“He will be fine in an hour. We just can’t let him drink anymore.”
“Yeah, good luck to us. He can’t stop once he starts, and he’s got a bar full of liquor at his fingertips. There’s no way we can babysit him once the crowd rolls in.”
“Well, we fill him with as much water as we can before then. It’s not our fault he showed up like this.”
“Yeah, but he’s our friend. He’d have our backs if we needed him.”
Juniper rolled her eyes. Her co-workers were very tight and often spent time together outside of work. They always invited her but she rarely went. Even so, they cared for her. They spent a lot of time together behind the bar and inevitably became close. Juniper knew Misty was right; Teek would go to great lengths to help her if she ever needed him.
“I’ll call Frank to let him know things are good and hopefully stall him from checking in till later.”
“Cool. I’ll keep Teek in the kitchen till he sobers up. Are you good on the bar for now?”
“Yeah, I’ll let you know when it starts getting crowded. Feed him lots of burger buns.”
Misty laughed. “Will do.” She laced her arm into his and led their large, wobbling co-worker into the kitchen.
It stayed quiet until a huge party strolled in.
“Misty,” Juniper hollered toward the kitchen. “I need you.”
She came out of the kitchen and they tackled the new onslaught of orders together.
“How’s he doing?” Juniper asked after the rush died down.
“Better. He’ll be good to go soon.”
“Frank was going to come in an hour ago, but I told him it was dead so he decided to visit his mother and come once it got busier. Told me he’d be coming in around ten.”
“Perfect.”
Teek emerged from the kitchen at 7 p.m.
“Sorry about that.” He scratched his head and squinted his eyes in pain as he took in the crowd the girls were handling.
“We held Frank off till tonight. You owe us,” Misty said with harsh camaraderie.
“I certainly do. Where can I jump in?”
“The guys in section 400 have been rude since they arrived,” Juniper said of the rowdy, college-aged men sitting in the back corner. “I’d rather not deal with them anymore.”
“I’m on it.”
Tall, intimidating Teek strolled over to their section to check on their drinks. The guy’s rambunctious chatter immediately ceased and they drunkenly complained that they wanted the pretty brunette bartender back.
“The one with the curls and nice ass,” one of them slurred.
“Yeah, her,” another confirmed, pointing at Juniper. “She’s been serving us all night, send her back.”
“If you wanted her to continue taking care of your drinks then maybe you should’ve treated her with more respect. I’ll be tending to your drinks from here on out and if that’s a problem you are free to leave.” Teek’s voice was deep and menacing. The young men stopped pushing their luck and ordered another round of beers.
Teek returned to the bar.
“I hate college kids,” he muttered to Juniper. She was happy he took over that section. She could hold her own but no matter how tough her response was to the boys, it didn’t stop them from behaving inappropriately. After years of doing this job she learned it was better to pass those types of customers off to her male co-workers.
Jeb sat in section 200 with the rest of the regulars while the tourists infiltrated the rest of the bar. Most of them were pleasant and in vacation mode, which meant they were excited to be out of their normal daily grind and serving them was enjoyable. They bantered good-naturedly with the bartenders, cracking jokes and keeping the mood light.
At nine, another group of guys walked into Dipper Dive. They pushed their way through section 300 to get to the bar and order drinks. When Juniper noticed them, her heart stopped. It was Damien. She shook her head, blinking a few times to readjust her vision, then looked again. It wasn’t him, but it looked like him and the terrifying feeling of him returning to her life was now inside her. She couldn’t shake it. She darted into the kitchen and buried herself into the back corner. Eyes shut, she fell helpless to the panic attack. Her breathing was unstable and her balance was off; the only thing keeping her standing was the wall she leaned against. She opened her eyes but everything was blurry. Tears poured silently down her face as she tried to catch her breath. Everything she left behind was now charging at her headfirst. Petrified she might choke on her own terror, she tried to clear her mind. She took slower, more deliberate breaths, hoping to stop her downward spiral, but the harder she tried to calm down, the harder the tears fell. She could not alleviate the pain, could not regain her breath. Realizing she had no control, she collapsed to the floor and dug her fingernails into her forearm. The new pain in her arm helped counterbalance that which was coursing through her entire body; it gave her mind a new spot to focus on. As the distraction carried her thoughts in a new direction, her breathing eased and she eventually regained control. When her sight cleared she rested her head against the cold kitchen wall in relief.
Misty burst into the kitchen and found Juniper on the floor with blood all over her arms.
“What happened? Are you okay?” She had tears in her eyes as she soaked a clean towel in water to wipe the blood off.
Mortified and unable to explain her breakdown without feeling crazy, Juniper tried to brush it off as no big deal and wiped her arms against her black pants in an attempt to hide the evidence. But Misty already saw too much.
“Tell me what happened.”
“I just had a panic attack. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. Your face is covered in tears and you made yourself bleed.”
“It was the only way to snap myself out of its grip.”
“What caused it?” Juniper’s face constricted as she recalled the trigger and tried to hold back the tears from returning. “Never mind, it doesn’t matter.” Misty pulled Juniper into a tight hug. “It’s over now.”
Juniper accepted her comfort, but only for a moment. She did not like feeling weak and did not want to be a victim anymore. She was stronger than that now and letting herself break down was infuriating. Damien wasn’t allowed to control her anymore, none of them were. Not up close and not from afar. She sucked it up and swallowed the old pain.
“Thank you. Sorry you had to see that.”
“Seriously though,” Misty’s eyes were wide with alarm, “are you okay?”
“Yes, absolutely.” Juniper stretched her face, trying to loosen her expression and release the tension. She wiped her eyes and stood up. “I’ll be fine.”
“Was it a customer? Do you need me to take a section for you?”
Embarrassed but wise enough to know to stay away from that guy, she gave another section away. “Section 300. I’ll take care of section 100 and the regulars for the rest of the night.”
“Sounds like a deal. Take a minute before you come back out, though. Your eyes are still red.”
Juniper nodded and smiled in gratitude as Misty left the kitchen. Juniper slammed her fist against a metal table then looked up to notice their two cooks staring at her.
“Sorry, I’m fine.” She waved and gave a half-smile. Between Teek’s drunken arrival and her mid-shift freak out, no wonder they rarely interacted with the bartenders.
She grabbed her make-up bag from her backpack and went into the employee bathroom located at the back of the kitchen. She splashed her face with cold water, waited a few minutes for it to dry, then fixed her make-up. After fifteen minutes, she looked as close to normal as she was going to get. The cuts on her arms were clean but raw. There was no way to hide them without a long-sleeved shirt, which she did not have. She just hoped everyone was drunk enough at this point not to notice.
She walked out to the bar with fake confidence, as if nothing had happened, and resumed her duties. Jeb was the first to notice the wounds on her arms. He grabbed her wrist
as she went to grab a napkin and pulled her in to get a closer look.
“What the hell happened?” he spat inquisitively. She had her lie ready.
“There are stray cats out back. Somehow one of them got into the kitchen and pounced off a shelf and onto my chest as I was carrying food. It scratched me up real good and knocked the food out of my hands.”
“Holy crap.” Jeb let go of her wrist. “Frank oughta call animal control.”
“He did. I’m sure it will be taken care of soon.”
“Sure hope so. You ain’t in the business of feeding cats.”
Juniper laughed. “That one sure did get a nice, big dinner.”
Jeb shook his head and Juniper hoped he never mentioned it to Frank. She didn’t want the lie to spiral out of control.
The night carried on and she did her best to push her breakdown out of her mind. She’d have plenty of time to dwell on it and all its implications during the many hours she spent alone between shifts. For now, she drowned her thoughts in work. Frank arrived a little after ten and was pleased to see his bar packed. He only stayed a half hour before leaving; he was a very hands-off owner.
The later it got, the rowdier the bar became. With Misty’s help, Juniper was avoiding the guy who reminded her of Damien. She didn’t know which customer was the trigger but she tended to section 300 so Juniper didn’t have to. She caught the guy staring at her a few times throughout the night, but ignored him the best she could. She was counting down the hours before she could go home and began counting down the minutes as closing time neared.
There was only a half hour left before the bar closed when the Damien lookalike made his way over to her section. Very drunk and in good spirits, he squeezed in next to Jeb and began hitting on her. She reminded herself that he was not her actual ex and she needed to treat him like any other customer.
“You are stunning. I had to let you know.”
“Thank you.”
“My name is Brendon.”
“You’re a long way away from your friends, Brendon,” she responded to his drunken attempts at flattery.
“I kept looking at you, trying to get your attention, but you barely gave me a glance back.”
“I’m working.”
“Are you working tomorrow?”
“Yes.” She wiped down the counter in front of Jeb without making eye contact.
“All day? I’m in town until tomorrow night when our ship leaves port. Can I take you out to lunch before your shift?”
“I work the day shift tomorrow.”
“How about breakfast?”
Juniper responded with disinterest, “I appreciate the effort but I don’t see the point. Not only are you leaving tomorrow, but I doubt you’ll remember this conversation by the time you wake up.”
“I’m drunk, but I’m not blacked out. All I’ve been talking about to my buddies all night is you. You have to let me take you out.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Please.” He faked a sad face and his charm reeked through. He was the kind of guy she always fell for in the past and his presence was making her nauseous.
“Stop.”
Brendon protested in a series of ramblings and Jeb took his cue to step in.
“Cut it out, boy. The lady ain’t interested.”
Being told off by an old man stopped Brendon in his tracks. He took a moment to reassess his approach.
“I’ll be back tomorrow, sober, to prove I’m genuinely interested,” he said with calm confidence. “I’ll show you I’m serious.”
She began to protest but he winked and walked away before she could get her thought out, which caused her to groan in frustration.
“I’m off work tomorrow,” Jeb offered. “I’ll hang out here in case he follows through on that promise.”
“As if you wouldn’t have been here anyway,” she teased.
“Hey now, I actually have a few errands to run tomorrow but I can put them off until later so I can be here for you.”
“I appreciate that.”
Jeb chugged the last few sips of his beer and slammed a large chunk of cash on the table.
“That should cover it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Juniper counted the money, most of which ended up being a very large tip, then began cleaning up her station. Brendon and his friends were already gone and they shooed the rest of the crowd out at shortly after.
Teek stayed to help clean up since he was useless the first few hours of his shift.
“What happened to your arms?” he asked, reconnecting with her for the first time since the beginning of the night. They were both swamped on opposite sides of the bar.
“Minor accident, no big deal.”
Misty looked over her shoulder at them, but said nothing.
“Do either of you want to head out? I can stay late since you both did me a solid earlier.”
“I can stay,” Misty volunteered.
“I don’t mind staying too,” Juniper added. “We will get it done faster if we do it together.”
The cleanup took thirty minutes instead of an hour. They locked up and walked out together. Teek was parked on the opposite side of the parking lot so he said his good-byes and departed.
“You gonna be alright?” Misty asked once they were alone.
“Yeah. I’ll shake it off.”
“Okay. You have my number. Just call me if you need me.”
“Thanks.”
Misty gave her a hug then got into her car and left. Juniper mounted her motorbike, fastened her helmet, and rode home. She readied herself for bed the moment she stepped foot in her house, hoping that sleep would erase the day’s calamity. It didn’t.
Her dreams were horrifying and she woke up multiple times in tears and cold sweat. By the time dawn arrived she was ready to give up on sleep. She got in the shower and tried to wash the uncomfortable feelings away. She scrubbed her skin relentlessly, as if shedding a layer would somehow free her from herself. When the water began to sting she snapped out of her destructive mode and buried her face into her hands. She was slipping back into old habits.
Her anxiety shifted to anger and she forcibly stopped her mind from going rogue. With her guard up to protect her from herself, she finished her shower and got ready for work.
She wore a long, black-sleeved shirt under her work t-shirt despite the weather being warm. She needed to hide her self-inflicted scratches until they healed. It was almost noon, so she raced to work without drying her hair or putting on any makeup. Brett was already there setting up for the day. Juniper tossed her hair into a wet bun and helped.
Teek was also on shift this afternoon and he arrived shortly after her. The bar wasn’t crowded, and likely wouldn’t be until the dinner crowd came through. Jeb arrived at 12:30 p.m., asking about her admirer.
“No, he hasn’t shown up yet. Hopefully he won’t.”
“Got half my errands done this morning, I’ll do the rest after dinner.”
“Admirer?” Brett asked after overhearing their conversation.
“Last night some guy was begging Juni to let him take her out, she said no and claimed he’d forget the conversation by the morning, so he swore to prove his interest by coming back today.”
“Might’ve met your soul mate,” Brett joked.
“Not funny,” Juniper shot the notion down.
“Roscoe would be terribly upset to learn another man stole your heart,” Teek chimed in.
“You’re all a bunch of jerks.” She tossed a wet rag at Teek’s head and they continued laughing at her expense. None of them realized the personal severity of the situation, nor would she tell them. It was humiliating that after all this time she still hadn’t successfully beaten her old demons.
Brendon strolled in with a buddy at 1 p.m. He looked even more like Damien in daylight. He was hung over and his self-assured presence was less overwhelming sober. Juniper rolled her eyes and walked to their section.
“You came.”
&n
bsp; “I’m not one to back out of promises.”
“You look like you need a water.”
“That would be great, thanks.”
She poured two glasses of water.
“I’m still not interested, you know.”
“That’s fine. Just wanted to follow through.” He rubbed his temples and sipped his water through a straw.
“When does your cruise ship leave?”
“In two hours.”
“Don’t waste your time with me. Have you been to Olympic National Park?”
“Yeah, we drove down Hurricane Ridge yesterday afternoon. It was stunning.”
“Yeah, it is,” Juniper agreed with a smile.
“Now that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed myself, we should at least be friends.”
“That’s fine, except I doubt I’ll ever see you again.”
He pulled out his phone and handed it to her.
“Send yourself a friend request from me.”
“I’m not on Facebook.”
“Instagram?”
“No, I don’t have any social media.”
He furrowed his brow at her. “Okay. Can I get your cell phone number?”
“I can give you my landline.”
Brendon laughed. “Are you messing with me?”
“No,” Brett chimed in from the other side of the bar. “She’s off the grid.”
“Fair enough.” He placed his phone back into his pocket. “Well, it’s been a pleasure. Hope I didn’t annoy you too bad.”
“It’s all good. Enjoy the rest of your vacation.”
He nodded politely then left the bar with his friend. She was happy to have the Damien look-alike out of her workplace.
“You’re impossible,” Teek said as he walked past. “Poor guy seemed nice.”
“He did,” Jeb agreed. “Way more tolerable than he was last night.”
“I’m not interested. He probably lives nowhere near here.”
“Who’s to say? You didn’t even give him a chance,” Brett added.
“Seriously, guys?” she asked, flabbergasted at their sudden disapproval of her reaction to the stranger.
“You didn’t have to marry the guy, just saying you could’ve been a little more open to it. Could’ve asked him a few questions and engaged in a conversation at the least. He did make the effort to come back and show he wasn’t an arrogant drunk.”
Hall of Mosses Page 4
