk for Santa. When it was all situated next to the tree, Rachel took them both upstairs and got them to bed.
While Rachel was upstairs, Dad and Zee went back out to my SUV to get her Santa gifts for the kids. I would have helped them get everything done, but Dana pushed me back onto the couch and Mom brought over an ice pack for my ankle.
“You haven’t been taking good care of it tonight,” Mom said.
She was right, I hadn’t, so I sat there with my foot up while Dad and Zee put everything under the tree for the kids to find in the morning.
“You know,” Mom said after they’d finished, “I’m about as tired as Tuck. I think we’ll head up to bed.” She gave Dad a look, and he nodded. They’d just flown in from the east coast, so it didn’t surprise me that they were exhausted. She smiled at me. “We’ll see you in the morning.”
Rachel passed them on the stairs on her way down. She sat beside me on the sofa. I put my arm around her waist, tugging her slightly closer to me. There hadn’t been too many opportunities to be close to her since we’d gotten here—not many chances to touch her.
She sank back against the cushions, relaxing into me.
“How early do you think they’ll be up in the morning?” Dana asked.
I laughed. “If they’re anything at all like we were, four or five a.m. sounds about right.”
“They might give us until dawn if we’re lucky,” Rachel said. “Maddie will try to rein Tuck in at least a little bit, since we’re here and not at home, but there’s only so long he can be held back.”
“Right.” Zee stood in front of the fireplace. The fire had nearly burned itself out. He stretched his arms up above his head, cracking his back, almost mimicking Tuck’s actions from a little while ago. “So that means we should expect a four o’clock wake-up call.”
Rachel nodded. “Yeah. Probably so.”
“We should get to bed, too, then,” Dana said. She yawned as she got up from the recliner, but it wasn’t even remotely convincing. “Ready?” she asked Zee.
She was making sure Rachel and I got some time alone, even though I’d done the complete opposite last season when she and Zee wanted time together. I’d been a total ass, following them both around and making an utter nuisance of myself. She ought to be doing the same thing as payback now. They both should be. I deserved that and then some.
> But Zee took her hand, and they headed for the stairs. “Turn the lights out when you two go to bed, will you, Soupy?” Zee called out over his shoulders.
“Yeah. I’ll get them.”
Once they’d disappeared up the stairs, Rachel turned to me. “It’s not even eight thirty.”
“Nope.” I brushed her hair away from her face, letting my fingertips whisper over the skin of her cheek.
“They’re not really going to bed at this hour, are they?”
“Not a clue.” I didn’t really want to think about the two of them right now. I’d rather just enjoy the fact that they’d left us alone for a little while. “Was this okay? Mom didn’t give the kids too many cookies, did she?”
“Maybe one or two too many. It could have been a lot worse.”
“It will be tomorrow. She’s probably going to send them home with a bucket full of cookies.”
Rachel smiled, and I had a hard time not kissing her. This was nice, though—sitting and talking, just being together.
“I like your parents,” she said. “I watched y’all all night, the way you are together. Eric, too. It’s just easy. Even when you’re teasing or giving someone a hard time, I see how much you love each other.”
“That’s how families are supposed to be. That’s how it is with you and Tuck and Maddie, too.”
She moved in closer to me, putting her arms around my waist and resting her head on my shoulder. “I wanted it to be different for them than it was for me. I made an effort to be like—” Rachel cut herself off and shook her head. “Never mind. It’s stupid.”
“Tell me,” I said. “I bet it’s not stupid.” Nothing she said ever seemed stupid to me.
“I used to watch a lot of old reruns when they were babies,” she finally said. “Family sit-coms, mainly, like Full House and Growing Pains and The Cosby Show. I let myself believe that was what families were really like, or at least that was what they should be like, and so I tried to make sure we were like them—as much as we could be.”
I tugged her closer to me. “You think my family is like The Cosby Show?”
“Maybe more like Growing Pains.” Her hand touched my thigh.
That was all it took for me to harden.
“There’s a little Mike Seaver in you, I think. Or maybe Zack Morris.”
“Saved By the Bell?”
“Yeah. At least a little.”
“A little,” I agreed. “Maybe a lot.”
“Brenden?”
It was getting more and more difficult for me to think, because she was tracing a lazy pattern over my leg with her fingers. “Yeah?”
“What happens if you get sent back to Seattle? Or traded? Between us, I mean.”
At least now I knew what she’d wanted to talk about earlier. I’d been trying not to think about that aspect of it, mainly because it felt like a kick to the balls to think about being forced to leave her and the kids, even temporarily. “Most of the time, when a guy gets traded in the middle of the season and he’s got kids, he goes to wherever he’s sent and his wife stays behind with the kids until the off-season. It’s too hard to deal with changing schools in the middle of the school year and everything else involved with moving a family.”
“But that’s most guys,” she said. “And that’s when it’s his wife and kids.” Her fingers stopped dancing over my thigh, and she looked down at them. “My kids are getting attached to you. I didn’t intend to let anyone get this close. They’ve been hurt enough already. If you leave—”
I put my hand down over hers, folding my fingers between hers. “Just your kids?” I didn’t believe for a second that she wasn’t just as attached as they were—as I was. She never would have opened up to me, otherwise. She never would have let me get this close. “I’m attached to them, too,” I said. “And to you. I meant what I said to Tuck last night. I have no intention of hurting any of you. If I have to leave, whether it’s going back to Seattle or somewhere else, it’ll only be temporary. Once the season is over and the kids are out of school, we’ll figure out what the next step is and we’ll take it together. That’s what I want, at least.”
I held my breath, waiting for her to respond. I needed her to want the same thing. I needed it a hell of a lot more than I needed air.
“I want that, too.” She looked up, craning her head back so I could see all her fairy-dust freckles and the deep, mossy-green of her eyes. “For some reason, I hadn’t thought about the possibility that you could be traded or sent to the AHL until now. I should have since I’m working for Jim and I have to help him with all those transactions, but I hadn’t. Not until I heard how worried you were about it earlier, and then I got scared.”
I was scared, too, now that she was forcing me to think about all the things I’d been avoiding. “I don’t want you to be scared, but things might not always be like what we’ve had here.” I kissed her on the forehead. “I’ve moved around a lot in my career. I’ve been traded a few times, and I’ve spent more time in the minors than I have in the NHL. I almost never have a contract that runs longer than a year. I’m not like Zee. He got drafted by the Storm, and he’ll probably finish out his career here in five or ten more years. Things haven’t come so easily for me.”
“If it was easy, it wouldn’t be worth having,” she said.
Mom had told me that more times than I could count, especially in the last decade or so. I’d always thought she was telling me that just so I would work hard, so I wouldn’t give up on my dreams just because they didn’t come true overnight. But maybe there was something to it, after all. Because working my way to the NHL had been anything but easy, and staying in the NHL sometimes felt even harder than getting here had, but I finally felt like I was accomplishing something. At least most of the time.
“Do you really believe that?” I asked.
“I believe it with all my heart. Being a single mom, having my kids when I was a teenager—that was the hardest thing I’d ever done, and it seems like it only keeps getting harder. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”
“I wouldn’t trade you for anything.” That was probably the cheesiest thing to ever come out of my mouth, but I didn’t care. It was the truth. I couldn’t think of anything that would make me happier or that could be more perfect than talking with Rachel and holding her in my arms. The lights on the Christmas tree made her hair look like fire. I kissed her cheek, trailing a series of kisses all along the path of freckles like I’d dreamed of doing almost since the moment we’d met.
Her breath caught, and she moved closer, until she was up on her knees and her chest was pressed against me so tight that each of the rapid beats of her heart pulsed into me. Shaking, she put both hands on my shoulders, steadying herself as I kissed every freckle and every bare inch of skin I could find.
“I love you,” I said.
Her eyes fluttered open, those see-through lashes tickling my cheeks as she blinked repeatedly in surprise. Hell, I surprised myself by saying it. The thought hadn’t crossed my mind even once that I could recall, and yet it was the absolute truth.
“I do,” I said before kissing her. I sucked her lower lip into my mouth and nibbled on it just a little. She tasted like hot chocolate and sugar cookies. For the first time I could remember in a very long time, I wanted more chocolate because it would mean more of her. “I love you. I love Tuck and Maddie, too. I love you so much that the idea of leaving you behind for a little while if I have to go somewhere else feels like a knife in my gut. I can’t even let myself think about what I’d do if you won’t come with me to whatever next year holds.”
Rachel stared at me, her breaths erratic and her heart hammering away. Silent.
I shouldn’t have blurted it out like that. I should have given her more time to adjust to it all. Things had progressed between us so fast it left me reeling, and she had to deal with the added emotion of having her kids involved.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“No. Don’t apologize.” She s
hook her head, and the ghost of a smile passed over her lips at the same time as tears made her eyes shiny. “I really care for you, too, but it scares me. I don’t know for sure if it’s love, but I don’t want it to be because I was so stupid before and I still don’t know if I should trust my own judgment. I’m just terrified to make the same mistake again.”
For now, that would have to be enough. I was pretty sure she was falling in love with me. It was more than just caring for me, but I wouldn’t rush her. Not on something as important as that. “Okay.” Her fear was something I could absolutely live with, something I could work every day to relieve. “For what it’s worth, I think you have excellent judgment.”
She was laughing when she lowered her lips to mine.
That was when Dad cleared his throat from the top of the stairs.
Rachel pulled away from me, her blush as intense as I’d ever seen it. She hid her face in the space where my neck and shoulder met.
“Sorry,” Dad said. “Don’t mind me. Your mother remembered we’d left the milk and cookies under the tree, and someone needs to make them disappear.” He took his time coming down the stairs. He took even longer eating the cookies and drinking the milk, making sure he only left a few crumbs on the saucer and a sip or two in the glass.
When he finally headed back up the stairs, I laughed. “I feel like a teenager again, trying to make out with my girlfriend on my parents’ couch.”
“Let’s not go back there,” she murmured against my neck. “That’s what got me kicked out of my parents’ house…what got me pregnant.”
“That would take a little more than making out,” I replied.
“True. Kissing’s not enough.”
Kissing wasn’t anywhere near enough, and not just to make a baby. I let my hands slide along her rib cage, settling just below the curve of her breasts. “Not even yucky tongue kisses.”
I moved in to kiss her again, but we bumped noses on the way. We were both laughing by the time our lips found each other. Rachel lifted one leg across my lap so she was straddling me, and she wrapped her arms around my neck.
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