He held out his arms, and without a moment’s hesitation she turned and ran into them. As her tears started to flow, Peter gently stroked her hair and muttered soothing words. She buried her face in his shoulder and tightened her arms around his waist.
“Sorry, Dad,” she hiccupped, her voice muffled. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be daft, love.” He continued to stroke her hair. “You let it all out. If you want to tell me what’s wrong, I’m here, and if you don’t, that’s your choice. But Katy”—he pulled back slightly and looked down at her—“remember I love you, no matter what, and I always will. And so does your mother.”
“Thank you, Dad.” Kate raised her head and wiped her hand across her wet eyes. “I know you do. I think I just need to go to bed. I’ll be fine in the morning.”
“If you say so.” Peter watched her closely. “But you know where I am.”
Kate reached up and kissed him on the cheek, his words, the same ones Sam had used after their second date, ringing in her ears. She turned and went into her room. This was all Sam’s fault. Why had he had to come back and complicate things? If he hadn’t, she would be about to marry Richard, happy in the knowledge that he was the love of her life and very good in bed.
She sat down on the bed and pulled her socks off. Instead, she was about to marry Richard, knowing he wasn’t the love of her life and constantly wondering whether someone else would be even better in bed. That was no way to start a marriage. That was no way to live a life. How could she plan to sleep with Richard every night knowing she would be thinking of Sam?
She had to face the facts: she was absolutely, completely, and definitely in love with Sam. And from what she had learned the other day, she was fairly sure he felt the same. But not completely sure. Why had he not tried to persuade her not to marry Richard? If he really cared, would he not have done that? Instead, the last thing he had said to her had been some strange waffle about her job.
She slid under the covers and lay flat on her back. And he stopped the kiss before it really got going. Why had he done that? She tried to rack her brains to remember what he’d said when they were cuddling on the bed, but she’d been so tired it had slipped her mind.
There was something, though, and she couldn’t help feeling it might be important. She would try and remember in the morning. Closing her eyes, she slid a little further down under the covers, determined to be asleep when Jenny joined her. She wasn’t in the mood for talking, even to her best friend.
She was just beginning to doze when she was startled by her phone bleeping. Almost nervously, Kate reached out from under the cover and picked it off her bedside table. It was from Sam. She stared at it, hardly daring to read it.
Are you all right? xx
Two kisses this time. Kate stared at the screen. Why now? Why was he texting her now? What did he mean? What should she reply? In fact, should she reply? She read it again, then wrote a single word.
No.
She thought for a moment, then added two kisses and pressed Send before she could change her mind. She put the phone under her pillow for easy access should he text again. She was just beginning to drift off when it bleeped again.
I’m sorry. Wish we were still on Dartmoor. xx
Shit, now he was really messing with her head. What should she reply to that? Why didn’t he just say, “Don’t marry Rudolf”? That would be enough. She lowered the phone and stared up at the ceiling. But she had to go through with it. People were depending on her. She couldn’t let them down. What did he want her to do? Or say? She knew exactly what she wanted to say to him: “I love you, Sam Somerville, I have loved you for nearly ten years, and I will love you forever.” So why was she still marrying Richard?
She rolled onto her stomach and stared at the screen again. She had no idea how to reply. She had no idea what he meant. She had no idea what to do.
Carefully she turned the phone off, replaced it on her bedside table and slid back under the covers. This was something she really couldn’t deal with now. Not when she was getting married in the morning.
Chapter 20
Saturday 25th July
“Morning.”
Kate opened her eyes and found Jenny sitting on the edge of the bed with a mug of tea. “Morning.”
“Thought you might like this to wake you up.”
“Thank you.” Kate struggled into a sitting position and took the mug. “That’s nice. What time is it?”
“Just gone eight. Your Mum said I had to wake you. Everyone is really worried about you.”
“Yeah. They’re not the only ones.” Kate sipped the tea.
“Are you…” Jenny looked away.
“Am I still going through with it? Yeah. I have to. You know that.”
“You must think about you. This is your life you’re talking about.” Jenny looked distressed. “I’ve never seen you look so unhappy, Kate. And don’t tell me it doesn’t have to be forever. You can’t go into a marriage thinking it’s only temporary.”
Kate frowned as something tugged at her memory. “Say that again.”
“You can’t get married viewing the marriage as temporary. It’s not fair on either of you.”
Kate shook her head as the memory eluded her. “It’s fairer than if I dump him this morning. Imagine how he’d feel. And it’s not his fault I’ve gone off him. No, it’s better this way.”
“So you really have gone off him?” Jenny stared at her. “Oh, Katy, you can’t do this! It’s all wrong.”
“Well, that’s as may be, but it’s happening.” Kate swung her legs out of bed and winced. “Shit, these bruises aren’t getting any better.” She picked up her phone and turned it back on. It immediately bleeped.
“Who’s that from?” Jenny asked.
“No one.” Kate kept the phone in her hand. “Just someone wishing me well.”
“Kate, you’re lying.”
“Well, we both know I’ve been doing a lot of that lately.” She got to her feet, the phone still clutched in her hand. “And I shall be telling the biggest lie of all later.”
“That’s from Sam, isn’t it?”
“Maybe. Look, it really doesn’t matter any more.”
“Kate, in less than five hours you’ll be married to Richard. Of course it matters. You’re in love with Sam. Just admit it.”
“Okay. Yes, I’m in love with Sam. I’ve always been in love with Sam. Happy now?” Kate scowled at Jenny. “Oh, yeah, and guess what? On the day of the party at the end of school, he broke up with Cerys.”
Jenny gasped.
“They were only pretending to be together for the party. And do you know why he broke up with her? To ask me out.” She tossed her phone onto the bed and shook her head violently. “He’s spent the last eight years thinking he was to blame for her death. I’ve had all that to deal with, too. Jen, I really just can’t think straight any more. Nothing is as I thought it was.”
Jenny was staring at her in horror. “Kate, no! Is he in love with you, then?”
“I don’t know.” Kate sat down on the bed again. “I think so. But he hasn’t asked me not to marry Richard, so maybe not. Surely he would have done that. He must know I’m having doubts. I kissed him, for fuck’s sake! And he was the one who stopped it.”
“What?” Jenny frowned. “He stopped the kissing? Why?”
“I don’t know. It was lovely, and he suddenly pulled back and said that was all for now. Or something. He said something else too, but I was really tired and very turned on, and I can’t remember what it was.”
“Try. I think it might be important.”
“I told you, my brain just can’t deal with this. I can’t remember anything properly. Like he waffled on about my job and I have no idea why. He told me to think about it. It made no sense at all.” She stood up again. “I have to get ready. You and Vicky will have to help me dress. I have to do this. It’s too late not to, now. But it doesn’t have to be forever.”
Jenny was watchin
g her sadly. “But will Sam wait for you?”
“It’s a chance I have to take.” Kate walked into the bathroom and closed the door.
She stripped off her pyjamas, turned the shower on full, and stepped under it. The hot water flowed all over her aching body, stinging the bruised areas. She gently massaged soap all over and let the water rinse it off. No way the shower was going to help her sort out her problems today. There was no sorting out this problem. She was stuck with it.
****
“Stand still, Kate, I’m getting this stuff everywhere.” Jenny sighed in frustration as she applied the stage makeup to Kate’s shoulder. “It’s not hiding it as well as it did yesterday. What am I doing wrong?”
“Let me try.” Vicky joined her and gently smoothed the greasy paste over the bruise. “You do realise we have to do her whole arm, right? Otherwise it’s going to be blotchy.”
“Then one arm will be darker than the other.” Kate twisted round to try and see what they were doing. “You can’t do that.”
“Kate, we’re doing the best we can. Next time you get married, don’t go gallivanting on Dartmoor with your lover just three days before the wedding.”
“Ha, ha, very funny.” Kate scowled at Vicky. “He’s not my lover.”
“Well, he should be.” Vicky stood back and surveyed her handiwork. “He’s much more your type than Richard. D’you think that’ll do, Jen?”
“I think it might have to. I suppose it’s quite dark in the church. So long as it doesn’t actually look purple, we should get away with it.”
Kate turned and looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing her underwear, and the enormous bruise on her ribs was an almost shiny purple colour. Her leg was basically mottled purple and yellow, but the ones on her shoulder and elbow had nearly disappeared. Her whole arm looked slightly more orange than the other one, and she held them out to compare them.
“Maybe you’d better put some on my right arm, too. Just so they match.”
“We could, but it’s so sticky I’m worried it’s going to get on your dress, so the less we use the better.” Jenny stood behind her and looked in the mirror. “I don’t think anyone will notice. We do, because we know it’s like that.”
“Okay.” Kate was unconvinced. “Better get the dress on now, then.”
“Not yet. Your hair’s not ready.” Jenny picked up the flowers that were to be pinned in her hair. “D’you want me to do it?”
“I s’pose so.” Kate sighed and sat down on the bed. “Let’s get it over with. I don’t want it to look fancy.”
“Kate, if you’re insisting on going through with this, you must do it properly. Otherwise Richard will notice that something’s wrong.”
Kate closed her eyes as Jenny started brushing her hair back from her face. Why couldn’t she remember what Sam had said after they kissed? Why did she feel it was important? And she still couldn’t make sense of his comments about her job. Where did that come into anything? She sighed. She just wished her brain didn’t feel so addled. And then there was Granny and her story. There was something Granny had said that she felt she should have taken more notice of. Why couldn’t she remember that either? Maybe she should speak to Granny again.
“How does that look?”
Kate opened her eyes and stared at her reflection in the hand mirror Jenny was holding out. Her hair was swept back from her face and fastened behind her left ear with a spray of cream roses. It looked very nice, but she was shocked by the sight of her face. Her eyes were red, and she had dark shadows surrounding them. Her cheeks were hollow, and she just looked really miserable.
“I look dreadful,” she stated dully. “Not my hair, that’s nice, thanks, Jen, but my face. I look ill.”
“You look sad.” Vicky looked over her shoulder into the mirror. “A bride shouldn’t look sad. This is all wrong, Kate. It’s not too late to stop it.”
“Yes, it is.” Kate pushed the mirror away and stood up. “Why don’t you understand? It’s way too late. I can’t let Mum and Dad and Richard down. And Granny. It’s all my own fault, and I can’t let them suffer for my mistake.”
“Okay, you don’t care about yourself, but what about Sam? Aren’t you letting him down?”
“No. He hasn’t asked me not to marry Richard. I don’t know what he wants.” She glanced down at her phone, realising she hadn’t actually read his latest message. Hesitantly she picked it up and swiped the screen. The message had been sent the night before after she had turned it off. It was simply a question mark followed by two kisses. She stared at it in dismay. Now that was even more confusing. What the hell did that mean? “I want to speak to Granny.”
“Do you want her to come up here?” Jenny looked doubtful. “She might see what we’ve been doing with your bruises.”
“That doesn’t matter.” Kate shook her head. “She guessed I had more bruises. But I need to ask her something.”
“I’ll fetch her.” Vicky went to the door. “Come with me, Jen. Kate needs to do this alone.”
The two girls left the room, and Kate sat very still on the bed. She just needed to ask her grandmother one thing. It was too late, but she just needed to know.
She reached out and took a swig of the water that she had beside the bed, trying hard to fight the sick feeling that was churning in her stomach. This was not how she had imagined her wedding day.
There was a light tap on the door, and Marion’s head appeared. “May I come in?”
“Yes, Granny, come and sit down. I just wanted to ask you something.” Kate patted the bed beside her.
Marion sat down next to her and took her hand. “Kate, you look dreadful,” she said bluntly. “Something’s obviously not right.”
“Granny…” Kate ignored her words. “After Granddad died, did you try and see your lover again?”
Marion sighed. “No, darling. Your grandfather only died five years ago. That was more than forty years since I last saw…him. It was too late.”
“Was it? Surely if you loved each other it wouldn’t matter how long it was.”
“Life’s not really like that, Kate.” Marion’s face was sad. “I lost him the day I made my decision to stay with Douglas. There was no going back. He moved on. I couldn’t expect him to hang around in case I came to my senses and changed my mind. As I said, real life isn’t like that.”
Kate stared down at her hands, clasped together in her lap. No going back, her grandmother had said. No going back.
She glanced up at her. Marion was sitting with a faraway look in her eye, and Kate touched her gently on the arm.
“I’m sorry, Granny. You must be very sad.”
“I’m used to it now. But yes, I was very sad, for a very long time.” She picked up Kate’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “And I want to make sure you don’t make the same mistake. I know you’re not going to tell me anything, but just remember your whole life hangs on your decision today. And you have to stop worrying about everyone else. You need to put you first. And also you need to consider whether you might be letting someone else down; not me, or your parents, or even Richard.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know perfectly well what I mean. Now whatever you decide, I need to go and get ready, or your mother will be hassling me.” She stood up and put her hand on Kate’s shoulder. “Your parents would get over it, Kate.”
Dismally Kate shook her head. “I’m not so sure, Granny. I’m not so sure. And I’m not sure whether…” She looked away.
“It’s your decision.” Marion bent and dropped a light kiss on her head. “I’ll see you in a bit. Shall I send the girls back up?”
“Yes, please.” Kate nodded, feeling the tears welling up behind her eyes again. Far from helping her, the chat with her grandmother had confused her even further. There was no going back. It was her decision. Something tugged at her memory again, and she frowned in concentration. Had she heard that somewhere before? If so, where?
The door opened, and
Jenny and Vicky came in.
“Are you okay?” Jenny sat on the bed next to Kate. “What were you asking your grandmother?”
“Nothing important.” Kate shook her head. “It didn’t help. Now I’m even more confused. If only Richard had done something wrong, then I wouldn’t feel so guilty. But he hasn’t, so I have no reason to hurt him like that.”
“He lied about the Stag night,” Vicky reminded her.
“That’s not really important. No, I still have to do this. Help me on with my dress, and let’s get it over.” Kate stood up. “You two look very nice, by the way. How long till your car comes?”
“Half an hour.” Jenny held the dress out so Kate could step into it. “Kate, please…”
Kate held up her hand. “Don’t. Just let it go. What will be will be.”
Jenny pulled the dress up, and they manoeuvred Kate’s injured arm through the narrow armhole. Then Vicky carefully zipped it up, trying to avoid any pressure on her ribs.
“What jewellery are you wearing?” Jenny glanced over at Kate’s dressing table. “And where’s your engagement ring?”
“I’m wearing those pearls, there, in that box, and the earrings that match them. My ring is in my bedside drawer.”
“Bracelet?” Vicky moved over to help.
“No idea.”
“This one would go well.” Jenny held up a pearly bangle, and Kate shrugged.
“Whatever.” She held out her wrist, and Jenny slipped it on.
Jenny and Vicky stepped back to look at her, and Jenny sighed. “You look lovely. This should be a wonderful moment, but I’ve never seen you look so sad.”
“I’ll be okay.” Kate lifted the hem of her dress and slipped her feet into her white satin shoes. “I have to be. Shall we go downstairs?” She picked up her phone from the bed and clutched it tightly.
“You won’t be able to take that.” Jenny frowned slightly. “Maybe your mother could take it in her bag?”
“I need it.” Kate shook her head. “Find me somewhere to put it.”
“Kate, you can’t!”
“I’m not going without it.” Kate was firm. “Find me somewhere to put it.”
Breaking All the Rules Page 24
