Who the hell was this Jessica, anyway?
How could I get into anything sexual with him, knowing he didn’t even want to know me? It all felt so wrong, but oh so right at the same time. It was confusing.
Not long after I dressed, Kyle stepped off the elevator. I could tell right away something was bothering him.
He tossed his bag onto the floor in the corner and went to the kitchen for the food that was there when we moved in. Teenage boys ate more than grown men.
Reaching down, I plucked his heavy bag from the floor and moved it to the table so he could start his homework once he was done with his after school snack. A white envelope fell out of the side pocket and landed at my feet.
“What’s this?” I asked, sliding my finger into the envelope and popping it open.
“It’s an invitation to an art program that’s going on this summer,” he shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.” His mouth was full of potato chips, and his voice was muffled.
My eyes scanned the letter. The art program was distinguished—as in, only thirty students in the entire state of New York were invited each year. And yet, my little brother managed to be one of them.
“Looks like a pretty big deal to me. Since when are you into art?” I asked, holding up the letter.
“Since always, I just kind of always kept it to myself. Then Mrs. Gelding, my art teacher, busted me drawing in my notebook. She’s the one who sent my work off to the program coordinators.”
I was flabbergasted. I thought I knew everything there was to know about my little brother… guess I was wrong. “Can I see your work?”
He pulled out a manila folder from his book bag and handed it over. Flipping through the art, drawings of New York City looked back at me. Lines drawn to perfection, and shadings in all the right places, formed an exact representation of the city. It was beautiful—more than beautiful.
As I flipped, I came across a picture which made my heart sink. There was Gran smiling back at me, wrinkles filling her face with happiness. It was a perfect likeness—exactly as I remembered her.
“There’s one of you, too.” Kyle mentioned at my side.
I hadn’t known he was watching me and quickly swiped at the tear forming on my bottom lashes. I ran my fingers across the next drawing. It was me, and it was like looking in the mirror. Lines were etched into my frown, and my eyes were full of sadness.
Sliding the art back into the folder, I handed it over to him.
“These are amazing, Kyle. I can’t… I don’t know what to say. You’re simply amazing. You have to go. No, you’re going.”
And I meant it. It would be a lonely summer, but it was honor to be invited to such a place and with his talent, he had to go. Not to mention, with everything I had going on around me with Sebastian and the new place, maybe Kyle being tucked away somewhere wasn’t a bad idea.
“I can’t,” he said sternly, tucking his folder back into his bag.
“Why not? I think it’s a great idea, Kyle. You could be the next big thing in the art world.”
He laughed and shook his head, his floppy hair falling into his eyes. “I’d like to, but it’s kind of expensive.” He shrugged. “Like I said, it’s no big deal.”
And then, I knew. Kyle wanted to go—he wanted to go bad, but like he was always doing, he blew it off so I didn’t get stressed out. Well, no more. It was time my little brother got something he wanted for once.
“How much?” I asked.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“How much, Kyle?”
He smiled sheepishly before giving in. “Five thousand for the summer,” he answered.
I swallowed hard, trying to push down the lump stuck in my throat. It wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t like five thousand dollars was just going to land at my feet, and as much as I loved my brother, there was no way in the world I was going to ask Sebastian for it.
I already hated the idea of him taking care of us, which is exactly what he was doing. I felt even worse knowing I’d done nothing so far to earn everything he’d given us. Then again, it was kind of scary. What would Sebastian consider adequate payment for everything?
“I’m sorry, Kyle.” I said with a thick throat. “I’m so very sorry.”
“No worries,” he smiled, before going into his room.
I heard his music start to play softly from his old radio before his door clicked shut.
An hour later, the bank card Sebastian had left behind, caught my attention. I’d forgotten all about it. I didn’t want to spend the money on the card. I especially didn’t want to spend it on myself like Sebastian had requested, but I wanted Kyle to be happy.
I called the number on the back of the card, only to find the account had five thousand dollars in it. My jaw dropped. It was fate. It was so much more than fate. I had the money to send Kyle to the art program. Even if it meant not having anything for myself for the entire summer, he was going.
I called his school and made the payment over the phone, telling the administrator I was an anonymous benefactor. Kyle already had questions about the condo. How would I explain suddenly having five grand for his program? It was easier to lie.
I could hardly wait to see the happy smile I was sure he’d be wearing when he came home from school the following day. I missed his smile—the special one he used to have before he began to understand the cruelty of the world. I planned on basking in his smile, and letting it fill me with happiness while secretly knowing I was the one that put it there.
Later, I dressed in my sexiest bra and panties—which of course were still cotton—and my nicest clothing, including the shirt Sebastian had bought me. He would know everything wasn’t new, but I’d deal with that, if and when he brought it up.
I met him out front. He arrived in the black car Mr. Martin chauffeured. I liked it better when Sebastian drove because it was more comfortable. I didn’t have to worry about what Mr. Martin could hear from the driver’s seat.
Plus, all the drivers and expensive restaurants weren’t for me. I wanted so badly for him to take me to a burger joint and a movie, but I kept quiet.
“Hi, Mr. Martin,” I said when I slid into the car.
“Hello, Miss.”
I turned to find Sebastian angrily staring at me.
“Why aren’t you dressed to kill?”
I looked down at my outfit. Plucking at the front of my shirt, I acted seriously confused. “I thought I was dressed to kill.”
He didn’t find that comment as amusing as I did.
“Answer the question.”
I sighed and gave in.
“I didn’t have time to shop.”
“You’re lying,” he said. “Let’s try that again. Why aren’t you—”
“I’m broke,” I cut him off.
“How is that possible, Jessica? You had five thousand dollars in that account. I know this because I’m the one who opened it. Where did the money go?”
“I spent it.”
“On what? I swear if I find out you’re into some crazy shit, the deal’s off.”
“No. It’s nothing like that.”
“Then what?”
“Kyle. He got into this art program for the summer. Only thirty people were invited from around the state, and he made it in,” I rushed. “I’ll show you his work. He’s really good. I just… I didn’t want him to go without again.”
“So now you’re going to go without?”
“No. When he’s happy, I’m happy. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure Kyle has a good life. If that means going without, then so be it.”
“And what about your life? Don’t you think you should have a good life, too?”
“My life is just fine.”
“I disagree,” he turned away, looking down at his expensive watch. “I’ll put more money into the account.”
“No!” I said too loudly. “I mean, please don’t do that. I haven’t done anything to earn it yet.”
“Yet?” he lifted a bro
w and grinned.
A hot blush covered my cheeks. “You know what I mean. I just don’t understand why you’re doing this when I haven’t… you know?”
“What would you say if I said I’d do whatever it took to make sure you had a good life?”
“I’d say you’re nuts.”
“Then I guess I’m nuts,” he moved closer. “Very soon you’ll pay me back, and I look forward to that kind of payment.”
My blush heated. “Do you have to make it so obvious?” I asked quietly, motioning to Mr. Martin in the front seat.
He looked at me with confusion before his face cleared and he started to laugh. I sunk deeper into my embarrassment and into the seat.
“Were you under the assumption that Martin doesn’t know what I do with my girls?” Again, he chuckled.
“Well, no. I mean…”
“Trust me. Martin gets paid the big bucks for a reason. He’s paid to act with the upmost discretion.” He reached forward and shook Mr. Martin’s shoulder playfully. “Isn’t that right, old man?”
My eyes met Mr. Martin’s in the rear-view mirror and he nodded and smiled. “Absolutely, sir.”
Sebastian grinned over at me, before looking out the window once more.
“Change of plans, Martin. Let’s go to the other side of town and make a pit stop.”
Instead of the expected expensive restaurant, Sebastian took me to a hole-in-the-wall burger joint called, The Pit Stop. It was on the darker side of the city. The outside of the building looked sketchy, and the people who were coming from inside looked even worse.
“Are you that embarrassed by the way I dress?” I tried to control the edge in my voice and avoided all eye contact with him.
“What are you talking about?” He sounded genuinely confused.
Waving my arm, I said, “Didn’t you bring me to this place so I wouldn’t taint your reputation?”
“We really have to control your over-active emotions, Jessica. You’re either hot or cold, and while that might sound appealing sexually, it’s not when outside the bedroom. I didn’t bring you here because I’m embarrassed by your choice of clothing. This is my favorite place to eat heart failing, artery clogging hamburgers.”
I didn’t respond to that. Instead, I contained my smiled and followed him in.
This time Sebastian was the one who stuck out like a sore thumb when we walked in. He held his head high as he moved confidently through the place in his expensive black suit. I covered my smile. The expressions on the faces of everyone around us were comical.
“What?” Sebastian asked when he noticed me staring and smiling.
“You look so out of place here,” I giggled.
He tried hard not to smile, then his dimples deepened and the side of his mouth tilted upwards. “Trust me. I’m more comfortable in a place like this than you’d think.”
His words made me wonder about him and where he’d come from. I knew next to nothing about Sebastian, but I suddenly had the desire to. He was an enigma—one who could wear expensive suits, but still feel comfortable in the ghettos of New York City.
We took the table in the back, tucked away from the rest of the people in the restaurant.
“Tell me something about you,” I said, folding the napkin nervously in front of me.
When he didn’t respond, I looked up to find him staring at me like I was his dinner. His eyes drifted from my face, down my neck, and landed on my chest.
“I don’t talk about myself with my girls.”
The strangest thing happened in that moment. I became jealous. It burned at my center, as if I had just eaten bad Mexican food. It made no sense because I didn’t have a hold on Sebastian, whatsoever. I seriously doubted anyone in the world did.
“I apologize. I forgot I was just one of your girls. However many there are,” I snapped, looking anywhere but at him. I was embarrassed by my reaction.
“Are you jealous of the other girls, Jessica?” he asked. His smile was cocky and smug.
“No.”
There was no need to elaborate. I figured my lie would be more believable if I kept it short and sweet.
“Good. You have no reason to be. I haven’t seen or spoken to any of them since the moment I first saw you.”
The burn in my stomach dissolved and I found myself locked in a heated gaze. Then he turned away and tugged on his collar. He was finally the one uncomfortable, and I gathered he’d said more than he wanted to.
The waitress came and set our food on the table. Big, sloppy burgers, full of calories and goodness, with a side of fries and heart attack—it was exactly what I needed.
The burger was amazing and I couldn’t help but groan in appreciation while I chewed.
“Good, right?” he asked around his bite.
“Oh my God, it’s the best burger I’ve ever had.”
And it was. I could totally see myself braving the city streets on occasion for the deliciousness that was my burger.
“This was my favorite place to eat when I was younger,” he said, dipping his fry into the pile of ketchup on his burger wrapper.
I didn’t want to say anything about the fact that he’d told me something personal, when I was supposedly just one of his girls. Instead, I smiled and said, “I think it might be my new favorite place. This is fantastic.”
When we were done, and I was good and stuffed, Sebastian threw a hundred dollar bill on the table and stood. I followed him out into the night air, feeling completely satisfied with the food and Sebastian’s company.
Mr. Martin pulled in front of the restaurant as we were walking out. Sebastian opened my door for me and I stepped up to get in.
“Give me your fucking wallet,” a gruff voice said from behind us.
I turned to see Sebastian standing there with a gun stuck to his side. The man holding the gun looked as if he slept on the streets and was definitely on something. He was shaking and antsy, like he was dying for another hit of whatever it was he was strung out on. His bloodshot eyes stared at Sebastian as he waited.
“I mean it, motherfucker. Give me your goddamn wallet or I’ll blow a hole in your side and take a little somethin’ from that piece of hot ass with you, too.”
Things were a blur from that point. When Sebastian went for the man, I barely saw him move before he had him on his stomach and the gun to his head.
“Be careful who you try to steal from, fuck face,” he growled, pressing the gun deep into the man’s temple. “I should kill you, but I’m going to let you go because I know this isn’t your corner. Get your ass where you belong or I’ll have Anthony blow your fucking head off. Got it?”
His voice was raw and angry. He spoke like the man who had tried to rob us. I could hardly believe how vicious he sounded. I didn’t blame the man when he nodded his head and ran off.
The back of the car was holding me up. I was frozen in fear. Having a stranger threaten to kill you will do that I suppose.
“Are you okay?” Sebastian asked. He shook out his jacket like it was filthy and brushed off his pants.
I couldn’t answer at first and just stared blankly in his direction.
“Jess—”
“Please don’t call me that…” I pleaded on a shaky breath. I was sure my face had lost all color and I felt like I was going to be sick. “Not right now,” I finally finished.
I knew he said I was the only one he called Jessica, but that didn’t make it any easier to hear. If I was so special, why couldn’t he know my name?
“Fine,” he said tightly. He didn’t like being told what to do and he disliked doing it even more. “Are you okay?” he asked.
“Me? Are you okay? You’re the one who just had a gun pointed at you.”
How could he seem so calm? After everything that had happened with my parents, I couldn’t stomach the sight of guns. Some nights I was sure I could still hear the sounds of gun shots all around me. My fear kept me far away from them.
“This is New York, sweetheart. Everyo
ne in this fucked up city has probably had a gun pointed at them in their lifetime.”
I frowned. “If that was meant to reassure me, it didn’t.”
My stomach turned at the thought of having a gun pointed at me, and Kyle’s face immediately popped into my head. I never wanted him to know that kind of fear. It was naïve to think I could shield him from all the bad and hate in this world, but I had to try. Before I could stop it, I was quickly hunted by a different time, a different image and I felt my body began to shake.
In a blink of an eye, Sebastian was at my side and his hands were moving over my arms and face. His fingers caressed the curve of my neck and he lifted my face to look at him.
He showed a combination of possessiveness, concern and… anger. I didn’t understand the anger, but it made his blue eyes sparkle brilliantly.
“Why are you shaking?” His voice was rough.
“Why are you angry?”
“It’s left over from the asshole who thought he could point a gun in my face.”
I swallowed hard and prayed I didn’t throw up on his expensive shoes.
“Now your turn. Why are you shaking?” he demanded.
I took a much need breath and exhaled my confession. “I hate guns. I can’t stand them to the point that they make me physically ill.”
He frowned. “Why?”
I felt confused by his question and I matched his frown. “Isn’t it obvious? Guns kill people.”
He smirked. “No, sweetheart, people kill people.” He sounded dark and dangerous when he said it. “Guns are simply a means to an end.”
“Again, if you’re trying to comfort me, you’re not doing a very good job.”
“I don’t do comfort, I do real and I’m as real as it gets.”
“Noted,” I snapped.
“Can you move? Are you able to get in the car?”
I nodded before sliding into the car. Sebastian waited until we were on the move before he spoke again.
“What’s the real reason you’re afraid of guns?”
I turned to look at him, but he was facing forward.
“Ever since I was a little girl I’ve always had a fear of them.”
“That doesn’t tell me why.”
I didn’t want to talk about my parents or their death, and I was sure Sebastian didn’t want to hear the story either.
Little Black Book Page 10
