by T. K. Chapin
“Whatever, kid. You’re more intolerant than anyone I have ever met in my life!”
“Okay. Well, if you want to talk about intolerance, we can talk about intolerance. Like the fact that I can’t utter the name of Jesus without being called into your office, but Gomez can rattle on and on about all of his one-night stands, and Jessica can speak about all the progress her LGBTQ group is accomplishing. Sir, I have to pretend Katie in accounting is not the same Tony in accounting from six months ago. There’s a lot of intolerance in this workplace and in this world, Mr. Finek, but it’s not with me. Everybody is free to express themselves in this store other than me. And all of this I have come to grips with, but to sit here and try to tell me I’m intolerant is an outright lie.”
“Ahh, I see. You’re emboldened because you have another job lined up. Maybe I should call your employer and let him know about your bigotry. How about that?”
“Slander me? That’s your response to everything I just said?” I shook my head at the cloud of ignorance he was hiding in. “Sure, I guess. You want the phone number?”
“Yes. I’ll call them right now and let them know all about you.”
He went and sat down behind his desk and picked up his phone to dial.
“They won’t be upset about my beliefs nor anything I’ve said.”
“We’ll see about that. Stop delaying and let’s put that faith of yours to the test. Where you going to work at?”
“Church on the Lake.”
He went silent. Then he slammed the phone down on the receiver.
“Get out. You’re done here.”
Standing up from my seat, I stuck out a hand to shake his, but he turned around in his chair. Brooding over his loss.
“I don’t ever want to see your face in my store again. Leave.”
Walking out of Mr. Finek’s office that day, I felt relieved to be on my way out. Though things ended roughly, I had a peace over me. As I walked, Brad motioned me over as I headed for the double doors.
“Where you going?”
“He let me go.” Glancing over my shoulder toward his office, I said, “I don’t think he likes me much.”
“Don’t let it get you down. Keep in touch?”
I nodded. We shook hands. “Good luck, and I hope they find someone to help you out with the shipment.”
“Thanks, man.”
Leaving Brad, I headed out the doors and onto the sales floor. Seeing a couple picking out sofas, I thought about the future, my future. I had lost my mother, my father, my girlfriend, and the only job I’d ever had after sobriety. Though all this loss had come into my life, I knew God was just moving stuff out of the way for something big. Plus, I didn’t lose what was important. I still had my faith in God, and I knew He was working in my life. I just needed to be still and wait upon Him and His timing.
Chapter 7 - Faith
TAKING A BREAK FROM STUDYING, I picked up my cell phone and called Victor. I hoped he’d be able to calm my nerves down about the big final tomorrow morning. The phone rang and rang. He wasn’t answering.
“Hello?” A female’s voice answered.
My heart sank.
“Um. Who’s this?”
“Monica. Are you looking for Victor? I answered his phone because he yelled for someone to answer it. He’s in the kitchen. I’ll get him.”
“No. That’s okay.”
Click.
Confusion swirled my thoughts as I recalled him saying he wasn’t going to the party. Then I recalled that he said he’d think about going. Grabbing my car keys and purse off my apartment’s counter, I headed for the front door. Something didn’t sit well with me for the sheer fact that he hadn’t mentioned he was going. Was he hiding something or was I being paranoid?
Arriving at Cale’s, I parked and promptly went inside. Cale offered me a drink and I declined. He tried to keep talking to me, but I pushed him out of the way and asked, “Where’s Victor?”
“Um. Yeah. I think he left.”
“His Volvo is outside. What are you hiding, Cale?”
He shook his head.
Then I turned and saw Victor. At the top of the stairs, he had a girl pinned against a wall and was making out with her as he held a Solo cup in his hand.
Tears filled my eyes immediately and streamed down my cheeks, and I turned and headed back to my car.
As my trembling hands tried to fit the key into the lock, Victor came running down the driveway.
“Faith.” His lips saying my name after they were on that bimbo was only another slice of pain.
I got inside my car.
He ran over and got in front of my car. With a car behind me, I was stuck.
I rolled my window down and screamed through the tears. “Get out of the way!”
“Wait. Don’t go. You don’t understand.”
“I saw you, Victor! I saw your tongue down her throat! Get out of the way or I’ll run you over.”
“Come on, baby, let’s talk. Please?”
Revving the engine, I screamed again. “Just leave me alone!”
He moved out of the way, and I peeled out from the parking spot. Glancing in my rearview mirror, I saw the girl he was kissing talking to him in the middle of the road. My heart was broken by a man who I thought loved me. He said all the right things, did all of them too, and he’d even asked me to marry him and give him children. How could I have been so wrong about him? My mind jumped to a cold and haunting fact—I had already given him something that I could never get back. My heart melted with anguish, dripped with sorrow, and I begged God to forgive me.
Chapter 8 - James
OVER THE COURSE OF THE next year and a half, I worked full-time at the Church on the Lake. I worked purely in the evenings and always alone. At first, the loneliness of the job was painful, always cleaning, rarely seeing a fellow human being, but over time, I came to love the quiet. I used the quietness to listen to sermons on my phone, pray, and listen to the Bible.
One evening at the church, I was running through my usual work routine, vacuuming the hallway that led from the foyer down to the offices and Sunday school rooms, when I heard a commotion coming from the back of the church. Shutting off the vacuum, I went to the door that led out to the back of the church at the end of the hallway. Glancing out the small window, I spotted a group of people in dark clothing drinking around the youth group’s fire pit. They had a fire roaring.
Infuriated to see people misusing church property, I stormed out the door. “What do you think you’re doing?” My voice was loud and thunderous toward the trespassers.
Dropping cans of beer, all four of them sprinted toward the woods.
I chased after them, tackling one to the ground.
Flipping the guy over, I was startled to recognize him.
It was an old friend and a familiar face I hadn’t seen in years—Alex Shrouder. He was one of the friends I’d had to cut out of my life after I got clean. I had only seen glimpses of him around Newport since I had cleaned up, but we never spoke.
“Take it easy, church boy. We were just having a little fun.”
Furrowing my eyebrows, I released his black hooded sweatshirt and stood up. He got upright and tilted his head as he looked me over.
“You weren’t expecting me, were you, James?”
“No. I wasn’t, Alex.”
“How’s sober life? You reading your Bible every day like a good boy?” He laughed. “You always tried to talk God when you were wasted. I knew you wouldn’t last long in the real world. You churchy kids always go running back to your crutches.”
Closing the space between us, I got up in his face. “You have no idea what you’re talking about, man.”
“Oh, really? Why haven’t I heard from you even once since you got clean? It’s not like I just sit around and binge on drugs all the time. You know that. You could’ve stopped by and just seen how I was, but you didn’t. You don’t care now, and you never really did.”
My heart melted with gui
lt over his words. I knew Alex had lost his little brother in a boating accident fifteen years ago and had never healed from it. He went through bouts of depression and self-harm since it happened, and one time, he had even tried to kill himself. He was a troubled soul and used drugs to self-medicate his depression.
“You don’t understand, Alex. Getting clean was hard, the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I couldn’t associate with the same people as I did before if I wanted to be successful.”
“Whatever, man. That’s just the garbage they feed you in rehab.”
“Really? Because the time before, I went to rehab and tried to hang out with you afterward, and I ended up relapsing.”
He shrugged. “It was your choice to relapse. Nobody puts that needle in your arm but you.”
I turned my eyes back toward the church. “Why you drinking at the church, anyway? You know the kids use that fire pit for youth group.”
He shrugged again. “We needed somewhere to chill. I didn’t see your car in the parking lot so I thought you weren’t in there.”
“It’s in the shop. I walked.”
“Why?”
Shaking my head, I raised a hand. “It doesn’t matter. Stay off the church property. Next time, I’ll call the cops.”
Turning around, I left back toward the church. My heart was splintered by the encounter with my past.
Returning to the building, I grabbed the hose from the back of the church and put out the fire in the pit. Then, I picked up the beer cans and took them and tossed them out into the burn barrel by the shed a few feet from the church. As I continued cleaning that evening, I thought more of Alex and the words he had spoken to me in the woods. It pained me to speak to him and see the hurt still in his eyes after so long. He was a lost soul, and I knew he needed Jesus desperately. If only he would believe and experience the joy I have, then he, too, could find out what it is to be truly happy.
Chapter 9 - Faith
SITTING DOWN TO COFFEE WITH Molly inside a coffee shop in downtown Spokane, I listened patiently as she told me all about her new boyfriend she had met at her church’s single people’s night last Saturday. When she finally ended her twenty-minute explanation of how amazing the guy she met was, she inquired into my own love life, or lack thereof.
“How are things with you? Any guys come into the gift shop lately?”
I laughed. “Not a lot of single dudes come into a gift shop in downtown Colville.”
She smiled politely and nodded. “Are you ever going to date again, Faith?”
The thought brought a measure of anxiety. “I haven’t really found the right guy. You know? I’ve been working on my music and trying to find a job doing that. Guys aren’t really on my radar at all. I view it like I’m waiting on God’s timing. I learned with Victor that I need to wait upon the Lord for the right guy, not just settle for anybody who comes along and shows me the least bit of attention.”
“Wow, that’s a little harsh to think of yourself.”
I shrugged. “It is what it is. Since Victor and I split over a year ago, I’ve really pressed into God and it’s been for the better, Molly. I recommitted myself to the Lord and I’ve learned that the greatest love story isn’t found on the big screen or in some romance between me and a man, but it’s in God’s word. The Bible and Jesus. It’s God’s love story for us.”
“You have such a beautiful faith, Faith.” She snickered. “Faith, Faith.”
I laughed.
Glancing at her cell phone, she stood up. “I’d better get going if I want to make it to work on time. Thanks for coming down for shopping and coffee with me today.”
“It’s been fun. We need to do this more often.”
We hugged and parted ways, and I went to use the restroom in the coffee shop.
As I exited the ladies’ room, I stopped at the bulletin board in the hallway. A flyer with musical notes caught my eye. It read, Accepting Auditions for Youth Festival coming next month. New and upcoming talent welcome! If you have a heart for Jesus, please apply!
Ripping the flyer down, I folded it up and put it into my purse.
On my drive back to Colville, I consulted with God through prayer, asking and praying for Him to press against my heart whether it was in His will or not. I knew the drive would be difficult to make and it’d be hard to get time off at work, and so on and so forth. I didn’t want to waste my time auditioning if it wasn’t part of His will. By the time I arrived in the parking lot of my apartment complex, I had a pretty good feeling about at least trying out for the festival. I sure hoped I wasn’t wrong about His will.
Chapter 10 - James
ARRIVING AT THE CHURCH AT about five o’clock for my shift almost four weeks after catching Alex and his friends out behind the church, I noticed Charlie’s truck parked in the parking lot. It was a Thursday, usually the night he and Serenah would go out on a date while Kirk and Jessica watched Emma, so I found it peculiar to see he was still at the church.
I parked alongside his truck and went inside.
Popping into the doorway of his office, I asked, “Isn’t it your date night?”
He shook his head. His expression was somber, heavily laden with grief. “Come on in, James.”
“Uh-oh. This doesn’t sound so good.” Taking a seat across from him, I raised a suspicious eyebrow. “What’s going on, boss-man?”
“This is awkward, so I’ll just come out with it. There were some beer cans in our burn barrel out by the shed. Care to explain?”
I hadn’t told him about catching Alex and his friends out back around the fire pit last month. I hadn’t wanted to cause problems for Alex. He had enough of them without my adding to them. Plus, Alex’s uncle Joe was embedded deeply within the church and it’d only bring disgrace to the family. I didn’t even think about the cans being visible.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I caught some kids out back drinking last month. They were using the fire pit and tossing a few beers back. I scared them off.”
“Did you have fun?”
Furrowing my eyebrows, I leaned forward. “What? I just told you I caught them. I don’t drink nor hang out with anybody like that anymore. You know that.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me?” His tone was accusatory, his eyes narrowed on me. It didn’t matter what I said. There was more than just a feeling of condemnation.
“Alex was there. I didn’t want to cause trouble since his Uncle Joe is a member.” I stood up from the chair, a feeling of betrayal overwhelming me. Turning to him, I shook my head. “I thought I showed myself plainly to you this last year and a half. I thought you knew me well enough to know I wouldn’t do that kind of thing.”
I headed to the door.
“James,” he called after me, rising to his feet behind his desk.
I stopped in the doorway, then turned to face him.
“I’m sorry.” He came over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. “I know you’re a different man than you were before your father passed away. I just found the cans and was concerned. Please forgive me.”
He was genuinely remorseful over his actions in the matter.
“I forgive you.” I let out a sigh, then continued. “I also understand how my past doesn’t just go away. It’s a burden that I have to carry everywhere I go. I guess I just thought it’d be different here. Or at least different with you. I guess maybe that’s why I’m still cleaning toilets and you still have a vacancy for the associate pastor position.”
He shook his head. “Don’t talk down about what you’re doing around here.”
“I still don’t have the assistant pastor job, and I think it’s apparent why now. It’s because you don’t trust me.”
“Hey, now. I never said I don’t trust you.”
Adjusting my footing, I looked at him with a squint. “If you found those cans after my dad had been at the church, would you accuse him?”
He was silent.
“That’s what I thought.”
Chapter 11 - Faith
ANXIETY FILLED EVERY PART OF my being as I waited for the phone call from the pastor at Church on the Lake. His call would be coming today to let me know whether they wanted me to perform at the Youth Festival at his church out on Diamond Lake next week. The venue, if I were to be selected, would be the first time I performed outside of the little Baptist church I attended weekly in Colville, Washington. It was an hour and a half away from home, but it could be an opportunity that could lead to more opportunities if it went well.
My phone rang.
It was Pastor Charlie.
“Really?” I asked as I jumped to my feet in my one-bedroom apartment at the kitchen table. Trembling inside, I touched my forehead. “And the practicing at the church every day leading up to the show is okay? I need to get used to the church and the room I’ll be singing in. Wait, where will I stay? I can’t afford a hotel room. Oh, no. It’s such a long drive down there to make every day. What am I going to do?”
He laughed lightly. “Just breathe, Faith. Yes, I remember your needs. Like I told you before, you can come stay at my wife’s and my inn and practice every day at the church if your heart so desires.”
I took a deep breath and let it out. My nerves settled slightly. “Okay. Can I head down tonight?”
“Absolutely . . . and, Faith?”
“Yeah?”
“You have nothing to worry about. You’ll be great. I know the kids are going to love you as much as Serenah and I did at your audition. Give it all to God. I know you’re nervous, but you need not be.”
