I need to fix this. I've spent the last month acting like a love-sick puppy, walking around with thoughts of her racing through my mind when we aren't together, and clearing my calendar for her at a moment’s notice when she's around. That's why tonight I went out with Noah. Nothing like a hot piece of ass to get my mind off of what's bothering me, and since Selene not being here is what's bothering me, I wanted to find someone to fill the void she created.
Part of me knows this is the excuse I need to walk away from her. She deserves better than a self-centered prick, but I'm not ready for things to end. My brain knows I should say goodbye and forget her, that I'm risking far too much by staying with her, but I can’t.
I'm in the best fucking relationship. I have a great time with her. When we're together she makes me feel like king of the world, like her universe revolves around me. We can't keep our hands off each other, and best of all I don't have to stress over seeing other people. Not that I have yet¸ but I know the option is there, and that keeps me fucking sane. Although it's a detail we never ironed out, I know my girl sees monogamy as a joke. Literally. So she can't expect me to be faithful. Tonight I set project "other women" in play.
My plan went to hell the second Noah took off with the chick he'd been chatting up all night. I smiled at a hot brunette who'd been giving me "fuck me" eyes for the last hour.
I sent her a drink certain she'd follow that up with a personal thank you. Everything went according to plan. The problem; I didn't want to be with this chick. Every time she touched me, it felt like spiders crawled across my skin, and a weird feeling spread through me as we walked out of the bar together. Weird as in I wasn't looking forward to what came next. I dreaded it.
Not only didn't I want it to happen, I felt like shit for letting things get this far. Guilt exploded like a bomb inside me. It destroyed every positive feeling and made me feel like shit that I even considered being with anyone but Selene. Instead, I said goodnight and came back home. Alone.
I take a long swig from the beer bottle I just opened as I walk to the door. I swirl the liquid holding the bottle by the neck expecting to find Kaycee on the other side since Adam didn't buzz me to announce company. She must have some fucking crazy idea she wants to propose for our shoot next week to come knocking this late at night. She swears it's going to be the last book in the Jaxson Stone series, and since there's movie buzz swirling around the series, she wants to do something outrageous for the final release.
I pull the door open, but it's not Kaycee on the other side. Instead two sparkling blue eyes shine back at me. My heart leaps into my throat. Selene. I want to say something, but my thoughts, my words evaporate from my mind. All I know is I wished for her, and now Selene is standing before me. I stare at her dumbfounded as my lips curl up at the corners.
"Surprise."
I don't speak yet because I'm not sure what to say. She's supposed to be on a plane, working. And Adam isn't supposed to allow anyone up without announcing them first. Is she a hallucination?
"Don't be mad at Adam," she says as if she can read my mind. "I wanted to surprise you and he thought it would be okay for me to come up unannounced since I'm the only one that ever comes to visit you."
"But how?"
She shrugs, "I had a rough flight home last night. I told you I wasn't feeling well. I went to the doctor this morning and found out I have an ear infection, He gave me a shot of penicillin and put me on an antibiotic but no flying for a week. I didn't say anything earlier because I wanted to surprise you."
A week. She's mine for a whole fucking week.
I'm so happy she's standing in front of me right now I'm instantly hard. All I can do is reach out, grab the neckline of her shirt, and pull her to me.
Once she's close enough I wrap my arms around her, pressing her soft, pliable body against mine. I missed her. My empty hand is behind her neck, the other arm holding the beer, curls around her waist.
I pull her head toward me and crush her lips with my own; hungry, starving for the taste and feel of her. I force my tongue into her mouth and allow my lips to devour her, my teeth to nip at her. I worry she'll think it's the alcohol making me aggressive, but it's not. It's how she affects me. The alcohol is allowing me to act on the impulses I've been keeping in check over the last month.
Selene doesn't waste any time getting down to business. Her fingers grasp the bottom of my shirt and tug at it. She moans as my grip around her waist tightens and I grind my hips against her. I think I feel her heart racing against my chest, but I can't be positive the frenetic pounding isn't coming from me. I've never felt this kind of reckless passion. Not even with Luna. I can't think, can't move. My will is gone. All I know is the irrational need I have to be inside her, and right now isn't soon enough.
She wants my shirt off. I don't break away from her to let her pull it up over my head just yet. Instead I hold her in place, not allowing her to move away, not even a centimeter; still yearning, needing more of her lips and tongue. Restraining myself from lifting her into my arms and carrying her off to bed, I maneuver us over toward the couch. I need to get rid of this bottle so I can fill my hands with her.
Walking us backwards, my leg bumps into the coffee table. I'm where I want to be. I wind her hair around my hand, keeping her head in place as I lean down and place the bottle on the table. Once that hand is free, I force myself to pull my lips away from hers. Selene leans forward, as if she wants more, as if she wasn't ready to separate. I give her hair a gentle tug, bringing her head back, away from me, lifting her chin and exposing her long neck.
"I hope you’re ready, baby." I say leaning in and brushing my tongue against the exposed skin, from her collarbone up until the spot on her neck below her ear, and give it a little nip. "Because I've been going easy on you. Tonight I'm going to fuck you like you haven't been fucked."
Selene nods. Her chest is heaving. I swear I think I just turned her on more.
With her hair still entwined in my hand, I press down on her shoulder with my free hand. Without a word, she gets down to her knees. The beautiful sex goddess before me knows exactly what I want. One hand rubs my cock over the material of my jeans, while the other works at opening the button and fly.
Once I'm free, and I step out of my pants, Selene grips my shaft. She blinks her eyes, and looks up through her lashes at me. I think my cock is petrified it's so fucking hard.
I pull my shirt up over my head, roll it up and tie it around her eyes, using it as a blindfold. Once I'm certain she can't see, I grab on to her hair again. Tight. I want to control her. My eyes close, and I let my head fall back. Her hand moves back and forth over my length. It feels good, but that's not what I want and she knows it. I want to lead her there, force myself into her mouth, but I don't.
My grip in her hair tightens when I feel the tip of her tongue. She's licking my head, circling around it like I'm a fucking ice-cream cone and she doesn't want one little bit to drip away and go to waste.
"Oh, yeah," the words spill out of my mouth.
Her lips seal around me, and she's taking all of me down her throat. And moaning. Oh. My. God. The sounds coming out of her mouth alone might make me cum. She's sounds like there's nothing better in the world than sucking my dick. If I keep focusing on her I'm going to cum in no time, and I want this to last. I need it to last.
I don't know how she feels about me cumming in her mouth since this the first time she's done this, but I decide not to do it. I want this again. And again. And again.
I look down at her sucking me off. Something in my chest tightens. Her free hand cups my balls, and her fingers skim over them gently, as the other hand pumps the base of my shaft. I can't take anymore. I pull away and help her to her feet.
"I need to fuck you. Now!"
She gives me a devilish smile. A smile that tells me she knows she had me by the balls, literally, and she's enjoying it. A smile she's going to pay for.
I unbutton her pants and pull them and her underwear
down in one quick motion. Next her shirt and bra. There's nothing gentle or kind in the way I'm undressing her. I don't want it to be.
Thank goodness I don't have to stop and bag it. She's on the pill and I'm clean. I've never fucked anyone without protection. Not even Luna. But now that I've had a taste of what it's like being inside Selene without any barriers between us, nothing else will ever come close.
Once I'm satisfied I turn her around and use her shirt to tie her hands together behind her back. I think of gagging her too, but that might be too much for her. I push her down hard, face first, over the side of the couch.
"You're a tease, you know that?" I say slapping her ass.
Selene gasps, but doesn’t tell me to stop.
"Did you like that?" I whisper as my hand circles around a different spot before slapping her again.
"Answer me. Did you like that?" I strike her once more on the other side, and watch as her creamy skin turns pink.
"Yes."
"How much?”
“A lot.”
“Does it turn you on?"
I slap her again. Harder. Enjoying the loud sound, and the stinging of my hand. I look down at her now pink ass and reach between her legs.
"Yes."
I can't believe how wet she is. She really does like it. I enjoy the feel of her slickness against my fingers. I don't want to wait anymore. I press my package into her. Stopping a moment I wind my hand in her silky hair, and pull back exposing her long, slim neck.
I give her ass one more slap and I feel the wetness around me increase. I reach down and take hold of her hips, digging my fingers into her flesh. I hold on tight as I thrust my hips forward, ramming my full length into her. Selene cries out. She's loud. Louder than I've ever heard her before.
With each of my movements, Selene pushes back into me. She's breathing hard, and I'm holding on by a hair. "You like it rough?" I ask pulling her head back as I slam into her over and over again, squeezing her tits. "Huh? Is that the way you like to get fucked?"
"Yes!"
The enthusiasm in her voice sends me over the edge. I let myself spill inside of her. When I'm done, I pull out and turn her to face me. I waste no time in pulling off the blindfold and untying her hands. I'm worried I might have been a little too rough, but I see no sign of it. In fact, she's got that look on her face again. The one that says more about how enamored she is with me than anything that comes out of her mouth, the one I'm afraid is mirrored on my face as I look at her.
*
Drained of every last ounce of energy, Selene and I lie in bed together. She snuggles up against me, and I love the feeling. Holding her like this makes me feel strong, invincible. Moments like this I feel whole, and I start to think that maybe someday under the right circumstances I can get my shit together enough to offer someone some semblance of a life together. I just don't know that I could do it in time for Selene.
"I was nervous coming. I thought you might not be here," Selene's voice breaks into my thoughts.
"All you'd have to do is call and I'd come running home."
She snickers. "You don't get it. I wouldn't call you if I thought you were out with another woman."
I pull away because I want to look at her face, read the emotions in her eyes. "That bothers you?"
"You know what?" Her voice cracks as she turns avoiding eye contact with me, and sits up letting her feet hang off the edge of the bed. I said the wrong thing and now she's looking to escape.
"I thought you were done running away from me," I say as I wrap my arms around her from behind and ease her back down. "You came, and I was here. Alone." I don't say anything more. I wait for her to look at me before I say anything, but before I can utter a word, she turns her sad eyes on me, and speaks.
"We could've just had sex and ended it there, Cooper. But you couldn't leave it at that. You complicated everything when you responded to Mateo's text."
Is she breaking up with me? This hurts. Every breath is making my chest ache. I dig down deep for the courage to keep this conversation going because I want to know what she's thinking, what she's feeling. I can't let it end here and now.
"Do you want more with him? Or is it that you don't want a relationship with me?" I ask with my heart slamming against my chest, hoping to hide how devastating this is.
"I didn't want a relationship with you. Not then. At least I don't think I did."
She's fucking crushing me with her words. They feel like they're three ton boulders being dropped on me from miles above.
"And now?" My eyes drop down to her lips. I can't look her in the eye when she answers because I'll die of embarrassment if the answer isn't good and she catches me welling up with tears. I lean in a bit wanting to shut her up with a kiss, but I hold back and close my eyes waiting to hear the words I'm certain are coming.
"I hate thinking when I'm gone that you might be like this with someone else."
"Is that what you think I do? Wait for you to leave so I can hunt pussy?"
She squeezes her eyes closed, and grimaces.
"Hey," I swipe my thumb gently over her cheek. "I know that sounds harsh and vulgar. But that's what you're accusing me of. That's all being with someone else could be. This," I point my finger back and forth between us. "I've never had this with anyone. The talking and holding each other. The need and desire to be with someone for more than a night or two. This is all special, baby. At least for me."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."
Her eyes dart away from me. I don't know if I need to reassure her or if I need her to reassure me. I do the only thing that feels natural. I take her face in my hands, lean in and swipe my tongue over her lips.
"I'm sorry I'm not good at making you feel special . . ."
"That's just it, Cooper!" I hear the frustration in her voice as she pulls away, and I'm not sure why it's there. “You do make me feel special. You look at me like I'm the most beautiful girl in the universe and when we're together I feel like the luckiest woman alive."
"So what's the problem?"
She lets out a long sigh and my stomach is tumbling, not sure if it's going to land right side up when this conversation is over.
"I feel this connection to you, and it scares the hell out of me because I know whatever is going on inside me is real. But I can't tell if what’s going on with you is."
"Of course it is."
"When I was away on this last trip, I missed you so much, I searched for images of Jaxson Stone, just so I could see you."
"I thought that's why we video conference."
"There were so many pictures of you half naked, kissing and touching other women."
"Pictures of Jaxson, not me. They were promotional pictures, Selene. There were lights and cameras all around us, not to mention Kaycee, the photographer, and his assistants. There was nothing romantic about it."
"Cooper, I saw you with Laura. It took you no time to create a connection with her. It happened so fast and ended just as quickly. You made a total stranger fall in love with you in a heartbeat."
I don't answer right away. An uncomfortable silence falls between us. It's gnawing at me. I don't know what to say or what she wants to hear. I wish she'd just get to the point and either sever the ties or not, but right now, this feeling of being in limbo is paralyzing. She stays silent, staring at me, waiting for me to speak. She's waiting for something and I'm not giving it to her. I brush the hair away from her eyes.
"Laura was different. That was a one-time deal." I say shaking my head. "I told you, I'm no fucking super hero. But on that day, at that moment I needed to be. She needed me to be."
"I know. I get that."
"And it was one short interaction. She sure as hell didn't fall in love with me."
"You're blind, Cooper."
"Nah. You're seeing what you want to see. And if you want the truth, I'm trying hard with you, because I meant everything I said to you that day in the coffee shop. You're all I think about. And th
e more I get to know you, the more nervous I am you're going to wake up one morning and realize that you can do so much better than me."
It hurts to admit, but it's the truth, and above all else I'm trying to be honest, I'm trying to give her what she deserves. "Now, why don't you tell me what set you off?" I ask bringing my lips to her neck. "Was I too rough before?"
Her eyes glass over, and I fucking hate myself because I hurt her, or demeaned her. Whatever it was, I did something bad to her and I wish like hell I could take it back and do it over again.
She shakes her head, "No. It was . . . It was mind blowing."
I'm certain I heard wrong. She liked it?
"Then why are you so upset?" I pull her against my chest and wrap my arms around her.
"I crossed a threshold. I've crossed a few since we met. And I've liked every one of them. Before now it's always been more or less boring and vanilla. Tonight I trusted you enough to take a step into uncharted territory. Again. And I freaking loved it! I loved it so much, I want more. You keep opening these doors and leading me through them, and each time I discover something wonderful and new. And you're the reason it's great. I want to try things with you that I don't even know I want to try. And that's because I trust you, Cooper. And it terrifies me."
"What's so wrong with trusting me?"
"I know what you are. I mean the minute I met you I realized you were a player."
With a feather light touch I run my fingertips up and down her arms.
"That's why you wanted to surprise me? You wanted to see if I was alone?"
She shrugs. "Maybe. I mean I hoped you would be."
"And I was." I take her hand in mine and entwine our fingers. "So if you found me alone and you want more of what happened earlier, I don't see what the problem is." I feel myself getting agitated because she's emotional over nothing, and I don't do well with emotions. But I work at keeping my tone soft and even so she has no excuse to leave my bed tonight.
Man Up Playboy Page 9
