At the appointed time, the youngest child, Abijah’s granddaughter Leah, asked why there was an empty seat at the table. “We have left a place for Elijah,” Abijah told her, “for the prophet Malachi said God would send the prophet Elijah before the great and dreadful day of the Lord arrives. Go and see if he is at the door.” The child jumped up and ran to search for Elijah.
Mary’s heart drummed as she looked at Jesus reclining at the table, flanked by his cousins. The rabbis said the Messiah would come at Passover. And she knew the Messiah was at this table. She turned and watched the door, wondering if this would be the night John would appear and proclaim Jesus’ identity to all.
The child returned. “Elijah isn’t here, Grandfather.”
Abijah raised his cup. “Next year, in Jerusalem!”
Joseph saw the hope in Mary’s face as she watched young Leah go and look for Elijah. And he saw the question in her eyes when the child returned and said Elijah wasn’t there. He listened to the conversations around him as those present spoke with longing of the coming Messiah-king who would crush the evil from their midst and deliver the people from their bondage.
When he looked at Jesus, his throat closed, for each year the Scriptures from Isaiah came swiftly to mind. Sometimes Joseph wondered if Mary was like the rest—expecting the Messiah to come in power as David had and slaughter the enemies of God.
The rabbis said the Messiah would come at Passover. The Scriptures said the Messiah would be born of a virgin and would rise up to crush the head of the serpent, Satan. But what did it mean? How would it happen? Why this pain whenever he partook of the Passover feast? The answer was just beyond his reach, beyond his comprehension. Could anyone understand what God planned for mankind? But Joseph knew one thing without question: The Messiah is here! He is at this seder! He is at this table! The one who would deliver us is eating of the lamb that was offered in sacrifice for the atonement of our sins! He is eating the unleavened bread and drinking the wine!
No one realized. Everyone looked at Jesus and saw a twelve-year-old boy like any other, studying the Torah, working beside his father, growing up under the heel of Rome.
Jesus. Messiah. God with us.
Every year Joseph remembered the angel’s words as though he had heard them just yesterday. He would shiver in awareness, and again it would strike him as the eight-day celebration progressed without John’s appearing at the door. Passover was about a lamb sacrificed, a lamb whose blood marked for salvation those who believed what God said he would do. The lamb . . . the bloodred wine . . . the unleavened bread. His heart ached.
Jesus raised his eyes and looked into Joseph’s, and for the briefest moment, Joseph imagined the boy slain. Shuddering, he closed his eyes and swallowed the anguish that welled up inside him as love for the boy gripped him. Oh, Lord God . . . Oh, Lord, Lord . . .
The meal passed in a mood of reverent celebration, and then Abijah brought out the hidden matzoh and removed the linen wrapping. He broke off a piece and passed it so that all could partake of it. As Joseph ate the morsel of unleavened bread, he wondered when the rest of the people would know what he and Mary had known for twelve years.
The Messiah is here! God is with us! Someday soon, he will set the captives free!
Mary walked with the women when they set off for home. Traveling with family members in a large caravan provided safety as well as camaraderie. James and Joseph ran ahead with the other boys. She hadn’t seen Jesus all morning, but supposed he was with his cousins. She had given him freedom to wander Jerusalem with them over the past week and saw no reason to rein him in now that they were on the journey home. He had never given her cause to worry, and she was at ease as she visited with her relatives from Galilee. It would be another year before they saw one another again, and she wanted to enjoy their company while she could.
When they reached the Jewish estate a day out of Jerusalem, Mary didn’t see Jesus among her nephews. “Have you seen Jesus?”
“Not since yesterday.”
She went cold. “Yesterday? You mean he hasn’t been with you all day?”
“No. He went off by himself and we haven’t seen him since. Isn’t he with Joseph?”
Mary raced off to talk with her husband, but found that Joseph hadn’t seen him all day either. “James! Joseph!” She questioned her younger sons when they came running, but they didn’t know where Jesus was either. “Oh, Joseph! He’s never done anything like this before! Where could he be?”
“He must be in Jerusalem.”
“Something must have happened to him! Oh, Joseph! Why didn’t I keep better watch?” She saw the lines in Joseph’s face deepen and knew he was as worried as she was. They went to her sister, Mary, and her husband and asked if they would watch over the other children while they went back to search for Jesus. They agreed readily, promising to keep James, Joseph, and Anne with them until Mary and Joseph and Jesus rejoined them.
“Jesus probably got caught up in the excitement of Jerusalem, Mary,” her sister said. “He’s probably on the road right now and will catch up with us by morning.”
Mary spent a fretful night, sitting up each time she heard a noise. “Jesus?” Joseph slept no better than she did and was up before dawn, awakening Clopas to inform him they were leaving and the children knew to go with their uncle.
“Don’t spare the rod when you find him,” Clopas called after them.
They reached Jerusalem as the sun was setting, and entered the city before the gates were closed. They went straight to Abijah’s house, hoping to find Jesus there. When they didn’t, Mary wept, pleading that they begin searching the city right away.
“You won’t find him at this hour,” Abijah said. “And if you go out now, you’ll end up being questioned by Roman soldiers.”
“How can I rest when my son is missing?” Mary covered her face. “What could have happened to him?”
Joseph put his arms around her. “We’ll start searching first thing in the morning.”
She collapsed against him. “How could I have allowed this to happen?”
“Don’t be afraid, my love. The Lord’s hand is upon the boy.”
She knew Joseph was right. All the things she had expected to happen hadn’t. Why wasn’t it more comfort? Simeon’s words at the Temple came back to haunt her: “And a sword will pierce your very soul.” Would she die by the sword before her son came into power? Or was this what the old prophet meant? For her heart was pierced by fear and shame that she hadn’t kept better watch over the one God had given her.
“You must rest, my love,” Joseph said, tender but firm. Though her mind rebelled, she knew she hadn’t the strength to argue. She was so exhausted she could hardly stand, let alone search the city for her son. She wept.
God, forgive me for losing him! God, forgive me for not keeping watch!
Abijah told them to search the marketplace, for that was the most common destination of boys visiting the great city. It was easy to become caught up in the excitement of activity as foreign merchants displayed their wares and patrons haggled for better prices. Mary and Joseph spent a full day searching through the maze of narrow passageways, lined by booths displaying everything from clay lamps to gold jewelry.
Jesus was not there.
They went to the synagogue, but they didn’t find Jesus among the friends who had joined them for Passover celebration, nor did they find him among the boys watching the Romans go through their military exercises, or in the Temple court among the money changers or near the pens of animals. Thinking he might have found John, they went to the Essenes Gate, hoping to find him there among the desert dwellers who had not yet returned to the encampments above the Salt Sea.
Jesus was in none of these places.
Mary prayed unceasingly as she and Joseph hurried from place to place, looking for the son God had given her. Fear gripped her as she imagined all the things that could have happened to him. He was so young. So innocent.
“Yes, my love,”
Joseph agreed, “but he’s not foolish.”
Still, she couldn’t eat or sleep. “I don’t even know how long Jesus has been separated from us, Joseph. I’m so ashamed. I assumed he was with our relatives. I assumed he was with the caravan. The last time I saw my son was the morning Passover ended, and I was getting everything packed for the journey back to Nazareth. He must have said something to me. He must have. I just wasn’t listening. Why wasn’t I listening?”
“We were all distracted that day, making preparations for the journey home.” He held her close. “Mary, Mary. The Lord is with him.”
“I’m so afraid God will take him from me.” She closed her eyes as she leaned against her husband. When she had become distracted by her many responsibilities for her other children, and for the child she knew she was carrying now, had the Lord decided it was time to hide Jesus away until his time came to take power? She knew in her heart that the Lord was with Jesus wherever he was, that his life rested in the hands of the Father. Still she grieved and pleaded.
Oh, Lord God of Israel, I want my son back. Please, give me my son back.
When they rose the next morning, Abijah told them he had spoken with his friends at the synagogue. “Eliakim said he saw Jesus at the Temple.”
Heart leaping with hope, Mary threw on her shawl and headed out the door, Joseph on her heels. She ran until her side ached, walked until she could draw breath with less pain, and ran again. Pressing through the throng, she made her way up the steps to the Temple mount. She hurried along the corridor, peering between the columns, searching, praying.
And then she saw him sitting in the midst of the teachers.
Mary stood staring, her heart pounding, her lungs burning as she drank in air and gave silent thanks to God that Jesus was safe. Then, astonished, she realized that he was so intent upon what these men were saying that he didn’t even notice her or Joseph standing nearby.
Does he even care about you?
The tears came, scalding, as she stood silent, watching her son. Had he been here the entire time? Had he made any attempt to contact his relatives or catch up with the family who loved him?
He is careless of your feelings. You don’t matter to him. You’re no longer important. How dare he put you through such pain and worry!
Anger welled inside her. How could Jesus do this to her and Joseph? She stepped forward, jerking her arm from Joseph’s grasp. The men stopped talking when they saw her approaching. Glancing back, Jesus saw her. He smiled and rose. She was so angry, she wanted to shake him. Didn’t he know how frightened she’d been? Hadn’t he considered her feelings at all?
“Son!” she said, her voice trembling. “Why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been frantic, searching for you everywhere.”
He searched her eyes intently, then looked up at Joseph as he stood beside her. “But why did you need to search?” Jesus said gently. “You should have known that I would be in my Father’s house.”
See how he defies you!
Mary shook her head. She saw no defiance in her son’s eyes, but neither did she understand what he meant. His home was in Nazareth, not Jerusalem.
“Come,” Joseph said, putting his arm around Jesus’ shoulders. “Your Uncle Clopas and Aunt Mary have taken charge of your brothers and sister. They’ll all be wondering what happened to you.”
Mary took Jesus’ hand as they left the Temple. She wove her fingers between his and held on tightly.
MARY gave birth to a daughter the following summer and named her Sarah. Anne pouted every time Mary nursed the baby. She began sucking her thumb because the baby did and stole the teething toy her father made for her baby sister. The boys squabbled with one another, drawing attention to themselves.
Eighteen months later, the twins, Simon and Jude, were born. By this time, Mary had come to realize a painful truth: Only Jesus was good. His brothers and sisters were incapable of obeying for any length of time. Even when they wanted to be good, they slipped into rebellion.
It was difficult to accept that Jesus’ loving nature, faithfulness, obedience, and eagerness to learn and serve had absolutely nothing to do with her abilities as a mother.
James had come as a shock to her. Joseph, Anne, Sarah, Simon and Jude merely confirmed the nature of her purely human offspring. While Jesus found his own way through God’s heart beating within him, nothing she tried with her other children changed their tendency to give in to sin! They fought with one another. They rationalized and justified their actions when caught doing wrong. They whined to get their way. When disciplined, they pouted and claimed she was favoring one over another. Their self-centeredness couldn’t be soothed away with hugs and kisses or driven away with discipline. All of her children were strong-minded. While Jesus’ mind was directed toward doing what pleased God, the others were bent upon pleasing themselves. Even when they were kind and thoughtful, there was an edge of self-satisfaction in their behavior. Mary couldn’t count the times she’d bitten her tongue so that she would not cry out, “Why can’t you be more like Jesus?” But who was she to cast hard words when she saw herself in each of them?
And yet, even in their disobedience, they were precious to her. And she loved them all equally. They were her children by Joseph. When she observed the other mothers in Nazareth, she saw that her plight was no different from others’. Life was a constant struggle. Each child came with joy, but added one more mouth to feed, one more body to clothe, one more mind to educate and train up in righteousness. And not even one among her own natural children by Joseph was righteous—not one! She had seen their will at work from the moment they left the womb. Then they had crawled and explored the world around them, reaching for things that would do them harm. “No, no,” she would say. “No, no.” And her son or daughter would cast her a beguiling smile and still reach out for what was forbidden.
Sometimes she couldn’t help but laugh at her children’s persistence, while at other times, she would weep. Sometimes they made her so angry, she wanted to cry out. She tried to be diligent in teaching them all she knew about the Law. She prayed for them constantly. She loved them fiercely. She lived each day with their development in mind. She was careful how she lived before them. After all, what good was it to teach God’s ways and not live them?
With each year that passed, she watched Jesus and counted herself blessed among women for this one perfect son. She looked at him and her heart swelled with joy and anticipation. It never ceased to amaze her that the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob had chosen her to be the vessel for the Messiah. She was a woman like any other, as imperfect as her children. Surely the Lord was teaching that lesson to her above all else. She laughed at herself and thanked God that he had given her other children so she would know it was not by her efforts and Joseph’s that this son was so perfect, so blessed, so high above all others who walked the earth. He was God’s Son through her flesh.
Every day held its own trouble, but she recognized that the difficulties of life rubbed away the rough spots of her faith just as Joseph smoothed and polished a cup. She struggled to show her sons and daughters the way of faith, accepting that God was refining and sifting her in the process.
Still, there were times when she had to fight her own inner rebellion, her own nature to want to see the fullness of God’s plan played out before her eyes. Oh, Lord, let me live long enough to see Jesus in his glory. She had been quick to say yes to God, but that same impetuous faith made her impatient to see the Lord’s plan fulfilled and the world come under the reign of the Son of Man, God’s Son on earth.
When, Lord? When will this Son of yours come into power? How long will we all have to wait before he makes things right and we are free? How long will your Son be content to work in the shop alongside my beloved Joseph, building tables and chairs, yokes and plows, doors and lattices, when there is a kingdom out there to build? How long will he sweep the carpentry shop clean of wood chips before the time comes for him to sweep the earth as clean as it was
in the Garden of Eden? How long before he crushes the evil men who oppress Israel? Oh, Lord, how long? How long?
Finally the yearning became so strong, she gave in to it and one day asked Jesus, “Do you know who you are?”
When he didn’t answer, she persisted. “Son,” she said, “do you know?”
Why did he tense at the question? Why did he look at her with tenderness mingled with distress? She wasn’t trying to vex him. She was only asking. . . . Sometimes he would look at her as he did now, and she would feel that she was causing him grief. But how could that be? Who loved him better than she did? Who had been more devoted to him? She came close and took his hand, turning it in hers and running her fingers over the rough calluses. How could it be that the Messiah should have hands like a common laborer’s? “Oh, Jesus, should a king have hands like these? . . .”
His hand stilled hers. “I am my father’s son.”
But when she looked into his eyes, she wondered. Did he mean Joseph or God? Should she tell him again how he came into this world? Should she tell him that all the world was waiting for him to come out of hiding? That she was waiting?
“You’re my son, too, Jesus. I only want to see you receive the honor due you.”
She had seen the signs of Jesus’ power. Even when patrons didn’t pay their debts or Roman soldiers came and took from their family provisions, there was always enough bread to fill empty stomachs, always enough fresh water to quench thirst, always enough oil to keep the lamp lit through the dark night. Even after the Romans had emptied the family’s bins and jars and cruses, there was enough.
Still, life had not grown easier as Jesus increased in wisdom and stature. His struggles seemed more intense. Whatever battles he fought within himself were not easily won, nor did he share them with her or Joseph. Would life not be easier for all when he took his rightful place?
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