I stepped out of her embrace a moment later, feeling my face turn slightly red. She reached over and stroked my cheek so lightly; it was almost as though she hadn’t touched me at all. There was love in her eyes, or at least what I imagined, or maybe hoped, was love.
“Um, Lila, this is Julia and Ned, Adam’s parents. And obviously this is Adam. Everyone, this is Lila; my mother.”
Julia stepped ahead first, extending her hand, but Lila ignored it, pulling her into an embrace instead. “I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am for you,” she gushed. “Stepping in and being a mother to Lainey when I couldn’t be. I don’t even know you but I already know you’re an amazing woman.”
Julia stepped out of the embrace, looking a little dazed, but she smiled. “Thank you,” she replied. She shot me a quick glance, and I smiled softly at her. I hoped she knew that Lila’s reappearance would change nothing between us; but I think maybe she did. No one could replace Julia in my life.
Lila turned to Ned then, and he extended his hand, a stern look in his eyes. Lila didn’t try to embrace him. Last, she turned to Adam, who just shook his head slightly at her. “I’ll trust you when you prove to me you’re not going to hurt Lainey again,” he told her blatantly.
“Adam!” Julia whispered at him, but Lila shook her head.
“No, it’s fine. I’m glad, really. It shows me how serious he is about my daughter. I appreciate that, Adam. We all know she hasn’t had the best of luck with families so far, and I take full responsibility. I’m glad she found someone who will take care of her the way she deserves.”
Adam nodded curtly, but said nothing. We all sat down, Adam and I on one side of the table, Julia and Ned on the other. Lila sat at the end, facing all of us.
“Has anyone ever been here before?” Lila asked, picking up her menu and examining it. “It got rave reviews, so I thought it might be worth a shot.”
“A few times,” Julia replied. “We’ve always been happy with it.”
“Good, good. This is on me, so everyone order whatever you want. It’s the least I can do.”
I thought I heard Ned mutter something under his breath, but couldn’t make out what it was.
He ended up ordering the most expensive thing on the menu, a steak and lobster tail with three different sides. Adam would tell me later that his dad didn’t even really like seafood.
We maintained small talk after our dinners arrived, even while we ate. Julia asked Lila about her life back in California, and after glancing at me and making sure it was okay, she told us some details.
She had been dating a man for a little over a year, but the relationship hadn’t worked out because he wanted something more serious than what she was willing to give. She’d never married again after divorcing my dad, which I’d suspected but never knew for sure. That made me feel a little bit better, knowing she’d never tried to replace me. That would have hurt so much worse.
“Why did you come back now, Lila?” Adam asked after she’d finished detailing her life over the past few years. He looked her directly in the eye.
“This is as good a time as any, isn’t it? And I think I answered the same question for Lainey, yesterday,” she responded, drinking a small sip of wine.
“You haven’t answered it to me yet.” His voice was stern, letting her know that he was serious. I didn’t know how to feel, whether I should be happy that he was so content on protecting me, or annoyed that he wasn’t trusting my judgment.
Lila raised her eyebrows, but she looked impressed more than insulted. “Very well, then.” She put her wine glass down on the table and took a deep breath. “I’m back because fourteen years ago, I made a big mistake. I let the person I loved most in the world be taken away from me. I thought she would be in better hands, but looking back, I just wanted to believe that. I was too young to become a mother, but I became one anyway, and Lainey paid the consequences for my actions. I’m back now because it’s been long overdue, and I want to try and make as much of a difference in my daughter’s life as I can.”
“You don’t think it’s too little, too late?” Adam persisted.
“Of course I do. But I’d hoped Lainey wouldn’t agree, and so far it seems like she doesn’t.”
Adam looked like he was about to reply, but Julia cut in. “That’s enough for now, Adam,” she warned him. “I think we can all agree that Lila is doing her best right now, and that’s all we can ask for. No one can change the past.”
“I’ve been in touch with Michael her entire life. He hasn’t always told me everything, but he’s told me the basics, and I’ve imagined watching her grown from a distance. I realize that isn’t enough, but it’s all I have to offer.” A look of sadness crossed her face. “He wouldn’t tell me if the baby was a boy or a girl, though. He claimed he didn’t know the last time we spoke, but I assumed he was only trying to protect you, Lainey.”
I wondered if my dad had forgotten. It didn’t seem that far-fetched, sadly.
“It’s a girl,” I told her. I felt Adam look at me out of the corner of my eye, but I ignored him. “We’re having a girl.”
Lila beamed. “That’s fantastic. I was so overjoyed to find out you were a girl.”
“We were hoping for a boy,” I admitted, even though I wasn’t sure I had really been hoping one way or another.
Lila reached over for my hand, and I accepted hers. “A mother-daughter bond is an amazing thing. It stretches across time and distance. I hope to show you that’s true before she arrives. Does she have a name?”
“Not yet,” I replied. “We were considering Harper, though.” I pictured the name spelled over the crib, every letter a different color. Harper Montgomery.
Adam looked surprised. “We are?”
“Aren’t we?”
He shrugged. “You didn’t seem that interested in it when I first brought it up.”
“Harper is a nice name,” Julia remarked. “It’s cute. I don’t think I’ve heard it before.”
“Harper Lee,” Lila said with a smile. “Your father used to read To Kill a Mockingbird more than I ever thought an average man should. He wanted to name you Scout, but I wouldn’t allow it.”
“I know,” I replied. “He told me.”
“I’m sure he did. Harper is a great name, sweetie.”
Adam squeezed my knee under the table. I smiled over at him and he returned it, nodding slightly. And from that moment on, Little Hannah was officially Harper.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
“I assume you’re giving the baby Adam’s last name,” Lila remarked as we made our way through the mall, headed towards the baby store.
It was Wednesday, three nights after the dinner with Julia and Ned, and Lila had insisted on taking me shopping for baby supplies. I didn’t have much of anything yet, so in a way it was a relief, but I felt a little guilty at the same time. I’d imagined doing this with Julia, and maybe even Hannah, if she had the time.
“Well, we never really talked about it, but yeah.”
“If you haven’t talked about it, why assume it should be?” Lila asked. I glanced at her curiously, and she shrugged. “I’m just saying, honey. I know you’re engaged and everything, but a lot can happen after the baby is born. It might not be a bad idea to give her your last name, and change it over when you change yours.”
“I don’t think Adam would like that,” I replied, even though I wasn’t that sure how he would feel. It was just one of those things that had been assumed when we decided we were going to keep the baby. We would be a family, and families typically shared one name, right?
“It doesn’t matter what Adam wants, when it comes to this. It won’t make her any less his daughter. If anything, it’s protecting you, in case things don’t turn out quite the way you planned.”
I didn’t want to think about things not turning out the way I’d planned. That had happened enough in the past year as it was. We arrived at the baby store, and I followed Lila’s lead.
The same sal
eswoman that was there on Black Friday, Victoria, appeared, and apparently recognized me. She smiled brightly. “I was wondering when I would see you in here again!” She exclaimed. “Lacey, isn’t it?”
“Lainey,” I corrected her. “And this is Lila.”
“Her mother,” Lila put in, extending her hand. “We’re here to get some baby furniture. The nursery is all set up, and it looks very sad without a crib and a changing table, and of course a rocker for those nights when little Harper isn’t feeling sleepy.”
“Harper?” Victoria repeated. “Is it going to be a boy or a girl?”
“A girl,” Lila responded before I could answer. “The nursery is painted a light shade of purple, so we’re going to want to go with furniture that will complement that.”
She was straight to the point, knowing exactly what we were doing here and what we needed, more than I did. I couldn’t help but be impressed.
Victoria nodded. “Well, I’d be more than happy to show you some things that you might like. What is the budget?”
“No, no budget. Nothing’s too expensive for my little girl and her little girl.” Lila laughed as if she’d made a genuinely funny joke, and then her eyes focused on something off in the distance. She took off towards it, leaving me to waddle after her.
“Oh, my,” she breathed, stopping at the same white crib I had admired all those months ago. “This looks so much like the crib you had when you were a baby.”
“Isn’t this the one you were looking at before?” Victoria asked.
I nodded. “I remember seeing pictures of me in a white crib, but I wans’t sure how similar the two were.”
“Almost identical,” Lila confirmed. “Oh, Lainey, you have to get this.” She glanced at the price tag, but seemed unaffected.
“I don’t think so,” I replied. “It’s not in our price range.”
“Oh, forget your price range, I’m here now. Do you have any in stock, or could we arrange to have one delivered today?”
“We don’t do delivery, actually,” Victoria said apologetically. “Our store is too small to accommodate that, and we don’t typically keep things in stock, either. But if you’d like to order this today, we can try to have it in for you as soon as possible. How close are you to your due date?”
“A little less than a month,” I replied.
“Oh, we’d certainly have it in by then.”
“Alright, perfect. Are there any things that match this we should look at?” Lila was all ready to continue on. I followed her and Victoria, looking at various things as we walked.
It was overwhelming, all the different things the baby was going to need. Toys, comfort items, a crib, a bassinet, a playpen once she was old enough, and a million other things I knew I was forgetting.
“Do you like this, Lainey?” Lila asked, showing me a dresser that was the same color and design as the crib. “It’s both a dresser and a changing table, so you won’t have to replace it once the baby is out of diapers. Unless, of course, you want to.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s great.” I glanced at the price tag and my eyes widened. “It’s so expensive, though.”
Lila waved her hand dismissively. “I told you, let me worry about that.” She took her wallet out of her purse and pulled out a credit card, a mischievous look in her eyes. “I’ve got it covered.”
Twenty minutes later, we were out of the store and my mind was spinning. Lila was nearly overloaded with bags, stocking up on a few things that she swore the baby would need right away. This included more outfits than a baby probably needed in their first few months of life, a wide assortment of toys, and more I couldn’t remember.
“Do you really think we need all this stuff?” I asked doubtfully.
“Of course we do. This is a brand-new human being entering the world, she needs everything.”
The jittery, anxious feeling I’d been fighting for months made its return then. “I guess,” I agreed weakly. We’d ordered the furniture to be picked up the first week of June. That was about two weeks from now, and yet it seemed incredibly too close. Less than a month, and there would be a baby using it.
I placed my hand over my stomach, trying to imagine it gone, the old me back, but with a baby suddenly sharing my living space. It seemed inconceivable.
“Do you want to get something to eat?” Lila asked.
“What time is it?”
“Just after five.”
“I think I should get back home,” I said, imagining Adam sitting in the living room, waiting for me. It seemed like we hadn’t spent much time together since Lila had arrived, and it made me feel guilty.
“Are you sure?” Lila asked, looking disappointed. I reconsidered.
“Okay, I’ll send Adam a text,” I smiled. “He’ll be fine for a night.”
Adam would understand, I told myself. He always did. He knew how important it was for me to spend time with Lila, to get to know her. We had fourteen years to catch up on.
Over dinner, I asked Lila about my name. How she had picked it, and why. She seemed surprised.
“Well, every name your father came up with was downright goofy,” she said. “And I’ve always been really close to my mother, so I wanted to name you after her, and your father fought me tooth and nail over it. I picked Alaina as a compromise, because it was similar enough to Elaine without being the same.”
“What does it mean?” I asked.
“Mean? I have no idea. I never paid any attention to that kind of stuff.”
It wasn’t the answer I had been expecting, but I accepted it anyway. Suddenly the meaning of “harp player” didn’t seem like reason enough to back down on the name Harper. I wanted to ask her why her mother had never tried to contact me, even though I was sort of named after her, but decided I didn’t want to open that can of worms. At least, not yet.
I ended up getting home after eight, closer to nine, and as expected, Adam was sitting on the couch, flipping through channels on the TV, waiting for me. Lila walked past him and into the nursery to drop the bags off, and I approached him slowly.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” he responded, not glancing up at me. He hadn’t responded to any of my texts, but I hadn’t been concerned about that earlier, assuming he was probably busy doing something else.
“I’m sorry I’m so late,” I apologized. He nodded, but said nothing.
Lila returned, her arms finally empty, her smile big. “Well, that’s that. I’ll come over later this week and we can sort through the bags, okay? Try to get everything a little more organized.” She patted Adam on the head as she walked by, and then kissed me quickly on the cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Sleep well and have a nice day at school, okay?”
Adam spoke as soon as she left. “Is she going to be around every day from now on?”
“Is that a bad thing?” I asked, feeling defensive.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you all week.”
The comment annoyed me, but I tried to ignore the feeling. Adam and I lived together, but that didn’t mean I had to spend every waking moment with him, nor did I expect him to spend every waking moment with me.
“She’s only been here since Friday night,” I pointed out. “And you’re the one who talked me into giving her a chance.”
I walked over to the couch and sat next to him. He made no attempt to move closer to me, which felt unusual, but I didn’t think too much into it. The stress of welcoming this baby wasn’t mine alone; I could see it on Adam’s face sometimes, more often than not these past few days.
“There’s a difference between giving someone a chance, and giving them all your time,” he pointed out.
“I guess.” School was always hectic around this time of year, and I’d been making more of an effort than usual, wanting to ensure my grade point average wouldn’t drop if my focus wasn’t completely on school the next year, with the baby and all.
Silence fell over us.
“You didn’t even tell me you liked t
he name Harper,” he said finally. “Not until you were telling her.”
“Do you not like it?” I asked, feeling a bit panicky. I’d gotten used to thinking of the baby as Harper already, I wasn’t sure I was ready to try and change it.
“No, I do. I just wish you would have talked to me about it first.” There was an accusatory tone in his voice, and I didn’t like it. But I didn’t want to start a fight, either.
“I know, I’m sorry. We should probably talk about last names soon, too.”
He looked over at me, surprised. “Last names?” He repeated.
“Yeah, if she’s going to get mine or yours.”
“Why is that an issue? We’re engaged. We’re going to get married probably a few months after she’s born, and you’ll take my last name, so why not give her mine right away?”
“I don’t know,” I replied, because I didn’t. It had never occurred to me until Lila brought it up, and since then, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. “But we’re not married now, and you never know if we’ll change our minds or push it back. Or if I’ll even take your last name when it happens.” The last part came out of nowhere; I’d never even considered the possibility of keeping my last name after we got married, but suddenly it was there, another decision I would have to make.
“Well, I know I’m not going to change my mind,” he said, his jaw set. His got off of the couch, walking away from me.
He stopped for a minute, not turning around. “But if it makes you feel better, we’ll give her your last name. When was the last time you talked to your dad, anyway?”
He went into our bedroom, slamming the door behind him, not waiting for an answer. His final words and the sound of the slamming door stung deeply, more than he probably knew.
Chapter Forty
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages,” I remarked, leaning back on the lounge chair. The sun felt good beating against my skin. The weather had been heating up lately, perfect for the beach. This time last year, that’s where I would have been by now, equipped with a blanket and a good book.
The Consequences of Forever (Lainey) Page 32
