“You don’t think Dad would go?”
“You’ll have to ask him.”
“Probably not. He stopped when Mom left.”
Alexa started for the hallway. “There’s only one way to find out.”
“I think he’s mad at God. Do you think that will make a difference to God?”
“No. He’s willing to forgive anyone who asks.” And He wants us to forgive, too, and yet I can’t. The rejection of her father had buried itself even deeper into her heart, especially when she’d seen the hurt her mother was going through.
“Let’s go make those posters.” Alexa settled her hand on Jana’s shoulder as they made their way to the family room.
Ian turned when they walked into the den. Hope flared in his eyes as he looked at his daughter. “Are you all right?”
“Yes, Alexa and I are gonna make posters about Sugar, then put them up tomorrow. She’ll be coming home. I know it—” Jana tapped her chest “—in here.”
Concern marked Ian’s expression.
“Jana, why don’t you go get some paper from the classroom. I had some on the desk I think will work for the posters. And bring some markers.” As soon as the child left, Alexa faced Ian, preparing herself for his question.
“What did you say to her?”
“I gave her hope. We prayed to the Lord and asked Him to bring Sugar home.”
“He’s not going to answer that prayer.”
“Why not?”
“Because He’s obviously too busy to deal with small—or for that matter, large—family matters.”
Alexa lifted her chin. “You don’t know that. I also gave her something to do to help bring Sugar home. We’re gonna make posters. I hope you’ll help us.”
He glared at her but kept his mouth shut because Jana came back into the den with the supplies. The young girl sat at the round game table by the bay window and spread the paper and pens out.
“Dad, you want to help us?”
“Sure, pumpkin. In fact, let me run off some more pictures of Sugar, and we can put a photo on each poster.”
“Great idea!” Jana picked up a black marker. “What should we put on this, Alexa?”
* * *
While his daughter and Alexa sat side by side, Ian slipped out of the den and hurried to his office where he began running off copies of the photo he’d used earlier. He sank into his chair behind his desk while the printer churned out forty pictures.
Anger surged through him. How could Alexa do that? Raise his daughter’s hopes only to have it dashed tomorrow or the next day when Jana realized the Lord wasn’t going to bring her pet home? He’d have to pick up the pieces of Jana’s broken heart, not Alexa, not God. Just like he had when Tracy had left them.
He’d asked the Lord to bring his wife home, to help him make everything all right. But she hadn’t returned. His life had totally changed. And he’d had to deal with Jana’s pain, with his own pain.
How was he going to make this better for his daughter? How was he going to fix this latest disaster? No matter how much he tried to control what was happening, it seemed to fall apart without a moment’s notice.
His elbows on his desk, Ian removed his glasses and massaged the area between his eyes, then scrubbed his hands down his face as the sound of the printer reminded him why he was in his office.
“Ian?”
He slowly raised his head and gave Alexa a piercing look.
“I’m sorry.” Alexa moved into the office and stood before his desk. “I didn’t mean to make you mad or overstep my boundaries.”
He gripped the arms of his chair. “Ever since you’ve come into my house, you’ve overstepped your boundaries. Why should this be any different?”
His words hurt. She tried to squelch that feeling, knowing he was lashing out because he was worried about his daughter, but she couldn’t. She gritted her teeth, afraid if she spoke she would say something that would make the situation even worse.
“What happens if Sugar never comes home?”
“She’ll be found.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. I just feel it.”
Ian bolted to his feet. “I’m the one who’ll have to deal with my daughter’s tears and hurt, her disappointment in the Lord when He doesn’t bring Sugar home.”
His furious words blasted her in the face although they were spoken in almost a whisper. “Why are you so sure He won’t?”
Chapter Six
Balling his hands on his desk, Ian leaned across it. “Because God has let me down. He doesn’t care about what we’re going through. I’m certainly not worth His attention.”
“That’s not true. He cares. He loves every one of His children.”
“I haven’t seen any evidence of it lately. Praying didn’t help me. Now Jana will think all she has to do is pray and she’ll get what she wants.”
“I’ve explained what I think praying is, and it’s certainly not getting your every heart’s desire.”
Ian snatched up the stack of copies from the printer and headed for the door. “Let’s go make these posters.” His rigid posture, his long strides, attested to the anger that still seized Ian as he left his office.
Alexa sighed. All she’d wanted to do was help Jana. Maybe she wasn’t the right person for this job. Doubts attacked her from all sides as she made her way toward the family room.
“Look, Alexa, I’ve almost finished the first poster.” Jana took the top picture of Sugar from the pile Ian laid on the table. “All I have to do is glue this to the paper, and it will be ready.”
Alexa sat next to Jana. “I like what you’ve done.”
“Dad, how many do you think we should make?” Jana peered at him then swung her gaze to Alexa then back to her father. “Is everything all right?”
One corner of his mouth hitched up. His dimple appeared, although from the reserved look in his eyes, the grin was forced. “It will be, when Sugar comes home.” He picked up a blank piece of paper. “I think we should make thirty or thirty-five, then if we need more, we can make more.”
“That sounds like a plan.” Alexa withdrew a brown marker from the box.
“Yeah.” Jana began working on another poster, her head bent over it, her attention totally focused as she printed out the words.
Across the table Ian caught Alex’s gaze. The half grin vanished, to be replaced with a cold expression that, as she held his look, melted into a neutral one.
An hour later thirty-five posters were completed and ready to go. Alexa shoved to her feet, arching her back and stretching. She rolled her head in a full circle to ease the tension that had stiffened her whole upper body.
Alexa pushed in her chair. “It’s time that I go home, but I’ll be back early tomorrow. If it’s all right with your dad, after breakfast we can start putting up these posters.”
“Fine.” Ian rose. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
“Be here early. We’ll be ready to go.” Jana stacked the posters in a large pile.
Alexa gathered her purse and jacket from the couch and started for the foyer. Ian’s presence behind her caused her tension to return full force and knot her shoulders and neck even more. After opening the front door, she spun around and said, “You don’t have to walk me to my car. It’s just parked in the driveway.”
“I know.”
She stepped out onto the porch, and he followed. Hurrying her pace, she crossed the yard while digging around in her oversize purse for her keys. She was emotionally drained and didn’t want to engage in any more verbal battle.
As she unlocked her car door and thrust it open, she said, “Thanks. See you tomorrow.”
“Alexa, I’m sorry for earlier.”
Her jaw dropped, and she straightened to face him. She couldn’t think of anything to say to him.
“Your heart is always in the right place where Jana is concerned. I’ve seen that on more than one occasion. You thought you were doing what was best for my dau
ghter, and I can’t fault you for that.” He took off his wire-rimmed glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I’m just worried about Jana, and I said things I shouldn’t have in my office.”
But he meant them. If she was smart, she’d back away from this family, put in her time and leave with her heart intact. “I understand. See you tomorrow, early.”
She quickly slid behind the steering wheel, her hands shaking. She wasn’t going to be smart. She could tell. She cared about Jana—and Ian—too much. The thought of the almost kiss earlier that day stayed with her as she drove to her house.
By the time she reached home, she’d dismissed what might have happened near the woods and pulled her calm mantle about her, knowing that otherwise her mother would discern something was wrong besides Sugar being lost. Her mom knew how to read her, and Alexa had never been good at hiding her feelings for long. And worse, her mother had witnessed the almost kiss. She would want to know how Alexa felt about Ian.
When she entered her duplex, she found her mother waiting for her in the living room. As Charlie got up to greet Alexa, her mom put the book she was reading on the table next to her.
“You haven’t found Sugar yet, have you?” she asked. “I can tell by the look on your face. How’s Jana taking it?”
“Okay. We made posters to put up tomorrow around town. I know the neighbors are aware Sugar is missing, but the dog might wander farther away from her home than a six-block radius.”
Her mom’s assessing gaze skimmed over her features. “And you? How are you?”
“Tired. I’d go straight to bed except I’m still too wired to sleep.” Oops. The second she had said the last sentence she’d realized her mistake. Her mother would take that as a cue to chat with her about Ian.
“Let me fix you a cup of chamomile tea. It’ll relax you and help you sleep.”
Alexa trailed her mother into the kitchen and sat at the table while her mom busied herself putting the water on to boil and getting the tea bags. “Thanks for searching earlier.”
“Anything to help.” After putting the bags and water into the mugs, she carried them to the table and sat across from Alexa. “I didn’t tell you, but your dad called me again on my cell while I was out looking for Sugar. He wanted to talk. I didn’t want to have that conversation at Ian’s, so I came back here and called him.”
“Are you going home?” Alexa cupped her mug between her palms, its warmth seeping into her cold hands.
“This is my home right now. He didn’t say anything to change that.” Her mother took a sip of her tea. “I’m thinking I need this more than you,” she said, gesturing to the mug. “Every time I talk about that man, I get riled, so let’s discuss something else. Are you falling for Ian?”
Alexa spewed her drink of tea. “Mom! Why would you ask that?”
“I saw you two today. I’ve seen the looks you have exchanged, and I’m worried about you. Don’t get involved with him, honey. He’s got too much baggage for you.” Her mother averted her look, chewing on her lower lip. “Your father had a lot of baggage when we got married.”
“He did?”
“I never told you that your dad was married before me. He even had a child before you. A son.”
Alexa collapsed back in the chair. The tea sloshed out onto her hand and burned it. She quickly placed the mug on the table and massaged the red spot. “Mom, how about warning me before you drop a bombshell?”
“Sorry.”
“Why wasn’t I told?”
“Because when he married me, he made me promise never to bring it up. I’m breaking my promise because I’m worried you’re following in my footsteps. Look where it has landed me—estranged from my husband.”
“My situation with Ian isn’t anything like that. Marriage? Where is that coming from?” Although for a few seconds earlier, she’d begun to picture being married to Ian, she’d pushed those thoughts away as ridiculous. Tonight only confirmed that. They were in different places in their lives, and the faith that meant so much to her was clearly something he couldn’t share.
“Ian reminds me of your father in some ways. He’s struggling to control his emotions, his life. He’s hurting. I didn’t see that until after I married your father that he wasn’t really over his deceased wife.”
“What happened to her?”
“A car accident. A drunk driver took both his wife and baby son. His first wife was a friend from church. I tried to help Richard and, as you know, eventually married him. He wasn’t the same man I knew before the accident.”
Alexa stood. She had to escape to the privacy of her room. Her thoughts reeled with the news her mother had told her. Her father had a son who’d died. Was that why he didn’t love her? Was that why it had been so important that she followed in her father’s footsteps?
“You don’t need to worry about me, Mom. I’m not falling in love with Ian. I’m aware he has issues with his ex-wife, and he’s certainly not ready to be involved in a relationship. Tomorrow will be a long day. I’d better go to bed.” She turned to leave.
“Hon, you didn’t drink your tea.”
Alexa glanced back. “I don’t need it now.” Because I won’t sleep no matter what I drink.
* * *
“Where’s Jana?” Alexa asked when Ian opened the door to her the next morning half an hour before she usually came.
“Out back. She’s been on the bench since I woke up this morning, waiting for Sugar to return.”
“And she hasn’t?”
“No. When I went out to tell her breakfast was ready, she told me she wasn’t hungry.”
“Is it okay if I go and talk to her?”
“Sure. She told me to let her know when you came.”
She started for the door that opened onto the patio.
“Alexa, do you want some tea? I have hot water for it.”
His question stopped her halfway across the den. About a week ago he’d started putting a kettle of water on the stove for her to use throughout the day. He’d even stocked her favorite teas. The gesture had warmed her the week before; now she didn’t have the energy to care one way or another. With practically no sleep, all she could manage was going through the motions of her day and hope she could rid her mind of the conversations she’d had with Ian and her mother the night before.
She headed back to the kitchen. “Yes, thanks.” Although she’d had some tea at home, she needed as much caffeine as she could get. After grabbing a mug with her drink already steeping, she left the house.
Across the backyard sat Jana on the bench Ian had made. She stared at the water, huddled in a blanket around her slumped shoulders as though she’d gotten up from bed and come straight outside with her covers. Alexa’s heart grew heavy at the sight of the child, so forlorn looking.
“Good morning, Jana.”
“She hasn’t come back yet.”
Alexa settled on the bench next to the child. “Then after breakfast we’ll do what we can. We’ll call the pound and animal shelters to put them on alert if they find her. We’ll put up all those posters. Let people know we’re looking for her.”
“But we did that yesterday and no one’s called.”
“By the time we get through we’ll have the whole town aware Sugar’s missing. We just need to get the word out even more.”
“Yeah.” Jana brightened, sitting up a little straighter. “The more people looking, the better the chance she’ll be found.”
“She hasn’t even been gone twenty-four hours.”
“It seems longer.”
“Let’s go eat breakfast and then we can get started.”
Jana hopped up, hiking the blanket up enough so it didn’t drag across the grass, and hurried toward the patio.
By the time Alexa entered the house, Jana was sitting at the kitchen table, gulping down her orange juice, then pouring milk over her cereal. Alexa took the seat across from Jana and finally sipped her tea.
“Do you want anything to eat?” Ian asked as h
e brought his coffee and toast to the table.
“No, I’m fine.”
“Slow down, Jana,” Ian said as she shoveled the cereal into her mouth. “We aren’t leaving until I’m finished with my breakfast. Then I have to make two calls to postpone a couple of meetings. After that, I’m all yours.”
“Alexa and me can go without ya. We can meet ya in town later.”
Ian’s eyes widened. “Fine,” he said slowly.
A few minutes later, Jana scraped back her chair and stood. “I’m ready. I’ll get the posters. They’re in my room.” She raced toward the hallway.
“A girl on a mission.” Ian shook his head. “I can’t believe she’s leaving with you and not waiting for me.”
“She’s focused on bringing Sugar back home. She’s forgotten her fear for the moment.”
“I’m sorry Sugar is gone and believe me I want her to be returned home, but I’ll take this breakthrough any way I can get it. You’ll be the first person she’s gone with since summer without me tagging along.”
As Alexa rose from the table, so did Ian. He captured her hand. “Thanks for being here. A month ago, I would have said this situation wouldn’t have worked.”
“You did say that. You didn’t hire me at first.”
“Yeah, well…” The sound of Jana returning drew his gaze toward the entrance. He released her hand. “How about I meet you two in front of the courthouse at the square? I should be there in thirty minutes. I’ll have to give one client a chance to make it to his office. Will you be all right even if I’m a little late?”
Jana pressed her lips together for a moment, her brows knitted. “Yeah but call if you’re gonna be too late. Ready, Alexa?”
“We’ll need tape, a hammer and nails.”
“I know where some are.” Jana handed Alexa the posters and hurried toward the garage.
Ian watched his daughter disappear from view. “What if this doesn’t work?”
A Gift of Love (New Beginnings Book 5) Page 8
