by May Dawson
But I couldn't say that.
I quirked my lips to one side. "Except for Nimshi, driving up to the front of the house..."
"Don't remind me," he said dryly.
"You really want to kill him?"
"Yes," he said without hesitation. "But that doesn't mean I will. It's easier to rebuild the wards than starting from nothing. The first thing we have to do is mark the ground."
Levi taught me how to rebuild the wards, a matter of marking the runes on the earth again and repeating the incantations. Unlike Jacob, he said his incantations in English. When we were done, he said, "Let's head down the bank and see how the other wards are holding up."
"All right. Mind if I stay here and take a rest? I'll just slow you down."
"Sure. Yell if you need me. I'll hear you."
I smiled at his protective look, and then he turned and jogged easily down the bank. I loved watching the way his tall, athletic body moved when he ran, all masculine grace.
As soon as he was in the distance, framed between the trees and the water, I walked down the bank and found the tree where Nimshi had smashed his lute. I rested a hand on the rough bark, staring out at the lake, at the barely-visible edge of the bridge where metal glinted under the sun. I hadn't dreamed all of this; I hadn't seen the lake from this angle before last night.
I saw a glimmer of sunlight off rich wood, and then it was gone, lost in the tall blades of green grass. I knelt in the grass, searching, and finally found a chip of wood. It was rough and splintered.
As I turned the splinter over in my hand, it sliced into my thumb. I gasped at the sudden sting. It had drawn blood; a thin line of red, at first, and then the blood swelled over and dripped down my hand. I quickly dropped the chip of lute back in the grass. I straightened and wiped my aching thumb off on my running shorts.
Last night sure as hell hadn't been a dream.
Now just like the boys' mother, I was keeping a secret from them, a secret that wasn't mine to keep.
I had to talk to them. No matter how much they wouldn't like what I had to say.
8
Back at the house, I took a long, hot shower, hoping that the steam would clear my brain. I had to talk to the boys; I couldn't be stupid. But I wanted to bring up, "So, I chatted with Nimshi..." in the best way possible. To minimize the yelling and angst and boy-drama.
When I'd dressed in leggings and a t-shirt, I headed down to train in the dojo next. I'd expected all of the boys to be down there, but when I stepped into the training room, it was empty except for Ryker.
He was practicing solo, going through routines that were a fluid combination of martial arts and sword play, his sword held in one hand. He was naked except for white basketball shorts, his muscular body tanned and glowing under the bright lights of the dojo. He was so focused that he didn't notice me. His bare feet almost danced across the smooth wooden floorboards. Then he turned and threw himself toward the mats, tucking his head into a roll, his sword arm held out to one side, and rose easily onto his feet, his sword at the ready.
"Hey, stalker," he said, his voice teasing, as he turned and began another routine.
"Oh, so you're just showing off for me now?"
"Depends." He turned, jumping onto one of the wooden crates we used for pylometric training, and launching himself into a back flip. He landed lightly on his feet, his sword out to one side, and then raised it up smoothly as he stepped back into a fighting pose. "Are you impressed?"
"I feel like I can't answer that without incriminating myself."
He grinned and ambled over to me, his eyes meeting mine. His broad chest heaved slightly from his efforts, and he glowed with sweat, but since he was Ryker, he didn't smell bad. His fresh sweat carried his boy-scent more strongly than usual, but it was the same good scent of clean aftershave and fresh-cut grass.
"Levi and Jacob went to check the wards around the property, since some of them were down." His eyes studied my face carefully. "You know anything about that, Firestarter?"
"I don't know anything about the wards," I pointed out. But I felt a pang at the lie of omission. Still. I wasn't about to blurt my whole story out to just one of the boys. I needed to tell them all.
He ran a hand over the tattoos on the other arm, absent-mindedly. "We need to teach you to raise wards yourself. In case you're ever on your own for some reason."
"I don't plan on it." I crinkled my nose at him.
"Well, me either. Keeping you safe is kind of a thing for me."
I could stand for it to be less of a thing, since maybe then he wouldn't feel so strongly about murdering his half-brother.
I chewed on my bottom lip, studying his handsome face, those bright green eyes.
His lips parted in a faint smile. "What?"
"What do you mean, what?"
"You're staring at me." He turned away, walking across the room for a towel thrown across one of the weights benches, and wiped the sweat off his face. The muscles in his back rippled with the motion. A bead of sweat trickled down his spine, down the dramatic taper of his waist.
"You were staring at me."
"Can't be helped." He picked up his t-shirt, pulling it over his head as he turned back to me, yanking the hem down to cover his abs. "Beauty draws the eye."
I quirked an eyebrow at him. "That is an unusually sweet thing for you to say to me."
"You know how I feel about you," he said, his voice gruff, as if he were embarrassed. "You want to start with weights or magic?"
"I wanted to start by apologizing," I said in a rush. "For the whole...getting kidnapped thing."
"It still blows my mind," he said. "That Jacob would want to go. That you would want to let him, knowing it might mean we couldn't go into the Far..."
I bristled. Apparently, how idiotic I’d been was on his mind, since he hadn’t even hesitated. "We're down a brother anyway, aren't we? And you think we can mange fine without him."
"Well, we don't have a choice."
Maybe we did.
"I didn't feel like I had a choice with Jacob either.” It annoyed me that I had apologized and Ryker was still going on about how wrong I’d been. As if I didn’t know.
He shook his head. "Well, you won him over now."
"Are you jealous?" My voice came out tart.
"Why would I be jealous? I always knew I'd have to share you." He wiped his face again and tossed the towel back onto the bench. "My heart-rate's falling. Let's get on the rowing machines."
I climbed onto the rowing machine next to his, settling my ass onto the narrow plastic seat, sliding my sneakers into the loops that held my feet stationary, and pulling out the handlebar attached to the cable. It let out a long, slow hiss as I pulled it back. Soon our machines were moving in rhythm, the low noise of the cable a constant.
"And I don't mind sharing you," he said, picking up where we'd left off. "You're feisty and enough for more than one guy."
"Excuse me?"
"You know what I mean."
"I damn well don't, Ryker."
"It's a compliment."
"Sure," I said. "Let's go with that."
At least I'd apologized.
For something.
I'd probably have to apologize all over again for keeping Nimshi's visit a secret for even a second. For sneaking out of our bed to see the demon.
Even as I told myself I had a damn good reason, I felt a rush of guilt that warmed my cheeks.
There shouldn't be any lies, not even for just a morning, between me and the men I loved.
"I don't want to set the house on fire."
"Wouldn't be the first time." The smile Ryker flashed me was pure mischief. "Come on. That's the whole point. You need to control your fire."
"I didn't realize magic was going to be so much work," I said. "Parrish said I could probably manipulate other kinds of matter. I thought I'd be, like, floating cars in the air and controlling the wind. And here I am."
"And here you are." He made a get-on-with-i
t gesture. "If you work, who knows where you can go from here?"
I stared at my palm, trying to will a ball of fire into being. A small one. My fingers trembled, but my cupped palm remained empty.
"I've got a fire extinguisher." Ryker said encouragingly.
"I can't get it," I said.
He touched my elbow. His touch sent a jolt of warmth and energy through my body, the way it always did, and I looked up at him in surprise.
"Maybe you're just depleted," he said. "It's been a rough few weeks."
"That's for sure."
He was standing so close to me that I could breathe in the intoxicating scent of his tall, powerful body. "I didn't say it right earlier. I should have said something back when you apologized."
I felt my lips quirk up. "You said plenty."
His other hand found my jaw, and one finger tilted my chin up to his face. "Maybe you need a battery re-charge."
"Maybe I do."
He leaned forward slightly, his eyes on mine as if he were waiting for permission. I leaned into him, resting my palms on his broad chest.
His lips pressed against mine, tender and searching, in stark contrast to the hardness of his jaw. I kissed him back uncertainly at first. Everything had become awkward between us, but when he kissed me, there was nothing awkward about it. Our lips fit together perfectly.
My body thrilled to be so near his, and my lips became sure and confident. I kissed him back, feeling his lips part against mine. I swept my tongue over the inside of his lower lip. He tasted like coffee and strawberries. He kissed me again, a chaste peck on the center of my lips, and then kissed the corner of my lips as if he loved their little quirk.
He groaned, wrapping his arms around me, and rested his forehead against mine. "What I said before. What I meant to say was I love you."
I stared up at him, feeling my eyes widen.
"Even when you do something stupid," he finished, with that usual little Ryker-half-grin
On another day, I would have thought he just couldn't handle when things got too mushy between us. I wouldn't have been surprised if he answered me lightly like that when he apologized.
But this time, he was saying he loved me, and at the same time, he didn't really look at me as an equal. I was still Ellis, to be protected from the demons and from herself.
"Yeah," I said, nodding, trying to smile.
The light left Ryker's face when he understood I wasn't going to say I love you back. My stomach twisted with guilt.
He nodded, his face as cool and neutral as usual.. "Let's get back to those fireballs. I know you can do it."
I didn't want to leave it like this. I was handling things all wrong between us.
"I was thinking I could use more of a charge-up," I said archly, trying to summon some smolder even though I felt like a train-wreck. I ran my fingers up underneath his shirt, feeling his hard-angled abs contract slightly under my touch.
He rested his hands on my shoulders, stilling me. "You're my favorite woman in the whole world, Ellis. And the sexiest, too."
I stared up at him, because it was so obvious there was a but.
"You and I are not okay right now," he said. "And I know we will be again. But... not that. Not right now."
I was about to protest, to say maybe things would get better if we gave in to the constant hum of lust between us, but he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. His lips brushing, feather-soft, over my forehead carried such a sweetness and sense of promise.
I should have said it back.
But I couldn't say it now.
9
Jacob and Levi clattered down the stairs and into the dojo.
"Show them," Ryker said, giving me an approving nod. No matter how freaking awkward things were between us now, we had continued training. Because that was what Hunters did.
Feelings were a luxury. Fireballs were a necessity.
He'd set up a metal drum on a stack of the plyometric crates, open like a big catcher's mitt. I held my hands out in front of me again, trying to pretend that I was alone, that there weren't three men watching me that I always wanted to impress. The magic was inside me, a tiny furling flame, and yet it was so hard to capture that wisp of fire. The world outside was loud and distracting.
I imagined myself in a dark room, all alone, my cupped hands blooming light in the darkness. I felt the heat on my palms, like a powerful ray of sunshine on my skin, and opened my eyes to see another fireball. It was tiny, a levitating pea of flame. As I grinned, the flames rose and magnified as if the fire had been blown up by the wind.
"It doesn't burn you," Levi observed.
I shook my head. "I can feel its heat, but when it's small like this, it's bearable."
Of course, during earlier experiments I'd learned that bigger fireballs, while more impressive-looking, were so hot that I sometimes... dropped them. The scent of fire extinguisher foam still hung in the air.
"Our girl's got a good arm," Ryker said, nodding at me.
Well, no pressure. Still, my heart swelled at the compliment. At our girl.
I cocked my arm back and threw the fireball at the drum. It flew straight, growing to the size of a baseball. When it hit the back of the metal drum, there was a hiss and pop of flame. Then it fell away into wisps of smoke.
"She's getting faster," Ryker said, no doubt thinking back to our camping trip. "When she's not distracted, it only takes her a few seconds to grow a fireball."
"When she's not distracted," Jacob mused, and we all understood his implication.
In combat, we were all distracted. Especially by the burden to look out for each other and protect each other.
"I made that fireball in the asylum," I said. "When I was running on adrenaline."
"That's good," Jacob said. "But we can't count on that. We have to perfect this stuff in training."
"Agreed," I said, feeling irritated. I wasn't mad at Jacob, not really.
I just felt exasperated because I wanted to be their equal, and my powers sucked. I didn't want to be protected and doted on. Well, okay, I did; I absolutely did want to be protected and doted on. But not all the time.
And it was more irritating because I knew damn well I wasn't acting like their equal. Not when I was keeping secrets and sneaking around at night.
"Hey," Levi said, "The rest of the wards were up still. But Jacob and I went out together to double-check the wards that went down."
"They're down again?" Ryker asked.
"No, they're up. But Jacob... he caught a whiff of demon magic."
The boys all looked at me. Three sets of skeptical boy-eyes. Three set jaws.
"You sure you don't know anything about this, Firestarter?" Ryker asked.
That wasn't a very good segue into explaining what I knew.
"I've got some stuff to tell you guys," I said.
"I can't wait," Jacob said, crossing his arms over his chest.
Three tall, imposing, hard-muscled guys staring me down made me feel uncomfortable, no matter how much they all loved me. I took a step back, crossing my arms over my chest myself.
"I had a dream," I said. "I heard lute music and so I followed it outside..."
"When was this?" Levi interrupted.
Oh man, even Levi was annoyed.
"Last night."
"Why didn't you wake one of us? We were right there. You had to climb over us to go off on your own." Ryker's jaw was set.
"She said it was a dream," Jacob said. "Let's hear her out."
"I thought maybe it was a dream," I clarified.
Jacob groaned.
I had to get through this. "Nimshi can't bring down the wards on the house. Just the weaker outer wards. He was waiting for me out at the lake."
Understanding washed over Levi's face as he pieced together our run to the lake. He turned away, raking his hands through his hair in exasperation.
"Listen, I didn't want to keep a secret from you. As soon as I knew for sure it wasn't a dream, I wanted to tell
you. But you want to kill him. I couldn't bring you out with me."
"Yes, you could have." Jacob shook his head at me, his arms still crossed, in exasperation.
"So what did the half-demon want?" Ryker asked. "To tell you that he's a really good guy. It was just business when he tortured you and Jacob, and when he gave Jake a concussion in order to escape..."
"It sure seemed like he needed to escape," I said.
"It makes the most sense to just kill him," Ryker said. "I never said I was tied to the plan. I'm not going to kill anyone, even any thing, that's not an immediate threat."
"But he pretty much is." Jacob's eyes were still steady on my face.
I looked up to meet his eyes, and the hurt in his molten-gold eyes made me wish I hadn't.
"What does he want?" Levi asked.
Yeah, let's talk about the plan going forward, not the many ways I've screwed up so far. "He wants us to help him get his soul back."
I said it flatly, knowing exactly what would happen, and sure enough, the three of them all started yelling. At me, at each other. There was a lot of passion in the room.
I winced. "I can't think when you're all yelling."
"We're not yelling," Jacob said. "We're discussing."
"You can't think anytime, apparently, Firestarter," Ryker snapped.
Levi's cell rang, and he pulled it out of his jacket pocket, checking the caller before he said, "Can you guys keep the rage to a dull roar, please."
He turned away, answering the phone, but I watched his face in profile as it changed.
He turned back to us. "Load up. The Hunter team watching Ellis' mom is under attack."
10
We passed Nash on our way out. He was burning down the road toward the boys' house in a Sherriff's car, the lights and sirens blazing. Meanwhile the four of us drove fast and hard for the house where I'd grown up.
"Nash'll take care of your sister, no matter what happens," Levi promised me, twisting in his seat. "It's going to be all right."
I'd been worrying about leaving her behind. But it was impossible to take her with us.
