by John Ringo
“Back off!” He laughed, dismounting and then clutching at his shoulder. After the battle he had found that at least one of the horsemen had dented his armor hard enough to cause a bone bruise but other than that and the tag in his side he had come through his first battle well enough.
“You’re alive,” Cruz said, slapping him on the shoulder.
“Ow!” Herzer said. “Yes, I am. People keep saying that. And watch the shoulder.”
“Your armor is a sight.” Deann chuckled. It was, in fact, splashed over with blood. “You’d better not let Gunny see you.”
“There wasn’t much clean to wipe it with,” Herzer admitted, swallowing as he remembered the remnants of the skirmish. “Kane’s bringing the other horses and the bodies in. I’m supposed to report to Mayor Talbot.”
“It’s Baron Edmund,” Deann said. “They passed the Constitution of the Free States while you were gone. And guess who one of the first nobles chosen by acclaim was?”
“Oh,” Herzer said, working the name around. “I think… that fits. Somehow.”
“Demoted to baron has he been?” Bast said with a laugh. “Fits him not, methinks. Duke, aye, King even, Baron? I think not.”
“Well, time to report to the baron anyway,” Herzer said, walking towards the town hall.
The guards at the doors were holding back a crowd but they passed him through with a nod of recognition and surprise. “I thought you was dead?” one of the guards said as Herzer heard his name muttered in the crowd. Something about that made his blood run cold.
“Close, but not yet.”
Inside the council chamber was a strange sight. Most of the council had apparently been tossed out and it was only Gunny, Daneh, swollen with her pregnancy, Rachel and Baron Edmund gathered around something on the table. As Herzer approached he realized it was a rabbit. To be precise a flop-eared brown and white rabbit. It had a harness on, which was heavily hung with small weapons ranging from a knife the size of a fingernail all the way up to a pistol crossbow. He thought at first it was some sort of toy or joke until Bast hissed.
“Oh, By Wood and Water!” she snapped angrily. “What is that doing here?”
“Hya, Wood Bitch,” the rabbit said in a high tenor, looking over his shoulder and nibbling at his back. “I could say the same of you.”
“Herzer,” Daneh said, rushing over and then stopping at the sight of his armor. “Good God, Herzer, what have you been doing?”
“Survivin’,” Gunny said. “Welcome back, Triari.”
“Glad to be here, Gunny,” Herzer said with a nodded head at the un-demotion. “Doctor, Rachel, Baron Edmund.”
“You heard,” Edmund said with a nod. “What do you have to report?”
“We were approaching the Bellevue grade when we were ambushed by a large force of archers. They were obscured by trees so that I could not get an accurate count. We were pursued by a small group of six horsemen and ran into another group of infantry. Barsten had been hit by an arrow in the first ambush and was slain in the second. I dismounted and engaged the enemy there and slew those that remained. I then engaged the horsemen that had pursued us and was more or less saved by Bast.”
“He says only the half of it,” Bast laughed. “ ‘Slew those that remained’ he says. Aye, all six against only him, then took down one of the horsemen by bounding off the cliff did he. Was well on his way to winning, bowmen and all, when I decided he’d simply had enough fun for one day.”
“Well done, Triari,” Gunny said with a nod.
“I haven’t had opportunity to clean my armor, yet, Gunny, sorry,” Herzer said, then looked at Rachel as she laughed.
“Just this once I’ll let it pass,” Gunny said with what looked suspiciously like a smile.
“It seems, Herzer, that we have a report from the enemy camp itself,” Baron Edmund said dryly.
“The… rabbit?” Herzer asked.
“No rabbit that,” Bast spat. “Demon of chaos. Bringer of discord.”
“Thanks for all the compliments, sweet-cakes,” the rabbit replied. “But, yeah, I came from those bozos that ambushed you. I watched ’em go and then got myself.”
“Why?” Edmund asked.
“Look, it’s a rabbit-eat-rabbit world, right?” the rabbit said, bending to scratch behind his ear. “So I hear there’s some mighty army of evil forming, right? And I figure ‘Hey, I’m evil. This could be fun.’ But… lord they’re screwed up. Evil is supposed to have its shit together. I mean, we’re the bad guys, sure, but we don’t have to be stupid about it. Not these bozos. They’re violating every rule in the book. All the way up to the funky face-obscuring helmets and one-size-fits-all armor.”
“Yes, and burning out towns and farms,” Edmund said, grimly.
“No, that’s just part of the job, you know? But these guys are like total idiots. I keep telling them, it’s rape, loot, pillage and burn. Can they get the order right? No. Then they violated the Deal.”
“What Deal?” Rachel asked, fascinated. “And… rape?” she added angrily.
“Well, not per se,” the rabbit said. “I mean, I’m a rabbit. The best I can be is really affectionate, if you know what I mean,” he sighed and looked positively dejected for a moment then brightened. “And, let me make this perfectly clear, at no time have I been with these guys when they have been doing any of that stuff. I wouldn’t sully my good name with those idiots.”
“What good name?” Bast scoffed. “Are a most hated bunny.”
“Sure, but I’m good at being hated,” the bunny replied. “I’m made that way. If I can let somebody fall in the soup by inaction it’s my priority. And if I can push them that’s even better. But I do it smart. Not stupid.”
“So your job is to be evil?” Daneh said, carefully. “So you’re a construct. AI?”
“Do I look like a nonsentient to you?” the bunny scoffed. “High-end AI, thank you.”
“You must be old. A construct like you would be banned under current protocols.”
“One of the first,” Bast spat. “In the AI war was. Both sides.”
“Hey, my job is causing discord. That and watching Baywatch. Okay, and killing telemarketers. Causing discord, watching Baywatch and killing telemarketers. That’s my job. Oh, and trying to kill Santa Claus which is REALLY HARD WITH A MYTH,” he shouted as if at the universe.
“What is Baywatch?” Herzer asked.
“What’s a telemarketer?” Rachel asked in turn.
“Jeeze, kids these days,” the rabbit sighed. “I swear, if I ever find a time machine I’m going back to the twentieth century and neutering some guy named Pete Abrams. With a spoon.”
“So what was the Deal?” Edmund asked, again.
“All the alfalfa hay I can eat and a big-titted blonde,” the rabbit said immediately. “I’m willing to change sides since they went south on the Deal.”
“No big-titted blonde?” Edmund asked, raising an eyebrow.
“They ran out of alfalfa,” the rabbit said bitterly. “Wanted it for their horses can you believe it? And their damned smith was all the time following me around, trying to find out if I had a security hole that he could crack. The guy was a fisking idiot; I was made at the height of the most complex and paranoid period of the whole history of civilization. No modern bozo can crack my code!”
Bast looked at him for a long moment and then leaned forward. “Burrow,” she said.
The rabbit looked up at her in surprise and flinched. “Not good enough, Wood Bitch,” he gasped.
“Burrow,” she said again then leaned forward and whispered something in his ear.
“CURSES!” he shouted. “Damn you, Wood Bitch!”
“I take it you now are required to answer more precisely,” Edmund said with a grin. “How many?”
“A bit over a five hundred,” the rabbit said with a glare at Bast.
“Five hundred?” Herzer gasped.
“Yeah, that camp of theirs you found was only the vanguard,” the rabbit said
. “They spotted you guys and set up the ambush. But you made it out. Incompetent, like I said.”
“How are they armed?” Edmund said as if the news didn’t surprise him. “And where are they getting the materials to support a force that size?”
“They’ve got some smith from before the Fall. And they’ve got some heavy-duty power on their side. Among other things, most of their force are Changed. Really nasty Changed, too. Short, dark, broad, powerful and just as stupid as the day you were born. Light armor, though, mostly leather and not boiled at that. But there’s a core of human fighters that are really heavily armed and armored. And their leader is some idiot named Dionys who thinks he’s Satan’s gift to evil.”
“Do you know their plans?” Edmund asked.
“Everybody in the camp knows them,” the rabbit said. “Stupid, like I said. They’re planning on coming up the west bank of the east valley then fording the river somewhere south of the town. Then they’ll approach along the east bank. Dionys has promised them that this is the richest town in the entire valley; they’re planning on looting it and burning it when they’re done, like Resan.” The rabbit shrugged, difficult for a being that seemed to have no shoulders. “It’s as good a plan as they can muster; anything more complex would have them so totally confused they’d end up attacking themselves.”
“How truly good,” Edmund said, musingly. “How truly wonderful.”
“Yes,” Gunny said in the same tone. “Let them come?”
“No, fire arrows,” Edmund said. “Maneuver warfare.”
“High disparity of force,” Gunny pointed out.
“Reconnaissance, ground,” Edmund replied.
“Hai, that would be me,” Bast said with a smile. “A long time since we’ve fought together, my lord.”
“With that size force they’ll have a serious logistics problem,” Edmund said.
“What are you talking about?” Daneh interjected. “For the militarily illiterate present?”
“They’re talking about suicide if you want my opinion,” the bunny said. “They’re talking about taking their ‘army’ out and fighting them in the field.”
“We can do without your comments, evil one,” Bast growled.
“I answered the questions,” the rabbit replied. “And my password rotates when used!”
“I can guess some of the others,” Bast said silkily. “And I bet anything that you have an override, don’t you.”
“Curse you, Wood Bitch,” the bunny snarled. “Stay away from me or you’ll end up as a harem girl.”
“Well, Mister Bunny,” Edmund said. “I think that you’ve fulfilled the bargain.”
“What about the Deal?” the rabbit asked. “The girl’s a looker.”
Edmund smiled tightly and stared at the rabbit until it, with apparent unconcern, nibbled at its back again. “I’ve been stared at by worse,” the rabbit muttered.
“What do we get out of the Deal?” Edmund asked.
“Chaos!” Bast said. “Make no deals with the Devil, Edmund Talbot.”
“I won’t betray you to them,” the rabbit replied, ignoring Bast. “I’ll settle for just the alfalfa as long as it includes margaritas.”
“We don’t have any tequila.”
“Damn I hate this fallen world. Okay, alfalfa and whatever you make in the way of hooch.”
“I make a decent bourbon and there’s some brandy,” Edmund admitted. “How much?”
“Three shots a day and bottle of high test at New Year’s eve. I’ll find my own girls. And alfalfa. As much as I want.”
“Alfalfa we have in quantity,” Edmund said. “Deal. Shake on it.”
“By my true name which no one may know,” the rabbit said, sticking out a paw with a glance at the elf. “Right?”
“Fine by me,” Bast replied with a shake of her head. “But I think you know not what you do, Edmund.”
“I’m not going to trust him,” Edmund said, shaking the small paw. “But now that I’m a baron, we need a court jester.”
“Oh, very funny,” the rabbit said, hopping off the table. “I’m going to go drink my ration. The rest of you can just blow me.” With that he hopped out of the room, humming.
“Okay, what just happened?” Rachel asked.
“Your father made a most unsavory deal,” Bast replied, shaking her head.
“I’ve heard of that rabbit,” Edmund said with a grin. “Shall we say he is a small but doughty fighter.”
“Aye, for both sides!”
“He won’t fight for the side he is attached to unless he is tricked,” Edmund said. “I’ll just have to be tricky.”
“When do we leave?” Herzer asked.
“And what is this about leaving?” Daneh added.
“We can’t fight an army of that size at the walls,” Edmund said, “even with every man and woman who can carry a blade. They’ll just spread out and swarm the walls. So we’re going to go out and fight them. We’ll have to use some trickery, but it’s better than just trying positional defense. If we had a real castle, maybe. I’ll see if Sheida has any help to provide and send a rider to Angus as well. But I doubt the dwarves can arrive in time. So we’ll go out and maneuver on them.”
“That is why we have been training so much,” Gunny added. “With the walls defended and us on their heels, they won’t be able to attack the town.”
“You’ll be… badly outnumbered,” Rachel said. “Worse than in the town.”
“We’ll try very hard not to let them surround us,” Edmund chuckled. “Gunny, boots and saddles at one hour before dawn. Tomorrow, we march.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
“Herzer,” Edmund called to him as they were leaving. The baron walked up and put his hand on his shoulder. “Come up to the house. You haven’t had any dinner, I think.”
“I have to see to my armor, sir,” Herzer protested, looking sideways at Daneh and Rachel. “And… I don’t think I’d be welcome.”
“You’re quite welcome, son,” Edmund said with a smile. “I’ll admit I was a bit… put off about the news. But if anyone had any doubts about your courage, today has settled that well enough. Damn, twelve of them! I want a better report than that bald statement you made in the council chamber! And there’s plenty of armor polish at the house.”
“And you, too, Bast,” Daneh said, linking arms with the wood elf. “From what Herzer said, I was afraid we’d never see you again in this lifetime.”
“Well, when I heard tell of the army of McCanoc marching to the town, I knew I couldn’t let Edmund and Herzer have all the fun,” the elf replied with a smile and grabbed Rachel’s arm to link into hers. “I could do with some supper. And I can’t think of a better group than this!”
So the five of them proceeded up to Edmund’s house. They moved slowly in deference to Daneh who was not as mobile as she had been. The night was busy with people and Herzer was glad to see that many of them were armed. He knew that the triari and the archers would do all that they could to stop the dark tide rolling towards the town but in the end it might just come down to these half-trained militia. And even if they were not proof against the Blood Lords, so many, and so armed, might be capable of holding the walls against whatever was left.
As they walked through the town, Edmund stopped from time to time to talk to one person or another. The rumor that the defenders were going to be marching out had spread in the town and there was a great deal of uncertainty, but wherever Edmund passed the uncertainty seemed to disappear. His simple answer that it was better to face them away from the town and fields was accepted, sometimes with reservation but always with at least reluctant agreement. And any time the subject of the difference in size of force was brought up, Edmund simply pointed to Herzer and his still blood-splattered armor and laughed. “If one Blood Lord can kill twelve of them, then what will the whole force do to them?” At each such explanation the people nodded at Herzer, many of them with wide eyes, and by the time they were halfway through the town
there was a following of young boys who marched along in the most military manner they could manage.
Herzer started to realize that the invitation to dinner, honest though it might have been, had two purposes. And it also made him realize that most of Edmund’s decisions were the same. He never took just one path to success but combined his actions for the maximum good. Herzer wasn’t sure how he did it, but he intended to learn.
As they neared the house the crowds dwindled away and Edmund shook his head. “I need to leave someone behind to keep up the spirits of the town.”
“Leave Herzer, then,” Daneh said. “Surely he’s done enough.”
“My place is with the triari, Dr. Ghorbani,” Herzer said quietly.
“That it is,” Edmund said, shaking his head. “No, it will be Kane or Gunny. Of the two I think Kane. He won’t like it but Alyssa’s patrol is back and she can handle the cavalry well enough. And Kane has worked the most with the militia.” He paused on the doorstep and smiled. “The good news is that I’ve hired a cook. Daneh is… a little encumbered and Rachel has many virtues but her cooking is not one of them.”
He led them into the house and Herzer was oddly comforted. The house where he had convalesced was as much home as the barracks, more so. He realized, not for the first time but perhaps for the first time so forcefully, that he had not had a true home since his parents “gave him his freedom” at fourteen. Edmund’s house was as close as it got.
“First, let’s get you out of that armor,” Edmund said. “Then you can have a cup of wine and a bath.”
“I think there are some things around that might fit you,” Daneh said, sitting down in one of the chairs and cradling her stomach. “Oh, I thought if I had to walk one more step I was just going to have the baby right then. I cannot wait to have this thing out of me!”
“I’ll get the stuff for Herzer,” Rachel said.
“I’m first for the bath,” Bast said, starting to strip off her limited clothing as she walked towards the bathing room. “Saving boy-toys is sweaty work!”
