by Marta Perry
“Doesn’t sound like much fun.”
“No, it doesn’t. But you’ll go, won’t you?”
Maybe, a few hours ago, he could have said no. But not after everything she’d told him today. He couldn’t add to her troubles. He was stuck. They both were.
“Good work, Danny.” Nolie called out the words, focusing on the boy instead of on the man who stood next to Danny as he and Lady negotiated the ramp outside the house. Since she’d been so foolish as to spill her secrets to Gabe the day before, she’d had trouble looking at him.
Danny obviously had no such problem. He grinned up at Gabe in triumph.
She understood why Danny opened up to Gabe. He’d found an object of hero-worship in the firefighter.
She didn’t understand her own tendency to open up to the man, though. Gabe seemed able to tap into her deepest feelings. She’d told him things she’d never told anyone but Claire, and that only in the context of the support group in which they’d met.
Gabe was bending over Danny, his face relaxed and teasing as he talked to the boy. Her breath seemed to catch. It was a good thing he didn’t look at her that way.
Still, in spite of her discomfort, maybe opening up to Gabe had been a good thing. She hadn’t yet found the key to unlocking the inner feelings that kept him from committing to the program. Perhaps eventually her candor would push him into a similar confidence.
“Good job, guys.” She walked toward them. “I don’t think ramps are going to be a problem for you anymore, Danny.”
Danny grinned. “Gabe’s got it easy. He doesn’t have to figure out how to put on the brakes.”
Gabe ruffled his hair. “I’ll never be as good as you are, champ.”
“Danny and Lady have been working on it for a long time. Maybe when you and Max have been together awhile longer, you’ll catch up.”
“Maybe.” Gabe’s eyes darkened, and his tone was noncommittal.
Still, she knew what he was thinking. What he always thought. I don’t need a dog. I’m not going to have any more seizures.
He could be right, of course. She did a mental count. It had been about a month since he’d had a seizure. His meds seemed to be doing their job, and without any visible side effects. Gabe could be out of the woods.
In which case—
Danny’s head turned toward her slightly, his eyes wide and unfocused. His expression sent her heart into overdrive, and a prayer formed automatically in her mind.
Be with him, Lord. Help this child of Yours.
She started toward Danny, but she wasn’t fast enough to cover the few feet between them before it happened. Danny lurched backward in the wheelchair, as if yanked by an invisible hand. Before she could reach him, he’d toppled from the chair, his frail body locking in spasms.
Her mind seemed to register several different things as she dropped on her knees next to Danny in the grass.
Lady, moving faster than Nolie had, wedged herself between Danny and the chair, using her body as a buffer so that Danny’s spasms couldn’t slam him against its metal frame. And Gabe seemed frozen in place.
“Easy, Danny, easy.”
She kept her voice calm and soothing. Danny didn’t need people around him overreacting when his own brain was misfiring, sending signals his body couldn’t deal with. “You’re going to be fine. I’m right here with you, and so is Lady.”
The dog, hearing her name, whined a little, edging her warm body closer to Danny.
“See.” She stroked his forehead. “Lady wants to help. She loves you. We all do.” She couldn’t let her voice betray the pain she felt for him, no matter how much her heart hurt. Danny needed comfort and strength from those around him now, not pity.
He could use some assurance from Gabe, too. She looked up at him, opening her mouth to tell him so.
She closed it again. Gabe really was frozen. He stood rigidly, fists pressing into his sides. His face expressed shock, maybe horror.
“Gabe!” She deliberately made her voice sharp. Of course it was scary the first time you saw a child having a seizure, but you learned to deal with it. “Snap out of it. I need your help.”
She saw the change come over him, as if he turned into the take-charge, in-control firefighter in front of her. His jaw hardened.
“Right. What can I do?”
“You’ll find a blanket in the painted chest just inside the kitchen door. Bring it to me. And a tea towel from under the sink.”
“Don’t you want me to call 911?”
“That’s not necessary.” Danny’s spasms had already slowed, becoming less violent. “He’s been through this before. His mother knows how to cope with the aftermath.”
He nodded, running toward the house and taking the steps in a single stride. The door banged behind him.
She held Danny closer as the painful rigidity of his muscles began to ease, hoping the warmth of her embrace comforted him.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t sure how to comfort Gabe. That look on his face when he’d seen what was happening to Danny had been revealing. He’d been horrified. He’d seen himself.
If he couldn’t cope with Danny’s seizures, how on earth was he going to cope with his own?
Chapter Eight
“Max, I was just plain stupid.” Gabe looked down at the dog.
Max’s tail thumped against the wide planks of the cottage floor, and he gave Gabe a doggy grin that suggested maybe his transgression hadn’t been too bad.
“You don’t need to look so happy. I know how badly I behaved.” And how much of an idiot was he, to be confessing to a dog? He ought to be apologizing to Danny.
He seemed to see the boy writhing on the ground again, and his stomach lurched. He stalked to the window and stared out at the rain, trying to erase that image of Danny’s seizure the previous day.
It didn’t help. He’d relived those few moments all night, feeling again the horror he’d felt when the child he was joking with had suddenly lost all control.
He hadn’t caught the boy, hadn’t taken control, hadn’t done anything but stand there like a stick.
“Even Lady did a better job than I did.”
Max waved his tail in agreement.
He was a firefighter, trained to deal coolly with all sorts of emergencies. How could that training have deserted him?
He put his palm on the rain-streaked windowpane, cool to the touch. Danny’s mother had just pulled her van up close to the door of the training center, presumably to avoid the wet grass. Danny had reported for his session today as if nothing had happened.
And he hadn’t. He hadn’t been able to face the kid with the knowledge of his failure fresh in his mind.
Danny’s mother emerged from the training center, a black umbrella in her hand. She held it over the chair while Nolie helped load Danny into the van. He could see the boy’s hand moving as he waved goodbye to Nolie.
Danny had probably wondered where he was today. Or maybe not. Maybe his behavior had finally disabused the kid of his notion that Gabe was some sort of hero.
The van pulled out. Nolie gave a last wave, turned, and stalked toward the cottage. Her militant stride left no doubt in his mind as to her purpose. He was about to be reamed out, it appeared.
He opened the door as Nolie reached the stoop. She hadn’t bothered with a jacket or umbrella, and her T-shirt was spotted with water. Her loose hair clung damply to her neck and shoulders.
She probably wasn’t cold. The fire in her eyes would be enough to keep her warm.
All right, he knew he was in the wrong. But that didn’t mean Nolie had the right to criticize him.
“You’re wet. Come and dry off.”
She stepped inside, bringing a breath of rain-swept spring air in with her. “You didn’t come for the session with Danny. Why?”
“I usually admire bluntness, but don’t you think you’re carrying it to an extreme?”
“No, I don’t.” Her face was uncompromising. “You let Danny down when you didn
’t come.”
Nolie was an expert in how people let children down. The thought stuck like a burr, in spite of his efforts to dislodge it.
None of the excuses he’d been experimenting with seemed worth the effort. Nolie would sweep them aside anyway.
“I let Danny down yesterday.” He forced the words out. At least they were honest. “I should think he’d have been happy not to see me today.”
She looked as if she had measured him and found him lacking. “Danny didn’t expect you to behave like a nurse yesterday. He knows people sometimes don’t know what to do when he has a seizure.”
“He was certainly right about that.” He turned away from the laserlike quality of her gaze. “But I should have known. Firefighters are trained to behave appropriately in emergencies.”
“You weren’t expecting it.” Nolie’s voice gentled slightly. “There’s a difference between behaving appropriately on the job and confronting an emergency with a child you’ve begun to care for.”
“You didn’t let that stop you.”
“I’ve had some practice.”
Yes, she had. Nolie might not face blazing buildings, but her work still required courage. He managed to look at her again.
“How is he today?”
“Tired.” Some of the anger seemed to go out of her at his expression of concern for the boy. “His mother said he slept a lot after the episode. That’s normal. But he was ready to go again today.”
“He’s a brave little guy.” Braver than you are, Flanagan.
Nolie gave a slight smile, face softening. “His mother sets a good example for him. It’s a shame his father hasn’t figured out how to face the truth about Danny’s condition.”
He caught the implication. “I’m not remotely like Danny’s father.”
“Danny’s father lets him down when he refuses to accept the boy’s condition. You let him down when you didn’t show up today.” Whatever softening had been there vanished. “You hurt him.”
“Look, I didn’t mean—”
No use. He didn’t have an explanation that worked for this.
“Never mind what you meant or didn’t mean. It’s time to face the truth about this.” Nolie’s expression was uncompromising.
“I am.” But even he didn’t believe that.
I do good work here, Nolie had said. That was her response to the tragic circumstances of her life. She wasn’t expecting anything more from him than she did from herself.
“No, you’re not.” There was understanding in her face, but she still wouldn’t let him off the hook. “You’re not facing the real reason you couldn’t help yesterday. It’s the same reason you didn’t show up today. When Danny had his seizure, you didn’t see him. You saw yourself.”
“No.” He rejected it automatically, even as his conscience forced him to acknowledge the truth that Nolie saw.
“Yes.” She planted her fists on her hips. “You saw yourself writhing on the ground, out of control, at the mercy of the nerves misfiring in your brain. And you couldn’t take it.”
The words stung, but only because they were true. He didn’t have anything to say in his defense. There was no defense.
“You will show up for Danny’s session tomorrow. You will behave normally toward that child.” Nolie shot the directives at him.
She didn’t wait for an answer. She spun on her heel and stalked to the door, then paused, looking at him with what might have been pity.
“You can be ashamed of your seizures if you want to, Gabe. I can’t stop you. But I won’t let you make Danny ashamed.”
She walked back out into the rain.
Gabe stared after her, face to face with the unpalatable truth. Nolie was right about him. She looked at him and saw right through his excuses to the man he was.
No hero. Just a man who failed to measure up.
Had she been too hard on Gabe? Nolie glanced toward the cottage the next morning as Danny’s mother’s van pulled in the driveway. The yellow rambler roses around the door had opened fully, apparently encouraged by yesterday’s rain. Otherwise there was no sign of life.
Maybe Gabe wasn’t coming. Maybe she’d blown it entirely with him.
She’d understood, only too well, what he’d been feeling. He saw himself in Danny, and since he couldn’t bring himself to admit he had a problem, he didn’t know what to do with that fact. She hadn’t wanted to hurt him, but a painful truth was better than a comforting lie.
She waved, arranging a smile on her face as Myra Trent got out of the van onto the gravel drive and started to unload Danny’s chair. If Gabe refused to come back to the sessions with Danny, she couldn’t force him. She’d just have to carry on as usual, hoping the boy wouldn’t let himself be too affected by his hero’s actions.
“Hi, there.” She leaned over to hug Danny, and was nearly knocked off her balance by Lady. “Look out, Lady.” The dog pushed herself between them, licking Danny’s face. “Looks like Lady wants to give you a kiss today.”
“Yuck.” Danny grinned, hugging the big German shepherd. “Dog kisses.”
“You can’t fool me.” Myra ruffled her son’s hair. “You love it.”
The lines of strain around Myra’s eyes were a little deeper today. Nolie let boy and dog go ahead of her toward the training center and hung back with the woman.
“Did you have a bad night?”
“No worse than usual.” Myra massaged her temples, making Nolie wonder how much sleep she’d actually gotten. “Jeffrey came over to see Danny, but it didn’t go well.”
“I’m sorry.” She felt helpless in the face of the woman’s problems. “I know how hard that can be on Danny.”
“He thinks his father is disappointed in him.” Myra’s attempt at a smile wavered. “And now he’s afraid his new friend doesn’t like him anymore.”
“Myra, of course that’s not true. I’m sure Gabe will make it up to Danny. Really.” She hoped.
Myra clasped her hand. “I know you’re doing your best.” She turned toward the van. “I’ll be back in an hour.”
Nolie sent another glance toward the cottage as she walked into the training center. Nothing. It looked as if her best wasn’t quite good enough.
Danny, laughing, was tossing a ball for Lady to fetch. The sight made her smile even as it touched her heart. The bond between the two of them had increased dramatically since the seizure. It was as if boy and dog alike had realized how much they needed each other.
That was what she wanted for Gabe, too. Unfortunately, her talk must have done more harm than good. It looked as if—
“Hey, how about letting us get into the ball game?”
Her heart gave a little lurch at his voice. She glanced toward the doorway. Gabe stood there with Max, his hand resting lightly on the dog’s head.
Gabe probably hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, either, judging by the shadows under his eyes. But the smile he gave Danny was warm.
Danny looked at him for a long moment. “You sure you want to?”
Nolie winced inside. Danny was being honest. Could Gabe really cope with that?
Gabe’s face tightened, and he kept his focus on the boy as he went to him. He squatted down so that they were face to face.
“Yeah, I want to.” His tone was deeper, as if the words took an effort. “But first, I owe you an apology. Listen, buddy, I’m sorry I didn’t know what to do when you had that seizure.”
“That’s okay.” Danny’s voice lowered to a murmur, and he looked down.
Her heart twisted. That won’t do it, Gabe. He know it’s more than that.
“No, it’s not okay. I’m a firefighter. We’re supposed to be able to handle things like that.”
If she clenched her hands any tighter, she’d draw blood. You have to be honest with him, Gabe. Please, Father, make him see that.
“You didn’t come yesterday.” Danny’s voice was soft but implacable. “I thought you didn’t like me anymore ’cause of the seizure.”
<
br /> Gabe took the boy’s small hands in his. “That could never happen. We’re friends.”
Danny shrugged. “Sometimes people don’t want to be my friends anymore after I have one. They think I’m weird.”
Please, Lord.
The muscles in Gabe’s neck worked, as if he was having trouble swallowing. The moment seemed to stretch on forever. Finally he cleared his throat.
“I don’t think you’re weird, Danny. I know what it’s like, because I have seizures, too.”
Tears stung her eyes. He’d finally admitted it. She hadn’t been able to get him to that point, but Danny had.
“You do?” Danny’s eyes were wide. “Nolie said you got hurt in a fire, but I didn’t know you got seizures.”
“A beam came down on my head.” Gabe managed a smile, and she knew how hard that must be. “I guess that’s different from why you have seizures, but the result is the same. So, will you be my friend anyway?”
Danny patted his shoulder, his smile breaking through. “I always will. Promise.”
Nolie quickly wiped away the tears that spilled onto her cheeks. She couldn’t let them see her crying over them. She took a step closer.
“You know, Danny, Gabe still has a lot to learn about working with Max. Since you and Lady are doing so well, I’ll bet you can help him.”
“What do you say, Danny?” Gabe stood, still holding the boy’s hand. “Do we have a deal?”
“Deal.” Danny gave him the thumbs-up sign he’d learned from Gabe.
Gabe ruffled his hair. “Good.” He glanced from the boy to Nolie. “You know, I was thinking that maybe we could drop by the fire station for a visit. Would you like that?”
“Wow!” The expression on Danny’s face was bright enough to light the city. “Could we really?”
“You bet.”
Danny couldn’t know how much that offer was costing Gabe, but she did, and her heart ached for him.
“Could Nolie go, too?”
“You don’t have to—” she began.
