“No. It isn’t.”
“I’ll never be liked by you, and that’s okay because Grayson is who matters.”
My mother volleys her gaze back and forth between us and then to my father.
“You’re what matters,” I assure her.
She grins. “Good.” She turns back to my mother. “Then you can like me or not. You can remind me how far beneath you I am or that my mother once cleaned your toilets, and that’s fine. She did. We’re not ashamed of it, regardless of what you might hope.”
I get to my feet, walk over to her, and extend my hand. “You’re what matters,” I tell her again.
Jessica places her hand in mine. “I know.”
As though I’ve shed my cloak, I feel lighter. I look at my parents without hatred, more pitying because they are the ones who are without. Even if they cut me off, I’ll still have more than I ever could’ve had with my job and money. I have an amazing woman and a beautiful little girl.
“Mom, Dad, I’d like to say it’s been a pleasure, but that would be a lie. I don’t know why you can’t get over this idea that you have a say in who I love, but I choose Jessica. You can both have each other.”
My mother gets to her feet, her eyes shrewd and calculating. “I didn’t want to do this,” she says as she makes her way over to a side table, grabbing an envelope. “I wanted us to talk and discuss things that had nothing to do with Jessica, but you saw this dinner as something else.”
I saw it for what it was, an ambush against Jessica and I. Still, I find myself asking. “Then what was it about?”
She looks to my father and back to me. “I asked you here tonight, Jessica, because regardless of your background and financial situation, I believe that you truly love my son. God knows he’s going to need to feel that.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“I wanted just you here for dinner before I talk to the rest of your siblings. In fact, I haven’t even said a word to your father about this. However, he’s been having an affair.”
I laugh once. “You might want to change your singular to plural. You can’t seriously tell me that you weren’t aware of them.”
My mother swallows and then straightens. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’ve known for years. I’ve accepted it, dealt with the embarrassment, and turned the other cheek because, what were my other options? Until now, it’s never had need of my attention or brought embarrassment to this family in this way. That has changed, and after almost forty years of marriage, I’m leaving him.”
“Why has that changed?”
“This. I will not allow this to go on.” She hands me the envelope. “Open it. It’s all there.”
When I do, I see the photo of him, and . . . her.
Before I can even understand what’s happening, I punch my father in the face and I see nothing but red.
Chapter 30
Jessica
Grayson hasn’t said a word in fifteen minutes. He keeps clenching and unclenching his bloody fists. I want to talk, to ask him who was in the photo, but I stay quiet. The scene was something out of a movie. There his father was on the floor with blood coming from his nose and Grayson screaming in his face.
He wasn’t making much sense. It was a lot of yelling and threats before I was able to pull him off his father. Then he looked at me, grabbed my hand, and practically ran out of the house without a word.
The silence is eating me alive.
We pull into his driveway, he throws the shifter in park, and just sits. Each breath is labored—clearly, the drive did nothing to diminish the anger.
“Grayson?” I keep my voice even and calm.
He shakes his head. “Don’t, Jess. Please don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t . . . fucking ask me what I saw.”
In all the years I’ve known him, I have never seen him like this. He’s always been the level-headed and collected guy. This version of Grayson, I don’t know.
“Okay, I won’t ask.” However, I will make about a million assumptions and all of them don’t end well.
He releases a very heavy breath and then slams his hand on the wheel. “He’s fucking Yvonne.”
Oh, okay, well. I don’t know what to say. My jaw is hanging, and I blink a few times. “Your ex?”
“Amelia’s mother.”
And then a new sense of panic hits me. If he’s sleeping with Grayson’s ex, where the hell is she? “In France?”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “It appears the property that he’s been looking into buying is overseas.”
His father has always been a pig, but this is a whole new level of wrong. To sleep with your granddaughter’s mother. I mean, who does that? Seriously. I can’t understand the rationale he had to use to justify something like that, even if just to himself.
“I don’t know what to say, Grayson.”
He laughs once without humor. “Yeah, me either.”
All the plans I had for us tonight are shot. There’s no way I can tell him any of my news now. Tonight, he’s hurting, and . . . as much as it kills me to keep this from him, I know it’s not the right time, but I wish it was.
I mapped it all out in my head with preparation that he may not be happy that I’m cleared, but at least he’d know how I feel about him and that I want to stay. I want him.
Almost unconsciously, he grabs my hand. “I need you, Jess. I . . . I know I’m a mess, but I just need you.”
“You have me,” I tell him. “You always have me.”
We exit the car, walking up the stairs without speaking. I know he’s in a dark place right now, and I just want to be here for him. I know how hard it is when your thoughts are jumbled and you can’t make heads or tails of them.
Once inside, we remove our coats, tossing them over the back of the chair. He stands there, looking at me as his fingers slide against my cheek. I can feel the charge in the air, the mix of anger and need swirling between us. Before I can part my lips to speak, his mouth is on mine. The crashing feels like thunder, and his touch scorches like lightning. His hands in my hair as he backs me up against the wall. I let him kiss me, take my love, and feel that I’m here with him. My fingers are at the hem of his shirt, and I lift it up, throwing it across the room. The two of us move quickly, pulling at each other.
“Fuck, Jess.” He moans against my mouth.
He tries to nudge my legs apart, but my skirt is tight at the knee. Grayson’s hands slide down my body, pulling the skirt up to my hips. There’s no sweetness, no finesse, as he moves my underwear to the side, sinking his fingers in roughly.
I groan in pleasure as his teeth nip at my neck. The pressure increasing as he fucks me with his hand.
“You’re so wet.”
“Only for you.”
That response must be what he needed because he kisses me harder, moving his fingers in and out while his thumb circles my clit. “I can’t wait,” he says as his other hand fumbles with his belt. “I need to fuck you right here.”
“Good. Hurry.”
I don’t want to wait.
I want him to take me, remember that I’m here with him and that I’m his.
My fingers go to his waist, pushing his pants along with his boxers down. We’re barely undressed before he lifts me, and I sink down onto him. Grayson’s breathing is hard against my neck.
“Wrap your legs around me.”
I do, and he positions himself to go even deeper. I lift his face so that he’s looking in my eyes. “I’m yours, Grayson. I’m yours.”
I need him to know that, in this moment, no truer words can be spoken. I love him, and I will only ever be Grayson Parkerson’s.
He jerks up, using all his strength to fuck me. This might be primal, but it’s ours.
“Jessica. You. Are.” He pants hard as he pushes into me again. “So. Perfect.”
My head falls back as the picture falls from the wall. Neither of us care enough to look. If anything, the crash pushes him harder
.
“I’m close,” he warns.
I am too. His fingers are digging into my ass as he lifts me higher. I kiss him hard, wishing I could crawl inside him and protect his heart from any more hurt. He healed me, and I wish I could give him the same. A deep rush of emotion comes over me as I think about all that’s happened between us. How lucky I am to have this once again. Grayson, my Grayson, has given me everything and more. He’s loved me so much even when I wasn’t at his side. I love this man so much it’s too much for my body to contain.
Our lips move together, and then I scream, my orgasm hitting me so hard that tears run down my cheeks. “I love you,” I say over and over as Grayson follows with his own release.
We sink to the floor, him still inside me as I cling to him.
I’m not sure how much time passes, but Grayson lifts his head first.
“Are you okay?”
My eyes lift to his. “I’m definitely okay.”
“That was . . . not my plan.”
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“No, well, I wasn’t, but now, I feel . . .”
“You feel what?”
He gives me a crooked grin, the one I love because it makes his dimple deepen. “I feel much better.”
I kiss his nose. “Good. Ironically, I do as well.”
Grayson lifts me in his arms, carrying me like we’re in a scene from a movie into the bedroom. He helps me remove the rest of my clothes, and then we climb into bed. Once settled, there’s an awkward silence around us.
“I’m sorry . . . about before.”
“You don’t owe me an apology.”
His arm is around me, fingers splayed against my back as we press closer. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way.”
“You were pissed. I would be pissed.”
“I’m still not sure what the hell to think. I don’t care about Yvonne,” he says quickly. “I swear, it’s not about her. I don’t care what she does or with who.”
“It’s that your dad betrayed you.”
He moves onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “It’s just not how I planned for tonight to go.”
“Well, I don’t think either of us did.”
His head shifts, looking at me with a sad smile. “You said you had news? Something that you wanted to talk about?”
My throat goes dry and nerves take over. I don’t know if I should say anything, but I’m not quite sure how to get out of it either. I feel like I’ve lied to Grayson enough and . . . maybe he will be happy? I mean, it’s good news. I’m cleared to drive, and we can travel or ride bikes.
At least I’ll start there.
“Are you sure you want to talk about this?” I ask. “You’ve had a crazy night.”
He smiles, his hand cupping my face. “I could use some good news, don’t you think?”
Right. Yes, we both could. I mean, I’ve only been spending the last few weeks dreading this and now I’ve sort of stepped into it. I have it all mapped out, how to make it clear to him that this changes nothing except that it’s a choice for me. One that I’m making without any fear.
“It doesn’t have to be today, the news, I mean, we can wait.”
“Jessica, I want to know.”
All right. Here it goes. “So, I went to the doctor, and they gave me the news that I’m cleared to drive again. It was really unexpected, but the headaches have really lessened, and I can’t remember the last time I got dizzy. The doctor thinks that my brain has healed a lot. I’m not stuttering much . . .” I trail off, feeling the emotions getting strong.
“So you can drive?”
I nod. “I can.”
“That’s great.” He leans in, kissing me. “That is good news. I’m glad that you got cleared.”
Relief like I can’t express fills me. He’s taking it so well. I smile, feeling like telling him the rest is the right thing. “He said I could fly too. That I’m free to go back to normal, and . . .”
Grayson shoves the covers off and gets to his feet. “You’re allowed to fly? So, you can what . . . leave?”
I sit up, pulling the blanket around me. “Yes . . . but—I—”
“Great. You thought this was what I wanted to hear? That tonight you’d let me know you’re leaving?” He pushes his legs through his pants with angry movements.
“I didn’t say that. I just said I’m cleared to fly not that—”
“But that’s what you’ve wanted from the day you got here. To leave. You’ve never hidden it. Now it’s right there for you to go.”
The shift in his mood is so abrupt I’m momentarily stunned. “Grayson, I didn’t say I wanted to leave.”
“You didn’t say you wanted to stay.”
“You didn’t let me get there!” I get to my feet, moving toward him.
“When? When did you go to the doctor and get this clearance?”
I release a heavy breath. “A few weeks ago.”
“So you’ve been lying to me.”
“No, I just . . . I wasn’t ready to tell you. I worried you’d react badly, which clearly I was right.” I pull the blanket tighter around me, wishing it was a shield that could stop his words from piercing my heart.
“Because good news like this was better left unsaid? No, it’s because you were planning your next move, trying to find the perfect time to let me know that you’re leaving again.”
I shake my head. “You’re wrong. I was trying to decide how to. You. No. Leave.” I let the tears fall. Hating that, for the first time in weeks, I’m stuttering. I wipe them away and try again, but he cuts me off.
“I’m glad we found out now.” He runs his fingers through his hair, looking out at the vista.
“Found what out?”
“All of it. That my father has been fucking Amelia’s mother, that you’re cleared to go, it makes it all so much easier to end things now without any complications.”
I take a step back, my chest aching as his words settle around us. “End things? You want to end things?”
He turns, his eyes filled with anger and disappointment. “It’s not going to work. It’s clear that things are too complicated for us. What a fucking joke this all was, right? Who finds love like this twice? You and I both knew this wasn’t going to last, and now we can at least admit it.”
“We did? When did we decide this because I wasn’t there for it?” I ask, not really knowing what the hell is going on.
“Sorry, I guess I did. It’s a good thing we didn’t tell Amelia. She doesn’t need another woman in her life who was going to just leave. I think she’s had enough pain, and I’ve seen enough of the signs to know what this is.”
Tears prick as the anger rises. “I never said I was leaving, Grayson. I was telling you that I’m cleared and I want to stay.”
“I don’t want you to stay! I’m telling you to fucking leave!”
“What are you talking about? I love you!”
He laughs. “Right. You love freedom. You love to travel. You are just like everyone else I’ve loved, you love to leave.”
My lip trembles as I stare at him. He’s angry—I get it. It’s why I didn’t want to say anything, but this is ridiculous. “You’re hurting me because you’re in pain.”
“I’m waking up from the fog, that’s what’s happening. I was so fucking desperate to love you that I convinced myself it was all real. You’re cleared, Jess. Go. Just go.”
I’m stunned. Absolutely fucking stunned. Who is this man? The one who needed me is now pushing me away. “This is what you want? To push me away when I’m clinging to you? How does this make sense? I’m telling you I want to stay, and you’re not listening! I want you and us and Amelia and this . . .”
“I’m telling you to go. Go back to the life you left, and we’ll go back to ours. Just as it should’ve been.”
“So, because you’re afraid, you’re pushing me out?”
Grayson turns. “I’m not afraid. I’m realistic. I watched you walk away once. I watched Yvonne do
the same. This clearance is the excuse we both needed and knew was coming. There’s no reason for you to stay, and I’d rather you go now before we break my daughter’s heart too. We’re done, and I’ll be just fine. It’s not like we had plans.”
My hands move to my stomach as the knot grows there. Only it’s not a knot, it’s a baby—our baby. I think about how tonight was supposed to go and how horribly wrong it went. The things he’s saying, though, I can’t stand here and listen to any more. He’s ripping me apart, and I have to stop it.
Tears fall unabashed as the pain lances through my heart. “I was never leaving you. I was sharing with you.”
He turns his back to me. “No one ever stays. Why would you be any different?” He laughs once. “I fucking knew it, I was just a fool.”
“No, you’re an asshole,” I say as I gather my clothes, getting dressed because, no matter what, I don’t deserve this.
I send an emergency text to Delia, asking her to come get me, which she replies almost instantly to, telling me that she’ll be here in five.
Once I’m dressed, I walk toward the door, feeling so much pain it hurts to breathe. I stop, hoping he’ll at least look at me. But Grayson doesn’t turn, he just stands, looking out the windows, his back to me.
“So, this is it?” I ask.
“I’m doing what you did before. I’m walking away before you get the chance to do it to me.”
“Right. Hurt me before I can hurt you?” He stays quiet. The text comes from Delia that she’s here. “The sad part is that I was excited to be cleared, not because I was going to leave but because all I could think about was our life here. I saw our life together, not me getting on a plane to leave. What I didn’t see was this reaction. I never thought you’d end things, but I’ll give you what you want, Gray. I’ll go. I’ll do what you expect but not because it’s what I want. I’m walking out of this house because I won’t let you treat me this way. I won’t let you villainize me when I’ve done nothing wrong. I’m sorry your father is an asshole. I’m sorry Yvonne is doing this to you and Amelia. And I’m even sorry that, when I was younger, I didn’t see just how much I loved you and that we could’ve tried. This time, though, this is on you. I’m not leaving because I want to. I’m leaving because you pushed me out the door.”
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