by Amy Tasukada
Saehyun stared at a picture of a man with a full butterfly in red covering all of his back.
He turned the page, and this time the photographs were of sleeved arms covered with flowers. The cherry blossoms, Saehyun understood. They were beautiful but died quickly, but the other flowers…
“Why the chrysanthemums?” Saehyun asked.
“They don’t put them out at funerals in Korea?”
“They do, but why tattoo them on the body? It’s like asking for death.”
“Most yakuza know they’ll die without a proper funeral. You can’t be charged with murder if they never find the body.” The master grinned. “They need those flowers so when their body turns to ash in a furnace, they at least have a proper burial.”
“If you’re serious about this,” the tattoo master said, “I need to know why you chose this path and why you feel the need to be stronger.”
Saehyun rubbed his hands against his pants. Telling Nao was one thing, but he wanted that tattoo. He told the master his past, about his father hanging himself and his mother’s addiction.
“I got a job as a waiter,” Saehyun continued. “It was some hole-in-the-wall shop next to the red-light district. It was filled with Japanese businessmen at all hours of the night. They reeked of alcohol and would yell at me when their orders took too long. The Korean mafia had already established roots there, and I realized I could bust my ass serving Japanese all my life for scraps, or I could be with my own kind and earn more in a week than I could in a year.”
Saehyun turned the page without looking, instead staring at the artist and his unchanging expression. Saehyun realized the man must’ve heard hundreds of similar stories.
“I need to finish a deal by the end of Gion, and I met someone. I need to be stronger to make it through Gion alive so we can be together.”
Looking back down at the binder, Saehyun glimpsed a familiar tattooed image on a body; a red phoenix glared at him, though the tattoo was missing the half-completed flowers. Regardless, Saehyun recognized Nao’s body.
“Tell me more about this one.” Saehyun pointed at the picture.
“You like the phoenix? Not many people truly embody it. That phoenix belonged to a strong person that had a leaning that way.” He gave a small chuckle. “He combined both the yin and yang of an old-style phoenix. A beautiful balance of honor, tradition, elegance—everything the phoenix stood for. I believed he would be one to get a full body, but he stopped coming. Though knowing his crazy life, he probably died.”
“What do you mean he probably died?”
“He was a yakuza. Everyone in that book is. He would always come in bruised up. He would tell me the bruises were from boxing, but who knows the truth? I heard people talk about him. They’d say not to even look at him funny, or else he’d give them a broken rib.”
“This tattoo was given to a yakuza?” Saehyun repeated, making sure he heard it correctly.
It couldn’t be Nao. There’s no way his Nao was in the yakuza. He was too meek to do anything but pour tea. It was impossible.
“Yes, they make up most of my clients.”
Saehyun stared at the picture. He could see Nao’s naked body writhing under him and the distortion of the tattoo as his muscles twitched from their lascivious passion. Yet the picture also spoke of Nao’s lies. Nao was a yakuza member, and the tattoo master knew more about Saehyun’s lover than he did.
Yet Nao had never finished the tattoo and had become a tea merchant. He couldn’t be part of the yakuza anymore—but that would explain how Nao got caught up with Takeo. They were both in the yakuza, and when Nao left, Takeo couldn’t take the hint and stalked him. Saehyun knew everything Nao wasn’t ready to tell.
Saehyun shook his head and realized yet again that all his thoughts were consumed by Nao.
“I have an idea of what you need. Come back in a few days, and we can get started,” the master said.
“You still don’t want to recognize the Double Moon!” Hiro yelled, his voice carrying outside the shop where Saehyun watched.
Saehyun watched through the large glass window of the shop as his crew destroyed the old-style tofu shop marked as a national treasure. The mochi shop had been destroyed three days before, and one by one, the Double Moon was knocking off such shops for refusing to accept them. They were going so far as to say they would have no part in any mafia protection. Here Saehyun was controlling a third of Kyoto and not a cop in sight.
It wasn’t the cops the Double Moon worried about anymore but the Matsukawa. They finally saw the Double Moon as a threat, which meant the wards had increased their protection. It also meant Saehyun increased his check-ins with the groups he created and couldn’t spend as much time with Nao.
Hiro grabbed the chair the store owner was sitting on, threw him off, and smashed it against the counter. He then turned to the window, raising the chair leg, and threw it. Saehyun stepped aside, covering his face with his hands as the glass shattered. Hiro’s laughter filled Saehyun’s ears.
“Be careful!” Saehyun yelled.
“I’m trying to get you to join the fun.” Hiro stepped out of the empty window frame, the shattered glass crunching under his feet like snow. “You’ve been so down lately. Smash some shit. It’ll cheer you up.”
Saehyun shook his head. He was meeting Nao tonight. One of the younger recruit’s parents were out of town, so he offered his place when Saehyun asked around for an apartment to be used. It was a situation stickier than the mochi Nao liked to put in soup. All Saehyun could do was hope that once seeing how out-of-the-way the place was, Nao would stop asking to come by.
“Your crew is doing a good job.” Saehyun patted Hiro on the back. “You’ve got this whole block secured. But you need to keep moving, all right? The yakuza still think this is part of their control.”
“When Gion is over next month, do you think I can become a ward leader?”
“We’re going to need eleven of them, and they’d all have to be badass.”
“I started to work out.”
Saehyun laughed. “Show me.”
Hiro flexed while the destruction continued inside the tofu stop. Pictures were thrown from the walls, and the display cases were in shambles. Saehyun touched Hiro’s bicep, pretending to be impressed.
“You’ll have to beat me at an arm-wrestling match before I let you become ward leader.”
“I’ll have to work out more.”
“You could get a few more centimeters in twenty-eight days.”
Hiro whistled and the boys inside stopped. “You hear that, everyone? I’ll be the leader of this ward!”
Saehyun smiled, happy someone was excited about being a potential ward leader. Flipping through his phone contacts, he reached the first ward leader established after overpowering the Japanese. It was three weeks since he’d last answered his phone and even more for the twelve people under him. Saehyun bit his lip and deleted it. Another person in the twenty that made it to the Matsukawa’s furnace.
A shuffling from down the street caught Saehyun’s attention and trapped his breath in his throat. His heart dropped to his stomach. There Nao stood, dressed in his yukata and carrying a bag. He stared at Saehyun, a pillar of strength like the third time their paths crossed.
Hiro pointed. “Another jjokbari—I could use some more time on the punching bag.”
“No!” Saehyun yelled. “Let me fuck him up. You stand watch and warn the others to hurry up.”
Nao broke into a run, away from the action, his wooden clogs echoing down the quiet street. Saehyun followed, needing to catch Nao, to explain the situation. But most importantly, to find out if Nao was still in the yakuza. The thought was impossible. Nao was too meek to be in it anymore. Takeo probably pushed him into it in the first palace. That was why, when they broke up, Nao opened a teahouse.
Nao turned a corner. His shoe ca
ught and slid off into a concrete alley. He tumbled to the ground. Saehyun caught up to him and straddled his stomach, pinning his arms above his head. Nao’s muscles tensed under his touch, and Saehyun could feel the anger radiate through his lover’s skin.
“What… are you doing!” Nao yelled, his breath shallow from the run.
“I can explain.”
“Explain why the fuck you were destroying the tofu shop with those Korean gangsters. It’s a world heritage site.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Where am I supposed to buy tofu now?”
“At the supermarket like everyone else?” Saehyun couldn’t help but chuckle.
“I was getting it for our dinner. Let go of me!”
Saehyun had never heard Nao’s tone so vicious. It reminded him of Godfather Taejin. Nao jerked, but Saehyun used his size to pin him down.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were in the yakuza?” Saehyun asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ve memorized the phoenix on your back, Nao. When I went to the tattoo master, I saw a photo of it. He told me you were a yakuza.”
“So what if I was? You’re one of the Korean bastards destroying the city. You couldn’t keep knocking up pachinko parlors? No, you have to hit the heart of Kyoto?”
Saehyun closed his eyes. Nao’s words hit like a bullet. It was true. He was destroying all the places Nao cherished. Each one left him as broken as the tea bowls Saehyun was responsible for having smashed.
“I don’t have a choice.”
“Everyone has a choice. It might cost a finger, but you have one.”
Saehyun shook his head. “I don’t, Nao.”
“You need to get out of here and hide. The police showed me photos of you beating up a cop. Then they wanted to accuse me of harboring a criminal since your prints were all over my home. I told them you broke in, or else I’d be behind bars.”
Saehyun shook his head, his world falling in around him. That was not what he wanted for Nao. “Fuck. I didn’t want you caught up in all this.”
“I can handle myself.”
“So you’re still in the Matsukawa?”
Nao sighed. “I’m dead to them.”
“Good.” Saehyun let out a sigh of relief. “I wouldn’t know what to do if you were still with them.”
“You should stop fooling around and quit before you die. The Matsukawa mean business. You start messing with their citizens, and they will skin you alive. Believe me, you’d rather be caught by the police.”
“What did the police tell you about me?”
“I don’t care what you did before. I care that you’re destroying Kyoto.”
Saehyun shook his head. “I want to tell you everything.”
“They said you were wanted for visa fraud.”
“They were being nice. I was part of the Korean mafia in Osaka. Lee and I were put in charge of the fake visas and passports. The police found us, and Lee shot one. We ran.”
“Someone has to take the fall, or else the police won’t leave the others alone,” Nao said.
“That’s why we’re here. We have a few months to get Kyoto, or we have to take the blame. The time ends on the last festival of Gion. If we succeed, then Taejin will make someone else take the blame.” Saehyun shook his head. “I can’t stop or I’d be hung.”
Nao’s muscles shook under Saehyun.
Nao’s eyes glistened and he looked away. “Don’t drag me into your mess.”
“That’s why I came after you. I had to put on an act for the others. I’m making sure you’re safe,” Saehyun said.
“And my shop? Is that next on the hit list?”
“I promise it won’t be destroyed.”
“I know you, Saehyun. You don’t really want to do all of this. Leave, or else you’re going to die a part of the Double Moon.”
“Don’t worry. By the end of this month, I’ll be all normal again.” Saehyun bit his lip, knowing he had to tell Nao. Did the police have to tell Nao everything?
Saehyun leaned forward and pressed his chest against Nao’s, hearing each calm breath he took. It was such a mess, and here Saehyun was trying to keep Nao separate from it all when he never could.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you involved in this. I tried so hard to keep this part of my life hidden from you. Once the Gion is over, my debt will be paid, and then I’ll be able to leave. I want to be able to be with you, because I love you.”
The words slipped out so easily for Saehyun. And yet he couldn’t help but stare at Nao, watching his face for a reaction. A slight struggle, but that was all, a softening of his eyes.
“Are you sure you don’t just want to fuck me?” Nao grinned.
“Maybe at the start, but not—”
“You’ve been straddling my hips since I tripped.”
“I had to put on a show for the others.”
“I’m not an exhibitionist.”
Saehyun blinked. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s nothing.” Nao shook his head.
Saehyun slid off Nao and brought his shoe over from the alley. Nao hadn’t said he loved him back. Saehyun bit his lip. He wasn’t going to push Nao into anything. He just wanted to stay with him. Saehyun stood before him, noticing the cut on Nao’s ankle, and guilt washed over him. He allowed Nao to bleed to put on a show. Saehyun sat down and gave the shoe to Nao.
“Takeo.” Nao slid his shoe on. “You killed him?”
“How did you know?”
“Damn it, Saehyun. He was my bodyguard.”
“You told me he was a stalker ex.”
“Well, I lied.” Nao sighed.
“Why did you have a bodyguard? Tell me you’re not someone important.”
“The Matsukawa sometimes use my teahouse as a meeting place and thought I could use the protection. It’s the only thing I have left with Kuma gone.”
Saehyun searched Nao’s eyes, but inside they were so broken. The pillar of strength that watched him beat up the pachinko manager wasn’t there anymore, and Saehyun knew it was his fault. Nao was a frightened bird beating itself against the side of its cage. All because Saehyun tried to reach inside his quiet world of tea and tranquility and fucked the whole thing up.
Saehyun squeezed Nao’s hand, hoping to somehow pass some of his strength to him.
“Let’s go back to your home.” Saehyun smiled.
“We were supposed to meet at your home.”
“I was going to borrow one of the recruits’ places. I live with the syndicate. We can’t bring guests over.”
“Fuck.” Nao closed his eyes and let out a deep breath as if to start over, but his lip quivered as he spoke. “You need to wear a surgical mask when you go out since the police are looking for you. Maybe dye your hair or something.”
Saehyun’s heart sank, and he pulled Nao into a tight embrace. “I always wanted pink hair.”
“You know what I mean.” Nao pulled back but looked down at Saehyun’s shoes. “You’re not important in the Double Moon, are you?”
It was Saehyun’s job to keep Nao safe. If he told him the truth that he was second-in-command, it would only make Nao worry. Saehyun couldn’t do that. His boyfriend was already worried about so much. It was okay to lie to keep him safe. The cops probably filled Nao’s head with so many truths, Saehyun could’ve almost understood if Nao never answered his phone again.
Saehyun smiled. “I just follow what people tell me.”
“So Saehyun is like a common name too? Like how Park is.”
“Yeah.” Saehyun reached out and stroked Nao’s cheek. More lies between them, but that would stop once the last day of the Gion festivals ended. “There’s like three of us with that name now. You know Koreans; we’re silly and only have like ten names.”
Nao’s
eyes finally lifted up to meet Saehyun. They glistened with a watery sheen. He’d broken him.
“No, Saehyun… There’s something else…”
“What is it?” He brushed Nao’s hair behind his ear. “You can tell me.”
A gunshot rang in the distance. Then a mix of shouting in both Korean and Japanese echoed the streets. Saehyun grabbed ahold of Nao’s hand and pulled him up.
“Don’t worry.” He squeezed Nao’s hand. “I’ll protect you.”
Hiro ran into the alley while Saehyun stood in front of Nao.
“It’s the Matsukawa!” Hiro yelled.
“Tell everyone to split up. Go!”
Hiro followed Saehyun’s orders and fled. Saehyun took Nao into a deep embrace. Even though his body trembled within his arms, Nao was no longer the frightened bird. Saehyun could feel his lover’s strength returning like a phoenix caught in a sudden rainstorm. His spirit was crushed, but that pillar of strength was still solid.
“Will you be all right?” Saehyun asked even though he knew Nao would.
“Don’t worry. I’m not the one they’re mad at for destroying a tofu shop.”
“Are we still on for dinner?”
“Come by my place, since your apartment is a fake.”
“Do you think the Matsukawa are still watching you? You said Takeo was your bodyguard. I just need to know that way I can be more careful when I travel there.”
“I told you I’m dead to them. It would hurt their pride too much using me to get to you. Now go before they come, idiot!”
Saehyun stopped, focusing on the bamboo grass figures hanging from the doorframe of the business. Yesterday, Nao had told him they were for good luck, and Saehyun cursed himself for not buying one. Even with the clashing violence with the Matsukawa and the black disgust of drugs seeping into the city, locals still followed the traditions and opened their homes. They showed off the antiques in their entryways and talked about their meaning. Saehyun smiled, recalling the excitement in hearing the story behind each antiquity, but that was yesterday.
In Osaka, he had been too busy to bother with festivals, and it wasn’t as if he’d cared about them when he was a child in Korea. Even then, the Korean festivals were different. Not as big or as heavily embraced by the whole community, like the monthlong Gion Festival. He understood how Nao could get so caught up in traditions, though. Saehyun wasn’t caught up in them himself. But in three days, he’d pull one of those wooden floats, and maybe then it would strike a nerve within him.
