After landing in Washington and parting ways, she fretted about how he’d deal with the whirlwind he just witnessed. She wouldn’t have blamed him if he had bailed; any logical person would get one glimpse of her baggage and flee, but he stayed. He showed up the next morning with a cream cheese bagel and sat with her for ten minutes before going to work. The trip to the Bronx had not frightened him, seeing where she came from did not alter his opinion, and learning about her darkest moments had not changed his feelings for her. Instead, it seemed to strengthen their bond and solidify his confidence in his feelings for her. As the days went on and he found every excuse to visit her, she realized the crazy trip to New York made him like her more. She was quickly falling for the kind-hearted ranger she’d been pushing away for two years.
She could breathe easier now that her guard was down. Looking back, it seemed silly that she fought his affection for so long, but she needed that time to heal, to learn who he was, inside and out. He was among the kindest people she’d ever known, which was a small, exclusive list that included her parents.
Ethan crossed her mind often. As promised, she made a greater effort to stay in touch with him and Irene. She called them both a few times over the weekend to check in and make sure they knew she was serious about rebuilding their relationships. She spent a long time ignoring them and it felt critical she put forth the initial effort. It was welcomed and audibly appreciated. The more she talked to Ethan, the more she realized Roscoe was right about getting him out of the Bronx. It was likely he’d throw her new, peaceful life into an unbalanced whirlwind of chaos as he tackled the long road to recovery, but she was strong enough to handle it now and it was worth it if it meant saving him from himself. She mentioned the rehab center, but he was reluctant to oblige. He dodged the suggestion every time she offered and redirected the conversation with masterful skill. Twenty-nine years of avoiding the truth showed in the artful way he averted her help.
The weekend was long but tolerable. There were no more incidents so the hours passed without alarm. Misty kept a close eye on her whenever they were scheduled on the same shift, but after a few days of seeing she was stable, her protective watch diminished. By Sunday evening, Juniper was eager to make her way back into the forest.
She woke up before dawn on Monday to watch the sun rise over Hurricane Ridge Road. It was breathtaking. She had to remind herself to pay attention to the road because she kept getting distracted by morning’s beauty.
It was mid-afternoon by the time she reached Heart Lake and decided she’d had enough riding for the day. The field around the heart-shaped lake was wide and open; tall mountains surrounded her on all sides and there weren’t many people who took the time to find the trails that led to this spot.
It didn’t take long to set up camp, and she went for a swim before making a campfire and cooking some soup. The sun set over the trail and Juniper had a front row seat to the majestic display across the evening sky.
Ranger Clark’s voice crackled over the walkie-talkie. “Where you camping at, Miss Juniper?”
“Hey Clark. I’m at Heart Lake until Friday.”
“That’s a far one. The Wolfe brothers were tooling around Boulder Creek all weekend.”
“Good. One less set of trails for me to tackle. I’m going to spend some time this week cleaning up the trails around here. I brought my machete and hedge clippers. I might even tackle some of the paths leading toward Hoh if I have time.”
“Alright. How as your trip to New York?”
“It was surprisingly okay. Having Roscoe there helped a lot.”
“That boy adores you.”
“The fact that he’s still willing to talk to me after meeting my lunatic relatives says a lot. They tend to scare people away.”
“He told me a bit about the trip. The heavy stuff didn’t faze him much. He’s had plenty of his own trials in life to know better than to let someone’s past dictate who they’ve become.”
“He has?”
“Yeah, I’m sure he’ll tell you when the time is right. Right now I think he’s trying to keep the focus on you.”
She wasn’t sure how to feel about this. She opened up about her darkest secrets and he didn’t share anything personal about himself. Her initial feeling was of disappointment, but then she sat with it and realized it was the most selfless thing he could do. Instead of turning her immediate dilemmas into something about him and what he’d gone through, he listened, absorbed, and acted as a solid support system for her. She always assumed he came from the perfect family and never experienced any moments of desperate survival in his life, but now she felt guilty that she never thought to dig deeper.
“I know he’s been itching to get closer to you since he met you, but you always kept yourself distant,” Clark continued when Juniper went silent in thought. “It’s not hard to see why he returned your reservation with his own.”
“Of course. I get it. I’m glad he never stopped trying. It took me a while to recognize the sparks between us, but I see it now too. He snuck up on me, but I’m grateful for it. I think he’s become my favorite person.”
Clark laughed. “What about me?”
“Yeah, you too, of course.”
“I’ll be by to visit you, as I’m sure Roscoe will too.”
“Sounds good. I’ll be here.”
The call disconnected and Juniper rested on the blanket out in the open field. The sky was clear and the stars were bright. She tried to recall old lessons from her high school astronomy class to determine which constellations hung above her now. She found the North Star and worked from there. After an hour of observation, she realized she was making up her own star formations and naming them from her imagination. Upon declaring one the Fancy Hippopotamus Feast and bursting out in laughter after doing so, she resigned from this activity and accepted the fact that she retained nothing from high school astronomy.
Finding herself at the mercy of the long week spent with family and work, she passed out beneath the open sky. She woke up covered in dew and surrounded by a family of blacktail deer. Yawning and stretching loudly, the deer took notice of her but did not run. Unlike most humans, her spirit was non-invasive and did not cause them alarm. They continued chomping the long grass, enjoying their morning meal.
Roscoe cruised toward her on his quad, startling the deer and causing them to pause in alarm. Once he parked, turned off the vehicle, and removed his helmet, the deer returned to their breakfast.
“Hey, pretty lady,” he said as he made his way to where she sat. “How’s it going?”
“Good. It’s nice to be back in the forest.”
With the bottom of his t-shirt he wiped the sweat off his forehead.
“You up for a swim?”
“Absolutely.” She ripped off her tank top and ran toward the small lake in her shorts and sports bra. Roscoe followed, stripping down to his boxers. They horsed around in the water for a half hour before exiting and drying off on the grass surrounding the lake. The blades were soft under their backs and the sun warmed them with speed. Roscoe rolled over, placed his hand on her face, and kissed her. This time, she felt no desire to recoil. Everything about the kiss felt right.
After a moment it ended and they smiled at each other. He kissed the tip of her nose then pulled her in closer.
“How are you adjusting after last week’s trip?” he asked.
“Surprisingly okay. I thought it would be a lot harder. It’s relieving to know that I can finally manage how my past affects me. It will always be a part of me and I’m sure I’ll slip here and there, but it no longer controls me.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I had no doubt you’d come out of it just fine.”
“The forest helped me transition back.” She turned her head to look at him directly. “So did you.”
“You’ll always have me.”
She smiled and turned her face back toward the sun. With closed eyes she digested his statement with appreciation.
�
��How are you adjusting after learning my dark and melancholy past?”
“I’m fine. I wasn’t the one dealing with old troubles, you were. There’s no need to worry about me.”
“I really thought it would’ve scared you off.”
“Nope. I don’t come from a perfect world without tragedy. Your dark doesn’t scare me.”
She nodded, afraid to pry but desperately wanting to know how his story compared to hers. She wanted to understand how he could possibly accept her baggage without alarm.
He turned to stare at her. “Why did you get quiet?”
“Because I want to ask what you’ve been through, but I don’t want to dig at things you don’t want to talk about. I know how invasive and terrifying it feels when people start to poke, and I don’t want to make you feel that way.”
“Oh, I have no problem sharing. I just didn’t want to burden you with my old weight when you were currently carrying your own.”
“No, I think hearing your story might help me understand why you seem to get me so well.”
“Alright then. My older brother and sister died in a car accident. I was in 8th grade, one year too young to go with them and their friends to the high school football game. Five teenagers died in total. My mother couldn’t handle the loss. She took to hard liquor to numb the pain and died from her alcoholism two years later. It was just me and my dad from that point on, and he decided to become a recluse after I graduated high school. He moved into the mountains to hide from humanity. I can’t imagine it helps him escape all the tragedy, though. I needed people around to distract me, without it I’d have gone mad. I visit him every so often but he doesn’t seem to enjoy my company. I think I remind him of all that he’s lost.”
She was at a loss for words. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, it took me a long time to forgive my parents for giving up on me after my siblings died. They were so blinded by grief they seemed to forget I was still alive and needed them. I got through it though, and I forgave them.”
“That’s very brave.”
“It was awful and tragic, but it was all accidental; a natural and unfortunate chain of events. Yours, I can’t even imagine. To have the people I loved and trusted plotting against me and throwing me into dangerous situations; I can’t even imagine that kind of pain. There was circumstantial betrayal in my past, but none with devious intent.”
“Doesn’t change the severity of what you’ve gone through.”
“Of course not, I’m just pointing out there are different types of hardships. After going through my own and then learning about yours, it put my own suffering into perspective in the most strange and twisted way. I hope this doesn’t come out wrong or make you feel bad, but I’d never trade my tragedy for yours. I’m not sure I would’ve made it out of yours in one piece.”
Juniper laughed, unsure how it made her feel. “I guess that’s almost a compliment?”
“I meant it as one. I’ve always felt it but now I know for sure; you’re the strongest person I know.”
“Thanks. I don’t like comparing and weighing our sadness against each other though.”
“No, that wasn’t my intention. I’m sorry if it came out that way. I’m not comparing, just like I wouldn’t put down your happiness because mine was greater, or vice versa. The point was that we aren’t as alone in our grief, anger, or happiness as we sometimes think we are. I was just trying to explain my inexplicable connection to you, which may still be puzzling as it seems I’ve done a terrible job clarifying myself.”
“No, no. I understand. I’m happy you shared. It does explain our mysteriously deep bond.”
“I think so too.”
“And to think, there’s still so much more to discover.” She said this with a sarcastic air but meant it.
“I look forward to it.” He rolled onto his side and pulled Juniper into a tight hug. He closed his eyes and let their lips gently touch. He lingered there for a moment before the contact transitioned into a passionate kiss.
The moment was right and they took their relationship to the next level. Amazed that she was able to trust a man enough to be intimate again, Juniper had never felt happier. Overtop soft blades of grass, their love bloomed. They remained wrapped in each others arms, exchanging body heat and the occasional small kiss. The moment was bliss.
“You are perfect,” he said, then kissed her nose. He pulled a nearby blanket over them as the sun began to set. “I have never been happier.”
“Neither have I.” She smiled. “My heart feels so full.”
His eyes glowed at the suggestion of her comment and he kissed her again.
The sound of hikers talking in the distance broke their revelry.
“Oh no,” she said in shock.
“Looks like we’ve got some serious hikers out in the park today. Better put some clothes on,” he joked. He kissed her nose then ran to retrieve their dry clothes. They returned to where her tent was set up and got dressed.
“Maybe next time, we can try that swim again without any clothes on,” Roscoe said. She raised an eyebrow at him and smirked, but did not respond. He accepted her flirty silence as a positive sign. “I need to get back to my trails. I’ll try to come back tomorrow.” He replaced their normal friendly hug with an ardent kiss. He held her face like he never wanted to let go.
When he did, he smiled at her one last time before getting on his quad and driving away. She felt liquefied inside, a mush of organs unsure of their function. She collapsed back onto her blanket and smiled at the sky. Everything was going to be all right.
Chapter 8
The trees didn’t surround her in this spot as completely as she’d like. She ate dinner, extinguished her campfire, and fell asleep inside her tent. When she woke up she moved her setup to the opposite side of Heart Lake where there was a patch of evergreens clumped together on the mountain’s incline. She stayed at the base but felt better being closer to the trees.
Clark rolled up a little after lunch on his ranger quad to check-in.
“Juniper Tiernan, Lady of the Land, Woman of the Woods, Female of the Forest…” he trailed off, trying to think of more. “Girl of the Grove, Maiden of the Moorland.”
“You’re so weird.”
“How’s my rogue ranger doing?”
“If that’s me, then I’m doing great,” she laughed. “I have half a grilled cheese sandwich left if you want it.”
“No thanks, I just ate. Crossed paths with Roscoe a few hours ago. He seemed more chipper than usual.”
Juniper shrugged, trying not to blush.
“So tell me more about your trip to New York,” Clark continued. “I know it was a sad trip, but was it nice to see your family?”
“Um, I don’t think I’d use the word nice. They are a tough crowd, but I was happy to reconnect with a couple of them. The wake and funeral were uncomfortable settings to see them in for the first time in two years, but I think it worked out for the best. It was a controlled environment, not too many surprises during those kind of proceedings.”
“Glad going back didn’t make you decide you missed living there too much. I’d be sad to lose ya.”
“Oh, no way. I’ll never miss that place. You’re stuck with me.”
“Good.” He pulled a bag of M&Ms out of his pocket and tossed a handful into his mouth.
“I thought you weren’t hungry?”
“I’m not, it’s just a snack. You want some?”
“No, I’m good, thanks.”
The wind picked up and the trees began to rustle. Juniper became silent, hoping to hear the voices, but none came. Clark sat next to her on the ground, quiet except for the loud crunching of candy.
“I’m glad to be back,” she said, honestly. “Everything felt wrong the moment I left. I felt off, like I wasn’t where I was supposed to be. I feel settled now, at peace. When I’m here I get the sense good things are coming.”
“Well, from what I’ve pieced together between your tidbits and R
oscoe’s version of the trip, you deserve a change for the better. And if any place can provide that, it’s this forest. It’s saved me many times over. I’m proud of who I am and I don’t think I’d be the man I am if I lived anywhere else.”
She nodded. “I certainly wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t found this sanctuary.”
“Are you sure you don’t want some M&Ms?” He shook the bag at her.
“Positive.”
“Suit yourself.” He poured the remainder of the candy into his mouth and stood up. “I need to get back to the lodge. I’ve got my walkie on. Buzz in any time.”
“Will do. Thanks for stopping by.”
They exchanged smiles and he got back onto his quad. He drove away just as the wind picked up. She closed her eyes and absorbed the world with all her senses.
The air smelled and tasted fresh, the wind felt brisk on her skin, and the trees were loud with movement. She rested on her blanket and watched their highest branches sway. Focused only on the sight of the trees, she found herself slipping into an entranced nap.
Changes are coming, Juniper Tiernan. A voice emerged from the swirl of her senses. We’ve chosen you as Champion of the trees.
“What does that mean?” she asked in a terrified whisper.
You are our representative. You will guide the chosen humans through the fall and aftermath of our reprisal.
“Who am I speaking to?”
The trees; I am one of many spirits. I am a soul from eons past. I am a voice of Gaia, Mother Earth.
“Mother Nature?” Her trance wavered at this shocking confession. It was too strange to believe. “Isn’t she mythological? An entity humans created in order to put a face to the marvels of our world?”
No, she is the creator of all.
Juniper took a moment. Hearing voices was not a good sign, but now that she had them talking it was hard not to indulge. The thought that she may be talking to something imaginary was alarming, but she continued her questioning. “Why do you speak on her behalf?”
Hall of Mosses Page 8
