by GM Scherbert
Shaking myself out of the thought of the ink, I look back at my dad answering his unasked question. “I didn’t tell her for the same reason I didn’t tell you and mom who I was dating. None of you would have been okay with it. Mom wouldn’t think it was right for her friend to be dating me and the same goes for Alexandra. But dad, she has always been the one for me. I knew it and fought it even before Shannon passed away.”
The smile that creeps across his face, has me wondering at the thoughts in his mind. I don’t wonder long, when he speaks words that I can’t believe that I am hearing.
The sound of my dad’s laughter fills the room before he answers, “I can’t fucking believe that Shannon knew what would happen. That fucker was always too smart for his own good.”
Not understanding what he was saying I lift an eyebrow at him, before he starts to explain himself.
“Before he passed away, Shannon and I spent long hours together, talking about nothing and everything at the same time. He made assumptions about what would happen in the future for his family.” Rubbing his neck, dad goes on, “Assumptions about Alex, and how she would struggle to find love again. How she would fight tooth and nail against a man, that was meant to be in her life, like she had with him. The man she would find, he always used to say, would be much like the men that I was raising.”
Looking at my dad, my jaw drops as I ask the only question I can, “How did he know?”
“I don’t fucking know son, but he fucking did.” Standing up, he takes a look around the house before looking back to me. “You better get your shit together if you wanna get Alex back boy. I see the love that you have for her in your eyes, and I for one only want each of you to be happy, if that means your together then so be it. Your mother will get over it, but son.” Waiting for my eyes to connect with his, he pauses. “You better get your shit straight; the way you have been going is not the way.” Walking towards the door, he pauses only briefly before looking over his shoulder and saying, “Do not fuck this shit up again. If she gives you a chance, it will be your only one.”
When my dad leaves, I know that I need to get this shit in check and start to get back some semblance of order in my life, because this shit ain’t working. I start cleaning out the alcohol and know if I have any shot at getting Alexandra back I have to change what has been happening.
I have been a loose fucking cannon, never knowing what will set me off. I have gotten into more fights than I did when I was a rowdy teenager in love with my mother’s best friend. I have been kicked out of nine bars during these last few months as well. Thankfully I haven’t fucked up enough to go to jail, but I know that something needs to change.
The Branding hasn’t suffered at all thankfully. My clients could care less if I have a black eye as long as the tattoos look good. And they always look good. I have found myself wanting ink more and more as the days without Alexandra pass. With each I think about how bad I fucked up. How lying to her was the wrong decision, and how if there was any way, I would be back with her in an instant.
I have tried to speak with Alexandra each day, and each day she ignores me. I have even stopped over at her house twice, the first time, about a week after that day, she didn’t seem to be home, well she didn’t answer the door at least. The girls, however, were home and didn’t shy away from letting me know how they felt. As I walked back to my truck the eggs all over my truck after I was detained for a few moments at the door by Aubrey told me all I needed to know about how they felt. The next time was just a few days ago, a day or two after my dad stopped by to see me. I didn’t make it out of the truck, seeing her and the girls in the yard cleaning up the lawn. That is something that I should be doing for her. Fuck, I have let myself drown in my thoughts and the whiskey and not been taking care of her like I should.
Seeing Alexandra break down like that, was not my intention when I went to her house. I didn’t even think that she saw me parked outside her house, I just had to see her. She was so at peace being outside with the girls. I fucked up so bad and I know that it will take time for her to forgive me, and hopefully take me back.
When she came waking towards the truck I really thought that she was going to lay into me, which I can’t say that I would blame her for. When I got outta the truck and walked towards her, she fell into my arms and I felt relief for the first time in weeks. Then she started to cry and the pain I feel in her is the same as that day. I should have thought better about my decision to try to talk to her, she isn’t ready yet. FUCK! I’m not even sure that I would know what to say to her, how to get her to understand what it is that I would like to have happen between us.
Knowing that Gun is coming up to get some more work done on his back piece this week, makes me think again about his offer. I know that club life is not the life for me, especially when I picture myself with Alexandra, but I am very intrigued when he talks about The Dungeon and the way that it helped to get him through some shit. When his girl left a couple years back, he was introduced to the scene and has spoken about how it helped him get through.
As Gun walks through the doors of the Branding on Tuesday night, I think again about how out of control I have been these last months and the offer he has repeatedly made to me.
Standing from my station I head towards him, and he looks at me questioning.
“What’s going on Nick? You still look like shit.”
“Thanks Gun, nothing like glossing over the truth with you huh?”
“Why, would I need to waste my time like that man? Looking at you, I would have to guess this has something to do with pussy. Still hung up on that girl you had me tattoo on your back, I kinda hope so, because that piece was something to do, I’d hate to have to cover it for you.”
Rolling my eyes at his bluntness, he goes on, “I have seen that look with more than one of the brothers these last few years. Let’s get this shit started and you can tell me about what’s happened to you since you were at the shop.”
Bringing him to my station, he pulls off his shirt and cut before sitting with his back towards me. Starting on the ink, I tell him more about my Alexandra. I tell him about the years that I thought of her, on her knees, under me, or taking my cock. I tell him of the way it was the first night, and the months that followed. I tell him about the way that she found out who I was and that we have not talked since.
“Whoa, you fucked shit up pretty good. Why didn’t you just tell her right away who you were? That’s what I don’t get.”
“You’re asking me about being truthful, really Gun. This coming from the guy that let his girl get away not once but twice.”
“Fuck you, she came back after the first time when she went to visit her girl. I didn’t think she would fucking take off again, after I told her how I felt. FUCK, you inked her name on me for fucks sake. How was I to know that she was so scared of this life, too scared to talk to me about it, she never fucking talked about it. That was almost five years ago, Nick and not a fucking word from her.”
“They never do talk about that shit, do they. They never talk about their fucking fears they just expect us to know and understand what they fucking want and need.” I say raking a hand through my hair.
“That’s where The Dungeon and getting a grip on your true self will help Nick. After Blaze and Doc started to drag me in there the questions that I had about how I should have acted and treated Sara slipped away. I knew that what was best for me, would have been best for her as well. That the things that I wanted to do to her, with her, were things that would have brought us both pleasure. That’s what you need to find. You need to find that peace inside yourself, because if you are not right with yourself than there is no way you will be right with anything or anyone else. If your girl is going to be with you, she will need to be okay around your true self. You might have spanked her ass and done that fifty shades bullshit, but until you have had a woman whom you love kneeling at your feet you do not know true happiness.”
“Yeah, okay Gun. I get
it. I gotta know who I am before I can do anything for her.”
Cleaning the gun up, I start to wipe off his back before he interrupts my thoughts “How many more sessions are you thinking Nick?”
“Maybe one if you don’t have any plans for a week. If you are throwing punches and roughing shit up though, it will need to be longer. The way that you have been going I would say two, just to be safe.”
Getting up, I throw the bandage on his back, before he reaches for his shirt and cut. “Sounds good Nick. I will see you at The Dungeon this weekend. And remember that no matter what happens between you and Alexandra, being true to who you are and the lifestyle that you want to live, is all you can do be it vanilla or not. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. I should fucking know.”
With that, I clap Gun on the shoulder and walk him out. Locking up behind him, I know that once I walk into The Dungeon this weekend, the thoughts and feelings I have regarding Alexandra will either be put in their place or put behind me.
Chapter 17
Alex
The girls hounded me for months after I went up to his truck. They must have been sitting in the window watching, because as soon as I got back in the house they were on me. Aubrey, Andrea, and Annabelle took turns asking again about what was going on. I let them know that mommy’s relationship with Nicholas is none of their concern, it is nothing that should have ever even crossed their minds.
After running into Nick, fuck that, walking up to his truck as he was watching us, I haven’t seen him around. He still calls every day or texts but, I have yet to talk with him. That was almost a year ago and not that I want to admit it, but, I miss him.
As the months went by though I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about him. We never did talk and work through the shit that happened. I know that I need to do that, if I am ever truly going to get over whatever this thing between us was.
Showing up at his door on a Saturday night, when the girls were all outta the house is probably not the best play, but it has been a year and I have let this thing go too long.
Coming to his house like this, is not something that I would have ever thought I would do, but it’s past time the we discuss what happened between us. Past time, would have been after a month or two, not fucking twelve. As I think about the months since I have seen or talked to him.
I think back to the three hundred and sixty-five days.
The three hundred and sixty-five days that his calls or texts have gone unanswered.
The three hundred and sixty-five days that I have been lost without him.
The three hundred and sixty-five days that could have been so different.
FUCK
Knocking on his door, I hear him moving through the house before the door swings wide. A woman that is dressed in barely more than her bra and panties is all I see. Looking past her, I see him and a shocked look takes over his face seeing me, and the next words out of his mouth I will never forget, “Baby, this is not what you are thinking, I can explain.”
He heads toward the door as I turn away, hearing a growl from a voice that I don’t recognize and didn’t see in my short look into his house, “Peach, what the fuck- you know better than to answer a door.”
“But Papi,” is all that I hear her say before the door is slammed shut and a shirtless sweaty Nicholas is too close for comfort. I feel his breath on me before the words are coming out of his mouth, in a tone I have never heard, that makes my pussy clench in an instant.
“Alexandra, stop.”
Feeling lost to this traitorous body, my feet stop and I start rambling, “Nicholas, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt” pointing back towards the house, “that, whatever that was. I just thought that we could talk. I guess I should have just called you.” As the tears start to fall, “I can see that you are busy,” I turn wanting nothing more than to get away from here, from him, from whatever that was.
Walking quicker than I should in the snow and slush, that we were lucky enough to get in October, I hit a patch of ice within four steps and am knocked on my ass.
The crying only gets worse as he bends down and picks me up with no trouble. “Baby, hush. It’s not what you think. Stop that crying, come on, let me get you back into the house and clean you up and we can talk.”
Smelling him, and having him being this close to me, only causes my body to long to be back here in his arms, permanently. If only my mind wasn’t screaming at me to get the fuck away.
“No, I don’t want to go back there. Please put me down, I will just go home. It’s fine Nicholas, I get it you’ve moved on. I don’t know why you would still be calling me every day but, I get it. You don’t have to trouble yourself with me anymore.”
Again in the voice that I only heard for the first time moments ago, “No Alexandra. You will always be a concern of mine and that is not going to change.”
Stroking a hand down my cheek he finishes, “If you don’t feel comfortable talking back in my home, then we will go to yours, but you are not getting away from me tonight. Not after you have finally come to me after all this time. I have waited a year for this day, and now that you are here, you are not getting away that easily.”
Chapter 18
Nick
Having her in my arms again, is something that I would give almost anything to keep feeling. Having it be for the reason that she was running from the scene that was happening at my house tonight, is less than appealing. How the fuck am I going to explain that shit to her.
Gun had set me up with Shadow and his little subbie, Peach, for sessions during the last, fucking ten months. They have been coming to my house almost nightly, except for the few nights that Shadow works. Shadow, has been showing me how to handle a sub, training me on the finer points of BDSM. He and his little subbie are into more pain than I could ever see myself being into, but it is good to have all the experiences under my belt. Especially their relationship, well any relationship in the D/S lifestyle really, it has helped to make me a Dom in my own right.
After that first night at The Dungeon all those months ago, I knew instantaneously that this lifestyle was for me. I knew that I needed to get a handle on it, before I brought that shit to Alexandra though. I can’t believe that it has been a year since I have been intimate with this woman, fuck any woman. I have been honing my skills as much as possible during that time, and this is not the way that I wanted her to find out about it.
FUCK
Walking her back towards the house, I feel her tense up before answering her unasked question. “No, baby we are not going to stay here, you said that you wanted to go home, and that’s where I will take you. I need to grab a shirt, shoes, and the keys to the truck before I can drive you home though. Bear with me please.”
Walking into the back door of the house, I see Peach has righted her clothing, and Shadow eyeing me as I set Alexandra down onto the kitchen cupboard. “Shadow, Peach this is my Alexandra. Please do keep an eye on her while I head upstairs for a moment.”
With that I turn and head off through the house, up the stairs to my room. Grabbing a sweatshirt and throwing it over my head, I grab for a few other necessities before heading back downstairs. It takes me a few minutes to find the condoms, that I can only hope I will need tonight. I haven’t needed them in the months since we have been apart and the thought, no hope that I can be buried deep inside of my Alexandra again.
Knowing that coming to me, must have been such a hard step for her, I feel bad about what she walked in on. Seeing Peach opening the door with nothing more than underwear on had to have been a shock. I am glad that she turned away before she could get a view of Peach’s ass and thighs. We had been working with a crop and cane tonight. The welts on her will be seen on her pale skin for days, and although the thought excites the fuck outta me, it might shock my Alexandra.
I’m sure that Shadow and his Peach are down there talking to her about any and everything that this lifestyle has to offer. He has been a great teacher to
have as I start my path in this lifestyle. I know that it will be difficult for me to explain to Alexandra, but I hope that she will be accepting, in time.
Heading back towards the kitchen, I stop off in the office and grab the notes that I have been writing to her. One every day that she has been gone.
Three hundred and sixty-five letters.
Three hundred sixty-five exactly like the texts and calls that have gone unanswered.
Three hundred sixty-five different ways to tell her I’m sorry.
Three hundred sixty-five ways to tell her I love her.
Three hundred sixty-five ways to let her know that she has never been far from my mind.
Chapter 19
Alex
As Nicholas deposits me on the counter and heads out of the room I see his back in the dim light, and notice the ink that has been added to it. Words are arced across his shoulder blades that I cannot quite make out. There is more ink everywhere than what was there only a year ago.
Hearing “Yes, Sir” squeaked out from the girl who is now dressed in jeans and a sweater, draws my attention out of my thoughts. Looking a lot more well-dressed than moments ago when she answered the door, she is standing on the opposite side of the kitchen from me, with her hands folded in front of her and her head bowed.
The deep voice I hear next, rumbles through me as it reaches me. “You are his Alexandra, yes? The one that has haunted him for years?” My eyes instantly fall to the floor with his tone, and I nod my head in answer, not knowing what this feeling which has just come over me is. “I can see why he is so taken with you. He has put in a lot of hours this past year to get himself to where he needed to be, for himself and for you. Now, I can see why he has been so dedicated, you my dear are a natural,” leaning over me he places a finger on my chin tipping my head up to meet his gaze, “he has been learning so much so quickly and I am betting that you will make it all worth wild for him. You will make one fine addition to his life, and our lifestyle if I may be so bold.”
