“Isn’t everything worth fighting for hard?”
A flash of regret flashes across his face before the easygoing smile I remember from childhood is there. “And some things we have to let go because they aren’t meant to be won, right?”
The words I said to him when I walked away.
“Jess, stop!” Grayson grabbed my arm as I walked back to my car.
This shouldn’t hurt so bad. It was my decision to leave him, and yet everything inside me was screaming out in pain.
But I heard his mother. I heard the anger as he said he wanted to marry me and her threaten to take everything from him. His father was there, too, agreeing because I was not good enough.
I was going to do this before we were ever faced with him having to choose between his family and me.
“Please just let me go.”
“We have plans. We have plans, and you’re just giving them up.”
I turned, tears falling down my face. “We are kids! We have plans that will never work out. We both know it. I’m nineteen and I want to live, Grayson. I want out of this stupid town with its stupid judgment. I want to travel, eat strange foods, and make bad choices. I can’t do that with you.”
He took a step back. “Why? Why am I what’s holding you back?”
“Because I love you! I love you, and I will never leave you or this place if I don’t do it now.”
“We can do it together.”
My head shook so fast, wishing I could dispel the words out of my head. “All that will happen is we’ll hate each other.”
“Oh! And fucking leaving me like this will make us like each other?”
“I will always love you, Gray. Always.”
And I would. He was the first boy I ever loved, gave myself to, and trusted to keep me safe, which he did. This moment was the only thing about us that I would regret. However, I knew it was the right choice. Grayson was destined for greatness, and he wouldn’t achieve it if I was around.
Not only that, I needed to leave here. I couldn’t stay and be like my mother. I couldn’t love a man, give up my dreams, and then be left when he realized I wasn’t enough.
“Don’t do this. Don’t walk away. We’ll figure it out.”
“I have a plane ticket for Massachusetts. I’m leaving tonight.”
He stepped toward me. “Tonight? You knew? You . . . you came here, we just . . . and you’re leaving?”
I needed him. I needed the memory of us and all the love we shared. I was a coward, and even knowing that, I didn’t care. Grayson Parkerson owned my heart, but it was time I owned my future.
“I know I promised you a lot and that I’m letting you down. I’m sorry. I have to go, and I have to try to find myself.”
His hands balled into fists and then released. “Fine. I’m here, trying to fight to keep you when it’s clear you don’t want me to. I want to fight and win and keep you!”
The last sixty minutes had been the hardest time in my life. I came to tell him goodbye, and ended up in his arms, kissing, touching, making love, and that was when I knew that it had to be now.
“I guess some things just aren’t meant to be won in a fight.”
Neither of us had a clue what life really was or the hardships that lay ahead. Naivety is a gift for the young. We allowed it to cloak us in ignorance and make us believe things were so much easier than they really were.
Not that I feel I was ever as blissfully ignorant as the Parkersons were. They lived in their gilded castle with new cars and heat each month. Where I swept the floor and learned that duct tape really could fix anything if you tried enough and wearing layers warded off the chill.
With Grayson, though, I was never cold, and that scared me more than anything. My mother once lived in that state of dependence.
I would not be her.
“Maybe not won, but cherished isn’t such a bad thing,” I say, not wanting to go back to something I can’t fix.
His lip quirks, and then he stands, pulling the covers up over me. “No, it’s not a bad thing.” He leans in, kissing my forehead tenderly. “Rest, and if you need anything, I’m just a call away.”
“Thanks for everything,” I say, the sleepiness starting to creep back in, tugging at my eyelids. I slip down into the warm blankets, feeling as though I’m already asleep. “I love you, Gray. I always have.” I think to myself.
“Sleep, we’ll talk soon.”
“Soon.”
His warm breath slides across my cheek. “I always will.”
Chapter 7
Grayson
“Parkerson, get the hose on the first floor just for good measure,” Chief yells as my crew redirects the water to where he indicated. It’s been a crazy night. We had two false alarms back to back and now a structure fire.
“Jack, get it higher,” I direct.
He nods, lifting the nozzle a bit more. When we got here, the fire was out of control, but after the work of my truck and two others, we’ve finally got it contained. Luckily, the fire alarms woke the family and everyone got out safely.
There’re just a few small hot spots remaining, and I’m beat.
We work to get those out and shut the water down. Jack groans, his head falling back as he stares up. “This was a tough one.”
I nod, grabbing two water bottles and tossing one to him. “No shit.”
“Remind me again why I let you convince me to do this . . .”
“I think it was you who convinced me.”
“Well, damn, we’re fucking stupid.”
“Fact.”
Jack and I chug the water and then toss the empty bottles into the truck. One of the newbies gets to clean out the rig as part of their initiation.
“I’m glad we got this one under control quickly,” Jack says, surveying what was left of the home.
“Yeah, no casualties is always a win.”
There are two fires that I will never forget. One where we arrived and were told everyone was out, but the witnesses hadn’t seen the father go back in to get their dog. It was my first call as a lieutenant three years ago, and one that has haunted me. We should’ve geared up to go in faster. We could’ve saved him, but everyone was sure the whole family was accounted for.
The other is one that I wasn’t a responder for, but Jack was. It was the fire that took his mother from them.
Which is why we always answer the call.
Jack clears his throat. “Always a win.” He leans back, stretching his arms over his head. “So, tell me about you and Jess.”
I jerk my head back. “What about me and Jess?”
“I hear that you rescued her like some hero from a fairy tale, pulling her out of a perilous situation and saving her like the knight in shining armor you are.”
I roll my eyes. “I didn’t know you knew the word perilous.”
“I know all kinds of shit.”
“Well, you know nothing about this.”
“Sure I don’t.”
Thankfully, one of my rookies comes over, sweat pouring down his face. “Captain?”
“What’s up, Riggs?”
Riggs is a good kid, a bit overeager, but he’s going to be a great firefighter. With a last name like that, we expect nothing less. It also doesn’t hurt that his father is the chief. He has no choice but to follow in those footsteps, which I know all too well.
“Do you want me to start coiling the hose?”
“We can’t since they’re still using it.”
“Right.”
Jack snorts. “You can do something.”
Oh, I’m sure this is going to be good.
“Anything you need, Jack.”
“Don’t be so eager, kid, there are too many who will take advantage of it,” I warn.
“Right. Of course.”
Jack shakes his head. “Just stick with me, and we’ll find you something to do.”
That’s the worst idea ever. “For now, just make sure all the guys have water,” I tell Riggs.
> Riggs runs off, doing as I ask. I chug another bottle of water and nudge Jack. “Chicken shit.”
“He’s Chief’s son, damn right I am. Where are the other rookies? We can fuck with them.”
When Jack and I came up through the ranks, it was a lot worse. We were basically the entire truck’s bitches, but it was how we were brought into the fold. A truck is a family. It’s where we put our lives on the line for strangers, but we would die for each other.
“Not anything too bad.”
“Of course not, but I do need my gear cleaned.”
I do another radio check, something that helps me, once again, check that my guys are all accounted for.
Once the last one confirms, we start to break down. We work as a unit, and get it done quickly and correctly. It’s something I love about it. We do it right from start to finish because, if we got another call right now, we need to be ready. Everything is about teamwork and preparation. The hoses go in the same spots each time, I can reach out blindly for an axe and know it will be there.
We don’t take chances. We don’t ever risk someone’s life by being lazy.
It’s just hitting five in the morning when Jack and I climb into the back of the truck to head back to the station, and I’m freaking beat.
“Where is Melia?” Jack asks.
“Stella’s.”
“I thought maybe she was somewhere else.”
“Where the hell would she be? After my mother takes her pills, she wouldn’t wake up if the house was crumbling.”
He grins. “Maybe Jessica?”
He’s such an asshole. “There is nothing going on with Jessica.”
“Okay, if you say so.”
I huff, frustrated because, if he’s saying this to me, then someone is saying it to him. This town loves a good scandal, but they live for a happy ending. Not that there’s going to be one because we’re nothing.
“She needed help, Jack. I wasn’t going to leave her stranded.”
“For half the day?”
“Half the—” I take a deep breath. “It wasn’t half the day, it was a few hours, and what would you have done?”
His shoulders lift and then fall. “Slept with her.”
“I didn’t do that. She was in pain, so I helped her.”
“Listen, I’m not judging you, but if I’m hearing about it, then I’d bet my ass your father will.”
“Fuck him.”
“I’d rather not.”
We both laugh. “I don’t give a shit what he says. When he’s done fucking his mistress, then he can give me all the shit he wants. Since we both know that’s not going to happen, it really isn’t my problem what he thinks. Jessica and I started dating eighteen years ago, and there’s nothing going on now.”
“Okay, I’ll drop it.”
“Thank you.”
“Jennie’s?” Jack asks.
“Like there was any doubt?”
We ride over and grab a booth. Jennie gets to our table. “I heard that was quite a fire today. Glad to see you both here.”
Jack leans back, hands on his stomach. “Your food feeds my soul.”
“Good. Here’s some coffee to make sure you boys are awake. I’ll bring your usual.”
The place is empty other than Fred and Bill, who are here every morning at four like clockwork. They both lost their wives to cancer around the same time six years ago and started meeting here for breakfast once a week—before it turned into daily.
Fred turns, lifting his coffee cup to me. “Good job today, Grayson.”
I return the gesture. “Thanks.”
“You too, Jack. I heard you were the first one in.”
Jack is always the first one in. It’s something I have tried to prevent, but he’s stubborn and refuses to let someone else risk themselves when he’s there.
“Yes, sir.”
“Good man,” Bill says with a nod. “Your father would be proud.”
“If you find him, let me know,” he says under his breath.
Jack and I both have fathers who we’d rather not discuss, but the town doesn’t care much about privacy and our wants and needs. After the death of his mother, his father became a drunk who took off, leaving Jack to basically raise himself. That meant he spent a lot of time with me, which is why he’s like a brother.
“What was that?” Bill asks.
“I said, I’m glad you let me know that.”
I laugh into my coffee cup. They turn back to their food and conversation, forgetting all about us.
“This town is hell-bent on making my father into some kind of hero,” Jack grumbles.
“He was a hero. He was the mayor for fifteen years, and they all love him.”
“And they just couldn’t care less about the destruction he left when he walked away with his bottle of whiskey?”
I shrug, not sure what to say. “They really only care about that shit when it impacts them.”
Jack looks to the door, shaking his head. “Let’s talk about happier shit.”
I swear, if he brings up Jessica, I’m going to kill him. “Like?”
“What’s new at the inn?”
“We got the cottage fixed up since the water pipe burst.”
“Yeah? Good. Anything else?”
He’s fishing. Somehow he knows that Jess is going to start working for me tomorrow, and I’m sure he has all kinds of opinions about it.
“Nope.”
“You’re sure?”
“Did you suffer from smoke inhalation or something?” I question.
His brow raises. “No? Why?”
“Because you’re being an idiot.”
“If you say so.”
“I do say so.”
Jennie arrives with our food, and I’ve never been more grateful that he’ll be too busy shoveling it into his mouth to talk about Jessica and anything relating to her. It’s bad enough that I’m lying to myself about why I stayed by her side, lying to everyone else is harder.
The truth is, I care about her. I always have, but seeing her again, touching her face, was like being thrust back in time when life was easy and her smile would make my entire day. She’s always been completely irresistible. Now, she’s grown up and it’s as though nothing has changed. She’s still that.
That is why I have to keep her at a distance.
When I lost her, I was miserable for a long time, and I don’t need to ever feel that shit again.
Jack doesn’t dig right in, though. He launches into another bunch of shit I don’t want to hear. “Look, you want to deny the fact that you have some serious unresolved feelings surrounding Jessica, then, hey, live in your lies.”
“Jesus Christ, I’m not lying and pretending. I know how I feel, and while I will always care about her, there’s nothing going on. She was in pain, a pain like I’ve never seen, and I helped her. Stella is who hired her.”
“But you didn’t fire her.” He points the fork at me. “You allowed her to keep the job.”
“Would you have fired Misty?” I bring up the only girl he’s ever mentioned caring about.
“Different circumstances.”
“Is it? Because I don’t see it that way. You never would’ve let someone you have ever cared about be in pain without helping them. But when I do the same thing, suddenly I’m lying to myself.”
Other than the fact that I am.
“You’re right, Gray. I would help Misty, Stella, Delia—hell, I’d help anyone if they were as bad off as you say she was. But I know you. I have since we were seven years old, and you’re feeding yourself a whole load of bullshit if you think that, when you see Jessica Walker, a part of you doesn’t change. I’ve seen it. We all see it. You’ve always loved that girl in a way that didn’t make sense to me when I was sixteen, but she’s that girl for you.”
I shovel a bite of pancake into my mouth, choking it down so I don’t have to reply.
More people come in for breakfast, and we wave, smile, and make small talk as they p
ass. So many people here have police and fire scanners that it’s no surprise they’re all talking about the fire.
He chuckles. “Tell me this, if you saw her right now, would you react? Would your chest tighten even a little?”
I roll my eyes. “No. I feel nothing but friendship for her.”
Jack nods. “Okay then.” A slow grin spreads across his face. He waves at someone as they enter. “Jess is here.”
I roll my eyes. He’s so fucking predictable. “Sure she is. Asshole.” I take another huge bite, ignoring him because he’s goading me.
“Come sit with us,” Jack says.
The first thing I’m doing this morning is finding a new friend. Jack is fired from the position.
When he scoots over, and Delia sits beside him, I realize I misplayed this. Slowly, I turn to face her. Her long brown hair is braided and pulled to the side, honey-colored eyes staring at me as a hesitant smile forms on her lips.
Shit.
I swallow the food and try to smile. “Jess, hey.”
“Mind if I sit?”
I move as I speak. “Of course not.”
“Thanks.”
She plays with the end of her braid, not really meeting my eyes, and it feels just like it did a million years ago. We’d come here, sit in a booth, and both pretend we weren’t falling for each other. I would try to hold her hand, but she’d always anticipate it and move. It wasn’t until the game before homecoming that I finally got the balls to kiss her.
It happened right outside this very window, she was leaning against the car, my letterman jacket wrapped around her because she was cold, and I lifted her chin before brushing my lips against hers.
I lift my gaze to hers, only to find that she’s staring out the window, and I wonder if she’s remembering the same thing. When she smiles at me, I’m pretty sure she is.
“Hey.”
She tucks her head and smiles. “Hey.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Much better. No headaches, and I slept well.”
“Good,” I say, feeling relief. “Are you ready to start work again?”
She nods. “Yeah, I’m excited and a little nervous, but . . . mostly excited.”
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