He nodded wearing a tough expression but his eyes revealed his pain. They were sad; they held years of torment in their gaze.
“I really miss you,” he confessed.
“I miss you too. Maybe now that so much time has passed you can come visit me. I can show you how much better life is away from this place.”
He shrugged. “I don’t mind it here.”
“This life is going to kill you.”
“Leaving would kill me too,” His voice became quieter.
“No, it wouldn’t,” she responded sternly. She was already falling back into the role she so eagerly escaped. She was being strong for him instead of being strong for herself; she needed protecting too, but the sight of his suffering made her forget how easily this place could break her into pieces again. “We will talk more and I will get you through this.”
“Who is your friend?” he asked, switching topics.
“Oh, sorry. This is Roscoe,” she said, pulling him up from his seat.
“I’m Ethan. Nice to meet you.” The stark comparison between the two men was drastic; Roscoe was athletic, clear-eyed, and wore a healthy tan, whereas Ethan was just as tall but fifty pounds lighter, had glassy, blood-shot eyes, and was as pale as the corpse in the casket.
“I’m sorry about your father.”
“Me too. He was a good man.” Ethan was not interested in talking about his dead dad. “So you live near Juni out west?”
“Yeah. This is my first time to New York.”
“I hope you’re taking good care of her out there.”
“Doing my best.”
“Good. I have to get back to my station. We can catch up later. Nice meeting you, Roscoe.” He walked back to where his mother and sisters stood. At his reappearance they all glanced in Juniper’s direction. She gave a sheepish smile and a wave. Mallory ignored her, Zoe clicked her tongue, and Irene returned her smile with a sad one of her own.
Juniper cautiously glanced at Roscoe to see how he was holding up. His face was paler than usual and his expression blank.
“You okay?”
“Yes. Just taking it all in. I’ve never seen people behave like this at a wake. They are quite abrupt. If it weren’t for the casket I might forget where I was.”
“They are a different breed.”
“I can see that.”
They sat back down and watched as the crowd continued to grow. The Bronx was big, and their community was large and close knit. Everyone came to say farewell to Ozzie; he was a sturdy presence in all their daily lives. Juniper took Roscoe by the arm and snuck out during the break before the second viewing.
“I’ll talk to Irene and Zoe later. I need a break from all of this.”
“Are there any parks nearby?” Roscoe suggested.
Relieved at the wonderful idea, she directed them toward the Bronx Park. It was nothing like what he was used to in Washington, or what she’d grown accustomed to, but it would suffice.
“Want to sit at a bench near that pond over there?” Roscoe asked.
Juniper shuddered. “No, I don’t go over there. I had a bad experience in that part of the park when I was fifteen.” She had no intention of telling him about the time she was beaten, robbed, and raped, then left for dead under one of the park benches. Her uncomfortable tone was all Roscoe needed to know not to press for more information. “There’s a river down that path, “she offered. “It’s really pretty.”
“Lead the way.”
They found an empty bench along the river. The usual homeless contingent sat along the borders of the park, begging for money that would likely be spent unwisely, but the deeper into the park they went the fewer the reminders of the poverty and desperation that surrounded them in the city. A few screaming day drinkers stumbled by, but they did not respond to the outbursts and were subsequently ignored by the offenders.
“This is a really loud place.”
“Very.”
“I guess I’d also need months of wooded silence to recover from living here.”
“Glad it makes sense to you now.”
He nodded and put an arm around her shoulder.
“There are a lot of good people here, though. I just got stuck in the wrong family with the wrong crowd of acquaintances. Nothing played out in my favor.”
“At least you were smart enough to leave.”
She agreed but said nothing. Instead she rested her head on his shoulder and shut her eyes, escaping her current reality for a moment by focusing on the sounds of the trees, the darkness behind closed eyes, and Roscoe’s hand on her arm. There weren’t many trees in this park, but enough to feel safe and surrounded. She listened, wondering if they might speak to her here, or if that was something that only happened in the depths of forests untouched by mankind.
She began to drift into a nap when she felt the earth move beneath her. Its vibrations shook her heart and resonated through every nerve in her body.
We will keep you safe.
Her first instinct was to open her eyes and shake herself out of sleep, but she kept them closed and let the trees continue.
You are our chosen one, our Champion, and with us you are always protected.
She smiled and squeezed Roscoe’s hand, which had found its way into hers as she rested.
Roscoe shook her awake.
“It’s almost three. We need to head back.”
They stood and began the walk back to the funeral home. They were a bit early, which gave her time to talk to her cousins. Roscoe found a seat near the back to wait and she approached Irene first.
“Thanks for making your mom call me. I would’ve been upset if I missed my chance to properly say good-bye to your dad.”
“I figured. I know he played a big role in you leaving. He told me about your camping trip after you left.”
“Did he tell the others?”
“No, just me. He didn’t think they’d understand.”
“He was probably right.”
“They were all so dependent on you to help them through their issues, they’d only blame him for pushing you away and forcing them to deal with their problems on their own. It’s amazing how fast most of them caved beneath their burdens without you here to lean on. It really put things into perspective for me. I never realized how much weight we made you carry.”
“I should’ve been firmer in standing up for myself, telling you all when it got too heavy. Instead, I secretly broke apart while holding everyone else together.”
“I see that now. I would’ve called but it seemed pointless. You stopped picking up. My mom and brother really made it impossible for you to get away.”
“They were relentless. Your mom with the guilt-ridden cries of betrayal, and your brother calling me on the brink of death every weekend. I left but couldn’t escape.”
“How are you doing now?”
“Much better.”
“I’m really glad you came.”
“Yeah, I am too.” Surprisingly, Juniper found that she meant it. Mallory was terrible, but so far two out of her three cousins weren’t too awful to reconnect with. “You seem like you’re doing good.”
“I am. I left Hank after he sent me to the hospital with a broken jaw. Now that he’s gone, I’m happier than ever. I’d really like my kids to get to know you. They need someone like you in their lives.”
“I’d love that.”
“They’ll be at the funeral tomorrow.”
“I’m excited to see them all grown up.” Feeling better about her relationship with Irene, she let her guard down a little. “I need to introduce you to my friend, Roscoe,” she said, shocked at the giddy feeling that accompanied this statement.
“Oh, that tall, handsome man you showed up with? Please do.”
Juniper scanned the room, which was now crowded, and her heart sank—he was talking to Damien.
Chapter 5
“What the hell is Damien doing here?”
“Oh crap. He called a few days ago asking if he
could come. We said yes, thinking you weren’t going to show up. When I saw you this morning I sent him a text telling him not to come because you were here.”
All the air in her lungs was stripped. She stood there staring at them, shell-shocked and numb, watching her manipulative and vicious past spoiling her healthy and wholesome future. Seeing them together put everything into perspective: in regards to people, Roscoe was the best she’d ever known, the best she’d ever experienced, and she would not let anything contaminate what they were building.
“I’m so sorry, I’ll tell him to leave,” Irene offered sympathetically, knowing only half of what Damien put her through while they were together.
“No,” Juniper objected with fierce determination. “I can handle this.”
She stormed toward where the men sat. Roscoe wore an innocent and kind expression; he had no idea he was being played.
“What is wrong with you?” Juniper demanded of Damien. He ignored her unpleasant greeting.
“Juniper! You’re beautiful as ever.” He stood and tried to give her a hug but she slapped his arms away. Roscoe’s happy demeanor shifted to protective and he stood, ready to intervene.
“You were told not to come.”
“Right, but that was after they already told me I could. I don’t believe in uninviting people, especially to funerals. It’s tacky.”
“You have no right to be here.”
“I beg to disagree. I’ve been friends with Ethan since childhood, I dated you for three years, and unlike you, I stuck around and was in Ozzie’s life for the past two years. He was part of my extended family. I have every right to be here.”
“Not after what you put me through. Ozzie would be sick knowing you showed up at his funeral just to torment me.”
“You give yourself too much credit,” he said condescendingly. “I’m here for him, his family, and my friends, not you.”
“If that were true you would have respected Irene’s text telling you not to come.”
“Ozzie was like the dad I never had. He’d want me here.”
“You are very mistaken,” she laughed, confident but slightly manic with rage. “He thought you were trash, a no-good do-nothing bent on taking everyone he loved down in your flames. He’s the one who helped me get away from you, in case you didn’t know. Helped me realize I deserved better, paid for my flight out of New York. I don’t care how well he faked it with you after I left, I can promise you that you are not welcome here.”
Damien’s brown eyes narrowed and pierced through her. “I’m not sure why you hold so much hatred for me. We went through a lot of shit together, all of which I kept you protected from.”
“I would have never been put in any of those situations if I hadn’t been with you.”
He smiled. “But you still love me.”
“I stopped loving you before I ever left. I just didn’t know how to get out. Ozzie gave me the courage and showed me the way.”
“You wouldn’t be so affected by my presence if you didn’t still have feelings for me.”
“I am affected because I feel like I am in danger. I did not come to my uncle’s funeral to be thrust back into the presence of someone who only ever caused me harm.”
“I never hurt you.”
“Have you forgotten about the times I tried to break up with you and you got physical? How about the blackmail? You were poison.”
“I never hit you.”
“Pinning me against a wall is just as bad. I’m shocked it never got worse, considering what you’re capable of.”
“Watch your mouth,” he hissed, looking around to make sure no one was eavesdropping. “I’ve still got all the pieces to that blackmail, darlin’.”
Roscoe took a step closer to her and she grabbed his hand. He continued letting her take care of the situation, but was ready to jump in if needed.
“I’ll out you right now, you piece of scum. I’ll shout what you did to this entire room if you threaten me again.”
“Careful what secrets you spill. I’ll ruin everything you’ve built.”
“Pretty sure that was another threat,” Juniper seethed, unafraid.
“Glad to know you’re listening.”
“I have no doubt in the extreme lengths you’d go to protect yourself, but I’m gone and no longer drowning in your contaminated cesspool. I want no part of it. You don’t control me anymore.”
“You’re still in love with me,” he smirked.
Juniper shook her head and walked away. He wasn’t worth her time. Hand still wrapped tightly in Roscoe’s, she led them to the back patio. It was empty.
“I had no idea he was an ex. He introduced himself as a family friend.”
“He’s a snake.”
“Sounds it. I’m not a fighter, but I wanted to punch him so bad. If you didn’t have such solid control of the situation, I honestly might have.”
“I’m glad you didn’t. That only would’ve made it worse. He’s a psycho, it takes very little to push him over the edge.”
“Well, I think you put him in his place. I always knew you were strong, but I’ve never seen that side of you.”
“Hope my crazy didn’t scare you.”
“No way, it was sexy,” he smiled.
“Sexy? You’re crazy.” The tension in her body relaxed and she laughed.
“I can’t believe he was tossing out such empty threats.”
“They weren’t empty.”
“You really think he’d kill you?”
She looked around before speaking. No one was in earshot.
“After I moved to Washington, Ethan called me a few times, doped out of his mind. On one of those phone calls he confessed that while he and Damien were out drinking, they got to talking about me and how I was privy to all their secrets. He then told me that Damien jokingly said he was going to hire a hit man to take me out before I had the chance to tell anyone what he had done.”
“A hit man?” Roscoe asked, appalled.
“Yeah. He might have been joking, might’ve just been stupid banter between them, but he’s so unstable I wouldn’t put it past him. Ethan swore it wasn’t said with serious intent.”
“What on Earth did he do that he’d need to silence you?”
“He killed a man.”
Roscoe’s eyes grew wide. “Why?”
“Who knows, he’s a lunatic. He started taking dangerous meds a year into our relationship and they sent him on psychotic benders. All his bad personality traits were suddenly amplified and I was too in love to leave, or so I thought; I was never in love, I was paralyzed. When I learned about the murder it wasn’t even a shock. I knew he was capable of hurting others; I was living proof of his devious potential. I never got the details about the murder, but I’m sure it was over something stupid.”
“But how does it land on you?”
“Rumors were flying that I was planning to leave him, which I was, and the more I pulled away from him, the more desperate he got to keep me close. Since the world revolved around him, he couldn’t accept my rejection. He plotted and schemed, anticipating the break up. When I told him I was leaving, he threatened to turn me in to the cops. I had no clue what he was talking about, so when he filled me in I was horrified. He had taken me on a date to the shooting range a week earlier and had me use the murder weapon. My fingerprints were all over it.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, I already wanted to leave, then learning all of this made me even more frantic to get away, but he had me cornered. I asked him why he framed me and he said it was because he loved me. The funny part is that I never would have known he killed a man if he hadn’t told me while I was trying to break up with him. His love became obsessive in the final days.”
“But you had no motive.”
“I think my prints on the murder weapon would be enough to send me away.”
Roscoe shook his head in amazement.
“I had to get out, but didn’t know how to leave him without incriminat
ing myself. I grew quiet and numb under our oppressive relationship. I lost all hope, I gave up on life. I was a ghost.”
“How long between that and your move to Washington?”
“A year.” She looked down in shame. “Looking back, I can’t believe I let myself feel that way for so long, but I was emotionally crippled. I thought I deserved it. It’s warped and hard to understand if you’ve never been in an abusive relationship, but despite all the pain he caused me, I would’ve sworn I was in love. Really, I was just too wrapped up in him, too defined by his control of me. I’d been with him so long I no longer knew who I was without him.” Juniper took a deep breath, shocked at all she revealed. “That’s the first time I’ve ever said any of that out loud.”
“You are safe with me.”
She smiled, “I know.” Something about Roscoe made her feel at ease. His patience was saintly and his compassion was amazing. He accepted all of her without judgment, and she found herself falling for him as she opened up.
“You may have felt hopeless and accepted way less than you deserved, but to find the strength to rise out of it and the courage to leave outweighs all your moments of weakness.”
“Thanks,” she smiled, relieved that she wasn’t holding it in anymore. “I know what I deserve now and I’d never tolerate less again. If we hadn’t broken up and I stayed in the Bronx, I might have faced a very different fate. I’m very grateful I got out, and I have Ozzie to thank for that. After I learned Damien made reference to hiring a hit man, I stopped answering Ethan’s phone calls. I needed to cut all ties.”
“That makes sense.”
“Sorry this isn’t coming at you in small doses.”
“It’s okay. Does he know where you live?”
“No. All anyone knows is that I live somewhere in Washington. Damien is the kind of guy who will take this unexpected encounter as a sign that he should find a way to harass me again. He’ll convince himself that I still love him, weasel my phone number out of someone, and berate me with phone calls. Before we leave I’ll talk to him again to make sure he keeps his distance.”
The door to the patio opened.
“They are about to say some prayers,” Zoe informed them, then dipped back inside.
Hall of Mosses Page 6
