by J. Kenner
“So how’d it go?”
Renly’s been gone for about an hour; he left after giving me strict orders to lock the place up and not open the door to strangers. I’ve been buzzing through my apartment since, burning off energy by cleaning. He’s gone to get his bike and run some errands, but he’s coming back in a few hours to escort me to the office and check it out before my afternoon meeting with Darrin. I’m not worried—not really—but I’d feel pretty stupid if some scary stalker was hiding under my desk.
Marge is coming in, too, which is a plus. She does all the client billing, and often works on Saturdays. So it’ll be good to have someone else in the office, if only because it looks more professional than just me and Darrin huddled behind a computer.
Right now, though, Lilah’s here, and her question is forcing me to take a break and process everything that’s going through my head.
“It went great,” I say, which is the absolute literal truth. “We caught up. It was awesome hanging out with him again. We still really, really click.” As I say the last, I feel my cheeks start to burn and I quickly look down.
Lilah, of course, misses nothing. “Oh my God,” she says. “You slept with him.”
“No, I—”
“Do not even,” she says. “Now tell me everything.”
I sigh, silently conceding the truth. “I have no idea how it happened,” I admit. “We were catching up, and we’d been drinking whiskey, and we were both really chill, and then ...” I trail off with a shrug, and Lilah squeals and starts to clap.
“I’m so happy for you. This is like the best thing ever. Dating your best friend.”
I shake my head. “No. It was a one-time thing.”
She tilts her head to the side. “You? A one-time thing? This does not sound like the friend I have known and loved since sophomore year.”
I shrug. “I wanted him,” I admit. “And we talked about it. It was all very mature and open. I told him that I don’t do friends with benefits, and he told me that he wasn’t interested in getting serious, and—”
“And yet you ended up in bed together?”
Once again, I shrug. “He’s my old crush. What can I say? I broke my rule. But just for the one time. We talked about it afterwards. It’s very mature,” I repeat. “We’re still friends. We’re just friends. We’re only going to be friends.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
I force myself not to shrug this time. Instead I lift my chin, straighten my back, and very firmly say, “Yes. I respect that he doesn’t want a relationship. He’s not interested in settling down.”
“I’m not surprised. He’s dated like every A-list actress in the city.”
“He told me,” I say. “All part of the same conversation. And like I said, we’re not sleeping together again. We’re just friends. He can sleep with whoever he wants to, celebrity or not.”
At the same time, I have to admit to myself that I’m glad he’s not working in Hollywood anymore. He seemed so sad when he told me that he wasn’t interested in a relationship because they just don’t work. He had that I’m being practical tone, but there was something else beneath it.
“Where did you go?” Lilah asks.
I shake my head. “Just thinking. He told me that he’s not a relationship guy, and I’m thinking it has to do with his parents.”
“Yeah?” She heads to my fridge and pulls out a watermelon-flavored sparkling water. She holds it up. “Want one?”
“No, but thanks so much for offering.”
She makes a face. “Hey. We share the house. What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine.”
“This is why I love you. We should just put a door between our units.”
She laughs. “From your bedroom to my living room. Think of all the entertainment value that would bring to me.” She pops the top on her drink and comes back to sit on the couch next to me. “So what about his family?”
“I think the issues with his parents started when his mom lost her hearing, but I’m guessing there were problems before, too. She had some sort of autoimmune disorder, and it happened really, really fast. Apparently it’s super rare, and there’s really not anything they can do for it unless they catch it in time, and even then there aren’t a lot of options.”
“I’m guessing they didn’t catch it in time?”
“No. Not at all.”
“This was freshman year?”
“No. Junior high. And not soon after, his parents divorced. Apparently one day Mr. Cooper told her that he couldn’t handle the fact that she couldn’t hear anymore, and he didn’t know how to process all the grief and whatnot that she was feeling, and so he just up and moved to the Northeast somewhere. I think he went to Boston. I know he ended up in New York, but I don’t know the exact timing of it.”
“Oh my God. What an asshole.”
I nod. “Yeah. Nobody was very impressed with him. And I know that it really messed Renly up. Red, too. His brother,” I add in explanation.
“He sort of went into a shell. All angry and alone. Red kind of acted out against his dad. They were both pissed that he was such a jerk to their mom. It was tough. And I remember their mom was trying to deal with it, going to doctors trying to get her hearing back, but that didn’t work, so she had teachers come over to try and help her cope and teach her and the boys how to lip read and learn sign language and all that stuff.”
I get up and go get my own soda. I come back, pop the top, and take a long swallow. “Anyway, I guess they have family in Texas, because that summer after freshman year, she ended up packing up the boys and moving to Houston.”
I meet Lilah’s eyes. “That’s really all there is. I don’t know what happened to them once they got down there, but I do know that it was a really nasty divorce. It must have been horrible for them.”
My parents are as thick as thieves, and they always have been. They were high school sweethearts, and now they’re still just as gooey as they probably were back then. I would say it’s disgusting if it weren’t so adorable.
“I think it messed him up,” I tell Lilah. “I think he doesn’t trust relationships. His parents always seemed so close. And then suddenly this one horrible thing happens, and his dad completely lost his shit. And then their whole world fell apart.”
“So he fucks around because his parents got divorced?”
I pull my feet up onto the couch and sigh. “I don’t know. I’m not a shrink. All I know is that he says he’s not interested in a relationship, and I believe him. And it’s not like it’s even something that is on my mind. I mean, I’m just happy he’s back in my life.”
“But you slept with him.”
“I know. It was stupid. But it was awesome too.”
Lilah leans back and laughs. “I am so glad to hear that.”
“But we’re not doing it again. He was my best friend. You have to get that. I mean, we’re super close now, but he and I were closer than you and I ever were in high school. I mean, we used to actually take baths together when we were little kids.”
“I cannot even begin to tell you how glad I am that we do not take baths together.”
“Ha ha.”
“I get it,” she says, “I really do. You’re happy he’s back in your life, you don’t want anything to screw that up, and you’re just a little bit afraid that sleeping with him last night is going to do that.”
“Yes. Exactly.”
“Have you talked to him about it?”
“Yes. We both agree that it’s all good, it’s in the past, and we’re just friends.”
“Then you don’t have any problem.”
“Nope,” I say. “No problem at all.”
No problem except for the fact that I really do want to do it all over again, and I hate myself for it because that would be breaking my own rules. Not to mention risking a friendship, and all because the boy I once lusted for is back in my life again.
* * * *
Renly and I get to the offic
e at one and find Darrin already in the waiting room for our two o’clock appointment. Marge is there, too, and she looks a little harried. I don’t blame her; she’s had to babysit Darrin for an hour.
I shoot her an apologetic glance and force myself to smile, even though I really want to crawl to my office and have a few moments alone. Why the hell don’t people come at an appointed time? Don’t they realize that I have things to do before I’m ready for them?
“Have a good day,” Renly says, and I can hear the sympathy in his tone, though I’m sure Darrin won’t pick up on it. “Call me if Marge needs to leave,” he says, adding her to the conversation. “Otherwise, I’ll be back at five.”
“Sounds good,” I say. “See you then.”
Renly leaves, and I feel a pang of regret as the door shuts behind him. Then I force myself to aim a business-appropriate smile at Darrin. “I’m so glad you’re here. Give me just a little bit to get set up and I’ll bring you in so we can run through the demo.”
He’d been pushing out of his chair as I spoke, and now he settles back down again, looking a little bit frustrated. Well, too bad for him. I’m a little bit frustrated, too. I hurry to my office and fire up my computer. As I’m tapping my desk, waiting for the login screen to show up, Eric slides into my doorway, making me jump.
“I didn’t know you were coming in today.”
He shrugs. “Catchup.” He cocks his head vaguely in the direction of the front office, his thick blond hair gleaming in the lighting. “I saw you had company.”
I roll my eyes. “He’s not supposed to be here for another hour. I have things to tweak before I run him through the demo.”
Eric shrugs. “He’s new at Greystone-Branch. He’s eager to prove his worth.”
I nod. I know he’s right.
“Do you want me to go entertain him?”
“Thanks, but poor Marge is on it. What are you doing here on the weekend?”
“Trying to catch up on all the projects. I know Nikki did me a favor bringing me back, and I don’t want to let her down.”
Eric was hired about the same time that I was, when Nikki first decided she needed to bring on a team to help her with her business. We’d gotten along great, but then Eric had been offered a sweet job in New York. Nikki and I had both been surprised when he left, because he’d been doing so well at her company, and there was so much room for growth. But Eric had stars in his eyes, and they tossed a lot of money at him and offered him all sorts of perks. From what he said, though, it didn’t fit his personality. He was a cog in the machine, and he hated it. He’d come back, and Nikki eventually offered him his old job again. Now I’m technically his boss, which to Eric’s credit, hasn’t seemed to weird him out at all. That’s one thing I always liked about him. He’s about the work more than the position.
He takes a step forward and peers at my computer. “You still haven’t shown me the platform.”
“You can sit in on the meeting if you want to. I’d love to have your thoughts on any tweaks you might want made.”
“I can if you want me to.” He reaches out and brushes my shoulder. Immediately, I tense, then just as quickly relax. I hope he didn’t notice. I realized in the moment that he was brushing a leaf from the hallway ficus off my shoulder, and I turn my attention back to my computer to hide my embarrassment.
He clears his throat. “All right, I’m going to go finish up. Give a shout if you want me to join the meeting.”
“Will do, thanks.”
I run through the platform and my various notes and make sure I’ve got my ducks in order, then buzz Marge to bring him to the conference room. I take my laptop and meet them there. “Sorry I got here so early,” he says. “I wasn’t sure about the traffic.”
“Not a problem at all,” I say, my voice completely cheerful and chirpy now that I’m feeling in control of the situation. I hook my laptop into the system and project onto the dropdown screen.
To Darrin’s credit, he’s both sharp and invested. He’s got a very studious manner about him, and after almost every comment, he asks me what I think or praises my work. Twice he tells me how talented I am, and I can’t deny that makes me happy. When we finally wrap, I know that we have a satisfied client.
“Bijan is going to be thrilled,” Darrin says. “I’ll tell him things are going along nicely.”
“We should be able to roll it out in the next ten days,” I tell him.
“That’s terrific. Why don’t I plan to come back in a few days from now for final tweaks and review?”
“Perfect,” I say. “We can get Bijan and the rest of the gang involved through a video call.”
He tells me that sounds like a good plan, then stands, his hand extended for me to shake. I do, a little unnerved by the sticky dampness of his skin. I’ve never been a fan of handshaking, and I resist the urge to wipe my palm on my slacks once he breaks contact. I walk him out, then go back to my office and spend a couple more hours implementing the changes that we discussed. I’m about to leave again when my phone rings. I assume it’s Renly since Marge let the call through, and I answer it.
Immediately, I regret it. It’s my mouth breather. I listen, feeling sick to my stomach as he just sits and breathes heavily on the other end of the phone. “Pervert,” I say, then slam the phone down before buzzing Marge and asking why she put him through.
“No calls came for you,” she tells me. “He must have your direct line.”
I already know that, of course, since I’ve been getting the calls for days. But hope springs eternal and all that. I make a mental note to ask Nikki about changing my direct line number.
It wouldn’t be that inconvenient. After all, I don’t give out the direct dial to that many people. We’ll inconvenience a few clients, but if it stops this creep, I can live with that.
I stand up, feeling squidgy, and the phone rings again. I consider just ignoring it, but instead I grab it up, and yell, “Would you stop it already?”
“I’m sorry, what?”
I cringe. “Darrin. I’m so sorry. I’m getting prank calls at work. I didn’t mean to yell at you.”
“Oh. Wow. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”
“Yes, it’s just some asshole calling and breathing. Stupid little—” I stop before I curse in front of a client. “Um, is there something you need?”
“I was just going to ask if you wanted to grab a late lunch. I went to the promenade and did some shopping, and I’m about to head back home, but I thought if you were hungry we could talk more about the rollout.”
“Oh. You know, normally I’d love to. But I already have plans.”
“Sure. Just a thought. No problem.”
“Maybe a rain check?” I don’t really want a rain check, so I’m not sure why I’m saying that, but it seems the polite thing to do, especially since he works for our best client.
“That sounds great. And seriously, no big deal.”
I hang up, and this time I gather my things and head to the front office to wait for Renly. He follows me home on his bike to make sure I arrive okay, but despite my invitation, he doesn’t stay. “Summoned to the boss,” he tells me. “I’m off to see Ryan.”
“Oh. Sure.”
“Doors locked, right? Nobody in except Lilah, not even food delivery.”
I grimace but nod. Soon, we’ll have to either figure out who’s doing this or change the rules, because I don’t intend to walk on eggshells my entire life, especially if it’s just breathing.
But not yet. I’m still spooked. And I’m very glad that Renly’s watching over me.
Thankfully, Lilah is home, and I invite her over just because I’m a little stir-crazy. I tell her about the call and about Darrin’s offer of lunch. “I feel bad turning him down. I mean, part of the job is to wine and dine the clients.”
“Yeah, but I think you did the right thing. It was probably just him thinking about work, but you never know. And the last thing you want to do is date a client. Or make a client think
you’d be interested in dating.” She frowns. “Unless you are. Does Nikki have rules about that?”
“I’m not,” I say. Honestly, when I think about it, I haven’t been attracted to too many men recently. Travis, but that was more proximity than attraction. I mean, he was cute and fun, but my pulse never raced around him.
The truth is, the only guy that’s ever really done a number on me is Renly.
But he’s a guy who doesn’t want me. At least not the way that I want him.
Chapter Nine
“Sorry to drag you here on the weekend,” Ryan said from behind his desk at Stark Security.
Renly leaned back in the guest chair. “Are you kidding? A trip to Dubai for a covert operation? That’s the kind of thing I signed up for, remember?”
Ryan laughed. “Well, can’t argue with that. Liam’s already over there, so he’ll take you through the mission specs when you arrive. Your plane leaves first thing Wednesday morning, and I’ve got a little light reading for you in the meantime.” He passed Renly a thick folder of material. “At least two insertions that are going to require rappelling down a skyscraper, but from what I read in your military file, that should be up your alley.”
“Yes, sir,” Renly said, hoping Ryan couldn’t hear the lie in his voice. He pushed the chair and stood, wanting to get the hell out of there so he could catch his breath and decide what the fuck to do. “I really appreciate your faith in me. I know I’m the new guy on the block.” He extended his hand to shake. But before Ryan could take it, the floor tilted, and Renly dropped his hand to steady himself on the desk, biting back a string of colorful curses.
Ryan’s brow furrowed. “Are you okay?”
“Sorry. Worked out this morning, didn’t eat breakfast, and stood up too fast. I’m fine.”
Ryan didn’t seem to notice the lie, and soon he was back at work and Renly was in the bullpen at his own desk. He pulled open a drawer, took out a prescription bottle, and tapped out a pill. He closed his eyes, cursed softly, then dry swallowed the meds.
He stayed at his desk for a few more moments, reviewing the paperwork that Ryan had given him. The mission pushed all his buttons. Hell, it was exactly the type of assignment that had excited him about Stark Security. International operations. Excitement. Adventure.
