by Aiden Bates
He banished the image with a thought. There was no point in getting his hopes up. He might not even be pregnant, and even if he was he couldn't very well keep the kid. He couldn't afford childcare, not on his own. He couldn't sit here and plan for Ben sticking around or wanting this. They'd only been together for a month or so, for crying out loud. It wasn't fair to Ben, to put that all on him.
The timer beeped.
Ty crept over to the cup. He pretended that his hands weren't shaking as they pulled the stick out of the cup. He closed his eyes as he pulled it out, stomach churning. "I can't look," he whispered, even though there wasn't anyone to hear him.
Maybe if he called Penny, she would come and read the test for him.
Of course, that would make it real. That would make it real, and it would mean that Penny knew. First she would yell at him about protection, not that it would be a valid complaint because they'd used the protection that they had available. Second, it would mean that if he decided to not be pregnant anymore, Penny would know about it. And Ty didn't want to consider that as a possibility, in part because of the risks for omegas, but he knew he had to at least think about the possibility and admit that maybe it was the more responsible option here.
He opened his eyes. Maybe he'd be lucky. Maybe there would be nothing to get worked up about, and that little cotton-wrapped bundle in his arms from the vision could get shoved back into the recesses of his subconscious. Maybe he'd dream about the kid, once in a while.
He pulled the stick out of the cup and looked at the result. Written right there, in dark red letters just as clear as day, was his result: "Pregnant."
He dropped the stick and clapped his hands over his mouth, holding back a scream. This was a disaster. This was the worst possible outcome. Well, maybe not the worst. It was too soon to tell yet if he was having twins, or other multiples.
His body moved on autopilot to clean up his mess. He picked up the stick. He flushed the contents of the cup. He threw everything away and took a long shower, hoping to scrub away the feeling of impending doom. It didn't work, but he dragged himself off to bed anyway. Maybe the world would look better when he woke up.
His phone rang three hours later. "'Lo?" he mumbled into it.
Ben's voice poured forth from the speaker, all sweet concern and love. "Ty? You sound awful, man. Did I wake you? Do you want me to just stay away until tomorrow?"
"No." Ty rubbed a hand over his face. "I'll be right out. We, uh. We should talk."
Ben went silent. "Oh. Okay. Crap. Um. I'll be right here."
Ty threw on his favorite jeans and his favorite old hoodie. Who knew how long either of them would fit him? Then he padded next door, bare feet silent on the carpeting.
Ben answered the door as soon as he knocked, almost as if he'd been standing right beside it. "Are you okay?" He took Ty's arm, and Ty couldn't stop himself from leaning into the touch. He needed the support and the comfort. "You look like someone stabbed your puppy, man."
"Um. Yeah. Mind if I sit down for a bit?"
Ben steered him over to the couch, like he couldn't find his way on his own. The way Ty was feeling right now, that might not have been too far off. "You're freaking me out, Ty," he said, foot tapping against the floor. "Come on. Out with it. What's going on? What did I do?"
Ty blinked at him. "You? You didn't do anything, Ben. I mean technically you did. But not anything bad — I'm babbling." He rubbed at his face again. "I want to drink a whole pot of coffee through a straw."
"Don't you think you need your rest?" Ben bit his lip and then reached out and took Ty's hand.
Ty managed to give him a grin that felt watery, even to himself. "I could sleep until the end of January and that still wouldn't make anything any better." The end of January struck him suddenly. He had a date. His child, their child, would be born at the end of January. This was real. He blinked back tears.
"Hey." Ben wiped away a stray tear that escaped from Ty's eye. "I'll cut anyone who makes you feel like that. Okay? We've got these vats of stuff, they'll never find the body. I love you, and I'm going to protect you, no matter what."
Ty took a deep, shuddering breath. Ben wouldn't say that if he knew the truth. Ty was pregnant, with their child. He was the kind of dirty omega who got pregnant without a claim. Still, Ben deserved to know the truth. He wiped his hands on his jeans. "So. I've been feeling pretty beat lately."
"Yeah. I told you, you can sleep as much as you need to." Ben wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
"Um, there's other stuff. I, uh. My chest. My pecs." He couldn't bring himself to call them breasts, even if that was what they were, technically. "They've been sore. And, um, I can't even stand the smell of spinach." He bit the inside of his cheek and looked away. "I took a test this afternoon," he whispered. "There's no easy way to tell you this. I'm pregnant."
Ben stiffened beside him. Oh God, here it came. Ben was going to throw him out of the apartment. He was going to get a restraining order against him. Ty could barely move and he was going to have to find a new place to live. His breathing sped up.
"Pregnant?" Ben repeated. "Are you sure?" He didn't move a muscle, didn't even turn his head to look at Ty.
"Those are the same tests they use at the doctor's office."
Now Ben did turn to look at him. His face was ashen, but his eyes were soft. "Hey. It's okay. Calm down. I'm right here with you. I told you before, I'm not going to let anything happen to you, okay?" He took Ty's hand in his. "Is this what you wanted to tell me?"
Ty nodded, hunching in on himself.
"How do you feel about it?" Ben pressed, tone neutral.
"How do you want me to feel?" Ty wanted to curl up in a little ball and make himself as small as he could.
"That's not what I asked you." Ben closed his eyes for a second. "I asked you how you feel."
Ty couldn't shrink himself any further. "I don't know."
Ben wrapped Ty in his arms and hugged him close. "Talk me through it," he said. "You've got to have some thoughts."
"I don't want you to be trapped." Ty buried his face in Ben's chest. Even just being close to him, having his scent so close, was like a lifeline for him. "I mean, we've only been together for a month. We haven't made any plans for anything long term. I love you, but because I love you I don't want to force anything on you."
Ben chuckled a little and kissed the top of Ty's head. "You're too good, man. Anyone ever tell you that?"
Ty breathed deeply. "I never really gave much thought to having kids, except for not getting pregnant. I don't know how this happened, except I guess we're that ten percent that the condoms didn't work for or whatever." He sniffed. "I'm sorry."
"Not your fault. It wasn't something either one of us did on purpose." Ben stroked his hair. "But it is something we knew could happen, and it did happen, and now we have to deal with it. We have to figure out where we want to go from here. Deep in your heart, do you think you could raise a kid with me?"
Ty opened his eyes and looked up at Ben. "Ben, I wouldn't even think of raising a baby with anyone else." He looked down and blushed. "I mean like I said, I don't want to trap you or anything, and I know it's weird to get so attached to someone so quickly."
Ben kissed his head again, and ran his hand up and down Ty's back. "Babe. Most alpha-omega pairs bond within a week of meeting."
Ty made a face. "Okay, but that's so weird."
"I think we're weird, honey. But that's okay. I like your weird. And you seem to like mine. And hell, I've been thinking about asking for a while. I just didn't want to push it, because of everything that happened before."
Ty sat up. "What are you saying, Ben?"
Ben took his hand. "I'm saying that if you're willing to be a parent with me, we should have the baby. We should keep the baby. And after the baby's born, since we can't do it before, we'll do the claiming thing. Make it all nice and official and permanent. You'll be mine, and I'll be yours, and that'll be all there is to it." He smiled. "Ty,
I love you. I wasn’t planning on a baby right away, but it's fine. We'll work through it, and we'll be the best damn daddies San Diego has ever seen."
Ty couldn't hide how badly his hands were shaking, not with the way Ben was holding them. "You can't mean that."
"I do mean that. We'll go out tomorrow and buy rings. It's not as good as a claim scar, but it's as close as we can get for the next few months." He kissed Ty and held him close.
For the first time since Ty had started to suspect he was pregnant, Ty thought this might work out okay.
***
Ben held Ty all night, even though his stomach was threatening to mutiny and devour his spine. He didn't want Ty to wake up and feel abandoned or anything, and he didn't want to let go of him. This was his omega, even if they hadn't made it permanent yet. This was his omega, carrying his child, and he didn't want to take a step from Ty's side. Something could happen. Ty could slip and fall. He could get attacked by evil mice or clowns or something.
He hadn't known a lot of older alphas growing up. Both of his parents had been betas, and so had all of his teachers. After the tests had come back and shown him to be an alpha, he'd asked around a little but no one knew much. His father had said it made him a throwback, a Neanderthal. He'd finally found an LGBT community center back in Sandusky, after everything had happened with Ty the first time, and he'd asked.
They had a counselor there, another alpha, by the name of Jake. Jake had listened to Ben's concerns, and he hadn't laughed at him. He'd sat him down and explained what that gene meant. Ben wasn't a throwback. He wasn't a Neanderthal. Yes, the gene brought up some aspects of human life that weren't necessarily beneficial to modern people, but he had control of himself just like everyone else.
Jake told him that he was going to have certain urges when it came to other people, particularly omegas. He'd feel them more strongly when it came to certain omegas, and that was okay. Alphas had a strong instinct to protect the people they cared for. Their primary drive was to protect their mates and their children, although that could extend to others. Lying here and listening to Ty breathe, holding his beautiful omega in his arms, Ben understood what Jake had been talking about.
Of course, he had a lot of learning to do. He hadn't given much thought to babies, not yet. He'd figured that maybe they'd come eventually, if Ty agreed to accept his claim, but not right away. He thought he'd have time to figure out everything he'd need to know, like what kind of support Ty would need and how they were going to get ready for the baby when they had two one-bedroom apartments between them.
He did fall asleep eventually, though, and even though his mind was racing he couldn't help but feel as though it was the best sleep of his life.
Ben woke up first and made the coffee. He thought he remembered hearing that pregnant people shouldn't drink coffee, but he also knew that he probably didn't want to be the one standing in between Ty and coffee. Besides, Ty was an adult; he could make his own choices.
When Ty got up, Ben fixed them both omelets. Ty watched him like he'd hung the moon. "You're seriously okay with this."
"I'm a little freaked out." Ben kissed Ty's cheek as he served him his omelet. "I'm a happy kind of freaked out, but I'm freaked out."
Ty bit his lip. "I'm sorry."
Ben slid onto his chair and stroked Ty's hand. "There's nothing to be sorry about. You didn't do this on purpose, and it's a happy occasion."
"It is?" A little bit of the spark came back into Ty's eyes.
"Of course it is. We love each other. I wanted to be with you forever anyway. This just changes the order of things a little. I mean, it's sooner than I would have chosen, and I think we're both allowed to have our moments of freaking out about that. I don't know anything about babies. Do you?"
Ty laughed a little. "No. Not a thing." He looked away. "My mother made me take some classes when I was young, like Home Economics for Omegas, but that was about a thousand years ago and I mostly only remember that the bottle goes in the screaming end."
Ben snickered. "I'm glad you remember that much. We've got time, I guess. We should probably do some research, figure out what kinds of things you can and can't do. Or should and shouldn't do, maybe. I don't know. Some of the restrictions they give for pregnant people seem a little much."
Ty winced. "Yeah, well. If we're going to do this I want to do it right. I'm not saying that I'm going to give up coffee, but I can probably skip margarita nights and not eat raw cookie dough." He took a bite of his omelet. "I should look and see how much running is okay."
Ben almost choked on his food. "Running? What, like marathons?"
Ty grinned. "I don't know. I was thinking about doing one once I was done with my thesis, but that could be something I do to get back into shape after the baby. But I can't just sit there and do nothing. I can't sit still. My body doesn't know how." His face fell. "I should probably find a doctor."
"Yeah, you need that." Ben shook his head. "Do you really not have one?"
"I had student health when I was in undergrad. I went to a primary care doc when I got out, but there was so much judgment. I can't even explain. 'Why don't you have babies yet? You're not getting any younger. Have you tried one of those Internet services?' And it was just… ugh. No." He put his hand on his belly.
The surge of anger that welled up inside of him surprised Ben. "Oh, there'll be none of that. I'm not having any of that. Trust me. We'll find you a doctor, a good one, and they'll treat you like the king you are."
Ty's cheeks got red, above the beard, and Ben's heart just about melted. "So, here's the question. Obviously anyone who's an alpha or omega will know. One of my clients figured it out and has been slipping me saltines all week."
Ben poked at his omelet. "So basically you want to know if we should tell anyone." He sipped at his coffee, considering. "Well, for starters, it's not like I know anyone here. I know you, and my boss. I know a couple of guys at the shop but no one that I'm all that close with. I'll have to tell Bob eventually, or else he's going to want to know why I'm suddenly throwing down my tools and running from the shop after a phone call."
Ty laughed. "Yeah. I'm going to start showing eventually." He swallowed. "Assuming everything goes well, I mean."
"Right." He licked his lips. "So you're thinking maybe wait until the first sonogram?"
"If that's okay." Ty met his eyes. "I'm not thinking, like, 'Make it this giant secret and don't tell anyone ever.' If people guess, that's fine. If it comes up, great. But I'd like to hold off on making any announcements until we get that sonogram." He looked away and pushed his omelet around again. "I just don't want to have to deal with it if… if something's wrong, you know?"
"Sounds good." Ben grinned. If holding back on an announcement made it easier for Ty, then Ben was happy enough to hold back. He hadn't been joking about not having anyone to tell, anyway. The only good reason he could think of to spill the beans would be to get Hartmann off his back, and he could wait for that.
They spent the rest of the weekend together. They didn't go out much, and that was okay. Having the uncertainty gone, both about the pregnancy and about Ben's reaction, seemed to help Ty's energy levels at least a little bit because he was able to run more and he perked up a bit more when he was home. He still needed more sleep than he usually did, but according to the websites they found themselves visiting this was only to be expected.
"I guess growing a new person takes a lot of energy," Ben commented, reading over Ty's shoulder.
Ty grimaced. "Yeah. You could say that. I was trying not to think of it that way, because I'm not actually a garden, but you know. Whatever."
The holiday weekend came and went, and Ben and Ty made the most of it. They did some research. They rested. They scored tickets to a baseball game, who knew how Ty had managed that? Ben discovered that another side effect of pregnancy was an increased libido, and there was no way he was going to pass that up.
The funny thing about going back to work after a bombshell
like that was that even though Ben didn't have anyone to really tell, the secret sat on his tongue like a prisoner with an eye on the door. Every time he opened his mouth, he found himself having to bite back the words. Instead of, "Can you pass me that wrench?" he found himself starting to ask Jose about car seats, which was ridiculous because Jose was eighteen and didn't know anything about car seats or kids. Instead of, "Hey, Bob, do you need anything else?" he had to fight against, "Hey, Bob, what do you think about the elementary schools over near the Gaslamp?"
He even tamped down the overwhelming urge to call his mother. He didn't know how that would go. He didn't want to know how that would go. When he thought about it rationally, the thought of the people who had tried to convince him to force himself on a scared, peri-pubescent child having anything to do with his own child sent him running for the bathroom or a trashcan. He didn't want that for his baby. He wouldn't allow it for his baby. He would take his omega, take his child, and flee to Mexico or further south.
