I stopped and squeezed my eyes shut, wishing this would all just end. I wished I had the courage to just go into the ocean and start swimming, swim to another world and into another life, one where these problems would just seem silly. But there was no possibility of any of that.
Of course I knew my other options, but I couldn’t say that I liked them any more than I liked Adam’s plan.
“I can get an abortion,” I said, turning around to face him. His face went white, and he shook his head.
“Please don’t do that, Lainey.” He stepped towards me and embraced me, holding me tightly to him. “Please.”
“Why? We talked about it before, and you said that every woman has the right to do whatever she wants in this situation.”
“I know I said that, and I believe it, but that was before this happened.”
“This isn’t any different, Adam.”
He pulled away. “It is different, Lainey. It’s us.”
“It’s my body.”
“It’s my baby,” he argued.
I wanted to scream. Not because he was arguing with me, but because he was right. This was different. It was so easy to say you’d do something when faced with a certain situation, and something else entirely when you actually found yourself there.
“What about adoption?” I asked.
“No,” he shook his head adamantly. “There is no way we’re going through all this just to give our baby away in the end.”
“We wouldn’t be going through anything, Adam, I would.” I knew that was unfair as soon as I said it, but I continued on anyway. “And it isn’t just giving a baby away, it’s giving a baby to a couple that can handle it, that can give them everything they want and need and a lot more.”
“I don’t care. I can give them everything they want and need and a lot more. I don’t need strangers doing it for me.”
“You don’t even have a job,” I pointed out.
“I’ll get one.”
“Where? And what about college? What, are you going to go away to college and work a part time job and just send money when you can?” I imagined myself a year from now, a small bundle of baby in my arms, dropped out of high school and working as a housekeeper at the bed and breakfast, scrubbing toilets and waiting for Adam’s next child support check to come in. And that was only if Nora would let me.
“Do you really think I’m worried about college right now? There’s no way I’d leave you and our baby behind.” He said this as if it were the obvious answer, giving up his future to take care of the mistake we’d made together.
“That makes a lot of sense, Adam. How are you going to support a family without a college education? This is Haven, in case you forgot. The only worthwhile jobs are already taken, and if there’s ever one available, wait in line. Being a high school graduate won’t get you very far.”
“I’ll figure something out,” he insisted. “And until then, my parents will help.”
“Did you tell them?” I demanded, my heart pounding wildly in my chest. The last thing I wanted was for our parents to know. I hadn’t even allowed myself to consider how I was going to break the news to Nora and my dad.
“No, I want to do that together, when you’re ready. But I already know they’ll help. They won’t be crazy about it, but they’ll help. They’d never let me or my brother go without their support, no matter what.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want their help. If we kept this baby, we’d have to figure out a way to do it on our own.”
“So let me get this straight; you’d give the baby to complete strangers to raise, but you won’t let my parents that love us, and would love our baby, help when we need it?”
“You can’t compare the two, Adam.”
“I just did.”
“Whatever,” I turned away from him and started walking down the beach, back towards Haven. I’d walk all the way home if I had to, if it meant not having to continue this conversation.
“Fine,” Adam ran up to me, grabbing me by the shoulder and stopping me. I turned around. “You don’t want this baby? Fine. When it’s born, you can sign full custody over to me, and never have to deal with either of us again.”
I yanked myself away from him, tears now streaming freely down my face. “Screw you,” I said angrily, and turned away from him again, walking blindly. I didn’t make it far before I gave up and dropped to my knees in the sand, burying my face in my hands and weeping.
I felt Adam sit down next to me, and felt his arm go around me. I felt him kissing the top of my head and smoothing my hair down. The wind was really picking up, and I vaguely recalled hearing about a storm that was due in tonight. I wondered if there was any way it could arrive a few hours early, and carry me out to sea.
“I’m sorry,” I heard Adam whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
I lifted my head and gazed out into the distance. I could see the Haven lighthouse, long since out of service, its light no longer shining. I wondered if it had caused anyone to be lost, unable to find their way back home because their guiding light had disappeared.
I knew in that moment that I was going to do what Adam wanted. I was going to have this baby, and we were going to be a family, or at least our own version of one. My life was going to change more than I’d ever expected it to, but I was going to do it. I was not going to let myself turn into my mother, whatever the cost.
Chapter Five
The days that followed our decision felt like centuries, but finally it was Friday. I knew if I spent another weekend avoiding Adam, Nora would become suspicious and he would start to get angry, so I surprised him by making plans for the night.
The biggest surprise was that I’d asked him to bring Nolan, because I was going to be bringing Hannah.
In the back of my head, I knew this was probably the start of something disastrous. I hadn’t kept Hannah away from Nolan the entire duration of my relationship with Adam for nothing, but because I knew the combination of their personalities would likely result in something no one would be able to handle. But I didn’t want to be alone with Adam, not after how awkward things had been the past week, and it was the best I could come up with.
“Did I ever tell you you’re the best stepsister in the entire world?” Hannah asked, emerging from the bathroom. She was wrapped in a towel, but her hair was already blow dried and styled, and her makeup perfectly applied. Hannah was really pretty naturally, but when she went all out with her hair and makeup, she was something of a knockout. Her dark hair and light eyes combined with her creamy white skin and curvy figure gave her an almost Elizabeth Taylor appearance.
I smiled. “I think you might have mentioned it a few times already, but don’t let that stop you.”
Hannah spun around the room, sighing dreamily. “I can’t believe I’m actually going to spend a night with Nolan Reeves,” she said. “It’s seriously like a dream come true.”
“First off, you are most certainly not spending the night with him. We’re going out to dinner and then maybe a movie or something. And second of all, Nolan Reeves is for sure not Prince Charming.”
Hannah rolled her eyes. “It’s a figure of speech, Lainey. Don’t ruin it for me.”
I grinned. “I know, I’m just trying to be protective.”
“Well, you don’t need to be. I can handle myself.” She turned to me and smiled so brightly that for a second I almost forgot why I’d been so insistent she didn’t get involved with Nolan. “Thanks, Sis. Seriously.”
“No problem,” I said, smiling back at her. I gathered the clothing I’d chosen for the night and headed into the bathroom. Normally I would just wrap myself in a towel and get changed in the bedroom since our bathroom was so small, but Hannah hadn’t picked out what she was going to wear yet, and I didn’t feel much like digging through piles and piles of clothing to find something of mine.
I turned the shower on full blast, as hot as I could handle, and stepped under the spray. It felt amazing. I was usually a get in and do
what you need to do kind of girl, especially with showers, but this past week I’d really learned to appreciate them. They were their own form of stress relief, as long as you didn’t mind practically scalding your skin in the process.
I washed my hair and then made the decision to use Hannah’s body wash, the kind that smelled like coconuts. I didn’t know how many nights I had left to try and jazz up my appearance, so I decided to take full advantage of whatever I could now. I ran the bath pouf over my stomach, gazing at my skin carefully underneath the soap suds. I didn’t think I was starting to show yet, but I found myself checking pretty frequently. It could be one of those things where you miss the obvious because you’re trying too hard to see it.
After about fifteen minutes I turned the shower off and stepped out, drying myself the best I could. I changed into a simple pair of jeans that I’d always loved, and a long sleeved navy blue shirt. I brushed my hair out and decided to pull it back into a ponytail for something different, and then contemplated maybe even wearing a little make up. I almost never wore anything, not even eyeliner or lip gloss, but maybe tonight I could pretend it was a special occasion. I sifted through some of the cosmetics Hannah kept in the sink drawer, but decided to just wait and see what she thought.
I opened the door and stepped into our bedroom, surprised to find Hannah sitting at the edge of my bed, head bowed, her back facing me. I would have thought she’d be jumping around the room by now, ready for the boys to arrive, anxious for her sort-of first date with Nolan Reeves.
I dropped my dirty clothes into the hamper and walked over to where she sat, sitting next to her. “What’s up?” I asked, fixing a strand of hair that had fallen into her face. “Feeling nervous?”
“What’s this, Lainey?” She asked instead, lifting her eyes up to meet mine. I glanced down at her hands, and my heart sunk.
“Why were you going through my drawers?” I asked, somehow hoping I could change the subject and stall the inevitable.
“Don’t give me that, Lainey. What is this?” She demanded. I took the pregnancy test from her hand and placed it on the bed behind us. I didn’t want to look at it, and I didn’t want her looking at it, either.
“Is it yours?” She persisted, and for the briefest of moments, I considered lying. I could tell her it was Teagan’s, and that I was just holding it for her, so that Nora didn’t come across it when she cleaned the room. It was a believable lie, but I couldn’t do that to Hannah. The truth was going to come out sooner or later, and it would hurt a lot worse if she knew I’d lied to her.
“Yeah,” I said instead. “It’s mine.”
“And it’s positive?” Her eyes were growing wider by the moment, and I forced myself to look away.
“Yeah.”
“How?” She demanded. “When?”
I smiled faintly. “The normal way, I guess, and I don’t know when.” My attempt at a sense of humor was lost on her.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was going to. I just hadn’t found the right time…” That was mostly the truth. I assumed I would tell Hannah at some point, I just hadn’t really considered when.
“Does Adam know?” She asked. “It is his, right? You and Scott never…” She let her voice trail off, as if she didn’t want to finish that particular sentence.
I shook my head adamantly. “No, definitely not. It’s Adam’s.”
“Does he know?”
I nodded again. “Yeah, he knows. I told him Saturday.”
Realization crossed Hannah’s face. “That was why you were up here for so long during the fundraiser,” she said. “I thought you were just making out or something, hiding from everyone.” She shook her head in disbelief. “How long have you known?”
“Just over a week. I found out last Thursday.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Halloween? But you acted so normal. You’ve acted normal all week! Well, a little spaced out, but you get like that sometimes. I didn’t think it meant anything.”
“I know.” I picked up the test and headed back to the dresser, burying it back where it belonged. Thankfully, Nora refused to clean our room, insisting it was the one place in the house we had to be solely responsible for.
“You and Adam… you never even told me!” Hannah exclaimed, now starting to sound a little angry. I wondered if there were certain steps people went through when they found out someone was pregnant, like the grieving process.
I sat back down, facing her this time. “I know, and I’m sorry I never told you. I just didn’t know how.”
She shook her head, clearly not believing me. “Don’t you know that’s like, an unwritten rule? When you lose your virginity, you tell your best friend. Pretty much right after it happens, actually. Do you not consider me your best friend?” Hurt flashed across her eyes. This was probably the one time I didn’t mind Hannah trying to turn something into her problem. I would very gladly let her have all of it.
“Of course you’re my best friend, Hannah. You’re my best friend and my sister and I love you to death. But I didn’t exactly plan on it happening, and I just didn’t really know how to broach the subject.”
“You say, ‘Hey Hannah, guess what! Adam and I hit a home run!’ I would have gotten the gist. You could have even just walked into our room one day and been like, ‘Adam and I f-’”
“Hannah! I get it,” I interrupted her, shaking my head. “I should have told you the second it happened, and I’m sorry. It was just kind of embarrassing, I guess, because I didn’t plan it, and it was so early in our relationship…”
“Early?” She repeated. “How early are we talking?”
“July,” I sighed, watching as her jade green eyes grew even wider.
“July?” She repeated. “Wow, Lainey. You move fast.”
I frowned at her. “It was the end of July,” I protested. “We were together for more than a month. And it just happened.”
“You were with Scott for almost a year and I don’t even think you two had your first kiss yet!” She threw herself back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. “And everyone thinks I’m the wild one in the family.”
I readjusted my ponytail, feeling like I needed to find something to do with my hands. Hannah sat back up suddenly, nearly knocking me from the bed.
“You didn’t get pregnant that time, did you? Oh my God, you’re not going to have the baby in like, two months or something, are you?”
“No, Hannah, it wasn’t that time. It’s happened since.”
“A lot?”
“I don’t think I have to answer that.”
Hannah made a face at me. “You obviously don’t think you have to answer a lot of things,” she said huffily, jumping from the bed and stomping around the room, gathering together an outfit and angrily getting dressed. She looked like she was about to say something else when someone knocked twice on our bedroom door, and then opened it.
“Girls, Adam and Nolan are here,” Nora said, poking her head through. She immediately frowned. “What on earth happened in here?”
I glanced around the room and realized it was actually a lot messier that I’d originally thought.
“I couldn’t decide what to wear; do you have a problem with that?” Hannah snapped, storming past me and swinging the door the rest of the way open. Nora clenched her jaw.
“Don’t you dare speak to me that way, young lady. You don’t have to go out tonight, you know. I can go right downstairs and tell Nolan you’re grounded, and you can spend your Friday night cleaning not just this room, but some of the empty guest rooms.”
“Fine. Sorry!” Hannah exclaimed, shoving past her. I heard her footsteps disappear down the stairs, then a pause, and she was back.
“Can you tell them we’ll be right down? I forgot something.” Nora studied her for a moment before nodding.
“Alright. But you need to get that attitude in check, Hannah Grace Gordon. I do not appreciate it.” She left and Hannah rolled her eyes at the open door.
&nb
sp; “What is wrong with you?” I hissed at her. She closed the door again and stomped over to the dresser, swinging it open and removing the pregnancy test.
“Oh, I don’t know, I just found out I’m about to be an aunt before I can even drive a damn car.” She slammed the drawer shut and put the pregnancy test in the pocket of her jeans. “That might be enough to stress a person out, you know.”
“What are you doing?” I asked, reaching for her pocket. She moved back, out of my reach.
“I think it’s time Adam gets custody of this little piece of evidence,” she replied. “Do you seriously think Mom doesn’t snoop around when we aren’t home? You’re lucky I found it before she did. Now come on.” She grabbed me by the wrist and practically tugged me down the steps.
Adam and Nolan stood in the living room, Adam looking a bit nervous and Nolan looking completely disinterested. “Hiya, Bud,” Hannah said, walking up to Adam and giving him a playful punch on the shoulder. By the way he winced, I assumed it was only meant to look playful. He shot me a glance and I quickly looked away.
“Now you know the rules; home by ten, no exceptions. Absolutely no drinking whatsoever, and if I see so much as a hint of a hickey on either girl, curfews will be reverted back to eight o’clock.” Hannah rolled her eyes, Adam nodded in consent, and Nolan resumed staring at the ceiling.
“Let’s go,” Hannah entwined her arm in mine and led the way to the door, Adam and Nolan in tow. When we got to the car, she let Nolan sit in the front passenger seat, and directed me into the back with her. None of us spoke while Adam started the car.
“Hey Adam, I think I have something that belongs to you,” Hannah announced before he had a chance to drive anywhere. Oh no, I thought to myself, closing my eyes and resting my head against the car window.
“What?” Adam asked, sounding confused.
“This,” Hannah pulled the pregnancy test out of her pocket and flung it into the front seat. It landed on Nolan’s lap.
“Wow,” he said, looking down at it. He glanced at Adam, his face expressionless. “Way to go.”
Adam clenched his teeth and snatched the test up, opening the glove box and throwing it inside. “Does anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on?”
The Consequences of Forever (Lainey) Page 7
