The Book Keeper

by Amelia Grace

  ‘Ethan, you are a living being. Of course you have a soul!’ I emphasized.

  ‘A cat or dog is living. Do they have a soul? A plant is living. Does a plant have a soul?’

  he said, acidity in his voice as his eyes pierced mine, searching deeply for answers to his unanswered questions.

  ‘Animals are in heaven Ethan. I have heard it spoken many times. Plants do not have a brain or a choice in their actions,’ I reassured.

  ‘Created in the realm of the natural paradigm. But I am not natural. I am a scientific product of an experiment in human intelligence. They didn’t care for me. They didn’t care for me in here.’ He put his hand over his heart. ‘They basked in their own glory of their dominance in the world of science, their world of science where they are the god. And here I sit. A human form with no soul.....If I have no soul, I do not have hope..........’ his voice trailed off, pained.

  ‘Hope for?’ I asked, wanting to know the exact root of his problem.

  ‘Hope for something more,’ he answered, his eyes empty.

  ‘And what do you mean by something more?’ I asked, my heart breaking for him.

  ‘I want to experience life after death. I want to be a spiritual being after death. But without a soul........’ He choked on his words, emotional hurt exposed on his face.

  My skin prickled. His soul was strong and shone brightly. I could feel it. I smiled to myself, knowing the great happiness and peace that he will feel once his eyes and ears were opened to receive the blessing. In time it will come, and he will fall to his knees in thanks.

  I reached over and lightly placed my hand over his. His hand stiffened at my touch, as if he was repelled by it. But then he relaxed his hand structure and breathed out deeply.

  ‘Ethan, in my experience, if you worry about not having a soul, then you must have one. If you didn’t have one, the concept of a soul would not even cross your mind. Your spirit is strong. I can feel it,’ I said soothingly, the words flowing from my mouth like a baby’s lullaby, singing to the core of his being.

  He looked deeply into my eyes, connecting at a spiritual level that I knew of, but he did not. Not yet anyway. He pulled his blue eyes away from mine, breaking the magnetic connection. It hurt my eyes for some reason. He looked at my hand on his, contorting his face as if in pain.

  ‘I must go now Georgia. I am taking up your precious time......thank-you for ......’ He furrowed his eyebrows and pressed his lips together.

  ‘For your kindness,’ he finished, and then started to move off the bed that he was sitting on.

  ‘Where do you live Ethan?’ I asked. He looked as if he lived on the street when he fell into the reception area of the medical research centre. In fact he looked like a druggie.

  He grimaced and shook his head.

  ‘Nowhere mentionable,’ he answered, continuing to shake his head, his eyes averting away from mine. Was he lying, or ashamed of where he lived?

  ‘Please come back to see me if you feel that you need to. I am here to help – always.’

  He looked into my eyes and then nodded his head, closing his eyes as he did so, and then left out the double doors and into the concrete jungle. Where to I will never know, I wanted to follow him. I wanted to know that he would be okay. He was a lost being searching for his place in the universe. I hoped that he did not find the wrong place that would ultimately destroy his soul.”

  ‘Excuse me Sir, were you wanting to order anything else before you vacate the table for waiting customers?’ the waitress babbled, extracting me from the characters of the bloody book. I looked up at her clueless, and then I looked to Georgia, frowning.

  ‘No thank-you. I think that we are done here, are we Cohen?’ asked Georgia articulating her words perfectly. I ran my hand through my hair, trying to break free from the brain fog that clouded my thoughts and coherence.

  I raised my eyebrows. ‘Yes, I guess so.’ Where had I been? As Georgia read to me, I lived the words of the bloody book. It was like being spellbound, enraptured. And I had been disconnected abruptly. I wasn’t ready to leave the story yet. Where did he live?

  Georgia looked into my eyes and placed her hand over mine.

  ‘It’s time to go Cohen,’ she said quietly, and then placed the leather bound book into her bag and stood. I watched her as if there were two of me. One in body, and one in spirit. We were not connected. I felt so confused.

  Without the need to think, I stood, and followed Georgia out the door, the bell clanging announcing our departure, and echoed in my mind as if it were a distant church bell rebounding off the mountains. I shook my head. What was wrong with me?

  Georgia turned to me at once when we were outside. Her face was serious.

  ‘Cohen, are you alright?’ she asked, her voice concerned.

  ‘I think so,’ I replied unconvincingly. She placed her hand on my forehead, and then the side of my face and looked closely into my eyes.

  ‘What?’ I asked, panicking.

  ‘You look awfully tired. Do you feel okay?’ she asked me again, looking into my eyes as she waited for me to answer. I raised my eyebrows and took a deep breath.

  ‘Yes, I think. And yes, I am exhausted. I didn’t sleep well last night. When can we meet for the next reading Georgia? I need to eat some more of your gingerbread,’ I suggested. I wanted to see my Georgia again.

  She looked up at me with her big blue eyes, her pupils dilated. She blinked and smiled slightly, her head slightly to the side. She touched my forearm. Her touch soft and warm, melting my heart and sending tingles throughout my body.

  ‘How about the library....tomorrow night at 7pm?’ she replied, her voice soft. I nodded at her.

  ‘I will look forward to it Georgia,’ I responded.

  We walked the next three blocks together, her hand linked in through my arm. I carried her bag. Her closeness made me feel so high. When we stopped at the corner to part ways, I turned to face her, and watched as a tear ran down her cheek slowly. I didn’t speak to her. I looked into her eyes and gently wiped the tear off her face with my thumb.

  ‘Tomorrow, 7pm at the library,’ I whispered into her ear before I went my own way. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to feel her lips on mine. I wanted to invade her mouth with my tongue. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her against me. But I didn’t........I just didn’t.

  Alone I returned to my apartment. Alone I went to bed to wake the next morning in my usual routine.

  At work I met with the design department to oversee my drawing as it was drawn to scale on CAD. I received a phone call from the doctors confirming their interest in the project, and detailing the surgery team involved.

  The Mind Reading Implant was on the move towards reality. The only thing holding it up was the manufacture of the implant, and this would take about four weeks to complete.

  The phone buzzed. It was Mia. Mr B. Rubin needed to see me, immediately.

  Mia smiled and nodded at me as I walked past her. The double doors to his office clicked as I touched the handle.

  As per, he faced away from the double doors.

  ‘Mr Darcy…..sit,’ he ordered in his bossy tone.

  I sat in the red leather chair opposite his marble topped desk. I sat in silence as I waited for him to turn to face me.

  I heard him clapping his hands slowly, sarcastically, as his chair swiveled to face me.

  ‘Congratulations Mr Darcy. I honestly didn’t believe that you could achieve the mind reading technology. We are now well ahead of the rest of the field. Our Communications Company will become the wealthiest, the most powerful, and the most respected company in the field.

  But, as you know, it is pivotal on one thing Mr Darcy. The success of the implant, and the viability with how we can use it.

  It is now time to trial it. This places me in a difficult position Mr Darcy. We have managed to keep the project top secret. Only five people are aware of it’s existence. We need two people to trial the technology. I have chosen you, and
laboured over the other choice, but it falls upon my head, as I trust no other person.

  Four weeks time we have a meeting place at the hospital. I will see you there Mr Darcy. Do not be late. Good day.’ He started to turn in his chair towards the large glass ceiling to floor window.

  ‘Mr Rubin, I request that you turn to face me. It is about the implant.’ I waited for him to turn back to me. I stood my ground. I refused to leave his office unless I had said what I needed to say to him.

  After two and a half minutes he turned his chair aggressively towards me.

  ‘Mr Rubin, I will be the only one to trial the device. I created it, and I will run the risk of blindness or death on my own. I do not want you to trial the device until the technology and surgical process has been refined. You are risking you sight and health too much Mr Rubin. It is still highly science fiction in its conception, and highly unpredictable with the outcome,’ I implored, knowing that the device will definitely not work, unbeknown to him.

  ‘Mr Darcy. So little do you know……I can’t trust you. You could easily have the implant fitted, and then report to me that it does not work when in reality it does.

  This way, if I am also fitted with the device, only the truth will be known. Do you understand Mr Darcy? Do you under-stand?’ he repeated slowly, sarcastically.

  ‘Clearly Mr Rubin. But let it be known that I have warned you. And if it all goes wrong, you were in control of your fate, not me. Good day Mr Rubin.’ And then I left his office under my terms.

  As I passed Mia’s reception desk, she handed me a folder.

  ‘Mr Darcy, this folder contains all of the information that you need to know about the hospital procedure. Read it carefully today. Do you understand?’ she asked, widening her eyes at me and nodding her head at the same time.

  I breathed in deeply.

  ‘Yes……I understand Miss Rueben,’ I replied, and then returned to my own office.

  I opened the orange folder and found the hospital admission forms, times, dates, fasting information etc. I also found a small white note. No names, just a time – 8pm. I understood.

    

  The large glass doors of the University Library opened as I approached them at 5pm, two hours before my book reading with Georgia. I had my own research to conduct. I wanted to know about the possibility of an eye contact lens that could organically grow into the eye to connect to the brain for mind intrusion, or the possibility of an interocular (meaning external contact lens) contact lens that could wirelessly connect to the impulses/electrical of the retina and move through the neurons to mind read. Was it a freaky possibility, or was technology not ready for this type of connection to the human brain yet?

  The world of the eye, brain and contact lens technologies had taken me prisoner at the study table in the library, rendering me totally oblivious to all that surrounded me.

  I had made my decision. My Mind Reading Implant would be different to Mr Rubin’s, that was destined to fail by my will.

  My MR implant will be an eye lens that is organic and grows into the blood vessels of the eye, making electrical connections to the brain to allow mind reading through the other persons retina. It only requires eye surgery. No brain surgery is involved, so it is a much safer option. But still with obvious risks. Professor Thomas was the world leading doctor in this area. I will contact him after I have engineered the technology.

  Visually, my brain was building the mind reading technology and storing it away for use. Having a photographic memory and strong visualisation abilities always allowed me to travel far with my creations. I was totally drawn into my world of science fiction meets reality when I smelled her sweet perfume.

  Georgia was here. I stared at my notes and drawings and listened to where she was. I had no idea. Until she touched my shoulder, ever so lightly, walked around the desk and sat down looking at me.

  She giggled. I smiled at her gently, wondering what was so amusing.

  ‘Am I entertaining you Georgia?’ I asked, becoming self conscious. She leaned in closer.

  ‘Your hair is all ruffled. It’s kinda delicious,’ she whispered. I ran my hand through my hair, trying to control it somewhat. I must have had my hand resting in my hair as I was researching. I hope I haven’t scared her off with my wild look.

  ‘Are you going to attempt to eat it Miss Harrison?’ I asked quizzically.

  ‘Maybe later it you’re lucky Mr Darcy....come, I know the perfect place where we will be alone,’ she suggested. Mmmm, alone with Georgia. It sounded very nice.

  I followed her through the library maze until she finally stopped at a dead end in the library. The books were old, their information out of date. But they were kept for I don’t know why – historical reasons. Perhaps this was the book museum?

  We sat down on the floor at the very end, Georgia’s face lit up like we were 7 year olds hiding in a secret tree house or something. Her beauty blinded me sometimes, and this was a time that it did. I smiled back at her and tucked a stray curl behind her ear, touching her lightly. I saw her take a short sharp breath. Maybe she did like me more than I thought she did. She was very hard to read.

  Georgia pulled the bloody book out from her bag, and also a brown paper bag. She kept the bloody book in her hands, and handed me the brown paper bag. I knew what it was before I opened it. I could smell the ginger spices escaping from the bag like a prisoner. I broke off a piece and put it into my mouth. Then I broke off another piece and offered it to Georgia. She opened her mouth for me to put it in there, surprising me. I did, and gently wiped a crumb from her soft bottom lip with my finger. My body tingled in pleasure, and I looked deeply into her eyes. I should have kissed her. It was the perfect opportunity. But I didn’t. I needed to know how she felt about me before I made an idiot of myself kissing her because I read her signals wrongly. I was here just to listen to her read from the bloody book. That is what I had agreed to. We were not out on a date, or even dating for that matter. Our paths had only crossed because of the bloody book.

  I looked back at the gingerbread man to break off another piece to eat.

  ‘I thought that you didn’t share your gingerbread Cohen. That is twice now that you have shared it with me,’ she remarked. I smiled crookedly, my eyes on the legless gingerbread man.

  ‘It’s the way that I test it Georgia – for poisoning, you know. Gingerbread men can be very sneaky, you know,’ I said as I looked up at her. She was smiling at me, melting my heart.

  ‘Read to me Georgia. Where does Ethan live?’ I asked, encouraging her to start reading from the bloody book. She gazed into my eyes for a long moment before she looked down at the page in the bloody book. She did not notice me take a sharp intake of breath, my feelings for her escalating. How she affected me. She was like a drug, and I was beginning to get addicted to her. My Georgia.....

  “’And that was the last that I saw of him. Like ships that pass in the night. A fleeting nanosecond in a lifetime of thirty-two million seconds. He left me downhearted. I wanted to go to a dark corner and release my tears for him. I wanted to tell him that he did have a place in the universe, and that he would be alright in his journey of life. We are never alone.....never. I wanted him to feel the amazing grace and presence of our Giver of Life. One can never come to being without His approval. I wanted him to know. But I never told him. He may remain lost in his closed dark world of self-doubt, self- loathing. I prayed that he would come back. If he didn’t, I had failed in my beliefs, my compassion for humanity.

  I paused while I gathered my composure, and then returned to my day’s work. How will I forget him? How will I forgive myself? Life goes on I reminded myself........’”

  A tear was falling from Georgia’s eye. I leaned closer to her and brushed the tear away with my thumb. She looked up at me through her long eyelashes, her face full of grief. I took a deep breath, moved by her sadness. Then I pulled her close to me and wrapped my arms around her and held her against my chest, feeling her quiet s
obs, her tears wetting my skin. I kissed the top of her head, and we sat in complete silence as I comforted her for a long time. I stroked the ends of her hair with slow movements of my hand, closed my eyes and connected to her presence touching me, her body warmth against mine. I sent healing thoughts through my mind, hoping to enter the realm of spiritual comfort. Georgia, my Georgia........

  She pulled away from me, and looked into my eyes and whispered thank-you. A deep longing for her came from the core of my being. I took a deep breath. I tilted my head to the side and nodded my head gently to her. I didn’t know what to do next. Should I talk to her? Should I say something, or should I wait until she spoke first? If only I knew.....of only I could read her mind……frustrating.

  She leaned over and placed her hand on my heart, lightly.

  ‘Go with your heart Cohen. Don’t over think,’ she said quietly. Was she answering my unspoken question? How did she know? I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply and whispered thank-you to her.

  I felt her hand on the side of my face. It was so warm, so full of life energy. I opened up my eyes slowly and looked at her as she trailed her finger along my jawline before pulling her hand away. Our eyes were locked in each other, knowing. What was this spell she was casting on me? I felt like she had touched my heart, my mind, and I wanted to melt her into me to have her forever. She looked back to the bloody book while I continued to drink her in. I leaned my head against the wall behind me and closed my eyes. What was she doing to me? I don’t do girls. Her seraphic voice entered my head as she continued to read.

  “’Hours turned into days, and days into months, but there was no sign of Ethan. He was forever in my mind, haunting me day and night. I searched his name everywhere that I could possibly think of, and there was no record of him anywhere. There was no reference to his name, and no registered birth. He did not exist – apparently. I had to forget about him. There was nothing that I could do for him anymore. I had my chance and blew it. I prayed that I had planted a seed of hope in his mind in our one and only conversation. All things are possible with the Giver of Life. It was in His hands now. I had to hold on to my faith, my hope, my prayer. All things are possible.