"And no one else can?"
"Jender obviously won't," Taylitha said. "Beringwaite's already got a foot on his neck. I can't, because just talking to the man makes me want to throttle him. That leaves you."
"Of course," Alysha said in a tone Taylitha couldn't describe.
CHAPTER FIVE
The following morning, Alysha took Jender's place behind Beringwaite, befuddling the poor Tam-illee and earning an askance look from the human.
"Got something to say, Forrest?"
"No," Alysha said. "I just thought I'd learn more here, right behind you, than in the back."
Taylitha almost choked.
"First smart thing anyone's said on this trip," Beringwaite said, mollified. "All right, then, furry, let's go."
They set off again. Taylitha anticipated another day of gritting her teeth through Beringwaite's attitude and behind her, Jender, cringing, no doubt expected the same.
It didn't happen.
For the first hour, Alysha and Beringwaite seemed at odds; he didn't know what to make of her attempts at conversation or her responses to him, and ignored her as often as he replied to her courtesies. But sometime into the second hour, Beringwaite no longer paid Taylitha or Jender any mind. Alysha absorbed all his abuse and somehow managed to keep him from running them quite as hard in the bargain. Taylitha had no idea how she was doing it, but watching the other woman carefully she realized that the tension and guarded care Alysha had exhibited earlier had been her way of drawing Beringwaite out, sounding him under pressure. Now she walked behind him, her body completely relaxed despite his constant harangues, as if she'd already done the hard work.
Each time Beringwaite said something particularly outrageous, something so heinous Taylitha felt she had to offer a defense on Alysha's behalf, Alysha caught her eye and somehow counseled patience just by canting her head or tilting an ear. Taylitha bit her tongue. She tried to do as Alysha must be doing, and watched them.
"Perhaps we should stop for lunch."
"We're not making good enough time to stop for lunch," Beringwaite snarled.
"It must be difficult to work with such inexperienced people," Alysha said, with only sympathy in her voice.
"Damn right it is," Beringwaite said. "We should have been much farther by now! We might not even make the Grove on time."
"Still, I can't imagine taking a short break for lunch will matter much."
"Are you dull in the head?" Beringwaite demanded. "Haven't I been saying that every minute counts?"
"You have," Alysha agreed. "I'm certain it's true of other groups, but not of ours."
"And how exactly do you figure that?"
"Because they don't have the benefit of your experience, Mister Beringwaite. Everyone knows an experienced trail guide can halve the time a group spends in transit. I have no doubt you'll get us there with time to spare, even if we do stop for lunch. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you used lunch as an excuse to scout ahead."
Beringwaite sighed. "And it would let you lazytails catch your breath."
Alysha nodded. "We're not as good at this as you are. Luckily, we have you to help us."
"And you should be grateful. Fine. Let's stop here, it's as good a place as any. I'll be back in fifteen minutes."
"Thank you. We appreciate it."
Beringwaite vanished around the next bend. Taylitha turned to Alysha, stunned. "Did you actually mean all that flotsam?"
"Every word of it," Alysha said, sitting on a rock and massaging her toe pads with sorrow in her voice.
"You must be jesting," Taylitha said.
"No," Alysha said slowly. "No, I'm not. Beringwaite is an invaluable resource. He will get us where we're going faster and more safely than I would, or you, or Mister Forthstars. You can't alienate your best tools."
"Isn't that what he's doing to us?" Taylitha demanded.
"That's what he's trying to do to me," Alysha corrected. "And failing at, because I don't alienate that easily."
"And while we're on that topic," Taylitha said, startling even herself with the immensity of her anger, "how can you let him say some of those things to you?"
"I've heard worse," Alysha said quietly.
"But he's Fleet," Taylitha said.
Alysha looked at her with unreadable, pale eyes. "That doesn't always matter."
Taylitha folded her arms. "If it doesn't, what does?"
"That I can take the abuse, and you and Mister Forthstars can't, and so I will." Alysha threw a ration bar at her. "Now stop wasting the minutes I bought us, Miss Basil, and eat."
Taylitha ate, but the honey-glued granola bar did not sit well with her roiling stomach. When Beringwaite returned and they resumed their travels, Taylitha attempted to make sense of Alysha's attitude. She hadn't figured the other woman for a martyr, but nothing in Alysha's attitude as she walked in Beringwaite's shadow suggested any pain or suffering.
Indeed, the longer Taylitha watched, the more she realized Alysha was managing Beringwaite. She used his impatience, his inflated sense of self-worth, and his ambitions to push him onto paths that better served the rest of the party. She ignored his baiting in order to play to his pride and manipulate him into doing the right thing... most of the time, anyway. She occasionally misjudged just what tone to take with him, but she rectified her mistakes as soon as he presented her the opportunity. Beringwaite was always eager to create opportunities for more abuse.
Taylitha couldn't believe it. It was more like Alysha was in charge than Beringwaite. A grin crept onto her face and stayed there.
Behind her, in a near inaudible whisper, Jender said, "I can almost bear the thought of sharing a tent with him after not having to deal with him all day."
That night in their tent, Taylitha sat on her bedroll and watched Alysha preparing for sleep. It was hard to tell, but she thought the other woman looked more exhausted than she had the previous evening, when they'd been traveling faster.
Once Alysha sat, Taylitha said, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Alysha said. "Just tired."
"Are you sure?" Taylitha asked. "It's hard to listen to people like Beringwaite for long."
"It's not listening to him that's hard," Alysha said.
Taylitha nodded. "It's pointing him in the right direction and making him think it's his idea that's hard, right?"
That surprised a laugh out of Alysha, and Taylitha beamed at how it seemed to erase the lines from the woman's face. "So, you see what I'm doing now."
"Yes," Taylitha said, then added, "It doesn't make it any easier to listen to." She folded her hands in her lap and looked at them, embarrassed. "I wish I could help."
"You are helping," Alysha said.
"I don't see how!"
"You help by making it worth doing," Alysha said with a smile. She rolled herself into her blankets. "Good night, Taylitha."
Perplexed, Taylitha watched the other woman breathing, then curled herself into her own sleeping bag. She couldn't imagine putting up with Beringwaite for any reason... but Alysha could, and did. Why?
The following day saw them to the Chapel Grove only a few hours into their hike; as Alysha had predicted, Beringwaite led them there with time to spare. Taylitha put it to use immediately by staring in awe. It was not that the trees were any taller than some of the ones she'd seen on the way up the mountain; it was their obvious age that impressed. It radiated through their gnarled and scaly bark and invested the grove with a green, damp timelessness. Her footfalls on the duff were muffled in a silence that had density and form, and the dusky air tickled her nostrils with the scent of conifers and the peppery sap of nearby spice maples.
Beringwaite eyed the grove, then pointed at a collection of rocks just in front of it. "We'll wait here."
"First thing he's said that makes him sound like a person instead of a martinet," Taylitha muttered to Jender, who even smiled.
They enjoyed a pleasant brunch, but as the hours dragged Beringwaite graduated from fidgeting to
pacing and finally to a frustrated rage.
"Where are they?" he asked. "We're going to lose!"
"They're on their way, I'm sure," Alysha said. "We'll have time."
But Beringwaite would not be comforted. Taylitha feared for the ears of the incoming groups and apparently so did Alysha, who managed to convince Beringwaite to scout the path ahead. When the other woman sat on one of the flatter rocks, Taylitha worried over the tension she saw in Alysha's arms and shoulders, at the lines under her eyes.
"Maybe you should let someone else do this for a while," she said.
Alysha only shook her head.
The last group didn't trail into the grove until long after sunset. Even Alysha couldn't save them from the entirety of Beringwaite's wrath, though she deflected a great deal of it. Taylitha watched the emotional carnage with a dry mouth and an occasional flinch. Still, the scene was not lost on her; Alysha had positioned herself between Beringwaite and the unhappy newcomers, though not obviously enough to make him feel like she was deliberately blocking his view of them. She interrupted his stream of vitriol often enough to turn his anger on her, sparing the listeners.
It went on longer than Taylitha thought possible. She shivered as she watched. Was this what was in store for her as captain? She'd chosen her career path more by what she didn't want to do on a ship than what she did: she was no engineer, she definitely wasn't into medical, and she wasn't interested in learning the weaponry or science angles. She'd assumed that being in charge of a ship meant . . . well, telling people to do. Like every cadet in the Academe she'd memorized the list of shipboard duties, but most of the captain's seemed to involve delegation and high-level decision-making. It had all sounded so clinical in the texts.
What Alysha was doing was not clinical, not easy, and Taylitha wanted no part of it. And she knew why Alysha wanted to be in Fleet. What remained to be seen was why she wanted to stay in Fleet . . . or more accurately, what job she should take to serve her own purpose best. As a furious Beringwaite finally allowed Alysha to nudge him onto the trail through the grove, Taylitha shouldered her pack and mused on her life ambitions.
They didn't get far before the darkness forced them to stop for the night. Taylitha pitched the tent with the other five pairs in their group, all the while keeping a surreptitious eye on Alysha, who was talking with Beringwaite in a lacuna created by the careful avoidance of everyone else. With Beringwaite distracted, one of their number dared to start a fire and set a stew simmering. Taylitha added the mushrooms and leaves she'd gathered in the quieter times on their hike, and by the time Alysha joined her in their tent Taylitha had food and tea ready.
Alysha ate in silence, then cupped the tea in both hands and let out a long sigh. The smile that curved her lips was so unguarded it surprised a purr out of Taylitha.
"Thank you," Alysha said. "I needed that."
"I thought you would," Taylitha said, studying her.
Both Alysha's brows rose. "Am I that disheveled, or are you looking at something else?"
Taylitha laughed. "I have you figured out finally. I know why you're in Fleet."
"Oh?" Alysha asked with calm interest.
Taylitha nodded. "You're here to guard people."
A tremor ran through Alysha's arms. She set the tea cup down carefully. "To guard people."
"Yes. Most definitely," Taylitha said. "You're a protector. You can't stand to watch people get hurt, so you get between them and whatever's hurting them. Fleet's an excellent way to get between millions of people and harm's way . . . so here you are. Keeping people safe. Keeping them from being hurt."
Alysha folded her hands together in her lap, head bowed. Her hair slid over her shoulders, obscuring her face.
"I'm right, aren't I?" Taylitha asked.
"Someone has to do it." Alysha's voice barely rose above a whisper.
Taylitha snorted. "You say that as if you need to convince yourself to do it. Don't think I haven't been watching you all this time. You can't stop yourself."
Alysha lifted her head with reluctance. Her eyes were gentled by the shadows cast by her lashes. "It's just that I can and so many people can't."
"You don't have to justify it to me," Taylitha said, touching the other woman's knee. "I can't think of a better reason to be in Fleet. Which is where my problem comes in."
"Problem?" Alysha asked. She wiped at one eye with the base of her palm, though Taylitha hadn't noticed any hint of a tear.
"Yeah," Taylitha continued with a lopsided smile. "I don't want to do what you do. I hate the idea. So now I have to figure out what to be instead of a captain."
"Not all captains are guardians," Alysha said.
"No, but I'm betting all the good ones are," Taylitha replied. When Alysha didn't answer, she chuckled. "See?"
"There are more routes through command than to the captaincy," Alysha said. "Many of them would allow you to meet people, as you would most like."
"True, but I want more of a plan that that." Taylitha said. "I'll figure it out. I just need some time to think, and you're giving me plenty of that by keeping Beringwaite off our backs. Which reminds me, I'm still confused about why you're leaving him in charge. You want to protect people, right? You'd have a better chance if you took his place. Why not do it?"
Alysha traced the rim of her cup. "I could," she said slowly. "But I won't. I can't. I need to learn what Beringwaite has to teach me."
Exasperated, Taylitha said, "In case you haven't noticed, there's nothing the man does that you can't do better. You're a better leader. You're a kinder person."
Alysha's ears flicked back, but she said nothing, her gaze still on the teacup.
"You owe it to us, don't you think?" Taylitha prodded. "We'd be much better off if you took charge."
"No," Alysha said, and there was a hoarse finality to the word that seemed to come from nowhere. "There is something more important for me to learn here, more important even than the comfort and happiness of our group."
"For the gods' sakes," Taylitha said, exasperated, "what is this lesson?"
When Alysha looked up, her eyes were shadowed. "How to protect the innocent and the powerless against people in power . . . even when I have no power myself. I have to know, Taylitha."
Startled into silence and held by the ghosts in the other woman's eyes, Taylitha felt the world change. While it did she observed prosaically how cliché it was to characterize the moment as earth-shaking, as life-changing . . . but there it was. She could scoff at herself, and she was, but it didn't make the sudden pain in her chest go away, nor the feeling that something in the back of her mind was exploding, expanding.
She wanted nothing to do with being a person like Alysha. In fact, she hadn't the slightest clue how to even want the same things Alysha seemed to want so badly. But she wanted everything to do with working for people like Alysha.
Will I really remember the smell of honey ginger tea forever? she wondered. In my memories, will I really fuse the tension of revelation with the tension of humid skies waiting for rain? In forty years, will I look back on this moment and think fondly of how it changed the course of my life?
Looking at Alysha, Taylitha thought she would.
CHAPTER SIX
Taylitha woke to the drumming of water on the sides of the tent. When she peered blearily outside, the drizzle that greeted her made her groan. She did not predict a pleasant day on the trail, and not just because of the weather.
Nor was she proven wrong. The dense gray cloud-cover had fooled almost all of the group into sleeping late, including Beringwaite who did not react well to being as culpable as everyone else for their tardiness. He pulled several people out of their tents by their arms before Alysha got in his way. While she distracted him, Taylitha snuck into the tents and woke the rest of the group, warning them of Beringwaite's mood. One of the men in the group flipped his ears back as he wiggled out of his bedroll.
"What's with him, anyway?"
Taylitha shrugged. "A slug
crawled up his ear. I don't know."
"Is She awake?"
Taylitha heard the capital letter and turned back from the tent flap with interest. "She?"
"Yeah, the gray ensign. I haven't caught her name."
"Alysha Forrest. Yeah, she's awake."
"Thank the Speaker-Singer," the man said. "Then it's safe to come out."
Taylitha grinned and crawled back out into the rain.
The sodden group managed to pack its gear and resume its march behind Beringwaite, though not fast enough to please him. The rain improved no one's mood and made the footing less certain.
"You're going too fast," Alysha said to Beringwaite as Taylitha watched surreptitiously. It was hard to keep an eye on their expressions while choosing her path in the rain, but she managed a quick glance once in a while. "You're going to get us into trouble."
"We're already late, Forrest. How many times do I have to tell you we don't have time for laggarts?"
Alysha's tail lashed. "Do you really want someone to sprain an ankle? Break a leg?"
"The footing's not that bad," Beringwaite said. "Besides, every one of you's a furry. Sink your claws into the dirt for traction."
"In case you hadn't noticed, there's rock under the dirt," Alysha said. For the first time, Taylitha heard a note of anger cooling the words. "Or do you think we all have steel claws?"
"And I'm supposed to know about what your claws can and can't do?" Beringwaite said. "Look, furry, I'm damn tired of hearing all about how much better you people are than we are. In case you've forgotten, we made you."
Taylitha stumbled in horror. It was impolite enough to bring up the fact that most of the Pelted were the result of scientific experimentation on Earth centuries ago, but to actually try using that relationship as a rationale for one race's superiority over the others. . . .
She did not mistake Alysha’s anger, though she hadn't seen it before. It took the form of a cold stillness, one Taylitha was very glad was not directed at her. It seemed lost on Beringwaite, and Taylitha wondered uneasily just what Alysha would do to him. Before she could find out, a yelp from behind distracted them both.
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