“Roscoe and I can communicate telepathically.”
“What?” A half-chewed piece of cereal flew from his mouth.
“Ew,” she said, brushing his breakfast debris off her lap.
“Sorry.” His mouth was full. “You caught me by surprise. Why didn’t you ever tell me that before?”
“It was our secret. It felt special to keep it private.”
“I get it, but he’s been missing for months. Have you heard from him?”
“I’m not sure. I tried persistently from the moment we were separated, and I kept trying even after the funeral, but never heard from him. I was driving myself crazy attempting to make contact, but a few nights ago I think he finally found a way to reach me. I heard him in my dreams.”
“Your dreams?” he asked with skepticism.
“I know it seems unlikely, but I’ve been dreaming about him for weeks and he never said more than sweet generic whispers. This last time was filled with screams. He made a scene and demanded my attention. He begged me not to give up.”
“Juni, you were sleeping. How do you know it was real?”
“It felt different than the previous dreams. Those were my subconscious toying with memories, whereas this was a real moment. He was there.”
“Okay, I’ll play along. If it was him, what now?”
“We start searching again. If he’s alive we need to find him. The fact that I can’t talk to him as easily as I used to and that he can only reach me when I’m sleeping is a bad sign. He probably needs our help.”
“I’m all for helping you, but if you try and get the others to follow they’ll revolt. A few have already expressed doubt in your ability to lead, and you don’t want to fan that flame. They all think he’s dead. Let them continue thinking that. And if we find him, they’ll be pleasantly surprised.”
Juniper nodded, absorbing all of his advice. She was happy she confided in him. Without his guidance, she would’ve rallied a search crew for the man they all believed was dead and validated their concerns that she was an unfit leader. She didn’t want them to think she was crazy, so Clark’s insight was invaluable.
They agreed that taking Jeb and Irene was the safest bet. Jeb had proven his loyalty. He was the first to believe her when she tried telling everyone the truth, and he hadn’t questioned her since. Irene loved Juniper no matter what. Once Mallory and Zoe agreed to watch her kids, she accepted their invitation to make the trip into town for supplies.
An hour into their walk, Juniper told them about her dreams.
“You two can talk telepathically?” Irene asked, flabbergasted.
“We could. Now the connection feels broken. I’ve only been able to hear him in my dreams. I don’t know what it means. Is he injured? Dead? Maybe he’s just really far away,” Juniper theorized aloud. “I have no idea. I just know we need to keep looking. If he’s hurt, we need to help.”
Both Jeb and Irene were inclined to believe he hadn’t survived, but they kept their thoughts to themselves and agreed to support her in this quest.
“We are getting supplies though, right?” Jeb asked.
“Yes. I just want to look for Roscoe on the trips to and from town. We will go off-trail and take a different route back.”
“Just don’t get us lost,” Irene requested.
“I won’t.”
The trip normally took four days, but their detours turned it into a weeklong voyage. There was no sign of Roscoe or the others and when they returned to camp, everyone was on edge.
“What took so long?” Jeb’s wife exclaimed as she ran into his arms. “We were so nervous something bad happened.”
“Sorry, my love. We tried a different route, hoping it would be faster, but obviously it wasn’t. Didn’t mean to make you worry.” He kissed Alice’s forehead.
Irene ran to her kids, who buried her in a group hug. Juniper directly retreated to her private corner.
When night came, she had hopes of hearing Roscoe, but all attempts to remain alert during her dreams failed due to exhaustion. She fell into a deep sleep and lost all control of her subconscious.
Roscoe appeared. Juniper tensed and tried to hold onto these subconscious moments, but the moment her awareness returned, he began to fade. He was shouting at her but his words were muffled. She begged him to talk louder, and though his facial expression and body language implied he was trying, she still couldn’t hear him. Trees began sprouting into life between them and Roscoe’s image became buried in shadows. He reached his arm through the barricade of trees, but his hand vanished before she could grab it.
The distress forced her awake. She sat up covered in cold sweat. She tried to swallow the tears that welled, but there were too many. They fell and the loss of control was overwhelming. She forced her mind to focus on her breathing, and she was able to take a few deep breaths to suppress the looming panic attack. The tears slowed and she wiped their trails off her cheeks. She couldn’t believe she was letting the nightmares win. She refused to wither into an old, pathetic version of herself. She was allowed to grieve but she wouldn’t let it get the best of her. Never again.
She wrapped herself in a blanket and shuffled through the dark to where Clark slept. He set up his bed near Jeb and Alice, but they were far enough apart that she wouldn’t wake them all.
“Clark,” she whispered. He rustled a bit before turning and squinting up at her.
“Juni?” he mumbled with concern, “You okay?”
“No. I don’t think I am.”
Clark sat up and forced his eyes open. After a minute of adjusting he addressed her again.
“What’s wrong?”
“He’s haunting my dreams.”
Clark leaned in and let Juniper hide in his embrace.
“It’s because you miss him. It’s normal. You’ll be okay.”
“The lack of sleep is driving me mad. I swear he’s really there and trying to talk to me, but then I take a step back and assess my mental state and realize I am exhausted. I am on the fritz emotionally. I’m having trouble drawing the line between real and fake. It’s maddening. I’m so afraid I’m going to lose control and let my mind slip back into the dark place I escaped from years ago.”
“I won’t let that happen. You’re safe with me; you just need to keep me in the loop. If you shut me out, I can’t help.”
Juniper nodded and his solace eased her nerves. He wasn’t afraid of her ominous fears and was ready to tackle them with her without judgment. His selfless support gave her the comfort she desperately sought. As she surrendered in Clark’s embrace, she realized she was looking at her sorrow all wrong.
She was strong enough to scale the depths without help; she was capable of rescuing herself from herself just fine. She had done it before, many times over, and was accustomed to going it alone. But it wasn’t about being her own hero, it was about letting others in. She didn’t have to go it alone. She could allow those who cared about her to assist in her recovery, and in the process, help them recover too.
There was nothing safe about tackling the darkness alone. One slip and she was gone. She had close calls before, moments of such despair her world went dark and she had no desire to find the light. No will to make her world bright again. After years of traversing the shadows alone she finally realized that there was nothing wrong with reaching for a hand to hold to help navigate the darkness. Having a guide toward the light did not mean she was weak, it meant she was smart. Letting an outsider see her monsters and allowing them to help her tame them was an act of true courage. Coping on her own took strength, but allowing herself to be vulnerable in front of others was the real triumph.
“Thank you.”
“You’re family. I’ll always be here for you.”
She believed him, and when she returned to her mossy patch she was able to get a good rest for the first time in months.
Chapter 31
She began to let go. Her heart held onto hope for a miracle, but she understood she couldn’t for
ce it. Roscoe visited in her dreams often, and though it hurt to wake up from these encounters she cherished these reveries. Seeing him while she slept kept his spirit alive.
Though the dreams were nice, she finally started to come to terms with the fact that these encounters were figments of her subconscious and nothing more. She still hadn’t heard his voice while awake and she had to conclude that their telepathic connection was broken because he wasn’t on the other end. It was painful to accept this reality, but she forced herself to stomach the apparent truth.
Her new outlook and demeanor was well received by the group. She was coherent, motivated, and pleasant to be around again. No one said it, but they were happy to have their leader back.
You seem well, the trees remarked after a long stretch of silence.
Juniper sighed, disinterested in talking with them.
As well as I can be.
We are proud of you. You have shown courageous strength.
Did I save enough people?
Yes.
Juniper looked at her small crew and wondered how that was possible. It was a sensitive subject and she decided not to press the issue.
Marisabel, Champion of Fresh Water, told me about your struggle to recruit the recently deceased. Are you having better luck now?
We’ve experienced slow improvements. We hadn’t anticipated the bitter nature of the departed human spirits.
I could’ve predicted that. Next time, seek counsel from the one human you speak with.
We did not mean to ostracize you, but you had more pressing matters to attend.
I get it. Juniper wasn’t ready to rekindle her friendship with the trees yet. She was angry they didn’t help her find Roscoe and the others, and she wanted them to feel her disappointment.
When does the darkness end?
In a few months. When the ash clouds clear, you will awake surrounded by Gaia’s glory. All will be born again.
Then what?
Then you persevere. You find a way to rebuild and repopulate in a manner respectful to nature.
Fantastic.
The trees rustled in silence for a moment, whispering amongst themselves. Juniper heard their chatter but could not make out what they said.
We sense your dissatisfaction with us. We hope you don’t believe we abandoned you.
It’s over now. There was no sense pointing out their selfish behavior. She needed Roscoe, but they only needed her. Starting an argument over a matter long gone was futile. She had to work with the trees for the remainder of her life and holding a grudge would only make the experience more miserable. She needed the trees to have her back and she didn’t think it wise to pick a fight with the only source keeping her alive.
In time it will all make sense.
That wasn’t the issue, but Juniper let it go.
We cherish you, dear Champion.
The trees lingered a moment, waiting for a reply, but all Juniper could muster was a fake smile. The trees sensed her hesitance to return the sentiment and granted her the space she desired. They were gone and she was alone, festering in aggrievement.
Another struggle she’d need to let go. There was no room for animosity in the end of times and she’d have to find it in her heart to forgive the trees. It was the only way to stop her disappointment from turning into bitter hatred. She intended to lead her people into a healthy, prosperous life, and a toxic relationship with the trees would spoil everything. In time, these wounds would heal.
It was a cold day in the forest, and despite the lack of fresh air, a clean current flowed past them at all times. There was no justifiable reason a stream of quality air should be in their realm of reality under these conditions, yet it was. It reminded her that there were forces beyond her that controlled their fate; that they played tiny roles in their survival during the aggressive death and rebirth of nature. Here, Gaia protected them, and there was no telling the state of the deconstructed terrain beyond the forest.
She received telepathic visits from her sisters often. Marisabel, Coral, Eshe, and Aria talked to her the most. Building strong bonds with her fellow Champions was therapeutic. Having their love and support made everything hurt less.
They were scheduled to have their first group meeting that afternoon. Juniper found a quiet spot in the woods where she could attend uninterrupted.
She waited for the pull.
An icy wind blasted Juniper and Aria swept her up and carried her thoughts to the meeting place.
I’m not sure why I can’t connect to the others on my own.
It takes practice. You’ll get the hang of it, Aria reassured her.
Thoughts flew by in a blur as they reached the spot where the others waited. It wasn’t a real location, just a place in their subconscious where they all could materialize. The space was stark white and she was wearing an outfit she’d never seen before.
The green gown was covered in emeralds, tourmaline stones, and jade beads. The dress shimmered with gemstones along the bodice, and the skirt was dark green sheer over her legs with a drizzle of beads and stones near her feet. The sleeves were capped and clung by the points of her shoulders, and the neckline plunged to the middle of her ribcage. Her long brown curls hung loose and she wore a crown of bark and leaves. When she looked down at herself, there was a glowing sheen of green outlining her silhouette. She looked over at Aria in question, her green eyes brighter than ever.
These are our auras.
Aria spun in a circle and her long, chiffon skirt danced in the air. The top of her dress was sheer fabric bedazzled in intricately placed diamonds, and she wore a white bandeau beneath. Her white hair was tied into an up-do and had lace and feathers strewn throughout. Her blue eyes held white speckles that danced like snow as she smiled.
Juniper looked around at her sisters, all of whom looked stunning. They took their places in the circle and held hands.
To Juniper’s left was Marisabel. She wore a dress that was light blue and Grecian-inspired. The sleeves were silken fabric that acted as both the shoulder straps and chest piece. The belt of the gown was tight and was followed by a mermaid-styled skirt that was tight around her hips then flowed like water to the floor. The color complimented her olive skin tone and dark brown hair. Juniper smiled at her and Marisabel’s aura gleamed through her blue eyes as she squeezed Juniper’s hand in friendship.
Sofyla, Champion of Soil, stood on her right. Her yellow gown was a classic combination of chiffon and lace, with brown highlights in the stitching. The back sunk in a low-V to the top of her tailbone, and the neckline went up to her collarbone. The long sleeves were made of finely stitched lace and connected to her middle fingers like rings. Her sandy hair was long and straight, and her hazel eyes were as captivating as quicksand.
Juniper was in awe. She thought she might never get the chance to put faces to the names since they were spaced so far across the globe, but here they were. Her sisters stood beside her in thought, as exquisite and graceful as she imagined.
Once all the Champions connected by holding hands, their auras linked and a being of light descended into the middle of the circle. It was Gaia. Her naked silhouette was illuminated by starlight and the colors of a celestial death storm. The varying shades of greens and blues, with splashes of bright pinks and purples, were breathtaking. She didn’t need a face, for her body emoted every sentiment known to mankind. Her figure was a swirling nebula of wondrous grace, and her appearance left them all in awe.
Dear daughters, I am sorry I did not connect with you sooner, but it was necessary to see your dedication before I let you in. The war is over and I could not be more proud. You survived and saved many others along the way. As you know, I do not hate humans, I just could not tolerate the manner in which they evolved. I know there is good in you, and I am thrilled to watch you cohabitate with nature and the other creatures of Earth with respect and dignity. You are humanity’s second chance.
Mother Earth, Sierra Dale, Champion of the Mountains bega
n. She stood between Aria and Eshe. Her dress had an enormous, a-symmetrical scalloped tiered skirt made of gray organza. The bodice had a square neckline with butterfly sleeves and flashes of silver swirled within the fabric as she moved. Her light, auburn hair was tied into a large bun with a gold ribbon. As metallic as her outfit appeared, it didn’t outshine her stone-colored eyes. I am grateful to be one of the chosen, but I’m still having trouble sleeping knowing that so many were slaughtered.
I understand your struggle, but you could not have done anything to prevent it, Gaia responded. As the elements told you, it was either save yourself and those you could gather, or fall victim like the rest. You all chose wisely, as your participation guarantees the human race a chance to endure.
What happens now? Coral, Champion of the Ocean, asked. She stood to the left of Marisabel and wore a gown made of shiny purple beads and gems. The neckline was scooped and the straps were thick by the chest and grew thinner as they reached her shoulders. The back was cut into an even deeper scoop to the low-hanging belt line. She wore a gold belt with a purple and pink pectin Raveneli shell as the buckle. The scalloped, A-line skirt was symmetrical and the circular edges were covered in beads. She was of Aboriginal decent, so her skin was dark and her hair light. Her connection to the ocean colored her sapphire eyes. Are we to live in Antarctica forever?
Marisabel’s eyes widened in question. She was stuck on the icy continent and was hoping to lead her people to warmer climates soon.
It need not be that way. I think you’ll be best suited to stay there, but that choice is yours when the time comes. For now, you must remain. Your elements will tell you when it’s safe to relocate.
What if we cannot rebuild before our human lives cease? We are all in our late twenties and early thirties, which only gives us another thirty to forty years to do what might take centuries, said Eshe, Champion of the Core. She wore an orange ball gown made of silk that had a skirt layered in red, orange, and yellow feathers. The effect set the dress aflame. Her dark hair and skin contrasted her fiery aura beautifully and made her glow as bright as lava.
Hall of Mosses Page 24
