'Tell you what,' said Pete as they pulled up outside her flat, 'I'll take you to the opera in the spring. That'll be right up your street—all those huge people bellowing their insides out all over the place!'
She laughed, her cheeks dimpling. 'Sounds like fun,' she agreed, tongue in cheek.
'Of course,' Pete switched off the engine, leaning towards her, 'you'd have to marry me first.'
Louisa stiffened, her body going icy cold. She didn't know how to reply, didn't know how to look at him. Marriage to Pete would be like marriage to the brother she had never had.
Louisa reached for the doorhandle. 'I have to go.' She stepped out on to the pavement and looked back at him coolly. 'See you tomorrow night.'
Pete looked hurt, his face vulnerable, his eyes sad. 'Okay,' he said quietly. 'See you.' He started the engine and drove off into the night, red tail lights softening in the distance.
Louisa looked up at her flat. Where are you, Jacey? she thought, her heart hurting, her eyes glossing over with a sheen of private agony. Will I ever see you again? She stood in the chill, empty night for a long moment, then went slowly into her flat.
The flat was chillingly silent. The emptiness ate into her heart, making her eyes close tightly, willing the pain away. She was alone and she desperately needed Jacey.
How many times, she thought, have I needed him and known he won't be there? She had lost count of the days, the weeks, the hours. It wasn't a surrogate father she was looking for—it was a man who cared for her, someone who she knew would always be there.
Her own father had deserted her before she was even born. Her stepfather had never taken the slightest bit of interest in her. Now when she finally thought she had found the man to take care of her, even he had walked out on her.
You bastard, Jacey, she thought, and a hot tear squeezed out from under her lid. Wiping it away with one hand like a vulnerable child, she caught sight of herself in the mirror.
Defeated. She looked as though she'd been pushed into a corner and beaten over the head until she slumped, defeated and broken. He's broken me, she thought bitterly. She didn't even have the energy to scream out like a wounded animal, to shout and break things at the injustice of it.
It was then that she decided. Forget him, she told herself angrily. He's forgotten you. The reason he could still hurt her was because she had never let go of him, never let him fade into her past. The past could only hurt her if she let it stay in the present.
Filled with a new courage and determination, she turned away from the broken woman in the mirror, knowing that she did not want to be that woman, refused to be that woman.
She went into the bathroom and stripped her clothes off, stepping into the cool enamel bath and switching the shower on. The needles of water woke her up, kept her mind alive, made her feel cold inside as she thought of Jacey.
A sound from the door made her stiffen, and she turned, eyes flying open in shock.
'Jacey!' Her voice strangled her, her naked body froze.
'Good evening,' he drawled, and the predatory green eyes ran lazily over her, lingering on the warm, wet swell of her breasts, noting the swift hardening of her nipples. 'Don't let me stop you. You were touching yourself so lovingly—who were you thinking of?'
She felt hot all over, her face burning, her heart hammering crazily. 'I wasn't,' she said through a tight throat.
One dark brow rose. 'No?'
She shook her head jerkily, her eyes a wild, startled black. 'When did you get back?' Her chest was hurting so badly she could barely speak. 'How did you get in?' She tried to breathe normally, but she could hear herself dragging air into her lungs as though she was dying.
'Your landlord let me in,' he told her, eyes narrowing harshly as he added, 'Four hours ago.'
An intense silence followed and Louisa slowly remembered that she was naked, at once sliding her hands to cover herself, her face burning, turning her head away.
'Would you,' she asked huskily, 'would you pass me that towel?' One pale hand outstretched as she pointed to the pale blue bathtowel on the rack beside him.
He slowly reached out one sinewy hand, sliding the towel off the rack and holding it out of her reach. 'Here,' he said softly; tilting his head in sardonic challenge, 'come and get it.'
Louisa flushed, unable to move for a moment. Then she stepped out of the bath, her legs unsteady, and walked towards him, conscious of the way his eyes almost devoured her body as she did so.
Jacey held the towel away from her. 'So shy, my darling?' he drawled as she tried to grab for it unsteadily? almost losing her balance.
She tried to stop trembling. 'Please,' she said in a pained husky voice.
The hard mouth firmed. 'Forgotten me so soon?' he asked in a tight drawl. 'Or has your wealthy friend given you ideas above your station?'
She froze. Then she moistened her lips, pretending innocence: 'Wealthy friend?'
His eyes narrowed. 'Your memory is faulty,' he said smokily. 'He drove you home in a very expensive car. Very sleek, very powerful. Is that what turns you on?' The dark brows rose. 'Power?'
Louisa felt the scarlet heat rush to her face. 'How long have you been here?' she asked, half angry, half frightened.
'Long enough.' His voice was harder now, and she knew he was angry. She caught her breath as she felt his long hard fingers trail across her neck with sensual deliberation. 'Why didn't he come in? Too tired? Or had he already taken you to bed at his place?'
The biting angry voice made her push his hand angrily from her neck. 'Don't touch me!' she burst out, shaking, eyes wild.
Jacey's eyes leapt with violent flames. 'Don't touch you?' he echoed tightly. 'Why? Am I so distasteful to you now? Has he turned you against your own kind? Do you only sleep with rich fools?'
She stared at him, bitterly angry. 'It isn't like that!'
'No?' he said, his mouth biting out the words. 'You tell me what it is like.'
'He's a friend, nothing more.' Louisa was breathing hard, her breasts rising and falling, her heart hurting as it hammered against her chest, her pulses drumming.
His gaze swept over her naked body. 'Is he a good lover?' he asked through his teeth, and Louisa jerked back in shock, feeling the anger boil up inside her.
'Goodnight, Jacey,' she said through barely parted lips, and started to walk past him with as much dignity as she could.
Something inside him snapped. 'Don't walk away from me, you little bitch!' he bit out, pulling her violently back until she landed hard against him, her damp skin trembling against him, her thighs pressing against his.
They stared at each other intently, breathing hard. Louisa felt as though someone had touched a burning flame to her as his fingers burnt into her shoulders.
'How long has it been going on?' Jacey asked under his breath.
'A month,' she said breathlessly. 'I was lonely, and I needed a friend. What did you expect me to do?'
His jaw clamped tightly. 'I asked you to wait for me.'
Tears of rage and frustration stung her eyes. 'You asked too much!' she snapped, her throat tight. 'I didn't think you were coming back. If I'd known, I would have…'
'What?' he cut in. 'Hidden your lover under the bed? Pretended everything was still the same?' He shook his black head, his breathing unsteady. 'I wouldn't stand for that, Louisa—you know that.'
He was right and she knew it. But she would never have got involved with Pete if she'd expected Jacey to come back. Now she was caught in a painful triangle of her own making.
'I know,' she whispered, her body straining towards him with a hunger which she was unaware showed as clearly as though it blazed out of her, 'but I can't trust you any more, Jacey. How can we go on if there's no trust?'
His eyes burnt into her soul. 'How can we stop if we feel like this?' he countered, his voice thickening.
She caught her breath, and his black head swooped until his hard mouth moved hungrily over hers, draining her, sending her heart racing, her hands
clutching in his hair, clinging to him heatedly.
He drew away roughly, his face flushed. 'Tell him,' he said thickly. 'Tell him tomorrow. I want him right out of the picture.'
Louisa nodded, swaying against him as though drugged. 'Yes.'
His eyes closed for a moment, then he pushed away from her, going to the door of the flat. Louisa stared at his back incredulously, then ran after him.
'Jacey!' she called breathlessly. 'Are you . . .' she swallowed, her eyes intense as she watched him. 'Are you coming back?'
He inclined his head. 'Tomorrow.' The door closed behind him and Louisa stared at it in angry disbelief as she heard his heels click on the stairs.
I'm a fool, she thought bitterly as she made her way to the restaurant to meet Pete. Jacey offers me nothing but lies and secrets—what will he give me except the same agony he's put me through ever since we met?
She sighed, clinging to the rail of the platform of the bus. She would have to think of something to tell Pete. She couldn't tell him about Jacey because it would hurt him too much. Better to tell him she had just changed her mind.
The bus chugged away as she stepped off it at the last moment, and her mind was confused as she saw the restaurant looming up ahead. She made her way towards it with a blank expression.
Pete was waiting for her. 'Hi!' he said, kissing her as she walked in. 'You're late. You're worse than our drummer—he's always late too.'
'Sorry,' Louisa said with a smile as they made their way to the table through the crowded noisy restaurant. 'I missed the bus and had to wait ages for another one.'
Pete pulled his tie, undoing the top button as he always did. He hated ties. 'You and your buses,' he said, sitting opposite her. 'Why don't you learn to drive—get a car?'
She raised her brows. 'Because I can't afford one.' She flicked the napkin open on her lap. Then she noticed the waiter pouring champagne in their glasses and became uneasy. 'Champagne?' she queried.
Pete looked excited, a restless gleam in his eyes.
'Special occasion,' he said, grinning. 'You won't have to bother with buses anymore.'
She sat very still, watching him worriedly. 'What do you mean?'
He raised his champagne in a toast. 'To dear old Daddy,' he said, smiling at her, 'who gave me a big fat cheque this morning and told me to spare no expense.'
Louisa's heart stopped beating as he reached into his jacket pocket and produced a blue box which he opened. The glitter of diamonds and sapphires flashed under the light, the white-gold band nestling against blue velvet.
'If you're lucky,' said Pete in a casual voice, extending the ring to her with a bony hand, 'I might agree to marry you.'
Louisa stared at the ring for a full moment, unable to speak. Despite his casual approach, she saw the intensity in his eyes as he watched her. 'Peter, I'm not in love with you,' she said slowly, and raised her eyes to his face. 'You know that.'
There was a little silence, and she saw the light go out of his eyes. Then he gave an uncertain laugh. 'I always know someone's cross with me when they call me Peter,' he said, taking the ring out of the box and slipping it on Louisa's finger. 'Only my father calls me Peter.'
She bit her lip anxiously. 'Did you hear what I said?'
He was totally still for a moment, then he reddened, looking away. 'Don't say no, Louisa,' he said huskily. 'Think it over before you give me a definite answer.'
She stayed silent. The ring was frighteningly comfortable on her hand. The truth was—she was tempted, sorely tempted. Jacey's painful mixture of intense love and secrecy would destroy her in the end. Pete was offering her security, contentment.
Pete could give her a name. After so long without the cloak of respectability, the surname of her father, Pete would be able to give her his name. Could Jacey do that?
I don't even know Jacey's surname, she thought with sudden bitterness. All I know about him is that his name's Jacey, he lives in a flat near here, and he works in a dead-end job. And how could he love her, when he hid behind lies and secrets, never letting his true identity shine through?
Slowly she reached out and touched the ring on her left hand. 'I don't know,' she murmured, 'I just don't know.'
Pete watched her intensely, his face strikingly vulnerable, the hollow cheekbones tight with tension. 'Just wear it for the moment,' he said, the tension evident in his voice. 'No strings—no promises.'
The chips were down. Either she gambled everything on Jacey or she settled for security and contentment. But how can you gamble on a mystery? How can you gamble on something that doesn't really exist? After all, what was Jacey? Nothing but a magnetic shadow, a powerfully drawn silhouette with raw character—but none of the details drawn in.
'Okay, Pete,' Louisa said quietly, raising her eyes to his, her expression thoughtful, 'just for the moment. But remember what you said, and don't try to pull any strings.'
Her mind was confused as he drove her home.
Jacey hadn't been in touch with her all day. For all she knew he had gone away again, and the thought made her heart hurt, her head pushing forward reasons for anger.
But Jacey was waiting for her.
She didn't notice him until the very last moment. Then she saw him out of the corner of her eye as she walked up the path to her flat.
'You're late,' he said coolly, walking towards her, his black hair gleaming under the bright orange glow of the street light. 'I've been here since ten.'
Louisa felt her nerves begin to jangle. She slipped her left hand behind her back to hide the ring. 'You didn't get in touch with me today,' she said, feeling her pulses thud. 'Where were you?'
Jacey shrugged lazily. 'Biding my time,' he drawled. He looked intensely sexy in dark jeans and a black tight-fitting sweater, his powerful chest outlined, his slim waist and lean hips devastatingly attractive.
She nodded, her hands trembling as she slipped her key in the door. He would be violently angry when he knew she hadn't finished with Pete. She went into the empty communal hall, and he followed her up to the flat.
He closed the door of the living room after them, leaning against it lazily, watching her. 'Did you tell him?'
She felt her heart begin to thud faster with nerves. Putting her bag down on an armchair, she slipped off the light cardigan in silence, unable to lie to him.
The green eyes narrowed speculatively. 'I asked you a question,' he said under his breath.
Louisa swallowed. Her wide, frightened eyes told him the answer, and he came towards her, his face tight. His hands gripped her shoulders in an iron grip.
'Damn you!' he muttered tightly. 'Did you tell him or not?'
Louisa looked away, her face hot. 'No,' she said huskily.
The lean fingers bit into her flesh, making her wince. 'Why not?' he asked tightly, and she looked up, seeing the harsh angular face harden with anger.
'I couldn't,' she said shakily, frightened because she could see how angry he was, and it made her pulse leap furiously with fear and excitement. 'I didn't know what to say.'
Jacey gave a harsh crack of laughter. 'You mean you'd rather keep him hanging around in case I go away again.' He surveyed her face with leaping eyes. 'Is that closer to the truth? Or do you just like the idea of three in the bed?'
The insult took her breath away. 'You selfish bastard!' she breathed, her eyes wide with incredulity that he could be so cruel. 'You have no right to demand explanations. You went away and left me—now you expect me to jump every time you bark!'
'Bite,' he corrected through his teeth. Then his eye caught the flash of diamonds on her hand, and his hand shot out, gripping hers, lifting it up and staring at it. 'What the hell is this?' he asked under his breath.
Louisa swallowed, her throat dry and tight. 'He asked me to marry him,' she managed to say, her heart hammering with such force that it made her chest hurt.
There was a silence so intense that Louisa's face burnt, her hands shaking as she stood against Jacey, watching the hard-boned
face tense with control as he looked at her ring.
After a long moment, he asked slowly, 'Are you going to?' and his voice was deep, controlled.
Louisa wanted to hit back at him, hurt him as badly as he had hurt her. 'Yes,' she said below her breath, and had the satisfaction of seeing him tense, his body stiffening as though from a physical blow while she watched defiantly.
His face was rigid, stony. 'You love him?' His voice was taut.
Her throat constricted painfully. 'Yes.' she lied, 'I love him.'
The silence that followed was charged with emotion, an electricity that came from both her and Jacey as they faced each other, his hand biting into her.
'I see,' he said tightly, his voice thick with anger. 'Why didn't you tell me last night? It would have saved us both a lot of trouble.' His mouth twisted in a cruel smile. 'Or were you waiting for the fish to bite? Hadn't he asked you? Did you want to be sure before you burnt your bridges?' his voice sniped at her bitingly.
She almost flinched from the leaping violence in his eyes. 'You were angry last night,' she said, her voice husky with fear and excitement, 'I wanted to wait until you cooled down.'
He smiled, and her blood ran cold. 'You got the wrong man, lady,' he muttered between his teeth. 'Last night was child's play.' He studied her, his eyes hard and dangerous. 'Is it his money? Is that what you're after?'
She shrugged. 'If that's what you prefer to believe.'
Jacey's eyes flashed with a warning of danger. 'Don't play games with me, Louisa,' he grated. 'If his money turns you on I want to know about it.'
She jerked away from him, frightened by the insistent, angry questions. 'It's none of your business any more, Jacey!' she said angrily, rubbing her upper arms, feeling the tenderness of her skin where he had hurt her. 'You threw me away—now you'll have to live with it.'
His teeth snapped together like a steel trap. 'You mercenary little bitch!' he said bitingly, his hands clenching at his sides. 'That's a lie and you know it. You just want to marry money.'
Louisa stared at him, her eyes flashing an angry black. 'Why not?' she said bitterly. He blamed her at every turn. 'He can give me everything I need.'
Fever Pitch Page 4
