I cast an eye at Duncan. He was nothing. As I sat and listened, I realized that Duncan merely repeated his father’s words and ideas. Crinan was the power behind the throne. I suppressed a sneer.
“How about a hunt, Macbeth? Shall we see if there are any winter stags about?” Earl Siward offered.
“It is far too cold for hunting. If the wind comes in from the west, you will all catch frostbite,” Bethoc informed them.
Macbeth smiled at Duncan. “What say you, cousin?”
Duncan shrugged. “There is meat enough here.”
“There, you see how smart my son is? No, no. You should not go out. I have heard that if a man lets his beard freeze, it can cause his jaw to crack,” Bethoc said.
I cast a glance to Madelaine who was holding her face so still, frozen in such a practiced smile, that I almost laughed.
“Mother, really,” Duncan said, rolling his eyes.
Bethoc turned her attention to Macbeth. “You must take care, nephew. And after your long ride south. Well, it’s a wonder you all aren’t sick.”
“Thank you for your care, Aunt,” Macbeth told her.
Bethoc smiled, looking pleased with herself.
May the gods save us from fools.
Lulach, seeming to sense my great need for an escape, began to wriggle in Madelaine’s lap.
“My little lord has grown tired, I’m afraid,” I said, rising to take him from Madelaine. “With Your Majesty’s permission, I will take him to rest.”
“Don’t you have a maid to look after him?” Bethoc asked.
“I do, but I prefer to stay with him. It is a strange place for him.”
Bethoc clicked her tongue, but Duncan gave his mother a reproachful look.
“It is good of you to take such close care of your child, Lady Gruoch,” Duncan said. “There were times in my youth when I didn’t remember what my mother looked like,” he added, giving Bethoc a sharp glance.
“Well,” Bethoc said, shaking her head.
Before she could discover a way to turn the conversation to the weather, I curtseyed to Duncan. “Your Majesty.”
The king, who had risen when I moved to leave, inclined his head. “Cousin.”
“My lady,” Macbeth said, nodding to me.
“My lord,” I added with an inclination of the head. I then turned to Lulach. “Come along, love.”
“She is a fine woman, Macbeth,” I heard Duncan say as Lulach and I headed out.
“As is Her Majesty,” Macbeth said.
I heard Queen Suthen laugh lightly.
As I exited the room, it was all I could do to keep a straight face. It would not do to show my immense relief at escaping. My lord, my lady, my lord, my lady, my lord, my lady. Ugh. It was dizzying.
I headed away from the great hall and toward the section of the castle in which I had been housed. As I walked down the stone corridor, I heard someone approach. My nerves on edge, I pulled a dagger from my belt but turned to find Banquo there.
He lifted his hands then grinned at me. “I come in peace.”
“Banc!” Lulach screamed then struggled to get down. Rushing quickly on unsteady feet, he went to Banquo.
Banquo picked him up. “Little Lord Lulach, what an impression you made on the fair court.” Smiling, he fell into step with me. “I didn’t like to see you leave the company alone. We have enemies here at court. Macbeth should have sent someone with you. Since he did not, here I am. As it is, you are watched,” he said, whispering the final piece.
So busy with my own thoughts, I had not been wary. Now, as I stilled my mind and shifted my vision with the keep sight of a raven, I noted a man lingering by the window.
“Whose man is he?”
“Northumbria,” Banquo said, and we continued on. “Lulach did make quite the impression, reminding everyone in the room that the future of this country is not yet decided, and that, as things stand, the north has more power than the king himself. You need a guard on you and Lulach at all times.”
“I brought men from Moray. I’ll send for them.”
“Not that you were slow at pulling that dagger. A child in one arm, a blade in another. How little you have changed, my Boudicca.”
I smiled at him. “I’ve missed you,” I whispered, looking deeply into his chestnut colored eyes. It had been months since we had parted on the shore in the north.
“And I you.”
We returned to my chamber, which we found empty.
“Where is Ute?” Banquo asked.
“Ute is a maid for Madelaine now. She’s back in Fife. I brought a woman from Moray, Rhona. The servants are, no doubt, feasting as well.”
Lulach had fallen asleep in Banquo’s arms. He laid Lulach down on my bed, pulling off my child’s boots and unpinning his tartan. “In case he rolls in his sleep,” he said, handing the brooch to me. He looked at the piece as he did so. “It has the same flower as your dagger.”
“Gillacoemgain’s. Both.”
“Did you quarrel with Ute?” Banquo asked, looking perplexed.
“No. She just… She needed a change.”
Banquo frowned. “A change? That doesn’t sit well with me.”
“Nor with me, but that is how she wanted it.”
Banquo looked down at Lulach. “I was told you returned to Cawdor and have been there these months—or south with Madelaine.”
“Do you have spies on me? After Thurso, I could not bring myself to stay with Macbeth.”
“Not spies, but I do what I can to make sure you’re safe. I confess I could not return to Inverness either. Macbeth wrote to me with apologies. He asked me to come.”
“You got more than I did. I had not seen nor spoken to Macbeth until we started for Scone.”
Banquo frowned. “Is that true? By the gods, he is a fool. He was always a bit unbalanced. I always thought… Well, some people are touched. Who was I to judge? But now, however, I see it affecting those I love. I hate him for it.”
“Banquo,” I whispered.
Banquo looked at me. Moving slowly, he reached out and touched my cheek. “How beautiful you are. My heart stopped when you walked into that cathedral. I couldn’t take my eyes from you.”
“Glamour,” I whispered.
“It was not the glamour. I can easily see past that. It was you. I missed you,” he said then stepped in close. His hand gently caressed my cheek, his thumb brushing across my lips. “Macbeth has the only thing I ever wanted, and he is so careless. I despise him.” He put his hands on my waist and pulled me closer to him. “Cerridwen.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
“My love,” he whispered.
I closed my eyes. My body swayed. In this place, surrounded by men I hated and a life I loathed, I found the man I loved once more. In that moment, I had him—but not really. He was mine and not mine. I stepped back.
“Cerridwen,” Banquo groaned then pulled me back, setting his forehead on my shoulder.
“It cannot be risked,” I whispered.
Banquo inhaled deeply. “No. You are right.”
“And…Merna,” I added, my hands shaking.
“And Merna,” Banquo assented. He pulled back then turned and sat down at the small table. I watched as he poured two glasses of wine. He motioned for me to take the seat opposite him. “Come, my Cerridwen,” he said then dipped into his jacket and pulled out some playing cards.
“Are those cards?” I asked with a laugh.
“Indeed they are. We cannot have what we want, so what is left?”
“Games?”
Banquo chuckled. “Exactly. Come. I have a new game to teach you.”
Inhaling deeply, I sat down. I picked up my goblet of wine and took a hearty drink.
“Drink again,” Banquo said. “It will make it easier for me to beat you.”
“How do you play?”
“Everything starts with the queen.”
Chapter 35
Banquo stayed awhile, teaching me his game. After a time,
he asked, “How long will you stay in Scone?”
I shook my head. “I hadn’t thought about it.”
“Me and my men return north tomorrow.”
“You’re leaving already?”
Banquo nodded.
I turned and looked back at Lulach who was still sleeping. “I’ve done what I came here to do. Lulach and I will ride with you. You’re right that it’s not safe here. I’ll call the Moray men. We’ll go back to Cawdor. Now I just need to find a way to break it to Rhona.”
“And Macbeth.”
“Damn Macbeth.”
Banquo harrumphed but said nothing more. A short while later, Rhona returned and Banquo excused himself so he could go say his farewells and get ready. After I broke Rhona’s heart with the news, I sent her with a message for the men to tell them to get ready to leave.
Not long after, Madelaine stopped by.
“Won’t you come along, Gruoch? Queen Suthen is gathering all the ladies for drinks and games. Won’t you join them for a little while?”
“No. The men of Lochaber are returning tomorrow. I’ve already sent word to the Moray men. We’ll ride with them. I’m leaving.” I was done pretending. I was done playing Lady Macbeth. I was just done with it all. I had done my part, pledged my word on Lulach’s behalf, and now I wanted to go home.
“Gruoch. But you can’t. Macbeth—”
“To hell with Macbeth.”
“Corbie, is it…really as bad as that?”
“Yes.”
“If you are having an affair with Banquo of Lochaber, it will complicate matters.”
“An affair? Hard to have an affair with a man you’re already married to. But that aside, I’m not having an affair with anyone. I don’t have anyone. I just want to go home. I cannot stand to look at Duncan’s face anymore. Everything around me is a lie. I cannot stay here.”
Madelaine stared at me. “What is the matter between you and Duncan? Corbie, I will never forget the fear in your eyes when you learned Duncan was riding to claim you. I have never seen you afraid in all my life with the exception of that night. I don’t understand. You never even met Duncan—”
“Once. I met him once. That was enough.”
“When? Where?”
“It doesn’t matter. He didn’t know it was me.”
Madelaine stared at me, and for a moment, I felt magic shift around us. I often forgot that Madelaine had been trained in the ancient arts.
“I cannot see, but I smell rain, and I can feel your pain and anger. Corbie, what happened?”
I lifted a hand. “Don’t speak of it.”
Madelaine shook her head. Saying nothing else, she crossed the room and embraced me once more. “I’ll be here in the morning to see you off. Goodnight, love,” she whispered, kissing me on the cheek, then she left me alone.
I sent a messenger to Macbeth, letting him know of my intention to leave. And then I sat alone. Part of me wondered if Macbeth would come. Part of me understood that he would not. He had never really loved me. And despite my wish for things to be different, I no longer loved him.
I set my fingertips on my lips and remembered Banquo’s words: Macbeth has the only thing I ever wanted.
I closed my eyes. Banquo, too, was the only thing I had ever wanted. Andraste had me mooning over a man I had not met, a man who was nothing like what he seemed to be. Those visions had been nothing more than shadows. Is that what I had given Banquo up for? Shadows?
Lulach sighed in his sleep and rolled over.
I rose and went to look at him. Lost to dreams, his face was soft, peaceful. As I stared at him, I swore I saw the shape of Gillacoemgain in his features. I sighed. No, I had given it all up for Lulach. With that, at least, I could make peace. I covered the boy then turned to go back to my seat by the window. I was surprised to find someone already sitting there.
The Morrigu.
“My lady,” I whispered, taken aback.
Her eyes drifted to Lulach. “Andraste,” she muttered then shook her head. Her dark eyes met mine. “Three times Duncan will strike the north. Once he will seek to strike by sea, but he will fail. Once he will strike with bought men, but he will fail. The third time, he will come to my bloody fields like the soldier he should be. There, he will meet my champion,” she said then disappeared.
Chapter 36
Rhona and I were busy packing the next morning when Macbeth finally arrived.
“Gruoch,” he said as his eyes glanced over our packs. “I received your messenger.”
“I’ll go to the kitchens for the provisions, my lady,” Rhona said then left, scowling at Macbeth as she went.
Macbeth didn’t notice.
“I’m returning to Cawdor.”
“With Banquo?”
“Banquo is returning to Lochaber. His bannermen have offered to ride with Lulach and me to ensure our safety. I have my men, and if you have a few men of your own to spare, I’ll take them.”
“But…why?”
“Why?” I shook my head. “False faces hide what false hearts know. I am not keen on staying here and playing games. I came to do what I had to. Now I will go home.”
“And what was that?”
“To have Lulach acknowledged as the heir of Moray. I have no use for courtly pleasantries. No use for false faces.”
“You will cast suspicion on both of us.”
“Why? You’re staying. That should be enough. Let them say Lady Macbeth is rude. Let them say she does not like court. If you must say something to excuse me, say only that I am my father’s daughter. Say that, Macbeth, and none will question you. My father had no love of court. Boite would not dance to their tune, and neither will I. You, however, seem quite adept at this game. Stay as long as you like.”
Macbeth ran his fingers roughly through his hair. “Why must you be so damned difficult to talk to, Gruoch? I would like you to return to Inverness. Things will be complicated now. We should be together.”
“If you wanted me to return to Inverness, if you wanted to talk to me, where were you last night as I sat awake waiting for you?”
“I…was…” Macbeth began then looked away, a guilty expression on his face.
I stared at him. Just where in the hell was he? I had not intended to trap him with the question, but his expression revealed I had stumbled on something I should not have seen.
I set down the parcel I was holding. “Where were you, Macbeth?”
“With the others, that is all,” he stammered. “I just… I have not found the right words to say to you. I don’t know how to apologize in a way you will understand. You won’t hear anything from me, and everything makes you angry.”
“I see. I am to blame. We are done here, I think,” I said then turned and picked up the parcel once more. My heart was pounding in my chest, and jealous suspicions washed over me. Where had he been?
“You see. You prove my point.”
My hands shaking, I turned and looked at him. “I came to you in good faith. I could be sitting where Suthen sits now. You understand that, don’t you? But I rode north. Your mind, your moods, swing like a pendulum, Macbeth. I cannot keep up with the sway. You left me in the dark, left me in pain, bleeding, our child lost and my life in jeopardy. I will never forget that you left me alone.”
“I have done penance, Gruoch. I have prayed. My priest advises me—”
“Don’t tell me what your priest advises. I will not hear it,” I said then glared at him. The raven within me flashed with anger. I felt her silvery glow inside me.
Macbeth stared. “The old gods…” he began then said nothing more, seeming unsure what to say.
“Don’t talk about what you don’t understand. I’m leaving. Send me some men to join Lochaber’s party or don’t. Stay or don’t. I don’t care. You were nothing like what was promised to me. And if you don’t change soon, you will be nothing to me.”
“Gruoch.”
“Goodbye, Macbeth,” I said then turned to finish my packing. A few mom
ents later, I heard the door close once more.
I gazed at Lulach who slept. I closed my eyes. For him. I would carry on for him.
I should have run away with Banquo.
A few hours later, dressed in our heavy winter clothes, our packs already delivered to the stables, Rhona, Lulach, and I headed outside. When we stepped into the square, I was surprised to see Macbeth’s men there—all of them. And Macbeth himself. He was chatting lightly with Duncan, the both of them laughing merrily.
Madelaine, who had been talking to Banquo, crossed the courtyard to join me. She smiled lightly.
“I wanted to say goodbye,” she said, pausing to fasten the ties on Lulach’s coat more tightly. “And to have a word with the Thane of Lochaber before I missed my chance,” she said then touched my chin. “I like him very much. He is a very good man.”
“Yes, he is,” I said, casting a look at Banquo who smiled at me and raised his hand in greeting. The morning sunlight shimmered on his brown hair, calling up shades of gold and red. Banquo motioned with his chin to Macbeth.
I cast a glance at Macbeth. He was dressed for riding.
“I am sorry, Gruoch,” Madelaine whispered, pulling me into a hug. “I am sorry to see in the flesh what I stole from you. And Banquo… I just spoke a word with him, but it was enough to show me he was the right man for you. I failed you. I’m sorry. If Boite had still been alive, maybe… Oh, my little raven.”
“You did your best. It was Malcolm’s fault. In the end, I am not sorry for my time with Gillacoemgain. I am only sorry for all the rest of it.”
She nodded then dashed a tear from her cheek. “There will be talk, you know,” she said, casting an eye toward Macbeth. “With Thorfinn absent and you and Macbeth leaving…”
“I didn’t know he was going to join me. But it is as it should be. It is the prelude,” I whispered. “Stay safe. Return home, close to Epona so you may stay hidden if things become complicated.”
She nodded. “My little raven, and my little love,” she said, leaning in to kiss Lulach, who giggled.
Highland Vengeance (The Celtic Blood Series Book 3) Page 20
