Ruined Promises

by Tracy Lorraine

  “Come on,” Blake says as he grabs my hand and pulls me from the house.

  The journey’s silent. Images of what could be waiting for us roll around my head. What happened? Is she alive?

  Blake parks in the first space he finds and we both go running towards A&E.

  “Addison Marsh. I had a phone call. Where is she? Is she okay?” Blake shouts in a rush at the woman on reception.

  She clicks about on her screen before catching the attention of a nurse behind her, who comes over to us.

  “Are you family of Addison?”

  “Yes,” we both shout in unison.

  “Okay, come with me and I’ll explain what’s happened.” I can’t see through my blind panic and I root myself to the spot. I cannot go into a room with this woman to be told Aunt Addy’s dead; I can’t do it.

  I feel Blake press his side against mine as he wraps his arm around my waist to push me forward towards where the nurse is waiting, holding a door open for us.

  I sit down when Blake gently pushes me. We’re in a small room. The walls are a bit drab and there are posters everywhere. There’s one going through the correct steps for CPR and another asking for volunteers to drive patients to and from appointments and treatments, but it’s the one about not smoking when pregnant that gets my attention. I focus on the illustration of the pregnant woman as everything else around me continues to be a blur. Thankfully, the sound of the nurse talking breaks through the buzzing noise filling my ears.

  “Addison’s going to be fine,” she says, and I burst into tears of relief. Blake’s arm comes around me and I try to keep it together enough to find out what’s happened. “She had quite a severe vertigo attack and fell down the stairs in the theatre. She’s very bruised and shaken but she has nothing more serious than a broken ankle.”

  “Can we see her?” I ask, cutting off whatever the nurse was about to say.

  “Of course. I’ll take you now.”

  Blake keeps hold of my hand as we follow the nurse towards the bay where Aunt Addy is. The whole time, I try to push away thoughts of how comforting it is to be touching him. It’s too dangerous to think things like that.

  When the curtain gets pulled back, the sight of Aunt Addy takes my breath away. She has a plaster on her forehead, a swollen cheek, a cut lip, and a slightly red face where they’ve tried but done a shit job of cleaning the blood off. I run my eyes down the rest of her to see scuffed hands and a cast on her leg and foot.

  “Shit, Aunt Addy,” I say, letting go of Blake’s hand and rushing towards her. “I was so scared,” I whisper in her ear when I hug her gently.

  “I’m fine,” she says, with as much as a smile as she can manage. “Just a few cuts and bruises.”

  “You should have called one of us to come and get you,” Blake chastises.

  “I thought I’d be okay,” she says, and I don’t miss the look of hope that enters her eyes when she looks between the two of us.

  Blake makes some unimpressed sounding grunt while I shake my head at Aunt Addy so she doesn’t get her hopes up.

  “Addison, you look exhausted after travelling. Why don’t you take off? I’m fine, I promise; they’re keeping me overnight for monitoring. Blake, why don’t you take her for some dinner?”

  “No, I’m fine. I want to stay with you.”

  “It’s not up for discussion,” Aunt Addy says firmly. “There’s no point sitting here bored. Blake?” she prompts, looking for backup.

  “She’s right.”

  “Fine, but you can take me home. I’m not going for dinner,” I snap, giving Aunt Addy the evil eye for setting this up. “I’ll come see you in the morning,” I say, before giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek.

  I follow Blake out of the hospital, ignoring all his attempts to start a conversation with me. I didn’t need this on top of everything else. My head’s a mess as it is. I feel less prepared to talk to him about what happened than I have been since that fateful night.

  “I said I didn’t want dinner,” I complain when he pulls into a pub car park.

  “Yes, but your grumbling stomach tells me something else. Just let me get you some food, Addison.”

  He’s right, of course. I’d really hoped the noise of the car had drowned out my noisy belly. Clearly not.

  “Fine, just make it quick. No starters or desserts. Just dinner, and then you’re taking me home.”

  “Okay,” he mumbles before jumping out of the van.

  “So where have you been?” Blake asks once we’ve placed our order.

  “London.”

  “Again?”

  “Yes.”

  “Please can we just have a conversation?” he asks with pleading eyes. “At least let me get you a glass of wine. It might help you relax.”

  “I’m fine, thank you. I’d rather keep a clear head.”

  I sit back against the leather booth and cross my arms over my chest as I try to look interested in something on the other side of the pub.

  “Addison, please. Just let me explain.”

  I make a snap decision I’m sure I’m going to regret, but I’m hungry and tired and not in the mood for this right now. “I’m moving into the flat tomorrow. Come around after work. It’ll be more private.”

  “Okay,” he agrees with a slight smile. Just that small twitch of his lips kicks off the butterflies in my stomach. Apparently, my body didn’t get the message that he’s a cheating bastard.

  The rest of our time in the pub is awkward. Blake asks about the flat and the bakery and I answer as briefly as possible. I’ve slept so badly over the last week or so that I’m exhausted and I can feel my body shutting down as I sit here.

  “Come on, let’s get you home,” Blake says once we’ve finished eating, to my relief.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say, before getting out of his van.

  “I’m not sure what time but I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I nod my head to show I’ve heard him. “Thank you, Addison,” he says, so sincerely it brings tears to my eyes.

  Fuck, I've missed him, I think as I lean back against the inside of the front door and listen to him back off the drive.

  Chapter Three

  Mum and I spend the morning loading Aunt Addy’s car up with my stuff and taking it to the flat.

  “Bloody hell, Adds, you fell on your feet here,” she exclaims when she first sees the place.

  “Yeah, but at what cost?” I mutter to myself.

  “Did he not explain anything last night?” Mum didn’t get in until gone midnight, and when she passed through the living room, I made sure she thought I was asleep. In reality, I was wide-awake, tossing and turning.

  “I told him not to. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. He’s coming here after work,” I say on a sigh.

  “You sound so excited about it,” Mum comments with a laugh.

  “What can he really say to me that excuses the fact he was out to dinner with another woman? You know how it looked—you were there. What can he say?” I repeat, as I consider what my future is going to be like now.

  “I don’t know, but you need to hear him out.”.

  We get all my stuff in before going back to Aunt Addy’s to make it nice for her and ensure she’s got enough space to get around on her crutches. When I rang this morning, the hospital said she’d be discharged as soon as the doctor had done his rounds. We’re just finishing up making her bed and putting some extra pillows on when I get the phone call to say we can pick her up.

  “How’re you feeling?” I ask as I lower Aunt Addy to the sofa.

  “Exhausted and sore. I got no sleep last night with the lights and noise.”

  “Do you want to go to bed?” I ask, thinking she might be more comfortable.

  “No, I’m fed up of being vertical. I’d much rather be here.”

  “Here you go,” Mum says, coming in with tea and some brownies.

  “How was London? Did you have a good time with Juliette?” Aunt Addy asks.

&nbs
p; “It was good, thanks. It was nice to spend some time, just the two of us. It’s weird not seeing her weekly like we used to.” I know Mum and Aunt Addy will understand how close Juliette and I were, because they were the same until Mum upped and left.

  “Did you go out drinking in some fancy bar?”

  “Uh, no,” I admit. “Nothing wilder than coffee and girl chat.”

  Once I’m happy Aunt Addy is as comfortable as possible, I make moves to leave. Both of them look sad I’m moving out but they keep their mouths shut. This place isn’t really big enough for two, let alone three.

  “Could you do me a favour before you go?”

  “Of course.”

  “There’s some stuff up in the loft from when Mum was unstable—a table to eat dinner at the sofa, a couple of hand rails for the bathroom. Would you be able to get them down for me? There’s no point me struggling if I’ve got stuff to help.”

  “No problem.”

  I grab the ladder from the garage before propping it up under the loft hatch in the hallway. Mum stands at the bottom, ready to grab the stuff I pass down. I’m halfway up when I pause.

  “What’s wrong?”

  The thought that I probably shouldn’t be up a ladder hits me full force, the weight of the last minute decision I made weighing down on me. Did I do the right thing?

  I shake off the thoughts and carry on. Getting Aunt Addy’s stuff is what’s important right now.

  “Can you see it?” Mum asks as I wave my phone around with the torch on.

  “No.”

  “Good, I’m going for a wee.”

  “Thanks for your help,” I say sarcastically, but she’s gone.

  I move the light around, looking at the writing on the boxes when I see something that makes me stop.

  Addison is written on the side of a box. I’m pretty sure I don’t have anything here. Propping my phone up, I lift the top off to see inside.

  My mouth drops open as I pull back some tissue paper to reveal carefully folded ivory fabric.

  “Holy shit,” I gasp, my hand covering my mouth.

  I continue unfolding the tissue and pull out exactly what I’m expecting to see. It’s perfect, and tears fill my eyes as I look at my dream wedding dress. The light is awful but it doesn’t detract from the fact that the dress is gorgeous and exactly what I’ve been dreaming of for as long as I can remember.

  When I told Aunt Addy Edward had proposed, she informed me she was ready to start making it straight away, but I got swept away with the outlandish wedding plans his mother wanted, and when she poo-pooed the idea, I was devastated. I told Aunt Addy to stop, but clearly she didn't.

  I take in all the lace detail before carefully folding it back how I found it and putting the lid on. I’m just wiping the tears from my cheeks when Mum shouts up, asking if I’ve found it yet.

  I keep rummaging until I come across what we want before passing it down to her. I give my head a shake and square my shoulders before emerging from the loft.

  One look at my face and Aunt Addy knows what I’ve found. She gives me a small smile before mouthing, “One day.” Mum is too busy fussing with what I brought down to notice, and it’s not until I tell them I’m ordering myself a taxi that she looks up at me.

  “Addison, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, just dust,” I lie. She looks at me for a few minutes questioningly but doesn’t ask any more.

  “Take my car. It’s not like I’m going to be driving it.”

  “No, Mum might need it to get you stuff. I’ll be fine. I’ve got so much to do, I’m sure I won’t be going out much.”

  “Don’t be a stranger,” Aunt Addy says sadly.

  “Don’t be silly. You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” I say, giving her a hug. “When you’re up to it, Mum can bring you over to see the place.”

  I say my goodbyes and leave as soon as the taxi pulls up outside. I bite my lip the entire journey to my new home, trying to keep my threatening tears inside. The sight of that wedding dress brought reality crashing down on me. My divorce is almost finalised. I trusted the first man I met when I moved here, only to have my heart smashed to a million pieces and to find out I’m pregnant. I moved here for a simpler life, but somehow, in only a few short weeks, it seems to have become even more complicated.

  I let myself into the building and almost go flying over something just inside the door. “Be careful, Addison. What the fuck?” I mutter, bending down to pick the parcel up.

  I take the box upstairs and place it on the small dining table between the kitchen and living area. Once I picked it up, its contents were obvious due to the word flowers printed down the side. I’m also thinking that I know exactly who they’re from.

  Opening up the box, I find the most stunning arrangement of colourful flowers. I pluck the card from the middle of them and turn it over.

  To new starts.

  Blake x

  I stare down at his words, wondering what exactly it’s meant to mean, when a buzzer rings. I go over to the box on the wall where the noise came from and look at the little screen. Blake’s stood at the back door, looking up at me.

  A rush of nerves runs through my body as I look into his eyes. I have no idea what he’s about to tell me and a huge part of me doesn’t want to know. In some ways, it’s easier to deal with the fact he was cheating on me than to try to understand what else might have been going on.

  I stare at his little picture on the screen for so long he buzzes again. He can’t know I’m in here. If I don’t answer, would be give up and go away or would he use his key to let himself in?

  When the buzzer goes a third time, I find my arm moving and my finger pressing down on the button. There’s a different buzzing sound before I watch Blake push the door and walk in.

  I stand stock-still and wait to hear his footsteps up the stairs and his knock on the door.

  “Addison, open up,” he begs.

  I stare at the door, my heart racing and my palms sweating. I want to see him so badly; I want to tell him everything, but I know he doesn’t deserve that.

  “Addison, I have a key, but I’d prefer not to use it.”

  I take a deep breath and make my way over. I pull the handle down and open the door an inch. My breath catches the second my eyes lock onto his deep blue ones. Without any words, I can tell he’s begging for me to hear him out—to believe him—just from the look in them.

  I pull the door open and stand back to allow him in. “Thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Would you like a drink?”

  “Coffee, please.”

  “I turn and head into the kitchen area. “Oh, I haven’t been shop—”

  “Cupboard above the kettle,” Blake interrupts.

  “Oh.” I open the cupboard he said and find everything I could need. There’s even mini marshmallows. I grab them and make myself a hot chocolate.

  Nothing’s said the whole time I make the drinks, but I can feel his eyes burning into my back.

  I place the mugs down on the coffee table and sit on the edge of the sofa. I gesture for him to join me but he stays standing.

  I continue watching him as he lets out a couple of huge breaths and runs his hands through his hair. He then paces to the other end of the room and looks away from me when he begins speaking. “When Kayleigh died, everything was a mess. I was working as an electrician for a small company. They were brilliant to start with, but that could only last so long. I understood that. I was having time off dealing with all the arrangements, and I had to have time off with Sinead, who was totally confused by everything. After a couple of months, I sat down with my boss to try to work something out but it soon became apparent that my life as a single dad meant I didn’t fit with the company anymore. Even with Mum and Addy’s help, it wasn’t going to work.

  “By this time, I was already behind on our mortgage payments. Things were tight with both of us working so with onl
y me bringing in a wage, it was impossible. I knew I had to find a job that would work around Sinead, so I started up my company, thinking I could pick and choose when I took jobs, fit as many as possible into school hours, and some in the evenings and weekends when I had a babysitter.

  “As with all new businesses, it was slow to start. I had jobs here and there and it did start to pick up once word got out around town that I could do most things, but it wasn’t enough. I needed money to keep a roof over our heads, and I love my parents dearly, but I was not moving back home.

  “Jason had been banging on for ages about the amount of money he was making and how easy the work was, so the next time he offered to speak to his boss for me, I took him up on it. I wasn’t happy about it—hell, I hated it, but if it meant I could keep our house and put decent food on the table, it was worth it. The only thing that mattered was Sinead, so I went for it.”

  My heart pounds as ideas start to form in my head. I know that, no matter what, I’m not going to like it. “But Jason’s a plasterer,” I mutter, hoping he’ll get to the point faster.

  “During the day, yes, but at night, he’s an escort.”

  “An escort,” I repeat. Of course he fucking is. My entire body heats up as the anger I’ve been harbouring over the last two weeks reignites. “So you’ve been shagging women for money and didn’t think to mention it.”

  “No, I—”

  “I’d just left my husband because I found him cheating on me, Blake. Then, I come here and find you, only to discover you’re no fucking better. You told me I was the only one since Kayleigh, you promised me you wouldn’t lie to me, and you made me think you were better than him,” I shout.

  “No, it’s not like that. Please—”

  “No, Blake. I’m done, I’ve listened, and I’m done. You need to leave.”

  “Let me finish.”

  I ignore his pleas, walking to the door and holding it open for him. “Leave. Now, Blake.”