“Do you know how hard it is to shop for you?” Jun waited until Reina was done looking at the watch before helping her to put it on. The links wrapped firmly around Reina’s thin wrist, the cold face hugging the bottom of her hand. I guess I could wear it to work. “I spent two hours on the phone with your wife trying to get her to tell me what you liked. You know what she told me? ‘Good luck.’”
“It’s very nice. Thank you.”
Jun glared at her girlfriend as if she didn’t believe her. “Next year is going to be even worse, isn’t it?”
That pretty look of defiance made Reina smile for the first time all day. “You’ll learn that I love simple gifts. Free ones, really.” Food and sex. Life didn’t get better.
“I fully intend on spoiling you tonight.”
Jun did her damnedest to keep up that promise.
It was dark out by the time they left the restaurant. Since they were not the kind of couple to go to movies or the theatre, they went straight to Jun’s hotel room. “Let me tell you, I had to step on some toes to secure this room this weekend,” she said as they entered the family suite. “This weekend is a company holiday, so everyone wanted to come to Tokyo.”
Reina took her time kicking off her shoes by the door. “And how did you get it?”
“By being the manager’s favorite.” Jun opened the top of her silk blouse and pulled Reina into a kiss.
It had been weeks since they last beheld one another, and Reina had forgotten how much she enjoyed this woman’s body in her arms. She enjoyed most women she embraced, but Jun was eager, easy, and extremely willing to do almost anything.
But as they hit the bed, Jun’s legs wrapping firmly around Reina’s midsection, something changed in the latter’s head.
“Ugh.” Reina detached herself from her girlfriend and sat up, her gut twisting in the faintest distress. I shouldn’t have eaten that vinegar with my salad. Somewhere her physician was shaking her head and wagging a finger in Reina’s face. She flopped onto her back.
Jun hovered over her. “You okay?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Don’t you wanna do it?”
Another slight pang in Reina’s stomach. “I dunno. Guess we could talk.”
Before she knew it, her forehead was covered by Jun’s wrist. “You don’t have a fever…”
“Shut up.” Reina pushed Jun’s arm away.
They lay in silence on the bed, Reina trying to push down her nausea while Jun tossed and turned in sexual frustration. Well, you’re gonna have to deal with it. Reina didn’t know what her problem was, but Jun had waited two months and could wait two more minutes. Of course, Reina being Reina, all she could think about besides her discomfort was how beautiful her girlfriend was. She faced away from Reina, propped up on one lanky arm with the back of her red hair finely sheared. Jun was always impeccably dressed, whether it was designer jeans and a fitted T-shirt, or a pantsuit so divine that it made even Reina change her tastes in one look. Tonight she was a mix of both, wearing the jeans down below but a beautiful silk blouse exploding in blue and green dyes up top. She had tied the front of the blouse beneath her breasts, clearly to make herself feel sexy and entice Reina at the same time. It worked. If it wasn’t for the damned stomachache…
“Mou, I knew it.” Jun sat up, exasperation coloring her countenance.
“Knew what?”
“That you could tell that I’ve gained weight.”
Reina’s eyes snapped open. Oh, hell no. Not this shit. “You’re kidding, right?”
Jun scoffed, her hands pointing to her perfectly fine body. “This happens every year after the busy season. I get lazy. Last year I had my girlfriend to keep me active, but this year… I go to work and go home and sit on the couch. Meanwhile I’ve gained a fucking kilo.”
“Oh my God, not a kilo. Anything but that.”
That feisty glare, framed in dark mascara, managed to be both cute and dead sexy. Yeah, she’s super gross fat all right. Not that Reina knew what that looked like. Women cared too much about their weight, and all she cared about was that they were women. “I tried telling myself that you wouldn’t notice.” Jun pouted like a kid told she couldn’t wear her princess dress out in public.
“What are you on about? You look the same to me.”
“I do?”
“Well, yeah.”
Smiling again, Jun flung herself onto Reina and cuddled next to her. The bed sank beneath them, but Reina did not move nor let out a sound of alarm. Why bother, when Jun was going to climb on top of her and kiss her lips anyway? “I’m sure I sound like a silly girl.”
“Pretty much. But I’m used to that by now.”
A manicured nail touched the tip of her nose. “You’re one of the only people who makes me feel like I can be myself. When I’m with you, I can see my ikigai as light as day.”
“And what’s your ikigai?”
Jun looked upward and hummed in her throat. “It’s hard to explain. But it involves spending time with the people I cherish most.”
“And that includes me, eh?”
“Why wouldn’t it?”
Reina continued to stare at the ceiling. “Because you’ve got lots of people in your life.”
The bed shook as Jun propped herself up on her arm. “And I cleared my calendar this weekend to be with you.” She pressed her fingers against the buttons on Reina’s blouse, pushing into her skin as she created a trail down to a zipper. “Oh, goodie! You brought your buddy.” Jun squeezed the small bulge in Reina’s pants. “You didn’t seem particularly ‘manly’ today, so I wasn’t sure.”
They don’t have to go together. The only reason Reina packed that day was because of who she was going to see. “I figured you would appreciate a good dicking after all that whining you’ve done about being sexually frustrated.”
Jun swung her legs over Reina’s hips. She pulled open her blouse, revealing her braless breasts as she gently ground against her girlfriend’s bulge. “Like you would last two months without sex.”
“The mere thought is so disgusting.”
“Now you know my pain.”
“Not my fault you made some dumb pact with your girlfriend.” Jun was only allowed to call Reina her other girlfriend because of the deal she made with her main one. Saya, or some name like that. I’m not good with names. She was young and prone to jealousy, and Jun was older and prone to being horny. The fact that their relationship was long-distance most of the time did not treat Jun’s crotch well. Still not my fault. Jun used to get her kicks on the side until she decided she wanted to be more serious with Reina. That’s when the girlfriend dropped an ultimatum, left for Okinawa for three months, and abandoned Jun to have frustrating phone sex when she and a partner could squeeze in the time.
“Oh, for the love of…” Jun clamped her legs on either side of Reina’s hips. “Would you fuck me already?”
Stomachache abated, Reina tossed her lover onto the bed and gave her what she wanted.
It was quick, dirty, and lacking the play and dialogue they usually conjured when in bed together. She likes it when I’m coy with her. The feeling was mutual. But Jun, being as pent up as she was, would not last long between the kisses to her skin and the thrusts between her legs. Reina would not admit that she had missed the woman’s companionship over the past several weeks, but she took a certain satisfaction when she penetrated a naked and begging Jun a few minutes later.
“Thank God!” she cried, before succumbing to the harried moans of a woman used to getting what she wanted – and being denied it for far too long. Reina tormented her more than once, stilling herself inside the other woman while she whimpered and strained to keep the thrusts going, and pulling out far enough that the tip of her erect head teased the entrance to Jun’s omanko. Reina knew she was being naughty. She also knew that this would be the extent of their dominating and submissive relationship for now… for as soon as Jun had what she wanted again, she
screamed in orgasm, her limbs clinging to Reina as if she would take off somewhere and leave this poor woman to rot in her desires.
“Shit.” Reina halted her thrusts when she felt Jun’s omanko loosen around their bedroom toy. The damned woman sighed in satisfaction, oblivious that Reina had yet to get hers. “That did not take long.” Reina had underestimated Jun’s frustration. She was ready to pop from the moment she walked into that room.
Reina rolled off Jun and tried not to become frustrated. She’ll be ready to go again in a few minutes… Or at least she hoped. From the way Jun wrapped her arms around Reina’s torso and nuzzled her breast, it was hard to tell. “I feel so much better.”
At least that’s one of us.
Jun kicked up the bed covers as she found a more comfortable position in Reina’s hold. “Suki,” she chirped, sending a rush of anxiety up Reina’s spine.
“What was that?” The last thing she needed right now was a love declaration. “Save those words for your real girlfriend.”
“Oh, be quiet. I’m not talking about just you, although you’re a part of it. I love all of this. You, me, what we have… the game we play and the kind of sex we go wild with… I love coming into this room and knowing I can be myself with you. I love having someone who doesn’t judge me or is afraid of me wanting to give up control for once in my day. When I got on the train this morning and wasn’t even coming up here to work… but to be your girlfriend for the weekend… I felt so giddy. I haven’t felt this naughty and bad in so long. I love it.”
A breath passed through Reina’s nostrils. “I look forward to these times as well.”
“Mochiron.”
“I think it’s my ikigai to have sex like this.” She was only half serious.
Yet Jun perked her head up and laughed in Reina’s direction. “You’re the only person I know who can say that and be utterly serious.”
Reina didn’t know how to respond to that. Aside from rolling Jun over and mounting her again, of course. “Oh, eat a pillow.” She made her do that as she pushed into her from behind, indulging in the heat of her skin, the scent of her sweat and sex, the sound of her muffled moans, and the swelling sensation going on between her own two legs.
It took a lot longer for Jun to come this time. And when she did, Reina was right there with her, groaning into her ear and enjoying one of the greatest things about life.
While her spouse spent the night with another woman, Aiko shut herself up in their room and pretended there was nothing scandalous about watching dirty videos and getting off to certain fantasies.
She didn’t know when her brain lapsed from feeling ashamed about it to openly embracing it. She didn’t care. When Reina wasn’t home she stole up to their room, dressed herself in lingerie, and found the most realistic toy in the nightstand. Of course Reina had it that night, so Aiko had to settle for a slightly smaller one in a strange color.
I don’t care.
When she first started touching herself to these fantasies two weeks ago, it was to the image of an anatomically male Reina. She was the same person, but instead of a slit between her legs she had the phallus she often pined for. Aiko would close her eyes and imagine her spouse making love to her like any man would.
But that quickly changed.
The first time she imagined an actual man, it was an actor she saw in a TV drama during dinner. He was handsome, tall, and elegant, the type of man women typically swooned over. He was in love with Aiko and banged her like a jackhammer.
Tonight, however, Aiko finally succumbed to her innermost fantasies and thought of Takeshi while she fucked herself in her marital bed.
It still embarrassed her. After all, Takeshi had professed his love to her over a year ago, and she rebuffed him, assured that she was a lesbian through and through. Now here she was, sneaking into her own bed to stick a dildo in her omanko and pretend it was Takeshi’s. Not the first time I dreamed of him doing me. She used to have visions of it in her sleep… and would wake up crankier than ever.
She also felt guilty because she and Takeshi were friends again. They forgave each other for the indiscretions, and enjoyed a friendship that included lunches at work and brunches on the weekends. Reina knew about this, but said nothing other than warning her wife that a man like that was probably still in love with her. Aiko clung to that thought as she orgasmed on her back, her pitiful moans filling the cold air of her bedroom as her body betrayed her urges.
When the frenzy to sate her sexual yearnings faded, she lay in bed and stared at her spouse’s pillow. The guilt returned. I love her. Aiko had no intention of leaving Reina. She was happy in her marriage, and her spouse seemed happy as well. I just wonder… There was no winning this argument with herself.
One of the cornerstones of her relationship with Reina was an openness about their desires. From an early stage, Aiko was encouraged to share with her partner everything she wanted to try in and out of the bedroom. And over the years, Aiko had both sheepishly and candidly told Reina what she wanted. Sometimes she didn’t like it half as much as she thought she would, and sometimes she loved it so much it became a staple in their shared love life. In turn, Reina was always forthright with her wife.
I can’t tell her about this, though. It was the one fantasy Aiko could never tell – or share with – her spouse. She couldn’t say she wanted to try sex with a man. For the first time in their relationship, one of them came up with a bedroom trial that could not be discussed.
It didn’t help that Aiko went to sleep alone that night. Not even an exchange of texts with her spouse down in Shibuya, who doubtlessly had her arms wrapped around another woman, could take away the uncertainty Aiko felt as she told Reina to have sweet dreams.
She wished that she had sweet dreams. Instead she dreamed that she told Reina what she wanted, and her spouse responded by losing her voice and going to live with her mother in Adachi. I didn’t mean it like that. Aiko woke up more than once, panicked that she couldn’t find Reina in bed next to her.
The next day Reina returned, girlfriend in tow. Yet Jun wasn’t two seconds on a cushion with tea in front of her before Reina remembered she had an errand to run.
“I’ll be back in twenty minutes,” she assured Aiko, kissing her lips and patting her shoulder. To Jun she explained what she was off to do, and kissed her too, but on the cheek. Aiko sat at the head of the table while her spouse ran off again. The ensuing silence with Jun was almost deafening.
She didn’t resent the fashionable woman. On the contrary, Aiko had quite the crush on her, although that had to be quelled when Jun revealed that she and Aiko could no longer have their own occasional flings. But with recent thoughts swarming her head, Aiko found it difficult to be a good hostess and make Jun feel comfortable… so she didn’t hear when the other woman asked how she had been doing lately.
The small talk she did manage was stifling. She mumbled about English books, a subject Jun knew about since she was also fluent in the language. Aiko then talked of her job at the university, and Jun thought she was a professor until finding out that she was “just” a glorified babysitter. “Still, I could not do a job like that to save my life. I don’t get along well with kids,” Jun said, laughing. Aiko said nothing. She couldn’t do Jun’s job either.
There was one small thing she wanted to ask, however. It was a subject bubbling in her throat ever since she heard Jun was coming over that Sunday. She’s been with men before. A few boyfriends, if Aiko remembered correctly. When she asked Jun if she could pry into her personal life a bit, the other woman perked up and told her to ask away. At least they had that much familiarity between them.
Aiko stared into her teacup. “You have… been with men, right?”
The smile was wiped off Jun’s face faster than Aiko could blink. “I… well, I mean… yes.” Jun scrunched her nose. “But not for many years now. Why do you ask?”
“I don’t suppose you could tell me what it’s like…”
<
br /> Jun leaned against her elbow as she considered Aiko’s request. The way she looked at her suggested that such a thing was beyond Jun’s scope of memory. Has she been with so many women since then that she can’t remember? Preposterous. Good or bad, Aiko couldn’t imagine forgetting such a thing.
“Why this all of a sudden?”
Aiko didn’t say.
“It’s been quite a while, and most of the men I was with weren’t that fantastic but… it was… sex?” Jun laughed uneasily. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I see.”
“I mean…” Jun looked away, as if that would save any face. “Aside from a few small differences, sex with men isn’t that much different from women. Okay, it’s different… in ways that make me vastly prefer women of course, but… why the hell are you asking?”
Aiko looked into her lap, where her hands fumbled with the hem of her blouse. “You can’t tell Reina this, but I’ve been thinking about having sex with a man to try it out.”
Jun gaped at her as if she were thinking of popping down to the local red light district to become a prostitute for gangsters. When she checked herself, it was too late – Aiko felt shame again. “What brought this on? I thought you were lez.”
“I am! Or I think I am… maybe I could be…” If Aiko said it out loud, then it would be true. I don’t know if I’m bisexual.
“They say that sexuality is always fluctuating.” Jun folded her hands on the table and cleared her throat as if she were about to give a rousing pep talk to her employees at the hotel. Too bad she was wearing jeans and a T-shirt – not exactly clothes that inspired confidence in bullshit. “And Reina-san doesn’t know about this?”
“How could I tell her?” Aiko clicked her tongue. “She would take it personally.”
“I suppose. You haven’t been with a man?”
“No. Why? Did you think I have been?”
Jun shrugged. “You never came off as militant as your spouse. It wouldn’t have surprised me if you had been with a man before.”
“I had boyfriends. But we never… you know.”
Ikigai Page 14
